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The toiling welfare recipients of Detroit are so poor, they don't have water in their faucets, while everyone knows that all water - including communal water that runs through the proletarian plumbing - is a basic human right and must, therefore, be provided to the People™ for free by the capitalist oppressors.

This is the second move by the capitalist oppressors on the toiling welfare recipients of Detroit. The first one was a couple of months ago, when United Nations had to intervene, insisting that the rich one-percenters who shut off water to the poor ninety-nine-percenters of Detroit were committing crimes against humanity. But now the oppressors are at it again, ignoring the UN's compassionate pleas and keeping for themselves what belongs to all.

Well, our comrades at the Karl Marx Treatment Center do not have that problem. All our water belongs to the collective and is distributed equally to everyone according to their needs based on daily rations as determined by the doctors.

In addition, they have water-related recreational activities, such as, water the beets on the collective dirt patch, wash Commissarka Pinkie's feet, do the male nurses' laundry, dunk the comrades on a cucking stool, or waterboarding to cool off some unequal tempers.

Our doors are always open to new comrades, so sign up today!

Lynna Kaucheck of Food and Water Watch (FWW) says Detroit tried implementing a payment plan last year that gave discounts to qualified participants, but the program proved too expensive for most residents. Kaucheck is now calling for a plan based on a resident's ability to pay.

Some Detroit citizens have accused Kaucheck of employing Marxist slogans and tactics in her fight for "Water Justice." But the long time civil rights leader takes it all in stride, exclaiming, "Of course! How else do you expect these people to get what they want,... work?"

How to get help:

If you have received a delinquency notice, the water department advises customers to call immediately to discuss a payment plan rather than waiting until service is cut off.

Alternate Plan: Move to Texas (bring empty jars)

Craptek, you should also mention that Detroit is being named a "Sister City" to ANOTHER armpit of its galaxy, Mos Eisley on the planet Tattooine.

Water there is pretty scarce too, I'm told.

All I can say is that Detroit plumbing is an inside job.

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Craptek, you should also mention that Detroit is being named a "Sister City" to ANOTHER armpit of its galaxy, Mos Eisley on the planet Tattooine.

star_wars_mos_eisley.jpg

Water there is pretty scarce too, I'm told.

There are so many planets, so many cities, so many "wretched hives of scum and villainy" to subjugate... if only we had more time.

I just found this forgotten postcard from the future:

Oh like [color=#C0392B]Ivan the Stakhanovets[/color] drank water on the planet Tatooine when he wrote:Craptek, you should also mention that Detroit is being named a "Sister City" to ANOTHER armpit of its galaxy, Mos Eisley on the planet Tattooine.

Water there is pretty scarce too, I'm told.

Wasn't Tatooine the location of Chalmun's Cantina - the birthplace of The Lev Termen Dance Band?

As I recall you wore boxing gloves almost constantly just in case, 'someone needed to have their ass kicked!' You the man Ivan!
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Why is that guy in the bottom right corner eyeballing me? I don't see any chicks. Is this a gay bar?

With great concern and frustration [color=#C0392B]Dedhedvedev[/color] wrote:Why is that guy in the bottom right corner eyeballing me? I don't see any chicks. Is this a gay bar?

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[highlight=#ffff00]'Why is that guy...'[/highlight]

That IS a chick as are four of the other bar patrons!

All five of these lovely chicks are 'eyeballing' you including Ivan's date - and she looks very interested and hungry!

You need to get up to speed with the LGBTQWERTYXZ system of identification!

This is OK. Water vapor is a known Greenhouse Gas (i.e., it causes Global Warminsk) and the more people that go without it (Party members excepted, of course), the better.

If a few million Useful Idiots that helped get Dear Leader into power have to die -- well it's just the way we Communists roll. He's in power now; we don't need them any more.

As you know, waterboarding is my favorite uh, way to catch up on the gossip. Plus it can irrigate the sinuses. Win/win

That was not our best gig ...

Captain Craptek wrote:

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On the other hand, in the northwest part of the city an Dearborn, residents are saying they feel strangely more at home there.....