Citizens are advised that the Department of Social Justice’s Popular Entertainment and Education Division has issued a directive that watching ‘Duck Dynasty’ Broadcasts on American Media Collective Channel #417 (A&E Network) is now mandatory, especially in light of recent attempts by reactionary bigots to prevent the workers and peasants of the USSA from participating in this channel.
‘Duck Dynasty’ was originally developed by professional educators in the State media to shed light on the plight of workers and peasants in the rural South, who are politically underdeveloped and suffer from chronic social awkwardness. To introduce his children to the problem of the poor in Non-Progressive Culture, Comrade Party Chairman and Future President Barack Barackovich Obama has required his children to watch ‘Duck Dynasty’ as part of their proper political formation.
Now, with the counter-revolutionary elements attempting to agitate citizens against the Party and A&E, it is imperative that all citizens watch A&E as much as possible, except when to do so would interfere with other Party mandated activities, such as porn viewing or trying to log onto the Palincare Website. We should all model the good parenting of the Obama Family, knowing that what is good for them is most certainly good for us all.
Children must understand how the Bourgeoisie has infected the Proletariat South with racism, sexism, homophobia, improper grooming (particularly barbaphilia), love of firearms, and camouflage clothing. A&E has long sought to make the actors of ‘Duck Dynasty’ both pitiable and mock-worthy, helping us to learn from them while praising the Party from preserving us from the fate of these poor fools.
Let us follow the example of the Obamas and watch ‘Duck Dynasty’! Loyal citizens, tune in to A&E and receive your daily education!
Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People’s Cube,
Dialectical Progressivism Translator