Duck Dynasty's Robertson Angers Alcoholics, Philanderers

Phil Robertson’s recent controversial comments have drawn criticism from a wide spectrum of offended minorities.

Most inflammatory in his remarks was this infamous passage: "Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men…Don't be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers -- they won't inherit the kingdom of God. Don't deceive yourself. It's not right."

First to weigh in was Patrick O’Malley of the Alliance of Alcoholics and Philanderers. “What is wrong with this man?” asked an astonished O’Malley between sips of whiskey. “Everybody knows this nation was built on alcohol and infidelity. I was hurt more by his comments than my wife when she found out about my 11th affair. I can’t help it if I was born adulterous, and along comes this bigot acting like it’s a choice and a wrong one at that. We have no place for judgmental people like that in today’s society.”

O’Malley’s sentiments were echoed on MSNBC by former president Bill Clinton, who said, “As a fellow Southerner, sportsman, and Christian, I am deeply disappointed by Phil’s hurtful rhetoric. There are serial rapists and adulterers out there who feel really marginalized by this kind of exclusive language. I’m here to tell them that I feel their pain.”

Speaking from the Senate floor this morning, Harry Reid commented, “I especially take offense at his comment that the greedy and the swindlers, and I quote, “won’t inherit the kingdom of God” end quote. Just what authority is he claiming here? One higher than the Senate of the United States? I urge my Republican colleagues to join me in a bipartisan effort to support a bill repealing I Corinthians 6:9 and assuring swindlers their place in Heaven.”

Achmed al-Tikriti, president of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Muslims (GLAM) spoke out passionately on the Piers Morgan Show: “As a member of the most progressive and tolerant religion on earth, I urge Phil Robertson to reconsider his damaging statements and to declare jihad on his bigotry. It was enough that A&E would not ban “in Jesus’ Name” at their unclean mealtime prayers, but this, this is more than we can bear. By the prophet, the pain is so hurtful! Make it stop!”

A message released by A&E’s Department of Tolerance stated, “We have long been strong and proud supporters of adultery, bestiality, idolatry, drunkenness, greed, slander, and swindling. We deeply regret Mr. Robertson’s slanderous libel against our minority citizens and urge him to shut up until he learns a little tolerance.”

Completely unrepentant, Mr. Robertson says he’s “happy, happy, happy” to take a stand for Christ.


 

And no doubt great organization SWAP (Squirrel, Walrus, And Pup) will soon publicly decry this bigoted person's bigoted bigotry against bestiality.
 

I demand evil Robertson be incarcerated for his anti-species agenda. After all, we at "SWAP" have equal rights with Comrade Supreme Leader Obama and Comrade Under-Chief Holder. Comrade Diaperette, maybe you can fit Cat and Horse in there somehow...we need your support. SCHWAP???
 

However, over at Red State......there will be a new show to replace Duck Dynasty...



 

Mother Page!
 

After A&E's public purging Phil Robertson was removed to a federal re-education center. Following intense treatment sessions, Mr. Robinson will be returning to A&E in an updated more socially responsible and correct-thinking show.




 

Comrades! A&E is still continuing its glorious cleansing routine! I’ve been fortunate enough to attain a picture of the current show trial as it progresses, stay tuned for updates.


 

Our friend at The Looking Spoon goes the way of Pajama Boy:


 

Ushanka tip for the upgrades and promotion.
 

Red Walrus

I demand evil Robertson be incarcerated for his anti-species agenda. After all, we at "SWAP" have equal rights with Comrade Supreme Leader Obama and Comrade Under-Chief Holder. Comrade Diaperette, maybe you can fit Cat and Horse in there somehow...we need your support. SCHWAP???
I am honored to be so inclusively included. SCHWAP it is. FORWARD!
 

Comrades, I have just violently spewed all over my desk as I read those foul hateful comments. How dare he act displeased with the behavior of strategic political minority targets these persecuted people? At what disgusting level is his arrogant ignorance at that he must say something so hurtful that it shatters my fragile soul and makes me weep for not only my pain but also that of the victims of his thoughtless slurs?

Comrades, we must march in en masse to the threshold of Robertson's very home and burn it to the ground erasing him and it from existence and then we must salt the very earth where it once stood! We do this for peace, we do this for love, we do this for TOLERANCE!



 

Comrade Chedoh -

It's heart-warming to see the Al-Aqsa Choir Brigades singing Christmas carols this season.

"Noel!!! Noel!! Noel!!! Noooeeell! Born is the King of Israel!!"
 

They learned their abilities at the best carol training camps that ideology and hope could muster. These Islamic carolers and their harmonious vocals could even melt the ice cold heart of Dick Cheney, if he had one. As for my merry band of Ji-carolers, I think that's Muhammad-claus pictured there in the center, a far more Islamic friendlier version of the Western Christian character known as "Santa", a destructive western fantasy capable of shaking the very core of Islam.

The more politically korrect "Muhhamad-claus" rides a white Toyota truck thats pulled through the sky by a team of magical camels and goats. Hes not too well known for rewarding "good" behavior, but if you end up on the Infidel list he leaves an IED somewhere in your home.

But going back to the Santa Claus question, you should be pleased to know that a Jihad against this enemy of the people has already started!
 

I don't get it... If I live to be 99, I still don't think I'll understand why such crabby, unhappy and indignant people are called, "GAY."


 

I've got gay friends and they watch the show. They said he made his stances and faith very clear multiple times on the show and they were not surprised or offended by his comments. But the media loves a good controversy and saying something like that will undoubtedly stir up a lot of sheeple into anger and ratings.

 

Chedoh - you forced my hand!



Mahmud Kringle and his merry band of Ji-carolers:
"Noel!!! Noel!! Noel!!! Noooeeell! Death to the Jews in Israel!!!"
 

Simple Solution, Comrades. The network should rename itself Ghey&E!
 

Red Square

Chedoh - you forced my hand!


Mahmud Kringle and his merry band of Ji-carolers:
"Noel!!! Noel!! Noel!!! Noooeeell! Death to the Jews in Israel!!!"
Oh, please, please pardon me for presuming to question Noble Leader, but should that not be "Death to the Jews in Zionist Entity"?
 

Enmity, enmity - enmity, enmiteeeeeeee-eeeeee
Death to the Ju-uice in Zionist Entity!!!

(best I could do on short notice)
 

O.J is Jewish?
 

I must insist to cavity search him in front of a LGBT commune.

To see if he is hiding his bible somewhere.

Those darn bibles. Bibles can hurt people you know?
 

General Stabbin

I must insist to cavity search him in front of a LGBT commune.

To see if he is hiding his bible somewhere.

Comrade, the Party has heard the politically korrect cries of the media proletariat!
He won't be Bible Thumping much longer.



 

Red Square

Chedoh - you forced my hand!



Mahmud Kringle and his merry band of Ji-carolers:
"Noel!!! Noel!! Noel!!! Noooeeell! Death to the Jews in Israel!!!"


Perfect.

Jingle bombs? Detonate the halls? Let it blow, let it blow, let it blow?

All very non-offensive of course! Is it too late to put either an olive branch or even more arousing "missile"-toe in old Mahmud Kringle's hand?
 

General Stabbin

I must insist to cavity search him in front of a LGBT commune.

To see if he is hiding his bible somewhere.

Those darn bibles. Bibles can hurt people you know?

We can't allow this monster to conduct any mass preachings with his assault bible!