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Experts reverse-engineer Obama's speech-making template

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President Obama's recent commencement speech at the Coast Guard Academy, in which he called climate change "a serious threat to national security" and linked bad weather to terrorism, revealed a pattern that some analysts say is very similar to the President's earlier speeches, in which he linked terrorism and major security threats to quite different things and events, such as, a YouTube video, Republican budget cuts, the previous administration, and George W. Bush personally.

This has led experts to believe that there exists a speech-making template, probably in Microsoft Word, which allows Obama to insert any buzzword on his agenda in order to create a dramatic presentation that can shift the blame from himself, rally his audiences against the said buzzword, and call for immediate action.

Below are excerpts from several of President Obama's speeches that led analysts to conclude there may have been a template involved and, in fact, to reverse-engineer parts of this template for further research.

CLIMATE CHANGE

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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address climate change. Climate change is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting climate change is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, climate change is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, climate change increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by climate change. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor climate change into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that climate change is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know climate change is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying climate change, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

Climate change will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that climate change constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

YOUTUBE VIDEO

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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address a certain YouTube video. This YouTube video is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting the YouTube video is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, the YouTube video is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, the YouTube video increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by the YouTube video. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor the YouTube video into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that the YouTube video is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know the YouTube video is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying the YouTube video, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

The YouTube video will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that the YouTube video constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

REPUBLICAN BUDGET CUTS

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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address Republican budget cuts. Republican budget cuts are a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting Republican budget cuts are now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, Republican budget cuts are often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, Republican budget cuts increase the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by Republican budget cuts. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor Republican budget cuts into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that Republican budget cuts are dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know Republican budget cuts are a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying Republican budget cuts, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

Republican budget cuts will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that Republican budget cuts constitute a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

MY RESPECTED OPPONENT (PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES)

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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address my respected opponent . My respected opponent is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting my respected opponent is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, my respected opponent is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, my respected opponent increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by my respected opponent. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor my respected opponent into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that my respected opponent is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know my respected opponent is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying my respected opponent, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

My respected opponent will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that my respected opponent constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

TRY IT YOURSELF

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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address [BUZZWORD]. [BUZZWORD] is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting [BUZZWORD] is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, [BUZZWORD] is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, [BUZZWORD] increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by [BUZZWORD]. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor [BUZZWORD] into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that [BUZZWORD] is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know [BUZZWORD] is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying [BUZZWORD], or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

[BUZZWORD] will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that [BUZZWORD] constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.
And this brings me to the urgent need to address Individual Liberty. Individual Liberty is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.
Confronting Individual Liberty is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, Individual Liberty is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, Individual Liberty increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by Individual Liberty. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor Individual Liberty into plans and operations.
Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that Individual Liberty is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know Individual Liberty is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying Individual Liberty, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces. Individual Liberty will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that Individual Liberty constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.(Applause.)

HEIL HILLARY!™

Works for me! Thank you, Comrade Red Square!

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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address Michelle's hairy pits. Michelle's hairy pits are a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting Michelle's hairy pits is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, Michelle's hairy pits are often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, Michelle's hairy pits increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by Michelle's hairy pits. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor Michelle's hairy pits into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that Michelle's hairy pits are dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know Michelle's hairy pits are a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying Michelle's hairy pits, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

Michelle's hairy pits will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that Michelle's hairy pits constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

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You are correct, as usual, Red Square!

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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address Ivan the Stakhanovets. Ivan the Stakhanovets is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting Ivan the Stakhanovets is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, Ivan the Stakhanovets is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, Ivan the Stakhanovets increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by Ivan the Stakhanovets. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor Ivan the Stakhanovets into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that Ivan the Stakhanovets is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know Ivan the Stakhanovets is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying Ivan the Stakhanovets, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

Ivan the Stakhanovets will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that Ivan the Stakhanovets constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

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Comrade Putout revealed a hitherto unknown factoid when she wrote:.

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Dig the tat 'Stak. Who does your ink?


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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address Photo ID. Photo ID is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting Photo ID is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, Photo ID is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, Photo ID increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by Photo ID. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor Photo ID into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that Photo ID is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know Photo ID is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying Photo ID, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

Photo ID will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that Photo ID constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.
And this brings me to the urgent need to address Breeders. Breeders are a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.
Confronting Breeders is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, Breeders are often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, Breeders increase the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by Breeders. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor Breeders into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that Breeders are dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know Breeders are a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying Breeders, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.
Breeders will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that Breeders constitute a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.


(Applause.)


I would say that IT WORKY!

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Red Square did you miss the mashup at the end of Special Report with Bret Baier today?
It shows the great American divider, spender and oppressor in chief as always telling people to sit down twice in speeches. Italics have been added to rectify this over sight.


THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat. Have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals. Anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting Anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying Anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

Anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that anything I don't like, don't want, am opposed to or is contradictory to my anti-colonial ideals constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

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KAMMERAT_X wrote:Image
Red Square did you miss the mashup at the end of Special Report with Bret Baier today?
It shows the great American divider, spender and oppressor in chief as always telling people to sit down twice in speeches. Italics have been added to rectify this over sight.


THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat. Have a seat.
I saw it Comrade Kammerat. The People's Cube scoops the media once again... This fact will be submitted and entered into the public record as evidence in the show trial against The American Thinker being conducted by Comrade Stakhanovets. FoxNews.com, coming in at #1 on the list, was upstaged by the People's Cube. What more evidence is needed?

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THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address Shitty Amateur Pornos. Shitty Amateur Pornos are a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting Shitty Amateur Pornos are now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, Shitty Amateur Pornos are often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, Shitty Amateur Pornos increase the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by Shitty Amateur Pornos. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor Shitty Amateur Pornos into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that Shitty Amateur Pornos are dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know Shitty Amateur Pornos are a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying Shitty Amateur Pornos, or refusing to deal with them endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

Shitty Amateur Pornos will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that Shitty Amateur Pornos constitute a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

Great Scott, it WORKED! What a marvelous new discovery by the people's analysts.

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In a way, qualifies as self-plagiarism. In a way no. Whom should God plagiarize? He has nobody to turn to, except himself. Same goes for Obama.

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Great work, everybody!

To save space, from now on we may just propose the korrekt buzzwords.

E.g., comrades on Facebook have proposed to use...

- Fox News

- White Privilege

- Slandering the Prophet


Let me just do this one more time...

Fox News

Obama_Blames_Fox_News.jpg
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address Fox News. Fox News is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting Fox News is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, Fox News is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, Fox News increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by Fox News. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor Fox News into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that Fox News is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know Fox News is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying Fox News, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

Fox News will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that Fox News constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

(Applause.)

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Keep in mind that President's mouthpiece Jay Carney call(ed) Freedom a Buzzword:


So, in light of that:
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you! (Applause.) Thank you very much. Everybody, please have a seat.

And this brings me to the urgent need to address FREEDOM. FREEDOM is a threat to our homeland security, our economic infrastructure, the safety and health of the American people. This cannot be subject to the usual politics and the usual rhetoric.

Confronting FREEDOM is now a key pillar of American global leadership. When I meet with leaders around the world, FREEDOM is often at the top of our agenda -- a core element of our diplomacy. Around the world, FREEDOM increases the risk of instability and conflict. Globally, we could see a rise in refugees, mass migrations and new tensions caused by FREEDOM. So, increasingly, our military will need to factor FREEDOM into plans and operations.

Now, I know there are still some folks back in Washington who refuse to admit that FREEDOM is dangerous. But our analysts in the intelligence community know FREEDOM is a threat. The science is indisputable. Denying FREEDOM, or refusing to deal with it endangers our national security. It undermines the readiness of our forces.

FREEDOM will impact every country on the planet. No nation is immune. So I'm here today to say that FREEDOM constitutes a serious threat to global security, an immediate risk to our national security. And so we need to act -- and we need to act now.

This template is wonderful! The possibilities are endless. I've already written dozens of speeches just this afternoon. After skooling myself by reading and re-reading the template, I've stumbled upon a fitting collection of potential BUZZWORD's. So far, my Presidential BUZZWORD Collection consists of:

UPDATED 5-31-15:

American Veterans
Armed Citizens
Baptists
Benjamin Netanyahu
Bibles
Budget Cuts
Carbon
Catholics
Caucasians
Christian Cross
Christians
Climate Change
Climate Change Deniers
Coal
Concealed Carry
Conservatives
Coptic Christians
Courage
Crucifix
Disabled Veterans
Disciples of H.E.L.L. (Hannity, Erickson, Limbaugh & Levin)
Duty
Fossil Fuels
Fox News
Free Enterprise
Free Markets
Freedom
Global Warming
Global Warming Deniers
Guns
Hard Work
Hebrews
Holocaust Survivors
Honesty
Honor
Integrity
Intelligent Americans
Israel
Israelis
Jews
Jobs
Justice
Keeping Your Doctor
Keeping Your Health Plan
Latter Day Saints
Liberty
Local Law Enforcement
Lord's Prayer
Lutherans
Mennonites
Methodists
Middle Class
Natural Gas
Nuns
Oil
One-Percenters
Patriots
Peshmerga
Police Officers
Preachers
Presbyterians
Prosperity
Rabbis
Racism
Repealing Executive Amnesty
Repealing ObamaCare
Republicans
Respect
Responsibility
Rule of Law
Self-Reliance
Small Government
Sunday School Teachers
Tea Party
The Constitution
Unborn Fetus
US Citizenship
Veterans of Foreign Wars
Voter ID's
White Privilege
Whitey
Working Class
Zionists

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Nice work, Kremlin Guard,

Submitted for your consideration:


Justice

and you only listed Jews once. You could also have listed Hebrews and Zionists.

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Nice work, Kremlin Guard,

Submitted for your consideration:


Justice

and you only listed Jews once. You could also have listed Hebrews and Zionists.

Why hate the bastardly Jew with a long, hard-to-read article when you can do it with a short, easy-to remember song?


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And do not forget Islamophobes.

Also Bitter Clingers -- or the long form: Folks Who Get Bitter And Cling To Their Guns And Religion.

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Obviously these are teleprompter speeches. For ones that aren't, add lots of ums, ahs, you knows and use fhe word "folks" a lot.

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OksanaTheTerrible wrote:Obviously these are teleprompter speeches. For ones that aren't, add lots of ums, ahs, you knows and use fhe word "folks" a lot.

N-n-now folks, and especially um, Oksana, we cannot use the um, teleprompter argument. Folks, the reason why we um, can't do this is because folks need to erm, understand that um, we mean everything that we say. Folks need to tell their folks about this too, folks. Pay no, um, attention to those glass screens to the um, left and right of the podium, that's just um, the little sun shades so that, um, the president doesn't get blacker than he already is. Um, he's so black that um, the Secret Service is thinking about putting him in a um, white instead of black suit so that he um, can actually be seen in his suit. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! God bless, um, America folks!


 
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