Image

FBI Investigates Eve In Apple Incident

User avatar
FBI corrects human history in light of new "intent" interpretation of legal system.

[img]/images/various_uploads/Daily_fail_Eve_Lying_FBI.jpg[/img]

User avatar
Unnamed sources prove that Trump defied the Paris Agreement by actually breathing out CO2 while signing! This makes him a hypocrite and a contributor to Global Climate Change!

Impeach 45!

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/a ... 7817301028

User avatar
I hereby declare Eve a rape survivor and a victim. #BelieveSurvivors #MeToo

Unless she is a cis-gendered Republican. Then her claims that she can't remember in which particular corner of the Garden of Eden it happened because "all trees are alike" are blatant lies and obstruction of justice, and the entire incident is fake news invented by Russian trolls.

In fact, does anybody know Eve's gender? We don't want to make any assumptions based on the looks alone.

As we know, God created a man, a woman, a transgendered person, and an army of other alternatively gendered individuals, numerous enough to fill Noah's Arc. The fact that the approved version of the Bible only mentions two genders is clearly the result of a conspiracy by the ruling classes aided by their lackeys among the clerics spreading opiate for the masses.

Also, anyone know the gender of Satan? Or the Snake? The last question would be unnecessary if we declare Republicanism to be a gender (and a race, too).

User avatar
Furthermore, where did Eve stand on women's issues?


User avatar
Reports reveal that Eve stated she could not see the forest for the trees. And even though Eve was new to identifying forests and trees . . . FBI officials found this to be insufficient to avoid a lying offence.

User avatar
So if Eve was a victim, then Adam's toxic masculinity is the source of all problems today? This is so heteronormative, it makes my head hurt. I'll be at Jiffy-lobo if anyone needs me.

User avatar
ThePeoplesComrade wrote:Reports reveal that Eve stated she could not see the forest for the trees.
The FBI had prior knowledge from its informants and audio surveillance that Eve could not see the trees for the forest. So when they asked her this directly during the interview and she said she could not see the forest for the trees they knew right there she was lying with an intent to obstruct justice.

The informant slithered away with a deal that granted him full immunity.

User avatar
Red Square wrote: The informant slithered away with a deal that granted him full immunity.
Let it never be said or even thought that the slithery informant had previously feathered the nests of the investigators. Not only did they owe the informant a great deal but they were filled with terror by the informant's potential for destroying and imprisoning them. (But this is all too preposterous to believe.)

User avatar
Comrade Red Square inquired:

Furthermore, where did Eve stand on women's issues?

As Eve was created due to Adam's first wife's soi-disant "little indiscretions" in asserting her Rights to Choose (Lilith left Adam after refusing to be subservient to him and refused to return to the Garden after coupling with the archangel Samael), it is probably reasonable to assume that First Wife MkI was re-engineered so that First Wife MkII would avoid the problems encountered in previous models.

User avatar
Now if Eve is the mother of all living, that would include Russians. Therefore, Eve is guilty of collusion.

Now Eve is also an ancestress to Donald Trump.

Ergo, Eve is a colluder and so is Trump, so that's how we know Putin stole the election.

If that's too hard to follow, just remember Trump is guilty because we don't like him.


User avatar
Schiff Stares Down Trump.jpg
If Trump stares me down and bursts out laughing, I win!

-Your pal, Schiffty Dude

User avatar
Our self-identified female comrades have made plenty of progress since the days of Eve. Even God wouldn't be able to recognize his own creations. Not sure about Satan, though...

3627 feminist2.jpg

User avatar
Our Many-Titted Empress certainly has fallen on hard times. That is her outside a Canadian arena before one of her speaking engagements, yes?


 
POST REPLY