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Remember the smashing success of Cash for Clunkers? No? Never mind. This time, with the right people in charge, the government will succeed flawlessly - under budget and ahead of schedule. That's right, I'm talking about Firearms for Felons! What better way to get guns out of the hands of Americans who should never have been allowed to have them in the first place? That sentimental nonsense in the Constitution about the right to bear arms was written way back then; Firearms for Felons is a program for the 21st century!It's very simple - even someone who clings bitterly to his guns and religion could understand it. You take a gun that you paid several hundred dollars for but were denied access to until your background check cleared (sorry about those times the computer was down and you couldn't get your gun, but every now and then even the government doesn't quite come through on time). You go to a Firearms for Felons receiving center near you, which you can find on the BATFE website. You receive fully $25 for your firearm, which you shouldn't have, and - voilà! - another gun has been removed from the general populace and our streets have been made safer, as if by magic.
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Then a highly trained ATF agent, who is more competent to possess a firearm than you are, searches a database of known criminals - say, a drug dealer or a human trafficker. He then sells your gun to the criminal for a profit, which helps reduce the national debt. In result, not only are the streets safer, but the government is richer so it can finance even more similarly enlightened programs.
Listen to these testimonials from happy customers...And there are many, many more. You see, because of Firearms for Felons...
"I've been trafficking immigrants for years; anybody in my business knows it's just not safe to go unarmed. Thanks to Firearms for Felons, I and my fellow coyotes now travel with rugged, reliable AKs that we couldn't afford before. Thank you, ATF!"
- "Juan", Reynosa
"It's hard to make a living when Border Patrol agents keep interfering with your home-based pharmaceutical trade. Because of Firearms for Felons, we're armed and business is booming. I wouldn't be the success I am today without the ATF."
- "Julio", Juarez
"Because of Firearms for Felons, I was able to increase my income just by shooting some of my neighbors and threatening to shoot some of my other neighbors' children. Thanks to the ATF, everybody's terrified of me."
- "Raul", Los Corrales
- Citizens like you who shouldn't own guns are relieved of them
- Our streets are made safer for the Children™
- The Government gets more money (and there's NEVER enough money for the Government)
- Entrepreneurs in developing countries have a chance to come up in the world
You see? It's a win-win situation all around because it's a Government Program! C'mon, get on board. Get rid of that firearm today and let the ATF find someone who can put it to a better use.
Comrade Komissar, don't you feel that it is much more in the spirit of World Peace™, Sustainability™, and General Goodness to All Personkind™ to do as our beloved Attornery General, Eric Holder, has done - in short, give federal Stimulus money to the Hispanic™ thugs persons south of the border to make it easier for them to buy these guns? After all, Operation(s) Gunrunner AND Fast and Furious have provided a way for underprivileged Mexican drug lords people of the Hispanic persuasion to attain better weapons in order to continue killing American border guards and tourists protect themselves from the wily ways of American border guards, who we all know are not to be trusted, because, well, Bush.
Why should we, the privileged Americans, force these poor people south of the border to come up with money to buy ourATF/FBI-provided American guns when we can Create Jobs™ and Spread the Wealth™ by using Official stimulus money to help them out?
Thank Lenin we have Dear Leader to Lead the way in these things, with, of course, the help of his special servants like Mr. Holder, Esq.!
Why should we, the privileged Americans, force these poor people south of the border to come up with money to buy our
Thank Lenin we have Dear Leader to Lead the way in these things, with, of course, the help of his special servants like Mr. Holder, Esq.!
This is good policy from start to finish. I feel -- as opposed to think, of course -- that the usage of the derogatory "felon" should be done away with. Felons, or the marginally oppressed revolutionary(ies) (MORs for short), are those noble souls struggling against a class-based system that singles them out for revolutionary acts of justice, throws them into the clink, and then goes about sullying their good names through "news" reports on their alleged "crimes". This needs to stop. This needs to stop, now!
Who are we to define what is a crime and what is not a crime? Who are we to say one form of taking is stealing while another form of taking is merely borrowing? We can't, comrades -- we can't make up laws since any and all law is just another form of oppression. We are all criminals which means there are no criminals -- only marginally oppressed revolutionaries.
I say free the MORs and let them have free reign! The MORs are only exacting justice on a cruel system driven by profit and human exploitation. Good on Eric Holder for arming the MORs!
Who are we to define what is a crime and what is not a crime? Who are we to say one form of taking is stealing while another form of taking is merely borrowing? We can't, comrades -- we can't make up laws since any and all law is just another form of oppression. We are all criminals which means there are no criminals -- only marginally oppressed revolutionaries.
I say free the MORs and let them have free reign! The MORs are only exacting justice on a cruel system driven by profit and human exploitation. Good on Eric Holder for arming the MORs!
I demand an investigation! Am I the only domestic terrorist who didn't get a free gun from the ATF? It's bad enough that I'm still waiting for my free Obama money from his private stash.
Must I stand in the doorway of a polling place armed only with a stick like in 2008?
Must I stand in the doorway of a polling place armed only with a stick like in 2008?
Well done, Comrade Chairman. Let's say "Miguel" from Nogales is such an oppressed, marginalized, struggling entrepreneur as we have discussed. He is no longer a "felon", but a MOR. The irony is that we now have Miguel MOR, a hard working capitalist whose path to fortune is practically being paved by our government. Is that worth another documentary on the evils of capitalism? Or is it evil since the government is promoting it and Bush is no longer president? It sounds good at first, but then it gets confusing. I'm going to have to take a vacation to sort this out.
Whoopie, in real life I once went to a gun store to legally purchase a firearm. A background check was performed. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I was under the impression that if I had a criminal background I would be denied access to the firearm. I had no idea then that a criminal background actually moved you to the front of the line. Silly me!
ROCK, you've hit the nail on the head. Ever since the late 60s we've been trumpeting the undeniable truth, the Settled Science, that disarming citizens and arming criminals makes our cities safer. What is it about these conservative neanderthals that they can't accept something as patently obvious as that?
An added bonus has just been added: If the magazine capacity is 25 rounds or more, 10 extra magazines are provided free of charge and full of ammunition.
Weapons with smaller magazine capacities since will require a verbal request for an equivalent number of magazine and ammo.
We did have to tightenup the program somewhere.
Weapons with smaller magazine capacities since will require a verbal request for an equivalent number of magazine and ammo.
We did have to tightenup the program somewhere.
My fellow comrades,
I'm afraid (not ever, really) that I must protest, most profusely, this castigating of my Hispanic brethren. Why does the world always blame the violence on us admittedly, hot-blooded Latinos?
I, personally feel that the arming of my people is long overdue, and since El Bozo won't deliver on his amnesty promises.....well, you know...we'll just persuade the gringos that they had better wise up fast andsurrenderagree to our not so unreasonable demands, before it is too late....heheheheh!....spits on floor, and twirls his pistolas..
I'm afraid (not ever, really) that I must protest, most profusely, this castigating of my Hispanic brethren. Why does the world always blame the violence on us admittedly, hot-blooded Latinos?
I, personally feel that the arming of my people is long overdue, and since El Bozo won't deliver on his amnesty promises.....well, you know...we'll just persuade the gringos that they had better wise up fast and
Myself being a habitual felon, I find no need for silly guns. Hurling insults, obscenities and bottles of my own urine work just fine.
I encourage you all to give it a try next family reunion.
I encourage you all to give it a try next family reunion.
Comrades, this is a great idea.
I'm sure the Clinton/Carter success of NUKES for NORKS was the inspiration.
I'm sure the Clinton/Carter success of NUKES for NORKS was the inspiration.
Laika the Space Dog
Comrades, this is a great idea.I'm sure the Clinton/Carter success of NUKES for NORKS was the inspiration.
Hmmmmmm....
Guns for Buns is something I could certainly get behind...
An update from PJ Media on Operation Gunrunner:http://pajamasmedia.com/blog/gunwalker-terrorizing-america-too-guns-show-up-in-u-s/
Where can I sign up to be an authorized participating dealer?
Red Square
Where can I sign up to be an authorized participating dealer?Usually you need undergo a background check to ensure that you have a sufficient criminal record. But since you came up with the spiffy logo, we'll put you on the fast track.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
This is good policy from start to finish. I feel -- as opposed to think, of course -- that the usage of the derogatory "felon" should be done away with. Felons, or the marginally oppressed revolutionary(ies) (MORs for short), are those noble souls struggling against a class-based system that singles them out for revolutionary acts of justice, throws them into the clink, and then goes about sullying their good names through "news" reports on their alleged "crimes". This needs to stop. This needs to stop, now!Who are we to define what is a crime and what is not a crime? Who are we to say one form of taking is stealing while another form of taking is merely borrowing? We can't, comrades -- we can't make up laws since any and all law is just another form of oppression. We are all criminals which means there are no criminals -- only marginally oppressed revolutionaries.
I say free the MORs and let them have free reign! The MORs are only exacting justice on a cruel system driven by profit and human exploitation. Good on Eric Holder for arming the MORs!
So true, Chairman Meow! Felon is the unenlightened word for impassioned freedom fighter!
By the way, can someone pick me up a case of full-auto M-16s and I will gladly pay you next Tuesday...
It's about time the government started putting guns into the right hands, these MORs. And out of the wrong hands, the law abiding proles!
Just imagine what could happen if the proles took up arms and then took to the streets!!! Why.... the Progressive New World of Next Tuesday™ would be in mortal jeopardy! We must not let that happen!!!
Chairman Meow! Consider this. Thanks to these MORs your supply of "nose candy" is assured. What would happen to that supply if the proles started knocking off these wonderfully couragous MORs? I'll tell you what would happen. Your days of going on chemically induced benders with the Kennedy family will be OVER!!!
Just imagine what could happen if the proles took up arms and then took to the streets!!! Why.... the Progressive New World of Next Tuesday™ would be in mortal jeopardy! We must not let that happen!!!
Chairman Meow! Consider this. Thanks to these MORs your supply of "nose candy" is assured. What would happen to that supply if the proles started knocking off these wonderfully couragous MORs? I'll tell you what would happen. Your days of going on chemically induced benders with the Kennedy family will be OVER!!!
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