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At a round-the-table discussion Tuesday, First Lady Above The United States Michelle Obama lashed out at Congressional Republicans for daring to question her dietary wisdom.

These Republicans are investigating current federal guidelines for school lunch nutrition, imposed by FLATUS ukase in 2010, following student complaints that the meals are tasteless, parental concerns about the actual nutritional value of the mandated foods, and local school district budget problems in complying with the menu requirements.

“This is unacceptable,” FLATUS erupted during the session. “It's unacceptable to me not just as First Lady but also as a mother.”

The FLATUS outburst came in response to testimony before a Congressional subcommittee by Marjorie Schwabble, a school cafeteria supervisor from Flatwide, Iowa. “The foods mandated by federal regulation really aren't popular with the children,” Ms. Schwabble stated. “They are also impractical to cook on a large scale.” She described the replacement of standard pasta with the mandated whole-wheat variety as a “disaster,” as the new pasta collapsed into a light-brown paste between cooking and serving.

“You have to serve whole-wheat pasta at the moment it comes out of the pot,” said Schwabble. “When we're serving lunch to fifteen hundred students, it has to sit in a steam table for over an hour while the lines move through.”

“The kids wouldn't touch it,” testified Schwabble, “and neither would the pigs out at the farms we sell our cafeteria garbage to as slops.”

FLATUS blew off the Schwabble testimony. “This is ridiculous. Chef Andre at Chez le Pouf makes an absolutely fabulous braised lobster in cream sauce over whole-wheat pasta, and his noodles are never pasty!”

In response to Republican proposals to allow some school districts to opt out of the federal menu mandates, FLATUS fumed “The last thing we can afford to do right now is play politics with our kids' health.”

Citing Section √-1 of the Constitution, which enumerates the official powers of the Presidential Spouse, FLATUS Obama reiterated her executive privilege to micromanage local government affairs.

“They really are incompetent at the local level to make decisions about what their children should be eating.” She added, “They should be grateful that I care enough to force my standards on them.”

Ivan, this clearly demonstrates why you are 'da brain' in this outfit. ROTFLMHO

...I understand that after the Schwabble incident questioning the FLATUS, TOTUS (Teleprompter of the United States) and POTUS was "Mad as Hell about It"

Republicans just want to see children starve to death.

Trashmouth: Don't assume. It's entirely possible he hasn't read about it in the paper yet.

A sample "Thank You" note from school lunch recipient:




Dear FLOTUS,

https://www.mediaite.com/tv/cnn-anchor-gives-michelle-obama-power-to-sign-bills-into-law/



It's true, FLATUS's capabilities can expand farther than the elastic on her wardrobe...

Not since the MTE announced "We are the President" has the authority of Her O'Liness been recognized. Praise Lenin we have CNN to keep things straight Korrect for our viewing audiences.

According to MS Costello " Michelle Obama signed a bill regarding her initiative into law in 2010 after it passed Congress." This properly refutes the evolution of that document written by dead white slave owners (The Constitution), which in its day limited the power to sign legislation into law only to the president.


Her "Eat as I say, not as I do" law is the law of the land, and challenging this law is not only political starvation of the children™ , it is as racist as questioning Dear Leader (PBUH) on any topic he does not preapprove. A challenge to this law could possibly result in FLATUS stamping her foot in a tantrum, the results of which may be measured on the Richter Scale.

On that note, let us reflect upon the golden tone of James Earl Jones reminding us that

"THIS is CNN.."

It is well known that eating terrible foods the FLATUS opposes increases carbon emissions into the atmosphere while eating copious amounts of vegetables, such as broccoli and beans, encourages the emissions of more benevolent gasses. What's more, many young state's citizens LUV the FLATUS's improved diets but have not made their preferences know. It's time for them to make more noise about their preferences and toot their horns in salute to the finest FLATUS of them all.

Tovarichi wrote:https://www.mediaite.com/tv/cnn-anchor-gives-michelle-obama-power-to-sign-bills-into-law/

Is Carol one of Lou's missing daughters?

Opiate of the People wrote:It is well known that eating terrible foods the FLATUS opposes increases carbon emissions into the atmosphere while eating copious amounts of vegetables, such as broccoli and beans, encourages the emissions of more benevolent gasses. What's more, many young state's citizens LUV the FLATUS's improved diets but have not made their preferences know. It's time for them to make more noise about their preferences and toot their horns in salute to the finest FLATUS of them all.

So you are saying that the headline of this thread should have read "FLATUS Breaks WIND on School Lunch" rather than "Breaks Silence"?

FLATUS breaking wind (is that redundant?) can also register on the Richter scale...

Damn! she sweats out a shirt worse than I do...

Comrade Anyer Marx, perhaps Wild Turkey would be more appropriate rather than Crown Royal

RedDiaperette wrote: So you are saying that the headline of this thread should have read "FLATUS Breaks WIND on School Lunch" rather than "Breaks Silence"?

Nyet, Comrade Cat in Chain Mail. Saying "FLATUS breaks WIND on school lunch" would lead some to conclude she was making a somewhat odd attempt to flavor an otherwise unflavorful meal by breaking... well, I don't need to draw you a picture (especially one you might not be able to rid yourself of.) Saying "breaks silence" leaves less opportunity for the running amok by perverse ideas in diseased minds (such as mine.)

trashmouth wrote:Comrade Anyer Marx, perhaps Wild Turkey would be more appropriate rather than Crown Royal

[img]/images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]
Moochelle the Wookie deserves no Bourbon. Some blended slag is good enough for her.

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After receiving Captain Craptek's apple... FLATUS pays him a visit.
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What drink would be more appropriate for an administration that stated it was ready to "rule from day one" than Crown Royal, Trashmouth?

Comrade Putout wrote:.
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After receiving Captain Craptek's apple... FLATUS pays him a visit.
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michelle-visits-craptek.gif

Purple Drank.
Blue Stank?

I don't know, Comrades, this willful misspelling of FLOTUS as FLATUS may not pass the smell test. Clearly, there is something rotten in the state of Cubeland to allow this to be posted. Be wary comrades -- one more outburst of "FLATUS" and Comrade Square may be forced to clear the website!!

I am glad to be the one to clear the air on this issue. Now, let us all take a deep breath ...

Lennie, First Lady Above The United States (FLATUS) is the correct title for the Bride of Barry-Stein. If you have a problem with that, stay upwind.

Tovarichi wrote:Lennie, First Lady Above The United States (FLATUS) is the correct title for the Bride of Barry-Stein. If you have a problem with that, stay upwind.

I was always partial to Comrade Bear's "First Horse" title, hard as that is to use in a "Moo" context. Where is that bear anyway? Still hibernating in some polar vortex?

Her saddle is in the shop... but she's around; last I heard of the bear he had a train to catch, but we don't talk about that.

Have a little respect for the FLOTUS Comrade T

Captain Craptek wrote:Have a little respect for the FLOTUS Comrade T

Yes, Comrade T, you were looking at a preview of the FLATUS' newest self-improvement program for the American people, the Let's Move Our BOWELS! program.

Dedhedvedev wrote:Yes, Comrade T, you were looking at a preview of the FLATUS' newest self-improvement program for the American people, the Let's Move Our BOWELS! program.

moochelleontoiletdraft.png

Is this not wonderful, that once again Dear Leaderess is imposing bestowing upon us yet another program that is a crock of ... sit?

Don't forget to jiggle the handle for the Party next November.

And put the seat down when you're done, damn it!