Global Carbon-Sucking Machine To Reverse Global Warming

GAIA Minister Neytiri Naked Truth Report on Global Carbon-Sucking Machine to Reverse Global Warming:


A venture-capital company named "Carbon Engineering" funded in part by Bill Gates is on the verge of inventing a carbon-sucking machine to reverse Global Warming. What will happen to Comrade Al Gore's ability to sell those carbon-credits?



Did someone forget to tell these Carbon Engineering inventors that GAIA invented carbon-sucking machines millions of years ago-- They're called "trees" and other forms of green vegetation and ocean-dwelling organisms.

--GAIA Minister Neytiri


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Pardon my interloping, Komrade Gaia, but this machine costs at least $250,000.00, and it only compresses CO2, it doesn't produce O2 like plants.

Given that any tree sapling only costs 50¢, and for the cost of one machine, an army of loafers could plant 500,000 trees, wouldn't it be more GREEN™ to just scrap the machine and plant trees?

I'll go back to my beet farm while you answer that question.

BTW, blue is the color of dead people, so why are you blue? Shouldn't you be green?


 

Jíbaro

Pardon my interloping, Komrade Gaia, but this machine costs at least $250,000.00, and it only compresses CO2, it doesn't produce O2 like plants.

Given that any tree sapling only costs 50¢, and for the cost of one machine, an army of loafers could plant 500,000 trees, wouldn't it be more GREEN™ to just scrap the machine and plant trees?

I'll go back to my beet farm while you answer that question.

BTW, blue is the color of dead people, so why are you blue? Shouldn't you be green?




Comrade Jibaro,

Your question makes me fear that you're succumbing to Tea-Party/Right-Wing/Global-Warming-Denier "logic." Are you in need of a Jiffy-Lobo?


Why is my default color blue? Because that's the color James Cameron made me and all othe Na'vis from the gloriously collective, nature-worshiping planet, Pandora. But, fear not, I also have the power to be Green, as I have demonstrated in the past:



--GAIA Minister Neytiri
 

Are CO2 fire extinguishers and carbonated beverages still classified as "useful products" or are they now politically incorrect?
 

Gaia, I must protest your mixing of sci-fi metaphors. Unless you are using your Jedi powers to shape shift, in which case, disregard my previous objection.
 

What's the carbon footprint of this capitalist machine? It does require electricity and natural gas to do it's work. What other Capitalist schemes is this blue woman involved in I wonder?

I'm smelling a Capitalist rat. We need an investigation of her activities.

A year's extra ration of beets and a year's worth of vodka to any comrade who steps forward with evidence.
 

As the new Green Jobs Czar I decree that we build the machines, and tear down all the cities, and plant a bunch of trees, and tax corporate jet owners to pay for it all, and continue to sell carbon credits, and denounce anyone who claims that this plan doesn't make sense.
 

Or perhaps our Dear Leader will give an exclusive, multi-billion dollar contract to GE so they can build these " sucking machines" at their new facilities in The People's Republic of China. More coal will be burned making these devices, thus ensuring a CO2 sustainable cycle

BTW: Don't believe for a moment that the Earth's already been doing that all on its own for uncounted millenia. We must remember that it is helpless to take care of itself unless the Progressive agenda steps in to help it out.... and that the Goracle is well compensated for his efforts.


" They strain a gnat, and swallow a camel."
 

During an intensive undercover sting operation— code name "Operation Chakra Release"— on Gorbels Cube, some conclusive, and damning, evidence has been found regarding a tip-off from an anonymous source that Gaia Minister Neytiri has been... MOONLIGHTING!







Although it wasn't yet determined the nature of the "moonlighting", as an unsuccessful attempt to obtain information from known provocateur, "Minister of Truth", only netted a plethora of denials. It only wasn't until forensic evidence was discovered that DNA in the form of semen stains on Gaia's blue skin, tied in a secret relationship between Gaia and the "Minister of Truth". Though, a "Global Carbon-Sucking Machine" wasn't found, investigations are still pending on locating the "sucking" sound that preceded the forensic DNA evidence.





Another source has revealed that Gaia Minister Neytiri was in negotiations with the Jerry Springer Show to do a special show on blue aliens and the pornography industry. It has been discovered that large sums of money have been mentioned between the Springer producers and Gaia, although at this time it is not known whether a final contract has been signed, nor an air date scheduled for the show. What is known is that this was supposed to be a "coming out" show for Gaia Minister Neytiri where she was supposed to make a very special announcement to the public.




 

Comrade Corporeal Whinny, that is an interesting publication you have there. It certainly looks bad for Gaia. Was that a double wide or single, the trailer I mean. Hustler is a little spicy for my old prog heart but as evidence, the council would be forced to study it in detail. Please submit sufficient copies for each member of the council. You will be notified whether a "Friend of the State" reward has been earned.

Even though Comrade Clinton has already destroyed the People's moral fiber, I assume we must still be somewhat cautions about the People's sensitivities with a cause like this.


 

Oh, by the way, we are send out Steny Hoyer to run interference and confuse the public while this investigation is pending.




 

What on Gaia's confiscated Kulak farmland earth is going on here? Do you think Gaia might like to get away from it all and come help me take care of my piggy? I wonder. Maybe if I drag a piece of fried bacon past her nose, she'll follow me to the pig pen.


 

Corporeal Whinny

This evidence is so damning, I propose a PURGE! YES! A PURGE of GAIA MINISTER NEYTIRI for committing crimes of engaging in narcissistic and prurient capitalist ventures for her own personal fame and fortune!

I AM SHOCKING SHOCKED. I, my personal self, see no good and usual reason for this vile nasty- nudey femalish unit to be allowed in our aboding or midst. We have our glorious dear Leader to represent narcissism, capitalistic crony ventures for personal fame and fortunes. We do not need this bluish tart, trumpeting about her goodies for public view.


PURGE THE WITCH!!

 

PURGE I SAY! PURGE AND DENOUNCE!!



 

Great marching Mussolini's!
This is very disturbing. I've been working with orphan Children's in the Brazilian jungles. I return and what do I find? Denouncements, massive thought crime and calls for purges. Now this? Neytiri? Neytiriiiiiiiiiiiiii!

This is a bit much for this old socialist to handle (142 next month). What's next? Our beloved MTE is going to challenge the Obama for the Presidency? Go ahead, break an old man's heart.

Just a reminder Comrades, our Progressive ranks are filled with the finest Socialist Womyns in the World:



 

I do not know, dear comrades . . . is this a bit too far?



 

Capital crimes in service rate "death and dismissal" in that order. First execution, then we toss your sorry blue carcass to the capitalist lackey dogs....(though your blue uniform fits nicely on you!)
 

Sweet Stalin's wallet! Whinny, you've certainly earned your beets and vodka. I knew it, I just knew that woman was a no goodnik two timer. Just look at those wide set eyes. She looks like a halibut and you don't get more fishy than that.

Yes, yes Frau, by all means, off with her head. To quote Obama himself, "We can't afford to wait, we have a crisis of confidence and we must act now. No time to think about it. Just do it. Right now. If you love me, you'll help me (pull the trigger)."

Leninka, some fellas from the People's Pork Collective reported a missing pig. I told them we haven't seen it (wink).
 

Nyet to Netyiri. The cash trail to Solyndra leads right up her tree and we have yet to receive The Party's™ redistribution as mandated and entitled. Down with the scantily clad anti-feminist blue kulak! Purge, baby, purge!
 

Laika the Space Dog

Nyet to Netyiri. The cash trail to Solyndra leads right up her tree and we have yet to receive The Party's™ redistribution as mandated and entitled. Down with the scantily clad anti-feminist blue kulak! Purge, baby, purge!

What a loyal comrade you are! We should purge until we all throw up . . . . until she throws up and comes to her just ends!... or something like that.
 

Beware Gaia's army.



 

ThePeoplesComrade

Beware Gaia's army.

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Smart move PeoplesComrade. I see unlike these other two knuckleheads, the wise words of Theo didn't go in one ear and out the other. It is encouraging to see that you now know, trashing a fellow comrades thread is not in good form.
 

Superkommissar Maksim

ThePeoplesComrade

Beware Gaia's army.

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Smart move PeoplesComrade. I see unlike these other two knuckleheads, the wise words of Theo didn't go in one ear and out the other. It is encouraging to see that you now know, trashing a fellow comrades thread is not in good form.

Yes comrade Maksim, your previous dissertation on ethics and protocol within a satirical forum has enlightened our collective sensitivity. Please keep monitoring, and if you spot anything fishy, remember AttachWatch.com is only a click away.

I have been thinking we should search The People's archives and eliminate unapproved comments. Then we could send Red Square on an official apology tour. But first we must kill one of every ten forum members to prove our loyalty to Stalinist philosophy.



 

Awww... there it is. I knew you couldn't hide your hostility and bitterness. Way to go!
 

Comrade, please refrain from revealing my spiteful and malicious personality to the public. It is hard enough to win elections these days in light of our failing economy and diminished media support. Hanging my dirty laundry in the front yard confuses the collective and diminishes my efforts to organize the community.