Image

Global Warming-Cooling Explained

User avatar
[img]/images/Hell_Froze_Satan_Shovel_Imagine.png[/img]

In cold years like these, climate change deniers always ask a trick question, "How come global warming can cause both heating and cooling?" The answer is actually quite simple.

We all know that sometimes it's hot as Hell*, and sometimes it's cold as Hell. Clearly, Hell can make it hotter or colder. The science is settled on the fact that global warming will be Hell on Earth, and since Hell can make it hotter or colder, global warming can, therefore, also make it hotter or colder.

Let's go one step further. Things can also boring as Hell, as in "nothing's happening, it's the same old same-old." Thus, Hell can also mean that things don't change. If you've followed the reasoning so far, you can clearly see that if it gets hotter, colder, or temperatures are flat, it's due to global warming. Just as predicted.

Granted, the realization that warming can cause cooling takes a little imagination, and this is exactly what the deniers lack, or they wouldn't deny imaginary science. Any way you cut it, warming is a catastrophe. Imagine every day of the year two degrees hotter. Tomorrow it will be 22 degrees instead of today's 20. A day six months from now it will go from 90 to 92 degrees. Can you imagine the carnage? Not if you're a denier.

We're talking about a return to the Medieval warm period. We certainly know what that entails. Viking raids will start up all over again. The polar bear will become extinct a second time. All peer-reviewed literature will be written in Latin. There'll be no Obamacare and everybody's four humors will get totally out of whack without the government managing our bodily functions. And that's just the tip of the iceberg - except there'll be no icebergs!

All because of CO2. You know what produces a lot of CO2? Climate change deniers, who just can't stop breathing in and out. We must put an end to that.

___________________________
*We capitalize Hell because it's the name of a place. You know, like Washington, D.C. or Detroit.

[img]/images/Mecca_Under_Snow.jpg[/img]

Global Warming-Cooling reaches Mecca. Winter is coming!
------------------------------------
Story by Comrade Will Beria, illustrations by Comrade Red Square.

User avatar
Here's the latest and the saddest Global Warming-Cooling sob story:

Kentucky inmate escapes, gets too cold, turns himself back in

Convict_Returns_Prison.jpg
LA Times wrote:...It got so cold in Kentucky that an escaped inmate asked to be taken back to prison.
The strange tale began Monday morning, when Maurice King, the 61-year-old manager of the Sunset Motel in Lexington, heard a knock on the door at the motel. Standing outside, in a wind chill of about 18 degrees below zero, was Robert Vick, 42, wearing a pair of ripped-up jeans and a khaki prison jumpsuit.

"I answered the door, and he said, 'Call the law on me,' and I looked at him kinda silly, and he said, 'Well, I'm the one who escaped from Blackburn ... I've got to turn myself in, I'm froze to death.' He was just shaking and everything.”

And that is why they used to build gulags in Siberia.

User avatar
Comrade Fhalkyn --

Allow me to explain. But first, I shall have to introduce myself, as I am new here.

I am Professor of Junk Science at the State Science Institute, specializing in Climate Change (the term "Global Warminsk" has been deprecated and is not to be used).

My birth name was Mann, a disgustingly short name for a Prog. So upon my ordination appointment to the State Science Institute, at which time I was allowed to take on the name of a departed saint as is custom in the Orthodox State Religion, I chose to take the name of the greatest of all the Soviet scientists: Comrade Lysenko.

He practiced much the same kind of science that I do: regardless of the outcome of his various experiments, he always produced the results that Comrade Stalin wanted, much as I have consistently produced the results that Al Gorski (who is now Pope of the State Religion, PBUH) paid me to produce. Lysenko also had Deniers in his day, just as I have mine. He sent them to the Gulag and even some to their death -- just as I hope to do with my Deniers someday.

So I sit in my science office, thinking of science things, hiding declines and making hokey hockey schticks.

Now as to your confusion regarding the climate. You sound like a trustworthy Comrade and I don't see anyone else around who can hear this, so I'll tell you a little secret: this whole thing is a hoax.

Have you not noticed, Comrade, that every single "solution" to the Global Warminsk Climate Change "problem" always involves Marxism? Yes, Comrade, we are only doing this to get the Capitalist pigs to give us their evil, filthy money! And they are doing it willingly because they feel so guilty for being rich! HA HA!!!

So now you know why we say the things we do. Now be a good Citizen and keep this under your fur hat. Don't tell anyone.


User avatar
We're talking about a return to the Medieval warm period. We certainly know what
that entails. Viking raids will start up all over again. The polar bear will
become extinct a second time. All peer-reviewed literature will be written in
Latin.
Sanctus nidor, Rutilus Quadratus! Atrox of sententia ut nos totus exsisto stilus in Latin iterum repleo mihi per vereor. Non tantum est lingua mortuus, is est a mortuus niveus hominis Romanorum lingua, quod peior, unus adsuesco assuesco per quendam monastica ut totus vox - reputo populus contemno.

User avatar
I do not know how anyone can deny Climate Change™. I have seen it myself: In winter, is cold; in summer is warm; some years colder/warmer than others; always change, change, change! (Oh, but wait ... is not Change a Good Thing? Pardon me; I get so confused.)

Image Interestingly enough, I've just been rereading all the Laura Ingalls Wilder novels, complete with descriptions of the extreme swings of weather on the almost unpopulated and preindustrial frontier territory of the 19th century -- some of the weather far worse than what we've been seeing lately. We might even use this "evidence" to "prove" that industrialization actually calms extremes of weather, and therefore we need to increase our industrial development.
Image


User avatar
What If.....there is really no need to explain.
Regardless of high heat or cold and climate deniers, as Americans we are safe and warm in our homes, and it's rather hard for us to fathom global devastation. In fact regardless of what has been all said and done, our only hope, it seems, lies with progressive leaders who are willing to reach out to the International Community and take the bold steps necessary to save our planet from certain extinction. Thank goodness, our dear leader will address these issues in upcoming speeches which will once again prove that these natural disasters can be traced back to Bush's refusal to sign the Kyoto accords. If we continue to stand against our leader's bold initiatives we're all going to die. We just need to preserve the future for all the children we have yet to abort which will involve tough choices and personal sacrifices before the magnetic fields weaken and the earth's population suddenly floats off the planet into space. Our only hope now is to appeal to the UN for all matter of assistance as outlined by our glorious leader.
Image

User avatar
Moochelle, our dear FLATUS, has just phoned in this question:

"How cold must it be to freeze my ass off?"

Desert blizzard blinds my eyes all the way
If it built up round the Cube would you say
That this cold restricts prostration
That this storm has foretold
A new age of glaciation
It's icy cold, it's icy cold
Ka'aba, Ka'aba, Ka'aba, Ka'aba, Ka'aba Karelian
It's icy cold, it's icy cold
Worship would be easy if it wasn't for this cold extreme
Wahhabi diin, Wahabbi diin

User avatar
Captain Craptek wrote:Noli metuere, et latitant in fel albus
Never fear, comrade, and get off that white stuff. Surely you meant to say "albums."

User avatar
Comrade,

Squirrel doesn't translate to Latin well -

Global Warming Summer.jpg

User avatar
97% of published scientists agree that humans are causing global climate change. Please don't show your ignorance by siding with the miserable 3% of deniers. Do you deny the facts of Phlogiston also?! Absurd!

User avatar
Soviet Mike Komsomolets wrote:97% of published scientists agree that humans are causing global climate change. Please don't show your ignorance by siding with the miserable 3% of deniers. Do you deny the facts of Phlogiston also?! Absurd!
97% of humans agree that published scientists are causing global climate change. In other news, 97% of published scientists give the rest a bad name.

User avatar
What we need here is for Comrade Algore to come forward from the depths of the People's 'Ask a Comrade' department. I am sure this entire debate can be put to bed once and for all.


User avatar
"If there were no climate change we would have to invent it." - Anon, TPC Big Book of Modern Quotations

All Climate Chains are good Climate Chains especially when used to bind the Truth of Komrad Algore to the empty souls of The Deniers.

User avatar
My Our Entire Kollective has voted Unanimously that (1) Global Warming Global Climate Change is REAL, and (2) The Rethuglikkkan-Controlled national government of the totally lawless "'united states' of Amerikkka" is TOTALLY to blame for Global Cooling Global Warming Global Climate Change, and (3) ONLY higher taxes - MUCH HIGHER TAXES - placed upon the "citizens" of the Rogue Nation known as "the 'united states' of Amerikkka" can Possibly stave off Climate-geddon™ throughout the Entire World!

User avatar
Of course Hell is a place! It's about 25 miles northwest of here.



article-hell7n-1.jpg

User avatar
Comrades,

It has come to my attention that the decade of war approximately 1935-1945 produced the lowest carbon footprint the world has ever seen. Using Comrade Red Square's top down logic, it's only logical that we bomb every single industrialized country in the world. A massive air, sea, and land assault should begin immediately against Canada, since they are closet to the Arctic, and thus are the lion's share of that cooling/warming nightmare, they should be destroyed.

Image
After Canada, the next location to decimate would be Australia. They laugh at the frozen research vessels stuck in the harshest summer of ice the Antarctic has ever seen. Carpet bombing Australia's industrial complex should do the trick down-under. From Canada and Australia, we move country to country, blowing up everything we can, all the way to the equator, this my friends, is the only way we will save this planet from the cataclysm we are headed for.

Call your Federal Representatives daily, NO, hourly, and demand an immediate mobilization of the Air force, Army, Marines, and the Navy. There is no time to spare, and don't worry if you or your friends will be slaughtered as a result of this quick fix, we're all carbon polluters and deserve what we get.
[center]FORWARD[/center]

User avatar
Ivan Betinov wrote:
We're talking about a return to the Medieval warm period. We certainly know what
that entails. Viking raids will start up all over again. The polar bear will
become extinct a second time. All peer-reviewed literature will be written in
Latin.
Sanctus nidor, Rutilus Quadratus! Atrox of sententia ut nos totus exsisto stilus in Latin iterum repleo mihi per vereor. Non tantum est lingua mortuus, is est a mortuus niveus hominis Romanorum lingua, quod peior, unus adsuesco assuesco per quendam monastica ut totus vox - reputo populus contemno.
Well, yeah, but - well, let's just be clear and say "Wendy Davis".

There. I said it.

User avatar
Red Walrus wrote:Comrades,

It has come to my attention that the decade of war approximately 1935-1945 produced the lowest carbon footprint the world has ever seen. Using Comrade Red Square's top down logic, it's only logical that we bomb every single industrialized country in the world.
Comrade Walrus, I am truly sorry, but Dear Leader Comrade Prezzy MompantsOnFire has pretty much eliminated the making of bombs, due to budgetary changes, and all previously made bombs have been given to the Misloom Brotherhood and their wholly owned subsidiary, Al Qaeda.

User avatar
Comrade R.O.C.K. in the USSA, forget about bombs, spit, spit, all you need is a pen and cell phone or a forcing a population into listening to a John Kerry speech and all this can be done without a tinge of schadenfreude.

User avatar
This Cube story was picked up by American Thinker this morning:

How Global Warming Makes it Warmer and Colder

January 26, 2014
Thomas Lifson


Every time events fail to confirm the predictions of the global warming models, we see putative scientists thinking up excuses, like a "pause" that just interrupts the inevitable, absolutely beyond dispute, no discussion allowed predictions that...uhh...are just around the corner. While amusing it is also pathetic. And even worse are the journalists and non-specialist scientists who accept rationalization in place of rigor.

How much better to slip the surly bonds of honesty and fabricate a convincing explanation (as long as you don't think about it and are willing to accept whatever the mainstream media serves up)! In other words, target the low information voters and count of them being unreflective, aka stupid.

They already have 566 comments on that post, which seems to be a record even for AT.

User avatar
"And who better to execute logical contortions that a veteran propagandist from the old USSR. Such a man is Oleg Atbashian of The People's Cube."

LOL - I couldn't have said it better myself! ;)

^5!

User avatar
Thanks, R.O.C.K. - but the story came from comrade Will Beria and I only edited and illustrated it (see credit at the bottom). I asked Thomas to make a correction to his post and he kindly did.

This problem is so easy to fix. In the 1970's, global cooling was the meme, so one of the things that was legislated was to put catalytic converters on vehicles to covert the smog (that would create ice bergs off the Atlantic coast) to harmless CO2. But, 30 years later, it was discovered that CO2 was causing global warming. In fact, since Cash for Clunkers took the last of the non cc cars off the road, the warming is causing such extremes in weather that it won't get above 0 degrees in Milwaukeegrad for the next two days! Simple fix, legislate that vehicles made in even number years get converters, those made in odd years do not. This should even out the climate extremes, producing weather that is more accurately predictable by state sponsored climate experts on evening and morning newscasts. Will also work towards dear President's goal of eliminating 'inequalities' he'll speak about in SOTU address this week.

User avatar
If you can read in Russian: our Global Warming-Cooling story was just published in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Глобальное потепление/похолодание


Global_Cooling_Russian_Scrn.jpg

In beet warehouse, we're singing new song to keep warm. We are told that propane shortages are due to Central Committee members desiring more warmth during SOTU address this evening Kapitalistic countries hoarding their supply as punishment for our not producing enough of our highly prized and wanted product. The melody sounds vaguely familiar, though.

The thermometer shows that it's 20 below – Propane
I'm totally froze from my feet to my nose – Propane
I can't buy, I can't buy, I can't buy – Propane

My car won't start, I can freeze a big fart – Propane
Forget the damn pole, my tongue's froze in a roll – Propane
I can't buy, I can't buy, I can't buy – Propane

"Global warming makes it warmer and colder."

If you believe that, then you must ablso believe that freedom is slavery and ignorance is strength. In order to believe this self-evident government/media lie one must exercise the insanity of Orwellian Doublethink. Apparently many Americans have fallen into an Orwellian state of controlled insanity.

“Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously [the lie: warming causes cooling] [the truth: cooling causes cooling], and accepting both of them [Insanity]... with the lie always one leap ahead of the truth… Those who have the best knowledge of what is happening are also those who are furthest from seeing the world as it is; in general the greater the understanding the greater the delusion; the more intelligent the less sane… If one is to rule, and to continue ruling, one must be able to dislocate the sense of reality… If human equality is to be forever averted; if the "high," as we have called them, are to keep their places permanently; then the prevailing mental condition must be controlled insanity…" George Orwell - 1984

User avatar
Best comment on the weather yet:
"It was soooo cold, I saw a Democrat with his hands in his own pockets!"

H/T to secondcitycop.blogspot.com

User avatar
Image
anytime some LoFo Voter ™, some LibTard ™, some Mainstream Media ™dropout from Journalism School tries to tell you that Global Warming ™ Climate Change ™ is a fact because 31,487 scientists signed a petition saying that Global Warming ™exists and that the Science Is Settled ™, please keep in mind that I actually checked the alleged petition.

The petition signers are alphabetical. I actually know and respect some scientists and "scienticians". I didn't see any of their names appended but well lookee there! My daddy's name is on it. And by no means is he a scientist. When I told him about this, he hit the roof. To say that he is pissed is an understatement.

I did some digging. It turns out that several neutral watchdog groups have investigated this so-called petition of scientists. Every time. Every Single Time they uncovered that 90% of the "scientist signers" are actually scientifically-knowledgable people from such occupations as....massage therapist, yoga instructor, personal trainer, bartender, coffee barrista, journalists, writers, poets, artists, college African Humanities professors, hair stylists, pedicurists, manicurists, semi-literate high school English teachers, community organizers (okay, I'm kidding. Community Organizers are illiterate and can't sign their own names).

Basically, the assholes with the petition clipboards must have camped out at every damn Starbucks in America and targeted the dipwads wearing Birkenstocks and clutching (recyclable) plastic bottles of holistic, free-range, fair-trade water.

Global Warming is a massive fraud. It is nothing more than a leftist scam of immense proportions designed to redistribute wealth from the evil, wealthy Western nations and hand it over to the despots and dictators running things so "efficiently, ethically and incorruptably' in Third World Shitholes ™

You Want Science? Here's Your Damn Science
FuckYouAlGore2.jpg

[/b]The US Army's Venona Project, which intercepted Russian embassy cables, proved 100% that the KGB agitprop & disinformation organs conceived and funded the Environmental Movement (note that "Earth Day" is Lenin's birthday). Anytime you meet a hardcore Enviro Industry bastard, just remember that they are Watermelons - Green on the Outside but Red On The Inside ™

watermelon.jpg
[/color]

Image
[/color]Happy Tuesday,
Juche Couture

/end transmission

User avatar
Image
Here is a picture of Bi-Polar Bear Al Gore keynoting our Winter-of-2014 Outdoor Conference on why Polar Vectors (also known as Polar Vortices) cannot stop Global-Warming-Cooling-Whatever.

A question for all of you Scientifically Illiterate Deniers:

Would I, GAIA Minister Neytiri, be standing her stark naked at this Winter-of-2014 Outdoor Conference in the Florida Panhandle on Global-Warming-Cooling-Whatever -- especially on this January 28, 2014 celebrtory day of President Obama's State of the Union of Global Warming and Global Cooling Address if I were not in the merciless grips of Global Claimit Changes?

--GAIA Minister Neytiri Naked Truth Report

User avatar
In the depths of the Winter's cold season
The Party outlawed the mention of freezin'
They said the cold was alarming,
Because it meant we were WARMING,
And that to deny it was a form of high treason.

User avatar
DasVodkaVidanya wrote:In the depths of the Winter's cold season
The Party outlawed the mention of freezin'
They said the cold was alarming,
Because it meant we were WARMING,
And that to deny it was a form of high treason.

May I tweak (not twerk) your rhythm?

In depths of this Winter's cold season
The Party banned mentions of freezin'
'Cause cold is alarming
But WE know it's "warming"
Denial of which would be treason.

--KOOK

User avatar
KOOK wrote:
DasVodkaVidanya wrote:In the depths of the Winter's cold season
The Party outlawed the mention of freezin'
They said the cold was alarming,
Because it meant we were WARMING,
And that to deny it was a form of high treason.

May I tweak (not twerk) your rhythm?

In depths of this Winter's cold season
The Party banned mentions of freezin'
'Cause cold is alarming
But WE know it's "warming"
Denial of which would be treason.

--KOOK
Whatever floats your Storozhevoy!


User avatar
Comrades!
After extensive studies and research at the Institute of Climatology and Hair Design, we have developed a new and accurate method of assessing and measuring Climate
Change.
Instead of assessing Climate Change by using extremely accurate core sample from the past and using even more accurate computer modeling to predict the future. We have resorted to evaluating the climate by using a daily snapshot of the current conditions by looking out the window and using a thermometer. This daily assessment will be called "Weather"
It will be the considered the most accurate means of assessing climate that will have an immediate impact our citizens.
Currently the reporting will be delayed to our citizens as the measurements have to be certified by the National Measurement Council, after initial review by Pre-Measurement Bureau.
The final results will then be disseminated by the Federal Administration of Knowledge, following clearance by the Standards of Learning Council.
The information will be posted on the Bulletin Board in the center of the Department of Agriculture Building. Possibly in the South Building.
Forward!!

User avatar
ImageJ.C., regarding your petition revelation above, why wouldn't they lie about it? A lie is the only way they can advance their agenda.

I'm not a scientist, but in my alter ego in the real world, I do have a "Doctor" in front of my name. I've got an earned Ph.D in history. From an historian's viewpoint, I can tell you their claim that climate change is due to man-made polutants (and ONLY man-made polutants, according to the most strident of their ranks) is, to use the technical term, bullshit.

The planet has gone through a number of climate-change cycles. Some are drastic, like the Ice Ages. Some are less pronounced yet noticable. The problem is, all of them took place before human beings were numerous enough or productive/destructive enough to matter at all. The last Ice Age did not end because hordes of Cro-Magnons were screaming around the tundra in SUVs, or because Neanderthal industrialists started using melted-fat lamps to light their flint-knapping sweatshops. In fact, most of the cycles of climate change happened before we even showed up.

Okay, so what about the cycles that have taken place since we got organized and stopped living as noble savages in tune with nature and in harmony with each other? What caused the climate change that ended the "Warm Medieval" period and initiated the "Little Ice Age" in roughly 1600? Must have been all those factories spewing clouds of coal smoke and tons of carbon dioxide into the air...only they didn't start their spewing until at least 150 years after the climate began to shift.

Right then. That one doesn't hold water, but what about livestock? Cattle breeders are evil corporate bastards, right? Surely they are at fault. What about all those domesticated cows, farting and burping tons of greenhouse gasses? Oh, woe is us, for upsetting the delicate balance of nature by building massive herds of cows!

Sure, now. Calm down Moonbeam, stop hyperventilating. Yes, we do have lots and lots of domesticaed cows...but what was here before the massive herds of domesticated cattle?

How about "massive herds of undomesticated cattle." According to the USDA, in 2011 there were right around 40 million dairy and beef cattle in the United States, give or take a few tens of thousands. But before that, and for centuries before that, (according to the US Fish and Wildlife estimates) 50 million buffalo were roaming the Great Plains (I am using a middle figure; their estimates range from 30 million to 75 million). And where the buffalo roam, a cloud of ripe flatus rises. Are the farts of 50 million buffalo (which are a damn sight larger than your average cow) somehow less damaging than those of 40 million cows?

Can these people even do simple math?

Nope, J.C., I agree with you. At the core of the environmental movement is a solid mass of socialists. They have simply found a new mantle of useful fools to wrap about themselves as they advance their totalitarian agenda. Climate change is real. No doubt about it. We do have settled science that we have a planet on which the climate can fluctuate wildly. What we don't have is a shred of reliable evidence that says human beings have anything to do with accelerating or retarding that change. The best model I've seen, and one you point out above, embraces the "Maunder Minimum" and solar output as the prime driver of global climate.

Anybody who tells you different is selling something....

User avatar
Comrade Brain in Jar wrote:Are the farts of 50 million buffalo (which are a damn sight larger than your average cow) somehow less damaging than those of 40 million cows?

Yes! The debate is over. More than 98% of reputable scientists agree that domesticated cow fart-methane is more toxic than natural, free-range buffalo fart-methane. Case closed. And now, on to the minimum wage.

User avatar
The preceeding post was brought ot you by "Captain Craptek Genuine Free-Range Buffalo Fart Methane™ " the finest free-range methane on the market today! Go ahead! Take a deep whiff! Now THAT'S genuine Buffalo methane!


 
POST REPLY