Comrades, here's the best way to serve your movement. Made from recycled shredded money mixed with unread pages from the Stimulus, Crap and Tax and Health Care Bills. So strong you'll only need one sheet per wipe and completely biodegradable. The "Kling-ons" around Uranus will make you feel closer to Michelle. This paper product excels in both transparency as well as absorbency. Printed on both sides so you can see His smiling face even if you're a Roll Reverser.

We must also teach the children the importance of Cap & Trade for their progressive future.
I have requested (form J735 - 8097 AG-CT) an entire Al Gore section be added to the Party's Social Life Board Game. Please Inner Circle - it's for the Children.

Holy Roller, Comrade Whoopie,

I was sitting on the commode the other day, and I heard a voice say:

"Leninka, will you please get up, you're blocking my light."

Scared the pee right out of me.

Leninka wrote:Holy Roller, Comrade Whoopie,

I was sitting on the commode the other day, and I heard a voice say:

"Leninka, will you please get up, you're blocking my light."

I wonder, did he mean you were blocking the bathroom light from getting to him or blocking his light from getting out? Perhaps the latter, and this may be the reason his enemies are beginning to gain sway. Comrade Leninka, for the good of your Party country, you must learn to pee standing up.

You're both right, comrades. When O closes his eyes, universe disappears along with all the lights in it. The sprinkle must have awoken him.

On a different note, we may have a riot on our hands if this comes out. This has happened before:

Marxists Riot over Desecration of Their Holy Book


Of course, we can point fingers at a well-known precedent: this paper has been in use at the Party headquarters since the People's Cube inception.


In any event, potential problems with consumers can be resolved by offering a more rustic eco-friendly alternative:

Comrade Red Square,

I am about to have my dinner. Puuleeeze!

Oh, that's right, I'm the one who brought a toilet into this discussion in the first place.

No, really, I love the book in the commode. How fitting.

I love the cheese grater toilet paper, too.

No, wait a minute, it's all Comrade Whoopie's fault. She's the one who introduced the "party approved toilet paper."

Opiate of the People wrote:

Leninka wrote:Holy Roller, Comrade Whoopie,

I was sitting on the commode the other day, and I heard a voice say:

"Leninka, will you please get up, you're blocking my light."

I wonder, did he mean you were blocking the bathroom light from getting to him or blocking his light from getting out? Perhaps the latter, and this may be the reason his enemies are beginning to gain sway. Comrade Leninka, for the good of your Party country, you must learn to pee standing up.

Comrade Whoopie,

He must have meant the bathroom light, because it was pitch dark when I went in. I was peeing in the dark to save the planet.

Comrade Opiate of the People,

Sorry, the above response was for you. And I just realized that the answer itself was a non sequitur. Of course there was light in the room. It was twilight. My only excuse is that it was the vodka hour.