A GOP Consultant was taking sky-diving lessons. The instructor explained that it was time for his first jump, and all he had to do was jump from the plane, count to six, and pull the rip cord. A truck would be waiting for him in the field where he would land. The GOP Consultant jumped from the plane when he was told to, and counted to six. When he pulled the rip cord, the parachute wouldn't open. He tried the reserve chute and that didn't open. Frustrated, he muttered to himself as he fell, “I'll bet the truck won't be waiting for me either!"

Why did the GOP Consultant plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash.

Why are GOP Consultant s not allows to use rectal thermometers? They'll cause brain damage when the Consultant tries sticking it in his ear.

Why did the GOP Consultant throw his guitar away? Because it had a hole in the middle.

Why did the GOP Consultant drive his pickup truck over the side of the cliff? He wanted to try out his new air brakes.

Why did the GOP Consultant have his sundial floodlit? So he could tell the time at night.

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty? Four GOP Consultants watching a baseball game.

Why are GOP Consultants given only a half hour for lunch? So we don't want to have to retrain them.

Why can't the GOP field an ice hockey team? The players all drowned in spring training.

Why did the GOP Consultant salute the box of Cornflakes in the supermarket? Because the label said General Foods.

What do GOP Consultants do at Halloween? They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

How did Obama win the election? He walked into the White House backwards, and his GOP Consultants told Romney that Obama was leaving. Romney believed them.

More to come!

I didn't realize that so many GOP consultants were Polish. OK, here's one.

Q. How many GOP consultants does it take to change a light bulb?

A. We'll never know. They get paid regardless of the outcome, so there's always a large tight crowd around the light bulb; they don't allow any competent person to get through, and in the end the light bulb never gets changed.

"Why are GOP Consultant s not allows to use rectal thermometers? They'll cause brain damage when the Consultant tries sticking it in his ear."

NOW YOU LET ME! I had deep concerns when dear, late husband Pulloskies was making inquiries of thermometers . . . but I foolishly assumed he knew of what he was doing.

A GOP Consultant and his wife are sleeping when the neighbor's dog starts barks and wakes them up. The GOP Consultant sighs, shakes his fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!' He runs out of the house and five minutes later he comes back with a smile on his face. The wife asks 'So, what did you do?' The GOP Consultant says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor's dog barking all night.

How did the GOP consultant burn his face?
Bobbing for french fries.

Three GOP consultants decided to go to Disneyland. On the freeway, they saw a large sign, "Disneyland Ahead." Driving on, they soon saw another sign, "Disneyland Left." So they turned around and went home.

Q. Why did the GOP consultant cross the road?

A. That's all he's good for.

GOP consultant goes into the Obamacare doktor's office with a carrot in his nose, a green bean in his ear and a beet in his mouth. He asks the Doktor "what's wrong with me?"

The Doktor says "well, you're not eating right..."

A GOP consultant comes home and finds his wife in bed with another man. He pulls out a gun and puts it to his own head. When his wife and her lover start laughing, he snarls, "Laugh if you want, but you're next."