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GOP: The Children ARE our future

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With the 2016 Presidential Election campaign well under way, many are speculating what the future will look like for The Party™. The Democrats seem set on following up their historical promotion of the first ‘black' ‘man' with the first serially abused ‘white' ‘woman', thus elevating the status of ‘victim' to the most powerful position one can hold in modern society.

The perpetually abused, offended and persecuted can now throw childish tantrums on the world stage and they will not be ignored, any longer. What great strides we have made in righting past wrongs, you may be led to ponder.

The GOP, not to be out done in the victimhood stakes, seems to be taking a rather unexpected direction. All speculation regarding the presumptive presidential contenders aside, the most popular expressions of grass roots Republican sentiment in recent months have involved the courage of the most abused and oppressed constituency in the country: The Children™.

From Mehgan Hellrood's courageous stand against the tyrannical FLATUS' Food Mandate to C J Pearson's courageous stand against the tyrannical Book of Faces, these children have displayed the kind of revolutionary and courageous spirit that founded this great republic and inspired millions around the world, as well as right here in these United States.

The out pouring of popular conservative sentiment in encouragement and defense of these young cultural warriors has inspired the GOP leadership to consider that, perhaps, the best way to defeat the leviathan Clinton machine is with a ticket that will garner more sympathy, be more historic and far cuter.

Speaker of the House, John Boehner stated “The Children™ really are our future. That's not just a metaphor. I mean that literally. These children have displayed the type of courage that it is rare to find in modern Republican politics.

“The Democratic Party was able to nominate and elect a perpetual child to the highest office in the land. We believe we can go two better and nominate and elect the first actual children to the two highest offices in the land. This ticket will also counter the perception that the GOP doesn't care about children, African-Americans or women. And this ticket will be so cute that it should get the TEA Party types to shut their collective pie holes and stop whining about the Constitution."

When it was pointed out to the Speaker that the elephant in the room is the US Constitution which prohibits anyone under the age of 35 from assuming the office of President or Vice President, he started crying, stamping his feet and screaming “I want my mommy!”

An embarrassed Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, interjected “That elephant is simply a stage prop. We don't pay any attention to it.”

It's uncertain if the Majority Leader was embarrassed for the Speaker or because of the obvious unconstitutionality of the GOP establishment's proposal. It's also uncertain if McConnell was referring to the GOP mascot or the US Constitution. ~

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“If you're not a liberal when you're 20, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative by the time you're 30, you have no brain.”

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Soviet Mike Komsomolets wrote:“If you're not a liberal when you're 20, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative by the time you're 30, you have no brain.”

Comrade SMK, (why does that remind me of a scary assault weapon), quoting unapproved deceased enemies of The Party™ is detrimental to progress. All unapproved quotes must submitted to The Party™ for editing and reissue with Party approved content.

Failure to comply will result in speedy execution of sentencing, condemnation and a show trial.

The deadline for compliance was yesterday.

You have been found guilty of non-compliance.

Sumbmit a quote that reflects the Current Truth™ and leniency may be considered.


 
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