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Government Shutdown Begins Today at Midnight, World Ends

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WARNING!

Comrades,

CNN: Hurry! Time is of the essence! You have only minutes to arrange your house and family in preparation for the anticipated GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN! Bring in the pets. Gather the children and other family members in the basement. Bring as much food and water as you can find. BRING BATTERIES...lots of batteries...and a portable radio! Keep it tuned to a local station for emergency notifications!

As I type this warning there are less than 15 minutes remaining to us for preparation. Hurry.

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GOOD LUCK COMRADES!

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Comrades.

I just took this photo here at the R.O.C.K. progressive bunker. It's dark, because I'm conserving my batteries for the days/weeks/months to come.

As you can see - well, maybe you can't - I've got enough water to probably get by, and my cat, Comrade Rammstein (that's him on the left, toward the back), will hopefully catch a mouse or two for us when our meager supplies run out. I doubt that my food stamps will be working by then.

Don't tell Rammstein, but he'd be good for a few dinners himself.

I'm ready, comrades.

If those Rethuglikkkan Teabaggers insist on shutting the government down, I believe that I can survive until common sense breaks through and the Democrats overpower them. I doubt that our Dear Comrade President will put up with this for long; I suspect he'll get tired of camping out at the golf course, especially as the weather gets colder.

Hang in there comrades - we may not all make it through this dark time, but I hope to see you on the other side!



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Yes, there appears to be no end in sight from Rhinos, Republicans, Tea Baggers and Cruz to their extreme arrogance to shut down government and curtail forced lap dances, GLBTC fashion show and the congressional symphonic flatulence opera that plays daily in the halls of congress. With no orange alerts, yellow alerts, why only evil madmen would plunge the world into an age of darkness and horror….well, at least for now I can continue to type from our fallout shelter….spit, spit

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Holy crap! Does this mean tomorrow is NEXT TUESDAY?

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I must say, to this point I'm disappointed with the afterlife.

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Will there be a co-pay for the koolaid? I'm a little short this month. Also, is it too late to go to Russia?

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As a federal employee, I now should be able to apply for my EBT and Obamaphone, no? After all, I gots rights...

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Comrades,

I will be suffering right with you even though I have been designated as an 'essential' worker during this reichwing fabricated crises. I have made provisions and have moved into a tent to rough it out and to show my solidarity with you the masses, as you now face deprivations from just a few of the following agencies, committees and commissions, that are no longer providing you vital Government services:

Arthritis and Musculoskeletal Interagency Coordinating Committee, National Wild Horse and Burro Program, Healthy Marriage Initiative (HMI), Office of Protocol, U.S. Arctic Research Commission (USARC), Commission on Security and Cooperation in Europe (CSCE), Delaware River Basin Commission (DRBC), Office of Government Ethics (OGE), Susquehanna River Basin Commission (SRBC), Financial crisis inquiry commission, Commission of Fine Arts, Commission on International Religious Freedom, Committee for the Implementation of Textile Agreements, Federal Accounting Standards Advisory Board, Illinois and Michigan Canal National Heritage Corridor Commission, Indian Arts and Crafts Board, Interagency Alternative Dispute Resolution Working Group, Interstate Commission on the Potomac River Basin, J. William Fulbright Foreign Scholarship Board, James Madison Memorial Fellowship Foundation, Morris K. Udall Foundation: Scholarship and Excellence in National Environmental Policy and the absolute worse closure of all.........

The Federal Interagency Committee for the Management of Noxious and Exotic weeds (FICMNEW)

Buck up Comrades!!!!!!!!! And keep the faith that soon these vital functions will be up and running soon enough, and if you need me just remember that I'll be suffering right with you also in my hovel of a tent.

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I'm sure Dear Leader at this very minute is with the Joint Chiefs of Staff initializing martial law - to round up these extremist teaorrist rethuglikans once & for all. Lenin be with us in this dark hour.

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Dig4Utopia wrote:I'm sure Dear Leader at this very minute is with the Joint Chiefs of Staff initializing martial law - to round up these extremist teaorrist rethuglikans once & for all. Lenin be with us in this dark hour.

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Did the White House open from Sequester at 11:55 last night so that it could dramatically shutter itself again at midnight?

Besides, I thought I was dead already. This is getting exceedingly confusing.

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Comrades, I briefly powered up my TRS-80 in order to sign up for Obamacare for my free health insurance, and this is what I got!!

Those devious Rethuglikkkans have crashed the system!

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R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:
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Comrades, I briefly powered up my TRS-80 in order to sign up for Obamacare for my free health insurance, and this is what I got!!

Those devious Rethuglikkkans have crashed the system!
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GOLDSTEIN!!!

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Rethuglikkan bastards! The Panda-Cam is shut down from the national zoo!

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Tovarichi wrote:Rethuglikkan bastards! The Panda-Cam is shut down from the national zoo!
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

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INGSOC wrote:Did the White House open from Sequester at 11:55 last night so that it could dramatically shutter itself again at midnight?

"Dramatically"? Are you insinuating that our Dear Leader Obama is a drama queen?

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R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:
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Comrades.


Don't tell Rammstein, but he'd be good for a few dinners himself.

I'm ready, comrades.
Comrade R.O.C.K. , what good are felines of the domesticated sort if we cannot eat them during the Rethuglikkkan-caused apocalypse? I am sure that My own kitteh will meet a similar fate when the beets run out...

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Dedhedvedev wrote:Will there be a co-pay for the koolaid? I'm a little short this month. Also, is it too late to go to Russia?
As official Kool-Aid mixer I can assure you there will be no copay. Dear Leader has required that Kool-Aid distribution and consumption be quadrupled in the coming days....

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As the government "shut down" is being carried out, it is obvious that the relentless efforts of the racist Teaparty getting more and more noticeable. Trying to get our "great leader" out of the "White House" A construction crew had immediately started building a custom made new building for our great leader to live in, in an event of evacuation of the first family. It is highly customized and will be named after the POTUS breaking the decades long highly racist customs of naming the people's house by a certain color "White-House" ! They chose a more politically correct name and named it after the inspiration "Obamahouse"

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Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:Comrades,

I will be suffering right with you even though I have been designated as an 'essential' worker during this reichwing fabricated crises. I have made provisions and have moved into a tent to rough it out and to show my solidarity with you the masses, as you now face deprivations from just a few of the following agencies, committees and commissions, that are no longer providing you vital Government services:

Arthritis and Musculoskeletal Interagency Coordinating Committee, National Wild Horse and Burro Program, Healthy Marriage Initiative (HMI), Office of Protocol, U.S. Arctic Research Commission (USARC), Commission on Security and Cooperation in Europe (CSCE), Delaware River Basin Commission (DRBC), Office of Government Ethics (OGE), Susquehanna River Basin Commission (SRBC), Financial crisis inquiry commission, Commission of Fine Arts, Commission on International Religious Freedom, Committee for the Implementation of Textile Agreements, Federal Accounting Standards Advisory Board, Illinois and Michigan Canal National Heritage Corridor Commission, Indian Arts and Crafts Board, Interagency Alternative Dispute Resolution Working Group, Interstate Commission on the Potomac River Basin, J. William Fulbright Foreign Scholarship Board, James Madison Memorial Fellowship Foundation, Morris K. Udall Foundation: Scholarship and Excellence in National Environmental Policy and the absolute worse closure of all.........

The Federal Interagency Committee for the Management of Noxious and Exotic weeds (FICMNEW)
You have left out favorite of Comrade Harry Reid, i.e., Cowboy Poetry Festival Commission. We will not survive without this.


I have declared myself essential personnel without waiting for government to declare me such -- after all, Essential Personnel Nomenclature Nomenklatura might be sequestered or shut down or otherwise indisposed, along with Commission on Determining Responsibility for Determining Essentiality of Commissions. If anyone disputes my authorization to make such declaration, I will refer him/her/it/them/undecided to dear Comrade Neighbor Friend who has contacts among thugs officers of SEIU.

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And fie upon all this talk about eating kittehs! Fie, I say, and again FIE! (I blush to have used this "F" word, but circumstances are mitigating.)

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Comrade RedDiaperette,

Being essential is reason enough for declaring oneself essential.

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And with this tweet, Dana Loesch wins the internet for today!

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Rest easy, Comrades. We here in Minnesotastan are prepared for the worst. When we heard of this Gubmint shutdown, we were able to can some beets, and made sure that there is a hole in the creek ice for drinking water. Knowing that the Rethuglikkans would try their best to chase us from our homes, we obtained a few weapons, brought in extra firewood and made our homes ready for the long cold winter that was sure to come. Here, I have posted some pictures to show the Rethuglikkans that they cannot scare us, and we will be standing when the glory of Next Tuesday ™ arrives. Thank Lenin for straw roofs.... otherwise it might get cold.
This was taken in front of my humble dwelling.
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My family preparing to defend ourselves from the Rethuglikkan onslaught that is sure to come, now that the Gubmint has been shut down.
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We even have installed bathing accomodations.

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Obtained a few weapons? I denounce this right wing support of the <spit> second amendments!

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Comrade Tovarichi, I must apologize to you. I did not voice support for the *spit* second amendments. If you look closely, the weapons that my family is carrying are broken shovel handles that were given to us by our local Commisar of mining. They are carrying them on their backs using straps made from ropes that were also given to us by said Commisar. We would never go as far as to try to obtain something as right wing as *spit* guns.
I apologize for any confusion that my less equal words may have caused, and I throw myself to your mercy.

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Hmmmm......I sense ignorance almost borderline cynicism towards this life altering serious event.......
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The-HUN wrote:Hmmmm......I sense ignorance almost borderline cynicism towards this life altering serious event.......
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YOU SEE COMRADES.......wanton graphite has already started because of a lack of law enforcement. I hate you, hate you TED CRUZ.

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Daniel Greenfield's great contribution:

Government Shuts Down, Nation Descends into Riots, Looting and Cannibalism

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The United States of America (1787-2013) came to a swift and sudden end last night as the government shut down. The nation which had survived Pearl Harbor, the War of 1812 and Jimmy Carter ceased to exist.

The savage population, which had only been kept in line through a policy of rigorous gun
confiscations, food stamps and Green Energy programs unleashed its pent up rage in a spree of riots, looting and mass murder that had only previously been encountered in Somalia.

"The government shut down! We can do anything we like," shouted Sam Hasbley of Grassley, Iowa, while tearing the tag off a mattress despite an explicit warning label forbidding such a dangerous course of action. "Tear yours off. The government is shut down. It can't stop you."

Eyewitnesses spoke of further horrors. On a quiet street in suburban Massachusetts, a man brought out a set of highly illegal lawn darts. In Maryland, there were allegations that an entire family had begun digging ditches to collect rainwater runoff.

With the fall of the government, citizen activists took it upon themselves to chronicle the culture of lawlessness. Men played Gibson guitars made of wood imported from India, but not finished by Indian workers. Women bought cold medicine without a photo ID. Children went hours without hearing lectures about the environment.

The victims were many. In Chuckolod County, Colorado, a transgender person was denied access to the Ladies Room. Frantic calls to the Justice Department were forwarded to an answering service in Depar, India, instead of Doneparre City, Indiana. In Brooklyn, New York, an overweight Senegalese woman was unable to obtain a sign language interpreter while waiting on line to collect her free Obamaphone. In Olegon Falls, Florida, the National Museum of Native American Yarn was forced to shut down depriving schoolchildren of an educational experience and three hours throwing bits of yarn at each other.

And there was worse to come.

The entire city of Detroit was seized by the Michigan Militia backed by Canadian air power. The village of Frankfurt, Illinois passed several ordinances in explicit violation of Title MXVIII of the Federal Charter of Approved Fruit Naming Ordinances. North Dakota seceded and declared that it was now the nation of Bismarckia, elected a Kaiser and petitioned to join OPEC.

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An army of Mongols or possibly local residents dressed in Samurai helmets raided the Federal Dried Peach Reserve in Georgia hauling away thousands of tons of dried fruit and tossed them to waiting crowds. The end of food stamps in Martho, New Jersey led to an outbreak of cannibalism despite efforts by ACORN volunteers to bring order to the proceedings by soliciting volunteers to give up their privilege and be fed to the people.

In Massey Hills, Virginia, a gang of politically incorrect sports mascots entered a workplace and implicitly hurt the feelings of several minorities. Their calls to the Justice Department were forwarded to Eric Holder's private voicemail along with frequent messages from his coke dealer demanding to be paid, like right now, and requests for weapons manuals from several Mexican cartel bosses.

In Madison, Wisconsin, the entire United Organized Educators and Librarians Union attempted to commit mass suicide on the front lawn of the Madison Center of Union History to protest budget cuts and school closings. Their efforts proved in vain when the gasoline they poured on themselves in a failed attempt at self-immolation turned out to be apple juice.

In Caplow City, Maine, President Gerald Ford, long thought dead and believed to have been buried in Michigan, appeared and declared himself to be the nation's new leader. While some suspect him to be an impostor based on the plastic texture of his mask which has a hastily erased message reading "Impeach Nixon" on the side, the city fathers have chosen to embrace the possibilities offered by Emperor Ford and have set him up in style in a presidential palace on the eight floor of the Caplow Arms Hotel.

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In the midst of all this chaos, a weary nation's eyes turn to Washington D.C. But since the shutdown, which also shut off all power, water and press releases to the embattled city, no word has reached the outside world of what is taking place there. The last message was a smoke signal dispatched by Elizabeth Warren from the roof of a burning Capitol Building. An expert in Native American smoke signals decoded it to read, "I told you so. Now we're all doomed."

The only surviving member of the national government outside the dead zone is believed to be Vice President Joseph Biden who showed up on a beach in Waddiddi, Florida, where he has spent hours entertaining himself by building an elaborate 1/100 scale model of the White House out of sand. Attempts to inform him that the tide was coming in have fallen on deaf ears.

As the nation descends into chaos, one thing is clear. The government shutdown has once again doomed us all. Just like the last 17 times.

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Comrades, disaster is looming! Whitehousedossier.com is reporting that one or more of Barry's Crib. The White House chefs may be declared "Nonessential! If FLATUS gets wind of this, heads will roll! We have been without government for almost 12 hours, Stop this racist teabagger madness, FOR THE CHILDREN!

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Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote: YOU SEE COMRADES.......wanton graphite has already started because of a lack of law enforcement. I hate you, hate you TED CRUZ.
You knew it all along Commodore Snoogie Woogums?????
He got caught red I mean spraycan black handed!!!!!
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Comrade Snoogie,

I showed up on the 9th hole at Valhalla Golf Club this morning expecting to find your refugee encampment.

Instead of being greeted with mimosas and entertainment provided by Jay and Beyoncé-Z there was only grass and golfers!!

How can the people expect us to resolve this crisis if we are unable to convene over a light breakfast of caviar, eggs benedict and lobster tail!?! I was so looking forward to my customary foot massage from spokesperson Carney.

Please remind my attaché of your secret, er undisclosed location. My best ideas are fueled in these moments of crisis surrounded by other great but most equal minds. The people know this and expect this of us.

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My bathroom light bulb burned out!!!!!!!!!!!

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Captain Craptek wrote:Comrade RedDiaperette,

Being essential is reason enough for declaring oneself essential.

In addition as an anthropomorphic cat-person Comrade Diaperette is a member of a victim class.

Anyone suggesting she is anything less than essential will be purged as an intolerant anti-rainbow degenerate.

While it is true she doesn't do much beside sleep in the closet, get high on catnip and scratch up the furniture... her intangible contribution to the diversity of the kollektive is immeasurable.

I'm sure you agree.


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While the government is held hostage by teabaggers, WHO MONITORS DIVERSITY?
Who is protecting citizens from the white kapitalist oppressors, and their hateful racist George Bush non-union and anti government policies?

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Captain Craptek wrote:My bathroom light bulb burned out!!!!!!!!!!!


If this is curlicue CFL bulb, do not touch!! You must wait for Federal Hazmat Team to remove and replace and decontaminate premises. Meanwhile, you must, ah, do what is necessary in dark. Alas, alas, another casualty of Rethuglikan Government Shutdown.

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Tovarichi wrote:While the government is held hostage by teabaggers, WHO MONITORS DIVERSITY?
Who is protecting citizens from the white kapitalist oppressors, and their hateful racist George Bush non-union and anti government policies?

Alas, in mad times such as these we may have to declare not only martial law but martial diversity as well.

In the name of Diversity I ask you these question comrades;

If not us, who would bus the children to a failing school 30 miles away from their hovel when there is an equally terrible school a mere half block away? Who would ensure that voucher programs enabling these children to go to wildly successful schools would be crushed in the name of separation of church and state? Who would defend the helpless teachers unions doing their best to keep the proletariat equally diverse and ignorant? Principle above all else Comrades!! There is no other way.




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R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:
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Yes. He really said that.



YES!!! YES!!!! PUNISH THEM!!! TAKE AWAY THE FOOTBALL AND THE WAR MEMORIALS THEY LOVE SO WELL!


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RedDiaperette wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:My bathroom light bulb burned out!!!!!!!!!!!


If this is curlicue CFL bulb, do not touch!! You must wait for Federal Hazmat Team to remove and replace and decontaminate premises. Meanwhile, you must, ah, do what is necessary in dark. Alas, alas, another casualty of Rethuglikan Government Shutdown.

Well, the hazmat team finally arrived. In less than an hour the bulb was changed, but they quarantined the bathroom for 6 months. The driver had quite a time getting the armored vehicle up the tree, but it fell got back down really easy. (and fast) Guess I'll be using the garden this winter.

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Captain Craptek wrote:
RedDiaperette wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:My bathroom light bulb burned out!!!!!!!!!!!


If this is curlicue CFL bulb, do not touch!! You must wait for Federal Hazmat Team to remove and replace and decontaminate premises. Meanwhile, you must, ah, do what is necessary in dark. Alas, alas, another casualty of Rethuglikan Government Shutdown.

Well, the hazmat team finally arrived. In less than an hour the bulb was changed, but they quarantined the bathroom for 6 months. The driver had quite a time getting the armored vehicle up the tree, but it fell got back down really easy. (and fast) Guess I'll be using the garden this winter.
Haha, yes, those little "fukushima" bulbs can be quite a handful. Be sure to take your iodine, Comrade! You don't need an extra eye.

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INGSOC wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:


Haha, yes, those little "fukushima" bulbs can be quite a handful. Be sure to take your iodine, Comrade! You don't need an extra eye.

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Your new asset should make you prime candidate for NSA leadership position, Comrade Squirrel. Perhaps CFL bulbs are a greater invention than we imagined.

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OK - let me make this as simple as I can so even a flyover country inbred Repugnantikkkan Elephantass can understand:

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