According to this article on the Fox News <spit> website, the government of the USSA has been subsidizing penis pumps for its citizens. All I have to say about this is "where the heck is mine?!"

Report: Government spent millions on penis pumps, paid double retail price

I can see it now when the Obamacare death panels take over:

"We're sorry Mr. Jones but due to your age we just can't justify spending the people's money to insert a stent in your heart. Please accept this penis pump as a parting gift."

Only one question: why is the USSA paying for Austin Powers' penis pumps? Isn't he supposed to be working for the Brits?

Comrades,

Do we not remember the misunderstood Judge Thompson's use of such devices during murder trials? It obviously came in handy when he was yanking thugs off the street did it not? The problem for Comrade Thompson . . . his pump made hissing sounds when it should have come with the superior spurting sound effect, thus, an inferior product.




Can you really assign a number for a good pump? Just look at this victim of shoddy workmanship. A few hundred million to erect legislation to make sure this miscarriage of justice never happens again is the least we can do for our bulging masses of loyal citizens.

In the future progressive world of Next Tuesday, everyone will use penis pumps - at least the progressive, liberated elites with large, penis-shaped heads, with extra storage room for their superior brains.

Until now, they've been getting their heads swollen in the shape of a penis by the progressive media, academia, and entertainment. Additional head-swelling techniques include listening to NPR or watching MSNBC, TED Talk, and Barack Obama's speeches. Soon, however, all this expensive and time-consuming nonsense will be replaced by more efficient full-body penis pumps.

Remember the Eloi in H.D. Wells's Time Machine, with big heads and puny bodies? The human race has already begun to split into two separate species. Just ask our Commissar of Time, Colonel 7.62.

[img]/images/avatars/Colonel7.62.gif[/img]

Red Square wrote:In the future progressive world of Next Tuesday, everyone will use penis pumps - at least the progressive, liberated elites with large, penis-shaped heads, with extra storage room for their superior brains.

Comrade People's Director, I believe that that's what the good Judge Thompson was trying to accomplish, judging (no pun intended) by that cut on his head (no pun intended).

Not good for the economy, comrades. Penis pumps cause inflation!

Comrades, there might be a reasonable explanation for all this. As I was monitoring the Reactionary website Drudge.com for politically incorrect propaganda, I saw this: Surely it would take a rather large, er, Probe to do this job.

Red Walrus wrote:Comrades,

Do we not remember the misunderstood Judge Thompson's use of such devices during murder trials? It obviously came in handy when he was yanking thugs off the street did it not? The problem for Comrade Thompson . . . his pump made hissing sounds when it should have come with the superior spurting sound effect, thus, an inferior product.




Can you really assign a number for a good pump? Just look at this victim of shoddy workmanship. A few hundred million to erect legislation to make sure this miscarriage of justice never happens again is the least we can do for our bulging masses of loyal citizens.

FORWARD

Sure, the judge had his faults but no one can say that he wasn't hard-on criminals.

I've noticed that Americans are upset not only because Medicare is providing "penis pumps" to Geezers at taxpayers' expense but ALSO because Medicare is paying more than twice what the going rate is for such miraculous devices, but American's should quit whining about the price because in Russia, they cost almost five times a much because they must be almost five times bigger:


--Putin's Mistress.

Putin's Mistress wrote:I've noticed that Americans are upset not only because Medicare is providing "penis pumps" to Geezers at taxpayers' expense but ALSO because Medicare is paying more than twice what the going rate is for such miraculous devices, but American's should quit whining about the price because in Russia, they cost almost five times a much because they must be almost five times bigger:


--Putin's Mistress.

Comrade Mistress, shouldn't that be a marijuana leaf covering Dear Leaders vagina private region?

.

As Minister of Truth, I cannot tell a lie:




Last year, after Hillary slipped and fell from getting dizzy from working hard, President Obama asked me: "How's Hillary's head?" So I told him: "Well, she's no Monica."

And, commencing with her comeback in 2011, Monica seems to be doing quite well:



--Minister of Truth

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Comrade Doctor Tovarichi is a modest comrade indeed!
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He has never mentioned this DVD, which is included with each penis pump, or his nomination...
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In attempting to distance herself from ObamaCare, Hillary Clinton condemns ObamaCare's provision of "penis pumps" to Medicare-Eligible males. She says they just lead to the drudgery of repeated demands for penis-pump therapy. Hillary uses the Vacuum-Shredder instead because "once is enough," which is why she says "Every bedroom should have one."

--Doctor Obama

Comrade Putout wrote:.
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Comrade Doctor Tovarichi is a modest comrade indeed!
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He has never mentioned this DVD, which is included with each penis pump, or his nomination...
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penis-health.jpg

I'm no gynecologist, but I'll gladly have a look and rise to the challenge...

Mae, I need to slip you the "unabridged" version in hard copy.

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Just my luck!!!

Right after completing my letter to Doctor Obama - but before it could be published - Dr. Tovarichi reappears!!
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Comrade May Putout,

As is always the case with ObamaCare, we strive to offer the best diagnosis and treatment for the best prognosis (notice that it's PROGnosis). Just as we know that Hollywood is an excellent source of scientific knowledge on crucial issues such as Global Warming, I am now constrained to refer you to a person who has now earned the reputation of being the person with the greatest medical insights into the procedure for which this device was designed: Michael Douglas, Honorary M.D.; Honorary Oncologist; Registered ObamaCarist.

--Doctor Obama

Nope. I'm not going to say it, its just too obvious.