All comrades have heard that a groundhog is a reliable source for scientific information about weather patterns.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nat ... 409638007/

It's official: spring is right around the corner.

Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow in front of thousands of spectators Friday morning at Gobbler's Knob in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, part of the annual Groundhog Day tradition celebrated in the U.S. and Canada. That means, according to the legend, we're in for an early spring.

This marks the first time since 2020 that Phil predicted an early spring, and the 21st time since records were kept.

Severe storm and tornado potential increases as record-breaking warmth fuels threat. The Groundhog's Early Spring Theory is proved Correct.

https://www.cnn.com/2024/02/26/weather/ ... index.html

Weather Scientists, while agreeing with the merit of the Groundhog's prognostication abilities, were quick to point out that unlike the groundhog, as Scientists in possession of opposable thumbs, acuscientifically know 'HOW' this weather pattern phenomena exists. The groundhog is not a scientist and people should put no trust in a groundhog's abilities to predict the advent of Spring. To reiterate, Scientists are NOT groundhogs, no matter how many Scientists identify as "groundhogs"

Any preparations a comrade made in advance for survival through an early spring, on the advice of a groundhog, the full data is required before Weather Scientists can make any recommendations other than - early spring is coming, and bringing hail with it.

Here in Texazistan, when the bunny sees its' shadow, we have 6 more months of drought...

The scientists at The Obyezyana Institute for the Study of Common Weather Cycles Maliciously Misrepresented as Climate Change
(OISCWCMMCC) wish it known that—scientifically—there are no less than three kinds of Winter.
(Graphic and calendars apply to Northern Hemisphere only)

Solar Winter (the least useful) represents the three months with the least sunlight. It is of interest only to people paranoid about skin cancer and to the whining drama queens who bitch up a storm twice a year when the clocks switch one freaking little hour from Standard to Daylight Time and back.

Meteorological Winter represents the three months with the coldest average temperatures. It was invented by meteorologists who—frustrated by their inability to jump the gun on football, hockey and basketball seasons—compensate by jumping the gun on every other season.

Astronomical Winter is the only one that counts because it precisely identifies two distinct points along Earth's orbital path when Earth's axis tilts toward or away from the Sun, and two distinct perpendicular points when Earth's axis tilts toward or away from its orbital motion. The first two define winter and summer, The second two were thrown in just so poets and musicians could have two more seasons to blabber about.

The scientists of the OISCWCMMCC also wish it known that the officials at Punxutawney use Astronomical Winter in calculating when to yank a snoozing varmint out of a box and blame it for their arbitrary weather prognostication (same goes for other copycat animals in other attention-whore one-street towns). 

Further, on February 2nd—halfway between December Solstice and March Equinox—Punxutawney and it's imitators falsely present two possible outcomes when there is only one. Astronomical Winter has a singular, inevitable outcome on that day: six more weeks of winter every time no matter what.

This is why "Ground Hog Day" pisses off Pennsylvania's population of Chuckalopes, who've been predicting six more weeks of Winter all along but are never yanked out of a box at the freezing crack of dawn and thrust into the blinding glare of of an array of 1,000-lumen floodlights to somehow sometimes not see their shadow. 

Debunking global warming makes chuckalopes, and jackalopes, laugh. Thanks Colonel Obyezyana and all the weather scientists at OISCWCMMCC. Great work reeducating the population about the tilt of the Earth as Earth orbits the Sun as the root cause of seasonal effects such as Winter and Summer.

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

3/3/2024, 9:23 am

Debunking global warming makes chuckalopes, and jackalopes, laugh. Thanks Colonel Obyezyana and all the weather scientists at OISCWCMMCC. Great work reeducating the population about the tilt of the Earth as Earth orbits the Sun as the root cause of seasonal effects such as Winter and Summer.

You're welcome. 

Also, I don't know why the chuckalopes gripe. They migrate to Capistrano every Autumn and don't fly back to Pennsylvania until March, so it could be said that they have no skin in the game.
 

Colonel Obyezyana wrote: ↑

3/3/2024, 9:58 am

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

3/3/2024, 9:23 am

Debunking global warming makes chuckalopes, and jackalopes, laugh. Thanks Colonel Obyezyana and all the weather scientists at OISCWCMMCC. Great work reeducating the population about the tilt of the Earth as Earth orbits the Sun as the root cause of seasonal effects such as Winter and Summer.

You're welcome. 

Also, I don't know why the chuckalopes gripe. They migrate to Capistrano every Autumn and don't fly back to Pennsylvania until March, so it could be said that they have no skin in the game.
 

Forget that Flying Back part, Colonel O. The gripey ex- Boeing Executive chuckalopes aren’t flying in this age of political climate change daze. Chuckalopes as a species are on the NO FLY LIST. Chuckalopes are gripey about their fear of planes falling from the sky.

When Chuckalopes Fly, comrades…

How do chuckalopes get past TSA checkpoints with those deadly claws?

Wait, my search engine may not have returned "chuckalope" images properly... let me do some research (but the question still stands...)

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote: ↑

3/3/2024, 9:15 pm

How do chuckalopes get past TSA checkpoints with those deadly claws?
Wait, my search engine may not have returned "chuckalope" images properly... let me do some research (but the question still stands...)

(click for larger)
 

Do chuckalopes know how to vote? Chuckalopes could be a vital Pennsylvania voting block, if they were registered and taught HOW to vote.

Punxsutawney Phil arrested for climate crimes.

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

3/4/2024, 8:16 am

Do chuckalopes know how to vote? Chuckalopes could be a vital Pennsylvania voting block, if they were registered and taught HOW to vote.

Worry not Comrade.  The Poeple's Commission on Korrekt Voting will ensure chuckalopes vote korrektly.  
 

Comrade Jenkem wrote: ↑

3/7/2024, 2:50 pm

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

3/4/2024, 8:16 am

Do chuckalopes know how to vote? Chuckalopes could be a vital Pennsylvania voting block, if they were registered and taught HOW to vote.

Worry not Comrade.  The Poeple's Commission on Korrekt Voting will ensure chuckalopes vote korrektly.  
 

Thanks, Comrade.

Yesterday, jackalopelipsky successfully snookered Mr. J. into early spring in Texazistan yard work. 'pelipsky only helped. See how that worked out?

True Sister Bunny tail. After Fatherlope's passing, the burrow next door to 'pelipsky was purchased by Widowlope and the very "Special" Sister Bunny. In wanting to find a "job" to replace the ceramic "work" Sister Bunny previously labored at, we tried the local MHMR "jobs program" where Sister Bunny was "hired" to sort nuts, bolts, and screws for packages of necessaries to construct "something". On the MHMR Skill Evaluation of Sister Bunny, the FIRST item listed was: Sister Bunny does NOT know how to vote.

As "work" progressed, it became self-evident the MHMR Jobs Program was not in Sister Bunny's self-interest. Sister Bunny was never registered to vote in MHMR's interest.

This probably explains why Pennsylvania Dutch Chuckalope's are gripey and fear planes dropping from the sky.


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