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The House Committee on Intelligence released a shocking report on Thursday largely undermining claims made by the Trump administration about the origins of Christmas. According to Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL), who serves on the Intelligence Committee, the original reason for this season was the granting of political asylum to Jesus by the progressive Egyptian government, and a subsequent extension of refugee status to his family in what later became known as "chain migration."

The committee, which is still in the process of conducting a full bipartisan review, said in its initial report that the intelligence community's assessment, or ICA, was a "sound intelligence product" whose conclusions were "reached in a professional and transparent manner, and the tradecraft was strong."

The partially declassified report states that Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, who actively resisted the racist policies and the destruction of democracy by King Herod's autocratic regime, had learned from an anonymous inside source about the planned Massacre of the Innocents, and sought refuge in the free country of Egypt, an inclusive nation known for welcoming Jews with open arms.

A complete absence of border walls allowed Jesus, Mary, and Joseph to walk in, call the ACLU, and receive legal assistance of a civil rights lawyer to gain political asylum, food stamps, subsidized housing, educational grants, job training, and free healthcare. The Egyptian taxpayers greeted the holy family with a "Refugees Welcome" sign and generous gifts. These events, according to the Intelligence Committee report, initiated the Christmas tradition of distributing gifts, green cards, and welfare benefits to any person who crosses the national border.

In the words of Luis Gutierrez:

It is repugnant to me and astonishing to me that during Christmas, a time in which we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ - a Jesus Christ who had to flee for his life with Mary and Joseph. Thank God there wasn't a wall that stopped him from seeking refuge in Egypt. Thank God that wall wasn't there and thank God there wasn't an administration like this or he would have, too, perished on the 28th, on the Day of Innocents when Herod ordered the murder of every child under 2 years of age. Shame on everybody that separates children and allows them to stay at the other side of the border fearing death, fearing hunger, fearing sickness. Shame on us for wearing our badge of Christianity during Christmas and allow the secretary to come here and lie.

These findings fly in the face of a flurry of attacks from Trump and his allies, who frequently accuse US intelligence and law-enforcement agencies of bias and political corruption.

While critics have unfairly accused Gutierrez of reading from the apocryphal Gospel of Ocasio-Cortez or from the Book of Obama, it is clear to any informed observer of current events that the House intelligence report was based almost exclusively on the People's Cube treasured classics: Christmas in History: First Media Reports of Nativity Story and The New Progressive Bible - a wisdom-free edition with new and improved non-binding commandments (may contain 3% or less opiate for the masses).

How do we know that Rep. Luis Gutiérrez reads the People's Cube? Because he follows our creative method of delivering the Current Truth to the unwashed. For Lenin's sake, he may be even contributing to this Party Organ under an assumed name.

He may have even participated in the creation of our timeless classics:

Christmas in History: First Media Reports of Nativity Story

The New Progressive Bible

One imagines that Luis G. spends most of his time standing on street corners yelling at cars.

On another note, here's a screenshot of a Tweet by another opponent of the wall, who has over a million followers (this Tweet has since been deleted). Let's just say, the Party's penetration of our education system has succeeded beyond its wildest dreams, and the Communist/Nazi dichotomy has proven to be the best thing since sliced fingernails of the enemies of progress.

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Mr Greene is right of course. Nazism and communism are birds of a feather. Collectivism with state coercion and economic planning and killing off the crimethinkers. But we should never let our enemies know about that! Long live next tuesday! Merry marxmas everyone.

Well,when Joshua fought the Battle of Jericho the Berlin Wall, built by Nazis and maintained by Chinese Emperors to keep out the Mongol Communist Hordes, came tumbling down. FACT!

Life has once again been found to imitate People's Cube.

$.$. Halliburton wrote:One imagines that Luis G. spends most of his time standing on street corners [highlight=#ffff00]yelling at cars[/highlight].

...or chasing them...

Captain Craptek wrote:...or chasing them...

Like George Tirebiter. (And look what he got for his trouble.)

P.P. Gogol wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote:...or chasing them...

Like George Tirebiter. (And look what he got for his trouble.)

Precisely!

Captain Craptek wrote:

$.$. Halliburton wrote:One imagines that Luis G. spends most of his time standing on street corners [highlight=#ffff00]yelling at cars[/highlight].

...or chasing them...

...or sucking on their exhaust pipes....

This one has made the American Thinker featured cartoon, with over a hundred comments.

https://www.americanthinker.com/cartoon ... 8_2_9.html

<off>
I do hope that with all of the material this site is feeding to the American Thinker, that there is some contribution, kickback or redistribution of ill-gotten gain back to Red Square to support his efforts and talent and whatever costs he incurs for running the Cube.

<on>
So, the kapitalist bastards are pilfering agitprop again? I hope there are more gulags under construction in the current five year plan...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:<off>
I do hope that with all of the material this site is feeding to the American Thinker, that there is some contribution, kickback or redistribution of ill-gotten gain back to Red Square to support his efforts and talent and whatever costs he incurs for running the Cube.

Red Square wrote:[img]/images/various_uploads/Gutierrez_Christmas_Report_Jesus.jpg[/img]


While critics have unfairly accused Gutierrez of reading from the apocryphal Gospel of Ocasio-Cortez or from the Book of Obama, it is clear to any informed observer of current events that the House intelligence report was based almost exclusively on the People's Cube treasured classics: Christmas in History: First Media Reports of Nativity Story and The New Progressive Bible - a wisdom-free edition with new and improved non-binding commandments (may contain 3% or less opiate for the masses).

Komrades will all love the part about getting into Progressive Heaven. If St. Peter won't let you in through the pearly gates, you just find a spot on the wall and climb over.

A Christmas card for the Democratic members of Congress.

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