Gwyneth Paltrow is selling a $75 candle that she says smells like her vagina Front Hole on her ‘Goop' online store.

Note: We try to use the correct terminology as dictated by the Human Rights Campaign Foundation.

Unfortunately, the candle sold out within hours!


[img]/images/various_uploads/Gwyneth_Paltrow_Candle.jpg[/img]


Also, Netflix announced Ms. Paltrow will be producing an upcoming “holistic wellness” series called “The Goop Lab,” which will premiere January 24!




And last but not least, Ms. Paltrow is also selling tickets for an ocean cruise!



I do not know if the special candles are included in the price, nor do I know if ticket purchasers will have their vagina's Front Holes steam cleaned as Paltrow has recommended in the past.



The People's Cube™ reports, you decide!

'pelipsky definitely remembers already seeing this upcoming series of Vagina Front Hole Monologues in the mental acid jiggle bath treatment of Goliath Season 3.

This GOOP nut is gonna shoot Billy McBride and leave him for dead in the pouring rain. Oh please, Marx, let there be a Season 4.

Ah. And now the name of her company makes sense.

Komrades! Kommissarka Paltrow's new series is simply a People's Broadcast for her field of the People's Science! Read the glorious article below!

Gwyneth Paltrow's new Goop Lab is an infomercial for her pseudoscience business

[OFF]

I wouldn't trust ANY Hollywood celebrity, let alone GWYNETH PALTROW to give me so much as an aspirin tablet. What the hell are people thinking when they let these Hollywood idiots take the reins of their own health?

Hell, her most recent notable role(s) was/were that of the recurring Pepper Potts in the bloody Marvel series of films. Martin Scorcese came out and very rightly said what every serious, right-thinking film watcher was thinking: that Marvel movies are not cinema.

I guess that the cash coming from an overgrown, cancerous saturday morning cartoon simply isn't enough for Madame Paltrow. Shame she couldn't think of doing ad deals for slap chops or blowing up on the one of the smorgasbord of social media platforms in existence. Then again, considering the intelligence level of the past few crops of Hollywood celebs, would I even expect her to think about such things? I think not.

Gwyneth Paltrow markets the first tuna-scented candle.

Her two angelic children couldn't be reached for comment.

All profits will be donated to Pallets of Cash for Peace.

If you would like to see videos of Miss Paltrow applying the scent to the candles don't even think about it. You don't have enough money.

The TV commercial for this product on Hallmark Channel will involve Elton John singing...

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind...

This is just the latest sign of Gwyneth Paltrow's aspirations to be more sophisticated than the rest of the American knuckle-draggers. We've been following her mental progress since 2006.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Britain: America dumb, Europe smart

[img]/images/Paltrow_Diplomacy.jpg[/img]

Red Square wrote:Gwyneth Paltrow markets the first tuna-scented candle.

Her two angelic children couldn't be reached for comment.

Paltrow_Kids.jpg

Wow. What a difference a little make up makes. That, however, does not go for the lips that never speak, Mr. Bearded Clam......

Paltrow Two-Pack Candle Set

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:Komrades! Kommissarka Paltrow's new series is simply a People's Broadcast for her field of the People's Science! Read the glorious article below!

Gwyneth Paltrow's new Goop Lab is an infomercial for her pseudoscience business

[OFF]

I wouldn't trust ANY Hollywood celebrity, let alone GWYNETH PALTROW to give me so much as an aspirin tablet. What the hell are people thinking when they let these Hollywood idiots take the reins of their own health?

Hell, her most recent notable role(s) was/were that of the recurring Pepper Potts in the bloody Marvel series of films. Martin Scorcese came out and very rightly said what every serious, right-thinking film watcher was thinking: that Marvel movies are not cinema.

I guess that the cash coming from an overgrown, cancerous saturday morning cartoon simply isn't enough for Madame Paltrow. Shame she couldn't think of doing ad deals for slap chops or blowing up on the one of the smorgasbord of social media platforms in existence. Then again, considering the intelligence level of the past few crops of Hollywood celebs, would I even expect her to think about such things? I think not.

'pelipsky is share/thinking with you, Comrade Stierlitz on what's r.e.a.l. in FrontHoleWood. For some idiotic reason the greatest FrontHoleWood exposé on the state of American Culture is the Billy Bob Thornton Amazon series, Goliath. Is it n.u.t.s.? you betcha, Comrade Stierlitz.

Season 2 offered an un.com.fort.a.ble v.i.e.w. of the actual people running the glorious State and the Press who tell us how won.der.ful. these people are. Yes, Season 2 was an acid jiggle bath treatment from the first episode, but it was dead on r.e.a.l. like no Marvel Blockbuster could even approach.

Season 3 tells the story of some nut...in this case almonds in particular...SOOP...which sounds eerily like GOOP - see what 'pelipsky means about Billy Bob pulling the curtain back on FrontHoleWood? - and her SOOP Empire bent on confiscating all indigenous people of their sacred bodily fluids.

Hell, yes...Goliath seasons 2-3 are an acid jiggle bath mind treatment..but maybe that's what it takes to reveal just how far out what is presented as r.e.a.l.i.t.y. really is. Do not be put off by mediocre reviews written by people unable to process t.r.u.t.h. Put your polarized shades on and let Billy Bob 'splain the sit.u.a.tion as he just drops by to reveal what condition our condition is in.

We're sooo far out, we're on our way back in. Watch out....incoming!

your mythical horned rodent comrade in arms,
from Jackalopelipsky
Russian Agent, with love xxx

Captain Craptek wrote:

Remember Zoe Stavri?

I dunno, my little prole brain is too tiny to remember both Zoe and the Alamo.

jackalopelipsky wrote:
'pelipsky is share/thinking with you, Comrade Stierlitz on what's r.e.a.l. in FrontHoleWood. For some idiotic reason the greatest FrontHoleWood exposé on the state of American Culture is the Billy Bob Thornton Amazon series, Goliath. Is it n.u.t.s.? you betcha, Comrade Stierlitz.

Season 2 offered an un.com.fort.a.ble v.i.e.w. of the actual people running the glorious State and the Press who tell us how won.der.ful. these people are. Yes, Season 2 was an acid jiggle bath treatment from the first episode, but it was dead on r.e.a.l. like no Marvel Blockbuster could even approach.

Season 3 tells the story of some nut...in this case almonds in particular...SOOP...which sounds eerily like GOOP - see what 'pelipsky means about Billy Bob pulling the curtain back on FrontHoleWood? - and her SOOP Empire bent on confiscating all indigenous people of their sacred bodily fluids.

Hell, yes...Goliath seasons 2-3 are an acid jiggle bath mind treatment..but maybe that's what it takes to reveal just how far out what is presented as r.e.a.l.i.t.y. really is. Do not be put off by mediocre reviews written by people unable to process t.r.u.t.h. Put your polarized shades on and let Billy Bob 'splain the sit.u.a.tion as he just drops by to reveal what condition our condition is in.
[highlight=#ffff00]
We're sooo far out, we're on our way back in. Watch out....incoming![/highlight]

your mythical horned rodent comrade in arms,
from Jackalopelipsky
Russian Agent, with love xxx

[OFF]

Hell yes we're going to take your AR-15 we're coming in! But, there's one big difference. The past few times we've came in, it's been like a plane coming in to land. This time, we're a space capsule coming in from OUTER FUCKING SPACE. If you don't know what happens when a space capsule reenters, take a look at the artist's impression below.


Those planes coming in, they come in nice, cool, and gracefully. Space capsules come in fast and hot. And that's exactly how I think this next swingback is gonna be. It isn't gonna be gradual and graceful like the last time, it's gonna be quick, and a bunch of people are gonna get burned!

All of this aside, I don't need an Amazon series to tell me about Hollywood. They Live (1988) and Network (1976) taught me all I need to know and Jeff Epstein confirmed it. And lemme tell ya, once you have a pair of those magic sunglasses you don't ever want to take them off.

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

jackalopelipsky wrote:
'pelipsky is share/thinking with you, Comrade Stierlitz on what's r.e.a.l. in FrontHoleWood. For some idiotic reason the greatest FrontHoleWood exposé on the state of American Culture is the Billy Bob Thornton Amazon series, Goliath. Is it n.u.t.s.? you betcha, Comrade Stierlitz.

Season 2 offered an un.com.fort.a.ble v.i.e.w. of the actual people running the glorious State and the Press who tell us how won.der.ful. these people are. Yes, Season 2 was an acid jiggle bath treatment from the first episode, but it was dead on r.e.a.l. like no Marvel Blockbuster could even approach.

Season 3 tells the story of some nut...in this case almonds in particular...SOOP...which sounds eerily like GOOP - see what 'pelipsky means about Billy Bob pulling the curtain back on FrontHoleWood? - and her SOOP Empire bent on confiscating all indigenous people of their sacred bodily fluids.

Hell, yes...Goliath seasons 2-3 are an acid jiggle bath mind treatment..but maybe that's what it takes to reveal just how far out what is presented as r.e.a.l.i.t.y. really is. Do not be put off by mediocre reviews written by people unable to process t.r.u.t.h. Put your polarized shades on and let Billy Bob 'splain the sit.u.a.tion as he just drops by to reveal what condition our condition is in.
[highlight=#ffff00]
We're sooo far out, we're on our way back in. Watch out....incoming![/highlight]

your mythical horned rodent comrade in arms,
from Jackalopelipsky
Russian Agent, with love xxx

[OFF]

Hell yes we're going to take your AR-15 we're coming in! But, there's one big difference. The past few times we've came in, it's been like a plane coming in to land. This time, we're a space capsule coming in from OUTER FUCKING SPACE. If you don't know what happens when a space capsule reenters, take a look at the artist's impression below.

Apollo Reentry.jpg

Those planes coming in, they come in nice, cool, and gracefully. Space capsules come in fast and hot. And that's exactly how I think this next swingback is gonna be. It isn't gonna be gradual and graceful like the last time, it's gonna be quick, and a bunch of people are gonna get burned!

All of this aside, I don't need an Amazon series to tell me about Hollywood. They Live (1988) and Network (1976) taught me all I need to know and Jeff Epstein confirmed it. And lemme tell ya, once you have a pair of those magic sunglasses you don't ever want to take them off.

Yeppers...what's incoming, ...and 'pelipsky's got shades ...TPC RED Revolution 2020 is just what you masterly described.

It ain't gonna be kind and gentle, like before...gulp ...this is TPC Red Revolution 2020.

from Jackalopelipsky
Russian Agent, with love xxx

Oh, Oh...

Viewers say they're cancelling their Netflix subscriptions over Gwyneth Paltrow's new 'Goop' show


Not everyone has fallen under the snake oil spell, however. Since the trailer for the series was released Monday afternoon, some say they have even gone as far as to cancel their Netflix subscriptions in protest.

Is the candle made from harvested smegma?

Most Equal Yo' sup Bro Tito,

Where are we in the five year plan for the smegma harvest? Are we meating our quota? Are diligent workers needed to transfer from the beet fields to this heroic people's production effort?

As far as Zoe Stavri goes, I hear she got quite a rise out of her Front Hole. I must denounce Komrad Stavri. It appears that she is actually a KKKapitaist (spit spit) as she was making bread with her front hole.

Unable to help myself in the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon

While I find this rather juvenile, perhaps she needs to add to her line of products. Inspite of enjoying a gensing colonic , may I suggest.....

1. How about selling a candle that represents true Hollywood and California, perhaps "this candle smells like that dude's junk"

2. How about a red candle that comes in a Tampax display box which melts unevenly, runs onto the floor and makes a permanent stain, which she can call her "period candle?"

3. How about her brown and stinky "whoops, that Chinese/Mexican gas-station Chili REALLY didn't agree with me" candle complete with a can of WhoopAss ™ ?

4. How about a green, chunky "bacterial drug vomit discharge" candle from the streets of San Fransisco complete with a base of free drug needles and a free pass to any one of the fabulous bed and breakfast tents????

Someone just told me that Gwynneth Paltrow's vagina candle must smell like Harvey Weinsten ever since he casted her for the award-winning Shakespear in Love.

Red Salmon wrote:Most Equal Yo' sup Bro Tito,

Where are we in the five year plan for the smegma harvest? Are we meating our quota? Are diligent workers needed to transfer from the beet fields to this heroic people's production effort?

As far as Zoe Stavri goes, I hear she got quite a rise out of her Front Hole. I must denounce Komrad Stavri. It appears that she is actually a KKKapitaist (spit spit) as [highlight=#ffff00]she was making bread with her front hole. [/highlight]

Unable to help myself in the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon

Yes, comrade - one loaf for today and another in the oven for tomorrow.