Congress Prepares for Money Drop

WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats want to help the lowest-income Americans by extending unemployment insurance, increasing food stamp assistance and giving tax rebates to those who paid no income taxes last year.

Peter Orszag, director of the non-partisan Congressional Budget Office, said low-income people would spend the money faster than others, giving the economy a needed boost. Presidential candidate Senator Hillary Clinton, D-NY., recommended extending tax relief to people who have no income and pay no taxes of any kind. “If low income workers will spend the money faster just think of the boost we would get from non-workers with no income”. She added, “If we must give some of our money to low income workers, it would be wise to target undocumented American workers”.

The actual negotiating has yet to begin, but both sides say they're ready to act fast, something almost unheard-of in Washington, where bloated budgets are passed months late, if at all.

I believe that is a wonderful redistribution economic stimulus plan! Hail, Hail to our empress!!

-Mikhail

If the rule to give away money is "smaller contribution = faster spending = better boost to economy" then the solution is quite simple: take away from Republicans, give it to Democrats. That way all social responsibilities will be perfectly balanced: the Republicans will be responsible for working, the Democrats will be responsible for spending. The money will circulate in a closed loop, ensuring the continuation of orthodoxy.

Once all the bugs in the system are worked out, the money will no longer be even needed. The Republicans will produce, the Democrats will consume. Isn't that is the glorious progressive utopia we always wanted?

Comrade Red Square, I truly believe you have outdone yourself. What a simple yet effective solution. That must be implemented at once.

-Mikhail

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote:Comrade Red Square, I truly believe you have outdone yourself. What a simple yet effective solution. That must be implemented at once.
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This is most excellent but it is rather a method for bringing forth Socialism than a final solution. We turn the Republicans into slaves and suppress their will to live through hard work and taxes. When they have accepted the inevitable and turned into mindless drones proles, a perfect Socialist utopia will be realized. Then everybody, including our Democratic useful idiots, will just pretend to work and we will pretendto pay them. Socialism will be safe since everybody lives in squalor harmony with nature and is too poor too content to plot against us!

All true. Of course, by saying "Once all the bugs in the system are worked out" I really meant the re-education of the Republicans who are unwilling to produce and will be forced to pay their debt to the Democrats by undergoing free work therapy terms in the Gulag.

The bugs will be considered all worked out (final solution, if you will) when there are no longer people openly demonstrating their unwillingness to work for the common good. It failed in the USSR because they didn't go far enough. They became too soft and strayed from the only realistic way to Utopia, which is Stalinism.

Red Square wrote: Once all the bugs in the system are worked out, the money will no longer be even needed. The Republicans will produce, the Democrats will consume. Isn't that is the glorious progressive utopia we always wanted?

Reminds me of the movie Matrix™.
Maybe a better name for conservatives would be ... electrons?
Liberals then should be called a ... load.
Politicians would then be called ... electrical engineers.
The economy could be called a ... motor.

Makes perfect sense. In nearly all things electrical ... there is a 20% efficiency loss.

No doubt the Left would demand a single phase motor rather than a self-starting 3 phase motor.
Ironically, there is no more efficient heater on the planet than a stalled motor.

A warm camp fire, horse and carriage and a garden are looking pretty good right now.

Don't forget the s'mores!

You can't have a campfire. It pollutes and coughs more C02 into our delicate ozone.

Besides, how are you going to keep the fire going? Are you going to kill more trees? Use evil coal? Despicable nuclear power? Obscene oil? If you're going to do all that, then why not just vote Republican? Why, you may as well steal mittens from kittens, and oh, while you're at it--eat the kittens after roasting them over a smog-producing spit!

If you want to toast marshmallows or melt them for your s'mores, get a magnifying glass and use the power of our sadly maligned, unfairly scapegoated Sun. (It's not the Sun's fault Earth is burning up--it's Bush's. No surprise he's doing all this--he's the Devil.)

You can use any convex glass, even the visor from your space helmet--just like Buzz Lightyear did! It's fun and promotes science, which in turn promotes consensus, panic, and more federal funding. Plus, it shows you care not only about protecting our fragile environment, but what your great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren will think about your stewardship of the planet--and truly, what could be more important than that?

Now let's hear no more crazy talk about campfires.

Huckabee plant Commissarka Pinkie wrote: burning up--it's Bush's. No surprise he's doing all this--he's the Devil.)

[HIGHLIGHT=#c00000][HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]YOU HAVE COMMITTED A THOUGHTCRIME![/HIGHLIGHT][/HIGHLIGHT]

The Devil? Are you promoting the existence of the supernatural? What's next? God?

There is no supernatural! Only the Party!

Kommissar Vodkov, who still hasn't learned when to keep his bottle corked, wrote:The Devil? Are you promoting the existence of the supernatural? What's next? God?

(GASP!) You said the G word! I'm tellin'!

DOUBLE THOUGHTCRIME!!!