and many "Happy Endings" with the Joy Brigade!


For he's a prolly good commie
For he's a prolly good commie
For he's a prolly good commie
And so say all the Cube
And so say all the Cube
For he's a prolly good commie
And so say all the Cube!

Hip Hip Juche!
Hip Hip Juche!

65 and old enough now to collect socialist security!
And a brand new framework!

Bringing you highly-choreographed pastel extravaganzas for decades to come!

Oh dear leader, I can't wait.

Quick, does anyone have a blank betamax tape?

Laika the Space Dog wrote:

A perfect example of how happy everyone is in the workers Paradise of North Korea! Look at them, they are simply beaming with joy!

Oh how I long for the day when Amerikkka will become a Worker's Paradise and you will be able to see such happiness on all the people as you walk down the street!

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

I wish we had a Dear Leader. America is so backward. Maybe what we should do is start referring to our Democratic leaders as Dear Leader. Dear Leader Hillary. Dear Leader Pelosi. Dear Leader Algore.

The PittsburghProletarian just emailed me (PP has been deep undercover at a capitalist Fortune 500 title company, detailing the inner workings of property and the creation of wealth) and stated that in Pittsburgh they have a towel just like North Korean families have only it's very Terrible, Black and Gold .... they use it dust off Super Bowl Trophies and sop up spilled alcohol:

North Korean families have a special towel whose only purpose in to keep dust off the portraits of the two leaders.

Do you think that Dear Leader would like more giant carnivorus rabbits and a kapitalist for his B-day?

Things got pretty confusing at the People's Palace last night.

Some minor bureaucrat screwed up on the scheduling and figured why just a Brigade for Dear Leader? Why not an entire Division?
So.....

Dear Leader wasn't amused until somebody brought the smack, in which Dear Leader mainlined 100 times and didn't pass out and piss himself on China White.
Just as amazing as his five holes in one and 10 bullseyes!

Sadly, that's a little more than the entire Division there, as Ian Curtis hung himself in 1980... When irony turns deadly... no Joy...

BUT, there's a good chunk of a NEW ORDER present!!!

Perhaps in honour of Dear Leaders 65th, someone can rework the lyrics to Love Will Tear Us Apart... (but oh... there are so many... Leaders of Men... Atrocity Exhibition... A Means to an End... and just for you, Dear Laika, Transmission!)

Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, to the radio...
SMO

The guy sitting down looks like he's already dead.

Betty! Where have you been? I was getting worried that you'd had some terrible industrial accident during your monthly inspection of the the poodle farm... How is this season's crop coming?

Capitalism Will Tear Us Apart.

bohemianlikeyou wrote:Capitalism Will Tear Us Apart.

... Again...

So let me get this clear... New Order will be playing in Pyongyang and every comrade will recieve a Joy Brigade winch at Kim's People's Palace? Please tell me this is correct because Kim and I haven't been on speaking terms and this latest selfless act of generosity would prompt me to write him a letter of apology.Oh how I do enjoy the Mass Games and a winch... oh how I do enjoy them both.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:So let me get this clear... New Order will be playing in Pyongyang and every comrade will recieve a Joy Brigade winch at Kim's People's Palace? Please tell me this is correct because Kim and I haven't been on speaking terms and this latest selfless act of generosity would prompt me to write him a letter of apology.Oh how I do enjoy the Mass Games and a winch... oh how I do enjoy them both.

Get out the personal stationery Chairman. Winches all around! And for a finale, there is a new musical delight, I am told, called Wedgie of Love ("someone" told me it's an inside, inside, inside joke concerning Dear Leader and his official "Coiffuhrer", but despite attempts to gather more intel it remains stubbornly inside like a greasy streak of... well... nevermind... )
Escapade heureuses!

So is New Order going to be there or not..... I'm not flying out to the DPRK just for a winch.... I can go to D.C for a winch, an expensive Congressional winch, but all the same a winch. Speaking of a Congressional winch, has anyone seen Her Excellency or Her Grace the Madame Speaker?

... Meowski... did you not know that there is a winch in bunker 9? And I've recently installed a hose-down system... just seemed prudent as I knew eventually you'd start to use it... Only please, give us a heads up if you'd like the facilities to yourself in case we're using it for repairs and we've got a motor or something up on it or the hoist... I'd hate to see a good piece of machinery 'dropped' in haste, especially if we've yanked the V12 out of Dr. P's... ahem... I mean, out of Aki's... um... rebreather... yeah...

<whistling quietly from blowhole... f**k... that was close... >

Silly SMO, I'm not talking about that kind of winch... no, I'm talking about a cheap woman with smeared lipstick all over her face whilst wearing a skimpy cock-tail dress.... you know, the kind Bill likes... or Mayor Berrie... or... no wait, Bonnie is gay... umm... the kind Her Excellency likes too, yeah! I don't know, SMO, I just feel that Kim is not progressive enough anymore, you know. I feel as if he is selling-out to the imperalist war-mongering machine of hate, intolerance, blood and national security... I just feel that way now and I'm not sure if I want to party with him anymore.... not after...errhmm..... the " boy-band incident" that took place. It was a pretty big embrassment... for Mad Albright atleast. Ugh, I still remember the dreadful sight of walking in on him in her dress... brooch and all.... ugh. <stares off into the distance>........... Lenin help me........ <continues staring>...................<drools>......... Anywho, it was an awful experience and one of many that I will eventually share with the collective.

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:Betty! Where have you been? I was getting worried that you'd had some terrible industrial accident during your monthly inspection of the the poodle farm... How is this season's crop coming?

Sorry, I've been having trouble balancing the poodle inspections, and the new progressive books we must read for my publik skool system. I haven't been able to check in as much. This new "Song of Solomon" book is really boring and dumb. I hate taking the notes too. It has been causing some confusion, like this late response for example....

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Silly SMO, I'm not talking about that kind of winch... no, I'm talking about a cheap woman with smeared lipstick all over her face whilst wearing a skimpy cock-tail dress....

I'm sorry Chairman,
I guess it was the requisition you sent Housekeeping for the 30 gallon drum of axle grease that had me confused... and the chain, and block and tackle... Perhaps you were just playing Archimedes and Sapho again with her Highness... will try to be more imaginative in future... or not... is really none of Sister's business and I have found it is better to keep my beak out of certain things...

Premier Betty wrote:Sorry, I've been having trouble balancing the poodle inspections, and the new progressive books we must read for my publik skool system. I haven't been able to check in as much. This new "Song of Solomon" book is really boring and dumb. I hate taking the notes too. It has been causing some confusion, like this late response for example....

Betty,
Is quite all right - is important not to ignore re-edukation as there may be pop quiz or firing squad... and is always good to know what the enemy is up to... If Sister may offer some wisdom gleaned from her own re-edukation, is very important - Keep your friends close and your re-edukators closer. If you watch and listen carefully, you will find their weaknesses and possible leverage for gentle persuasion to increase ration coupons... for instance... "Mrs. Krabappel... I see you have a lovely new dress... I believe I saw you in Old Navy, stuffing it in your Eddie Bauer Tote at the maul last Saturday, you klepto-bitch... and thank you for the 4.0 GPA." Of course... is just example off the top of my head... nothing like, say, "Mr. Parr... was that Eddie Stevens, the grade nine boy, I saw you swapping tongue sweat with in the music room at lunch time?... He is cute!... and thank you for the 4.0 GPA in English Lit Grade 11"... or alternate strategy is, "Mr. Edmunds! I just wanted to come and see you and thank you for a great demographics class... oh, and I was wondering if you could do something with these two forty-pounders of Canadian Club that I found hiding in the girls washroom, as I am underage and should not possibly have alcohol... and thank you for the 4.0 GPA in Demographics! You are my favourite teacher! <you drunken letch - I wore this shirt so you'd be so busy staring at my boobs your brain would stop functioning and now I have to go home and take a shower just from being in the same room as you> "... though I don't know if the shirt thing would necessarily work for you, Betty...

... School can be fun Betty - it is simply a matter of applying yourself appropriately and there is much to be learned for strategies in big adult world. Enjoy this time of massive insecurity and cruelty from those who are afraid of anything different than themselves or threatened by anyone with more brain cell(s) than themselves, and who therefore attempt to torture mercilessly and remember that they will probably be pumping your gas in ten years... which is okay... is nice in their ditch... or double-wide...

These are the best years of your life!!!

I don't think I will be able to catch any of my teachers involved in any illegal activity on account of me living 20 minutes from where I go to skool. Other than that, most of the teachers are pretty cautious around me anyway, because most of them don't like me. (I think it was the article I posted here about their bumper stickers. And maybe they found out about the games I loaded onto some of the computers there, and the "crisis" I caused when messing with their network.)

Did they really find out who the author was? How? As for the games and the network. aren't all Santa Rosa skools using Macs that are supposed to be "crisis-free" and any software you load on them is good by definition by virtue of being written for the Mac? It's like saying one could defile a skool library by bringing a Hillary's book there, and that's impossible because Hillary's book had been written specifically to be stored in skool libraries.

Some of the teachers were asking about why I was taking pictures of their bumper stickers, and they "demanded" to know why, so I told one of them, and I guess she told the others. It was funny to see how she reacted the next time I went into her class at lunch with a camera again, at least until she kicked me out. She did suggest that I get into some kind of political blog sort of thing and thought that it was gong to be "fair" and "equal", but... and now she got fired because everyone in the school hated her.

As for the computers, we are fortunate enough that almost 90% of our computers are PC's. We do have a Mac lab, but it has since been neglected and lost. Rarely does anyone dare approach the room when work needs to be accomplished. The library has all PC's, all the classrooms have at least 2 PC's, and the regular computer lab has them also, along with the classroom that all the computer classes are taught in. Oh, and the new autoshop class has all PC's as well.

I don't think that any of the teachers there would consider DOOM 2, Half Life, Counter Strike, Grand Theft Auto III and Grand Theft Auto San Andreas as "good games".

Chairman Meow!

It's "Wench" not 'Winch" Gawdammit! Where did you go to skool?
A winch is something a redneck has on his truck to pull his buddies out of a ditch, but I don't think there's one big enough to pull Cindy out of hers.

Other common terms for "Wench" is "Slovenly Slattern", "Whore of Babylon", "Fallen woman", "Ladies of the night or ill repute", "Tart", "Camp follower" and the most used and ebonic "Hoe" and "Hillary".

As for "New Order" playing Pyongyang, that's out of the question. Since Ian Curtis has been voting Democratic since 1980, he's decided to reform the "Joy Division" just for Dear Leader.

Of historical note, the root of this phrase dates back to the American Civil War with one of Lincoln's failed generals, Fighting Joe Hooker, who was quite fond of "wenches" who were "camp followers" which followed the Union Army on it's marches through the South and became known as "Hooker's Division".
Hence "Hooker" which the Nazis turned it into the "Joy Division" (only they were slaves) and poor Dear Leader only has a "Joy Brigade"(slaves too)......that why somebody as important as Kim Jong Il needed an upgrade from a lousy brigrade...next thing you know it'll be down to a company, then a platoon, and finally a squad.

Happy President's Day! And you think Bush has problems with his generals and congress......poor Abe!

BTW, Ian is working on "Capitalism Will Tear Us Apart".

I thought he was using some sort of vernacular, or it was some Amerikkkan pronunciation and that if I said anything aboot it, you would all make fun of me...

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:I thought he was using some sort of vernacular, or it was some Amerikkkan pronunciation and that if I said anything aboot it, you would all make fun of me...

Aboot?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Eh?

Koo Roo Cuckoo Koo Roo Cuckoo.

Hosehead!

SMO......Is it true that all Canadians do it "Doggy Style" so they both can watch the hockey game?

Damn Pens lost to the Islanders..6-5..there goes the streak.

Oh sweet merciful Stalin, help me, Laika! HELP ME! I nearly caused an international incident by getting my wenches mixed up with my winches, or winches mixed up... anywho... I cannot use the slanderous term "Tart" since it undermines the self-esteem of Pastry Amerikans and their right to everything... nor can I say... hmmm, well... "Broads of ill repute" sounds good... yeah, I like it! Hmmm... party slut works too... although I wouldn't want to offend the Madame Speakers sensibilities, who BTW will be hosting a fundraiser tonight at a local D.C bath house.... everyone is invited of course... bring towels and $$$. If you will excuse me, the village slut (or broad of ill repute) is at my door with the towels and $$$. I will see you all at the bath house tonight, don't forget to have your clothes (or collars, Laika) checked at the door.

fundraiser tonight at a local D.C bath house....

Ahh....D.C.....that was once, and I guess still is the Hooker's Division HQ.

And poor Dear Leader only has a Brigade. Maybe we could arrange a cultural exchange as part of the new framework?

This still only has the framework from 1991. Maybe we can give them Paris Hilton for some experience on how to fund and finish a hotel.....but isn't it beautiful?

Chairman - please also don't forget to take that 30 gallon drum of axle grease that SMO had ordered for you, along with the SF Bathhouse Edition chain, block and tackle...

And, SMO, can you please elaborate on that Archimedes and Sapho game again? I asked around in New York whore houses about it, and everywhere I went, people just scratched their heads and other organs. Finally someone directed me to an old 98-year-old transgendered sex worker (yes, Chairman - that's the correct term you were looking for - sex worker) who supposedly knew everything there was to know about everything in his occupation. When I approached the said sex worker in the Meat District workshop on the West Side and posed my question, he/she/it became very agitated, rolled his/her/its eyes to the sky, and cried through the tears, "Oh, the Archimedes and Sapho game!" Then he/she/it gasped for air, and collapsed on the Meat District sidewalk, with a dreamy smile, dead as a Democrat voter. And the secret of Archimedes and Sapho game must have died with him/her/it.

But it seems to have survived in the cold Canadian provinces. Please do tell.

Laika...

I think they also call it the Happy Corps. Volunteers and Special Mansion Volunteers... I will have to look it up although I think I loaned my copy of "Under the Loving Care of the Fatherly Leader" to some unwashed busy-body in Academia <sigh>.

Red...

Sex worker... thats correct and I'm personally ashamed that I forgot such a PC term still existed. I would remind EVERYONE that the axle grease, chain, block, tackle AND NECRO-HORSE is for me to play Catherine the Great this Saturday.... everyone is invited.... bring a towel. I have taken a personal fancy to embracing my necrosexuality and plan to rub it in everyones face until there is a state sanctioned holiday for such a fullfilling life-style.... don't get me wrong though, I still fancy toasters and other Appliance-Amerikans which are also invited this Saturday.... bring a toaster cozy and a fresh plug.

LMAO!!

Here are some funny Google Ads displayed for this topic (if they might have changed for some reason)

Warn Winch 9500
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Enquip - Winches
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Oh my... that is funny, and also helpful. I will be making a personal visit this Friday to the "WinchDepot" to stock up for Saturdays festivities.

Obviously, Google is trying to tell you something. I just don't know what it is.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Eh?
Koo Roo Cuckoo Koo Roo Cuckoo.
Hosehead!
SMO......Is it true that all Canadians do it "Doggy Style" so they both can watch the hockey game?
Damn Pens lost to the Islanders..6-5..there goes the streak.

KooRooCuckooKooKooKooKoo!!!

And That's Hoser to you, eh! But we're also known in Ontario as "Cakes"... that's cause there are so many Italian immigrants in Toronto and they call Canucks "Mange Cakes"... cause they'd rather eat their dessert before dinner (that's like saying they'd rather eat junk than real food... as in real Italian or 'ethnic' food... you know... Wonderbread and bologni instead of homemade stuff)... so, when you go to a smaller town in Ontario and there are real Hosers there, they're also called Cakes... and they're more likely to call themselves that. I'm only half-Cake, cause I grew up in the middle of nowhere so I'm slightly Cake, but I'm also slightly ethnic b/c of my cultural heritage... so when I lived in Saskatchewan, I wasn't a Cake to them, but when I moved to Toronto, it took me six months to convince all the yids I went to school with that I was actually Jewish cause I didn't dress like a preppy and I knew how to put gas in my own car... that, and I knew how to make something other than reservations for dinner... my favourite wine wasn't "I wanna go to Floridaaaa!"... I'll stop there... the rest get a bit 'blue'...

Re: What positions we play... Nope... we use mirrors to watch the game but that doesn't preclude that position... and no, the woman don't wear anything on their heads for the men to set their beers on and none of this has anything to do with back bacon... but y'know... I knew this guy who went up North, eh... and when he left he was a 95 lb. weakling but when he came back, he was a Husky F**ker...

Thank you... Thank you very much... I'll be here all week...

Oh... and here ya go eh... a bit about the Brothers themselves (national heroes)... and Take Off, eh!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Oh sweet merciful Stalin, help me, Laika! HELP ME! I nearly caused an international incident by getting my wenches mixed up with my winches, or winches mixed up... anywho... I cannot use the slanderous term "Tart" since it undermines the self-esteem of Pastry Amerikans and their right to everything... nor can I say... hmmm, well... "Broads of ill repute" sounds good... yeah, I like it! Hmmm... party slut works too... although I wouldn't want to offend the Madame Speakers sensibilities, who BTW will be hosting a fundraiser tonight at a local D.C bath house.... everyone is invited of course... bring towels and $$$. If you will excuse me, the village slut (or broad of ill repute) is at my door with the towels and $$$. I will see you all at the bath house tonight, don't forget to have your clothes (or collars, Laika) checked at the door.

HOOKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!
This message brought to you by the whores of STD** Local 69, District of Columbia and paid for by the Mark Foley Fund-a-Page Program and Gooseberry Instant Text Massaging Service.
**(Sex Trade Drudges)

Red Square wrote:Chairman - please also don't forget to take that 30 gallon drum of axle grease that SMO had ordered for you, along with the SF Bathhouse Edition chain, block and tackle...

And, SMO, can you please elaborate on that Archimedes and Sapho game again? I asked around in New York whore houses about it, and everywhere I went, people just scratched their heads and other organs. Finally someone directed me to an old 98-year-old transgendered sex worker (yes, Chairman - that's the correct term you were looking for - sex worker) who supposedly knew everything there was to know about everything in his occupation. When I approached the said sex worker in the Meat District workshop on the West Side and posed my question, he/she/it became very agitated, rolled his/her/its eyes to the sky, and cried through the tears, "Oh, the Archimedes and Sapho game!" Then he/she/it gasped for air, and collapsed on the Meat District sidewalk, with a dreamy smile, dead as a Democrat voter. And the secret of Archimedes and Sapho game must have died with him/her/it.

But it seems to have survived in the cold Canadian provinces. Please do tell.

Well... having only heard the Chairman drunkenly babbling about it, I have only sketchy details, but it seems that Archimedes, the same guy who figured out about the displacement of water volume in the tub, also invented the block and tackle - that oh so useful hoisting via leverage and pulley system that allows us to 'winch up' a great weight with only a small amount of force... and it seems the Chairman and Her Highness have... contrived... I would say concocted, but it lends itself to too many bad puns... a game... or rather, an amusement... that explores the science of said contraption as well as the historical figures of Archimedes, and just for the fun of it because it's her favourite RPG character, Sapho... the rest you'd have to ask the Chairman about, but I assume the axle grease is just to keep the tackle from seizing up... as it were...

.... now... if you don't mind, I'm going to go and wash my brain out with soap and very very hot water...

.... now... if you don't mind, I'm going to go and wash my brain out with soap and very very hot water...

Why not use the new brain cleansing solution known as Brainwash! The new improved way to cleanse even the most clogged brains.
Contains: 80% Sulfuric Acid, 10% alcohol, 5% natural fruit juice, and 5% hydrogenated soy bean oil.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Laika...

I think they also call it the Happy Corps. Volunteers and Special Mansion Volunteers... I will have to look it up although I think I loaned my copy of "Under the Loving Care of the Fatherly Leader" to some unwashed busy-body in Academia <sigh>.

Red...

Sex worker... thats correct and I'm personally ashamed that I forgot such a PC term still existed. I would remind EVERYONE that the axle grease, chain, block, tackle AND NECRO-HORSE is for me to play Catherine the Great this Saturday.... everyone is invited.... bring a towel. I have taken a personal fancy to embracing my necrosexuality and plan to rub it in everyones face until there is a state sanctioned holiday for such a fullfilling life-style.... don't get me wrong though, I still fancy toasters and other Appliance-Amerikans which are also invited this Saturday.... bring a toaster cozy and a fresh plug.

Fellow Party Members, so to speak...
I believe that just as February is Black History Month in Amerikkka, so April will soon be Chairman M. S. Punchenko Sexual Practices Month and will afford us many days off... and... parades?... I foresee a boom in the latex and PVC markets...

And yes, Chairman... WinchDepot is a favourite - one stop shopping for the S&M, B&D, and mechanically-minded crowd. They often have great specials on aircraft cable of many gauges, strengths and different jacketings... it's is a veritable smorgasbord of Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down and taking transmissions out of troop transports... oooh... gives Sister shivers... and who can resist their motto, "Free Shipping On All Winches... Always"... All Ways Indeed!!!

BTW - where is our dear Theocritus?

Premier Betty wrote:

.... now... if you don't mind, I'm going to go and wash my brain out with soap and very very hot water...

Why not use the new brain cleansing solution known as Brainwash! The new improved way to cleanse even the most clogged brains.
Contains: 80% Sulfuric Acid, 10% alcohol, 5% natural fruit juice, and 5% hydrogenated soy bean oil.

I do not think we have this produkt in Kanadistan yet... and I'm not a big fan of soy bean oil... I find it gums up the synapses... I believe sunflower oil is a better alternative, but it may just by a matter of taste...

... what kind of fruit juices?

I think it's banana juice and tomato juice.

The Archimedes and Sapho game was something that the Dear Leader was doing with Her Grace, The Distinguished Mad Albright, during the "boy-band incident"... it was that "embarassing moment" that I mentioned in an earlier post which still brings horror to my Inner-Comrade. It is a long story that I will share in my own good time.... ahh yes, the Clinton years...hmmm, yes, I will definetly share that story with the collective soon. Its a tale of People's Palace intrigue, Mulva and his Troll Orchestra, Justin Timberlake and the Dear Leaders obsession with him, and also the Nuke show-case show-down between the Clinton Meat House and the Dear Leader which ultimately prompted Her Grace and I to journey to Pyongyang in hopes of brokering a nuclear proliferation treaty with his Most Exalted Excellency. Of course the greasy governor from New Mexico, Bill Richardson, also slopped along with us on this trip...

more to come.

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:a game... or rather, an amusement... that explores the science of said contraption as well as the historical figures of Archimedes, and just for the fun of it because it's her favourite RPG character, Sapho...

Sounds like something fit to be introduced to our publik skools right away. It will be a great alternative recess game, replacing the recently forbidden degenerate tag. It actually EDUCATES about physics and history while also preparing kids for future interaction with Appliance-Americans. It's all for the children, as the Chairman likes to say. It's all for them.

Well... not to worry Chairman... I promise, when warmed, the axle grease is very soothing... it will not go to waste...

Betty's comment gave me an idea... See if you can add something to it or suggest a different approach...

What about a product to keep politicians' brains from flip-flopping for expediency's sake... my own brain is a bit gummed up today so a name isn't presenting itself...

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:... I cannot use the slanderous term "Tart" since it undermines the self-esteem of Pastry Amerikans and their right to everything... nor can I say... hmmm, well... "Broads of ill repute" sounds good... yeah, I like it! Hmmm... party slut works too...

How about....'hilton'. Example:

Chairman Punchenko hired himself a couple of hiltons the other night and now there's whipped cream and pickles all over the ceiling.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

And for those who are too cheap to purchase the fine Brain Opener there is a just as effective substitute. Unfortunately it is just a bottle of drain cleaner with the Brain Opener logo on it.

The drain cleaner is called "the poor man's Brain Opener." And we care about the poor man and his brain care, don't we?

As for me, my other Brain Opener is a Glock.

My other Glock is a Steyr AUG .223...

Does brain opener double up as a cleaning solution for ceilings? I happened to have pickles and whipped cream encrusted all over my ceiling. I also have pickles and whipped cream and what appears to be Guerilla Glue stuck all over this elderly couple who is apart of my little S&M club.... say hello Mr. Jenkins and Mrs. Jenkins..... Oh sh*t.... I think they're Voting Democrat..... Sh*t! I knew this was going to happen again, damn old buzzards are always dying on me.... Hmmm, where is my saw!? Errhmmm, uh, does brain opener get rid of blood and other bodily fluid stains.... like out of carpeting and off walls?

Chairman! Don't you have SMO, the Kommissar of Housekeeping to take care of your messes? Granted, she's on a Union-guaranteed paid leave until Friday, so turn up the thermostat and leave the Democrat-voting couple alone, they aren't going anywhere now. Go, enjoy life, and when SMO shows up they'll be softened up a bit to a perfect condition for dissecting and composting which is what SMO is famous for. She was itching to test the new hazmat suits anyway.

I have Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins in the cloak room snug as can be. Awwaaah, they're so peaceful right now, together and without any worries of Republicans snatching their coveted social-security checks... why, I think I'm getting teary eyed now.... maybe... maybe this is what marriage is - being slumped over in a cloak room in everlasting peace (voting Democrat, of course). Hmmm.... I much rather have them stuffed so that I may treasure this moment forever. Hey, SMO; do you do taxidermy? I really would like to have the Jenkins with me... next to my fireplace that is... with all my trophies and accolades which I have accumulated during my glorious tenure as People's Chairman. There is nothing like true love - especially when it serves the Parties interest. <sigh> I miss Helen.

I know one, wonderful taxidermy company with a strong union and a no questions asked policy. They have several different methods that you can choose from. I use them for animals that my friends have hunted down in the National Parks --- er, I mean grasslands and sell the dead things for cash for the party.

WHAT!? You have animals stuffed!?! What kind of monster are you, Commissar Progressive Rodent!? Animals have feelings, Commissar Rodent - people don't, remember that, its very important. That is why The People™ allow us (The Party Elite™) to walk all over them for the Common Good™, because they don't have "real feelings", comrade, but instead they have "thoughts" - which, of course, must be eradicated by any means necessary. Animals, however, are defenseless creatures of Gaia® which must be protected at all cost - even if that means we have to scratch a few humyn lives in the process.

Here, let me break it down for you:

1.) Us

2.) Animals

3.) The People

4.) Appliances

5.) Oatmeal

6.) Plants

7.) It

8.) The "Others" ( Class-enemies, trotskyites, Rethuglicans, Kulak Monsters and the dreaded Angry White Christian Male®)

Chill! Chill! Chairman, these animals realize the value of there furs/dead bodies to the sick heartless kapitalist class. The animals that are killed have done so out of their free will and made their sacrifice for The Common Good. I more than anyone do not want to see these creatures killed, after all, I am a rodent -- a member of the animal kingdom.

As long as the Animal-Amerikans sign a consent agreement authorizing the use of their furs to advance the Common Good™. Also, the "pelting" and "abortion" of these Animal-Amerikans must be performed by a certified Planned-Parenthood Technician of Hope™ and must be done within the confines of a fully accredited Abortion Clinic. After the procedure, the Animal-Amerikans must be given a fully funded funeral at tax-payer expense followed by a 7 foot solid marble memorial in his/her/its honor (this rule also applies to insects and micro bacteria, all of which can be utilized for the Common Good™)

There is no other way, comrade - this is all for the children which makes it People's Law.

Paperwork is all here comrade Chairman, and I could not agree more. You know what they say, rules are made to be broken, but The People's Laws are binding forever.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Does brain opener double up as a cleaning solution for ceilings? I happened to have pickles and whipped cream encrusted all over my ceiling. I also have pickles and whipped cream and what appears to be Guerilla Glue stuck all over this elderly couple who is apart of my little S&M club.... say hello Mr. Jenkins and Mrs. Jenkins..... Oh sh*t.... I think they're Voting Democrat..... Sh*t! I knew this was going to happen again, damn old buzzards are always dying on me.... Hmmm, where is my saw!? Errhmmm, uh, does brain opener get rid of blood and other bodily fluid stains.... like out of carpeting and off walls?

With all due respect Chairman, this is a Union Bunker, and I believe this falls within the purview of the Kommissariat of Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection, and Limo Services... and Dissection (is special case, so I think will require Dissection twice)... I know you are simply nervous to have this little mess tidied, but please, leave it to the professionals.

Red Square wrote:Chairman! Don't you have SMO, the Kommissar of Housekeeping to take care of your messes? Granted, she's on a Union-guaranteed paid leave until Friday, so turn up the thermostat and leave the Democrat-voting couple alone, they aren't going anywhere now. Go, enjoy life, and when SMO shows up they'll be softened up a bit to a perfect condition for dissecting and composting which is what SMO is famous for. She was itching to test the new hazmat suits anyway.

YES! Just so! No need even to discuss scabbing while Sister is off on her yearly bender. And I am indeed still on Union-guaranteed paid leave until tomorrow morning, and as I have been saving up my Victory Vodka ration coupons and have a few more bottles of Stoli that were given as presents, I am currently close to blind and may need emergency liver transplant tonight, but will be back at work bright and early (sleep or not! intoxicated or not! the work of the People must go forward! and my job is Union-guaranteed by the Party... heheheh... the Party... is good Party this year... <hey! no tequila shots without me... I'll be right there... it's just work>... )... bright (sooo bright) and early (sooo early) tomorrow morning and am very much looking forward to testing new Hazmat suits as Red so rightly pointed out (not only good for keeping things out, but also things in... which is probably good thing as I will be still so soused as to perhaps be considered Hazmat myself... or at least pickled... heheheh... Pickled Dolphin! hahahaha... am Japanese Delicacy... heheh... <put down the tequila! I'm coming!>)...

Okay... must run... They are about to have round without me, which would be back luck and very bad manners, AND we are testing to see if present of Cuisinart Multi-Grill works not only as Panini press but also on hands... <cackling>... I love mixing hobbies and work... so fulfilling... So, Chairman, please leave mess... I deal with in morning and promise you will not lose any necro-proxies (no matter what you intend to do with them, which is no business of Sister's Kommissariat... is all you Meow!)... Okey-dokey! Za vashe zdorovye!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:I have Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins in the cloak room snug as can be. Awwaaah, they're so peaceful right now, together and without any worries of Republicans snatching their coveted social-security checks... why, I think I'm getting teary eyed now.... maybe... maybe this is what marriage is - being slumped over in a cloak room in everlasting peace (voting Democrat, of course). Hmmm.... I much rather have them stuffed so that I may treasure this moment forever. Hey, SMO; do you do taxidermy? I really would like to have the Jenkins with me... next to my fireplace that is... with all my trophies and accolades which I have accumulated during my glorious tenure as People's Chairman. There is nothing like true love - especially when it serves the Parties interest. <sigh> I miss Helen.

Chairman... is one of reasons is good to have Kadistanjian around... never hesitate to ply proto-proxies with promises of cheap prescription medications from your closest neighbours and friends to the north... and is perfect cover for mixing Viagara with angina medication, or upping dosage of blood thinner just a little without changing labelling... can also do stale-dated if you prefer to go that route.

Of course we do taxidermy! Why, other than freakishly tall height, do you think Sister is so fond of her Argentinean? She spent much time in Buenos Aires visiting his family and learning secrets of plasticized (yet supple) Evita... no bad formadahyde smell... no fuss... no muss... will be eternally Jenkinses... special package even comes with group portrait so you can take with you when you are away from trophy room.

RedtheProgressiveHedgehog wrote:Paperwork is all here comrade Chairman, and I could not agree more. You know what they say, rules are made to be broken, but The People's Laws are binding forever.

Well.. Chairman... you can't argue with The Paperwork... until other paperwork arrives...

... oooh... Sister has sudden urge to watch movie Brazil...

<hey... give the Panini maker a rest and bring the Stoli and tequila into the media room! We're gonna watch Brazil!.. and then something by Oliver Stone... maybe Poltroon... yes, yes... bring the salt and lemons... by all means, Aki...>

Brazil!!!!! Oh, The Chairman just LOVES Brazil! Why, why, I based my whole life on that film! To be honest (which is a rarity), I didn't start silencing my rivals in The Party until I saw Jonathan Pryce's brilliant cinematic performance! Oh, and don't get me started on the People Butcher with the creepy Oriental mask on... oh, don't get me started! BRILLIANT! SUPERB! BRAVO! BRRAAAVVVOOOO!!!

Brazil - one of the only things decent that came from the 80's!

Mmm... yes... dental chair and instrumentation utilized by Michael Palin's character... is also very sentimental film for Sister... I have three DVD special edition set with alternate endings that studio forced Gilliam to use in initial US release, and much commentary... and will have the song going through my head for days...

I have mask like this.. is like ceramic Chinese doll head... very creepy, though sometimes too effective as 'subject' completely freaks out before dental tools may be brought into play... Timing is everything...