Vice President Kamala Harris, who has no connection whatsoever with the policies of the Biden Administration due to her being kept in a sealed compound on the grounds of the U.S. Naval Observatory for the past three-plus years, has expanded her plan to right the American financial ship-of-state through taxing "Unrealized Capital Gains" (UCGs).

Her original plan proposes a 25 percent tax on stocks and bonds that have appreciated in value but have not yet been sold and that capital gain taken by the stock owner.  While this will indeed punish capitalists for gaining capital, as is only proper in an equitable society, it will not generate enough revenue for vital government programs.

"We have a lot of votes to buy," noted campaign spokesperson Rachell Wanker, "and a lot of work to do if we want to punish the United States for the sins of slavery and colonialism."  Bigger government needs bigger money.

To that end, Harris will announce plans to tax "Unrealized Income Gains" (UIGs).

"The concept is really simple," said Wanker, preening her mustache.  "The UCG taxes an investment you haven't sold.  The UIG taxes a job you haven't held."  She explained that most employed Americans work a single job.  They could, however have a second, or even third, job on the side.

We tax the socks off of people who hold second and third jobs, especially if those extra jobs involve self-employment.  These lazy people who are only working one job are not paying their fair share.

The plan is to award single-job workers with one or two hypothetical jobs, employment they could have taken if they were not selfish, and tax them accordingly on the wages they would have earned, or as now defined, their unrealized income gains.

Wanker smiled.  "The UIG really is a beautiful concept.  Not only does it generate new tax revenues, in many cases the UIG wages will push taxpayers into a higher tax bracket."  Since UIG jobs are hypothetical, there is the added government bonus that there can be no deductions for business expenses.

This is not a short-sighted, one-sided program; there are some significant personal fulfillment benefits for the taxpayers.  "We will be creating high-paying, skilled positions for our UIG program beneficiaries," Wanker gestured grandly in the vague direction of the Middle Class,  "hypothetical jobs a person can be proud of."
  

Imagine the joy of a factory line worker to discover that they are now also a full Professor of Queer and Feminist Studies at a prestigious university.  Picture the sense of accomplishment a Peoria-based cosmetologist will feel when they find out that they are also the chef de cuisine at a Michelin-starred restaurant in Los Angeles.

The program will also bolster the Harris Administration's reputation for job creation, as tens of millions of new jobs are expected per month under its aegis.  There is literally no limit to the number of jobs the government can create using UIG guidelines.

Diversity is our strength, and we cannot truly achieve diversity as long as the majority of Americans are Americans.  It is vital to the continued existence of the Party to import as many non-Americans as possible.  That takes money.

"While the welfare state is generous, it is not apparently generous enough to attract sufficient numbers of undocumented Democrats across our borders," said Wanker.  "It is going to take trillions of dollars to provide housing, healthcare, welfare, and voter registration for these, our latest, greatest hope."

"And we know just where to find it."

It is sad that normal peeps see this as horrid gubmint interference.

It is all "for the children" ™.

Ivan Betinov wrote: ↑

8/30/2024, 9:20 pm

Vice President Kamala Harris, who has no connection whatsoever with the policies of the Biden Administration due to her being kept in a sealed compound on the grounds of the U.S. Naval Observatory for the past three-plus years, has expanded her plan to right the American financial ship-of-state through taxing "Unrealized Capital Gains" (UCGs)....(etc.)

Comrade, this sounds like imaginary tea in imaginary cups at a little girl's imaginary tea party attended only by her stuffed animal plush toys and dolls. But we, The People™ of the USSA, know how to throw a real tea party.

If our elected officials insist on imaginary governace, we The People™ must answer in kind by identifying as having only one job and no UIGs. And while we're at it, we can identify as being allergic to three quarters of all government employees and allergic to three quarters of government regulations, thus creating a health crisis that can only be ended by identifying as doctors and ridding government of systemic allergyphobia.

The revolution never ended; we just take a few naps from time to time and then pick up the torches, pitchforks and pick axes and get back into the game. 
 

Most Equally Esteemed Comrade Betinov,

This bat shit crazy enlightened economy boosting policy will dovetail nicely with the plan to nationalize the food supply.  In the name of inflation control, of course.  Because rising prices CAUSE inflation.  (I'm sure that's what they said in ECON 101)  I figure within 18 months of the enactment of these two catastrophic glorious economic measures we will be eating the animals at the zoo.  Maybe our recent refugees from Venezuela can share some recipes and cooking tips? 

Looking forward to exotic dishes from foreign lands in the Current Truth™,

Red Salmon