Colleagues, our enemy has no shame. Rejecting all that is right and true, he will stop at nothing to insult the intricacies of nature we hold so dear, including the privately held beliefs and sexual orientation of our equine comrades! Hate speech MUST NOT BE TOLERATED.

A gay police horse faces its first outing

'Do you know your horse is gay?" That is what 21-year-old Sam Brown, an Oxford student celebrating the end of his exams, asked a mounted policeman the other day. Instead of making the obvious reply - "No, but if you whistle it, I'll hum along" - the policeman seems to have taken umbrage. Possibly on behalf of the horse.

"I hope you're comfortable riding a gay horse," Mr Brown added solicitously. As the policeman left the scene, he called after him: "Your horse is still gay."

Within minutes, young Mr Brown was surrounded by six officers and a fleet of patrol cars, handcuffed and tossed in the slammer overnight, after which he was fined £80.

A spokesperson for Thames Valley Police told the student newspaper Cherwell that the "homophobic comments" were "not only offensive to the policeman and his horse, but any members of the general public in the area."

Absolutely offensive comrades! A mere monetary fine would not suffice if we had anything to say about it!

Fear not komrade Fuku, for the arm of the party reaches farther than you know. I am gathering my finest bodyguards, and I am traveling to Oxford. I am going to deal with this personally.

No pasty limey faggot gets away with calling me a homo! I shoulda trampled him right there! Sure, I experimented a bit when I was a colt, but NOTHING MAJOR! He better not run across any of my buddies or he is toast!