Komrades, I apologize for my extended leave of absence, I was busy crushing the infedels in the ivory tower. They turned on me like Hitler turned on great Stallin. I bravely fought back showing them my true proliterat resolve, and I now will be able to graduate come May. I assure you, your Komissar is doing well, and I have still been keeping an eye on you.

Remember, the party is aware of all things.

It gives me great joy to announce that with Christmas (the Winter Solstice Holiday that starts with a C) on the way, I already have EIGHT legions of faithful servants ready to cry tears of oppression upon the first mention of the holiday.


Komrade Koz,
It is good to hear from you again. I personally have been busy on my duties in my new location in Marxton, District of Commissars, but I do visit from time to time. I am glad to hear of your success, and thank you for keeping the People informed.

Make sure you don't use that C word...remember, we are also the people of political correctness...if it offends someone, then you shouldn't use it...unless you are a member of the burgeoisie...then your opinion doesn't count, and we can say all we want.

Take care, Komrade Koz.

Writing with political ineptness,
Vladimir Ivanov
Writing from Marxton, District of Commissars

Komrade Koz wrote:Komrades, I apologize for my extended leave of absence...It gives me great joy to announce that with Christmas (the Winter Solstice Holiday that starts with a C) on the way, I already have EIGHT legions of faithful servants ready to cry tears of oppression upon the first mention of the holiday.


Komrade Koz,
It is good to hear from you again. I personally have been busy on my duties in my new location in Marxton, District of Commissars, but I do visit from time to time. I am glad to hear of your success, and thank you for keeping the People informed.

Make sure you don't use that C word...remember, we are also the people of political correctness...if it offends someone, then you shouldn't use it...unless you are a member of the burgeoisie...then your opinion doesn't count, and we can say all we want.

Take care, Komrade Koz.

Writing with political ineptness,
Vladimir Ivanov
Writing from Marxton, District of Commissars

Comrade Vlad (hey... that rhymes!... sorry... have been testing out Kommissar Betty's monkey extract this weekend, and... the colours!... tehehehe... um.. hang on... what was I saying?.... um... oh yeah.. sorry...)

In my first post ever to TPC, I mentioned the "C" word, but in a slash-list along with Chanuka/Kwanza/Winter Solstice - Yule/Flying Spaghetti Monster Day (Obey His Noodley Tentacles... R'amen)/Ekadasi/Makar Sankranti/Vesak (it's in June, but every day a Buddha is born somewhere!)... etc. etc... I realize now that I neglected to mention Richard Dawkins Day for our atheist brothers and sisters, but it was an honest oversight...

Is it all right to mention holidays of the opiate of the masses if we do it in the spirit of inclusiveness? Red Square did not send me to my gulag, but then, the post was in the context of telling Cafepress to go f**k themselves for censoring his "Che's Dead" t-shirts, so our Glorious Leader may have let it slide that once... I'm sorry - I'm really usually more decisive than this when it comes to Party regs, but K.B. insisted the only way to deliver the monkey extract was through tongue stapling, and... the colours!!! tehehehe...

Seeking Kommissaration...
Sister Massively Opiated

Chanuka/Kwanza/Winter Solstice - Yule/Flying Spaghetti Monster Day (Obey His Noodley Tentacles... R'amen)/Ekadasi/Makar Sankranti/Vesak

You forgot Boxing Day. Being from Canadia I would have thought that you would have remembered it.

Kommissar Betty wrote:

Chanuka/Kwanza/Winter Solstice - Yule/Flying Spaghetti Monster Day (Obey His Noodley Tentacles... R'amen)/Ekadasi/Makar Sankranti/Vesak

You forgot Boxing Day. Being from Canadia I would have thought that you would have remembered it.

and the national pastime, playing "beer hunter"...y'all know how that is played, eh?

Kommissar Betty wrote:

Chanuka/Kwanza/Winter Solstice - Yule/Flying Spaghetti Monster Day (Obey His Noodley Tentacles... R'amen)/Ekadasi/Makar Sankranti/Vesak

You forgot Boxing Day. Being from Canadia I would have thought that you would have remembered it.

Is just shopping holiday - no official religion attached but almighty buck...

Private Pravda wrote: and the national pastime, playing "beer hunter"...y'all know how that is played, eh?

No... but do you know one about guy who went up North to find fortune?... when he left, he was just 45 kilo weakling, but when he returned, he was Husky F**ker... sorry... is remanant of KB's monkey extract talking... am only now having morning kava and is no longer morning...

'kay... I bite... how does one play 'beer hunter'?...
Sister Massively.. whatever...

ps... Betski... what the hell is in monkey extract that stops coagulation?! Last time I put something through my tongue, it healed much faster... and how do you make 'the colours' stop?... peyote never took this long to metabolize out of system... oh wait... is okay... is just Aurora Borealis...

I believe whacking yourself in the head with an oversized mallet should do the trick.

-Kommissar Betty

It brings me great pain to announce that I must take the much feared "Physics Graduate Record Exam" or "Physics GRE". There we will be forced to take a test of 100 in depth physics questions, given only 3 hours to answer! While I at first thought this was a glorious way to show the masses that indeed no one is too smart, I was indeed mistaken.

I have been recently informed that apparently we are to be not only scored, but COMPARED TO OUR PEERS. This injustice cannot stand! I am going to be compared to others in my physics knowledge?? ME?? A KOMISSAR of the people?? Perhaps ETS did not get thier letter informing them that I am more equal than most.

I am deeply distressed by this news, as it seems that the ivory tower is NOT as strong as I thought it was! In addition to being COMAPRED to my peers, I have also gained word that the test does NOT take ethnicity into account.

I am crying tears of sadness for the oppressed minorities that will take this test, and not be given the proper adjustments to reflect the level of Bougeois oppression.

As ETS is out of my district, I kindly ask the party to help thier beloved servant.

-Komrade Koz

As ETS is out of my district, I kindly ask the party to help thier beloved servant.

I have already dispatched a squad of
crack pot, (no)
crack addicts, (NO)
crack commandos (YES!) to infiltrate the secret base of operations where they cryogenically store the tests and alter all the test answer to “C” quality work.

massively opiated wrote: ps... Betski... what the hell is in monkey extract that stops coagulation?! Last time I put something through my tongue, it healed much faster... and how do you make 'the colours' stop?... peyote never took this long to metabolize out of system... oh wait... is okay... is just Aurora Borealis...

I believe whacking yourself in the head with an oversized mallet should do the trick.

-Kommissar Betty

Nope... already attempted without success - though dented metal plate in head (is covering hole from previous self-trepanation... government implant was successfully removed and destroyed)... is okay though... just took a couple of my pain meds (in Kanada, pain meds are equivalent to oversized mallet - in US, are considered Schedule II drug under Controlled Substances Act, while in Kanada we consider pain control enlightened medicine... so Sister is 'dependent' on them the way diabetic is dependent on insulin... dependent on them to walk because of arthritis... and occasionally because of ill-advised use of monkey extract by sadistic fellow Cube-ist member) and now all is well. Did you think Sister's name comes from religious predilection?

Many thanks for constructive suggestion though... as always, your guidance is... insightful and... informative...

S.M.O.

Komrade Koz wrote:It brings me great pain to announce that I must take the much feared "Physics Graduate Record Exam" or "Physics GRE". There we will be forced to take a test of 100 in depth physics questions, given only 3 hours to answer! While I at first thought this was a glorious way to show the masses that indeed no one is too smart, I was indeed mistaken.
I have been recently informed that apparently we are to be not only scored, but COMPARED TO OUR PEERS. This injustice cannot stand! I am going to be compared to others in my physics knowledge?? ME?? A KOMISSAR of the people?? Perhaps ETS did not get thier letter informing them that I am more equal than most.
I am deeply distressed by this news, as it seems that the ivory tower is NOT as strong as I thought it was! In addition to being COMAPRED to my peers, I have also gained word that the test does NOT take ethnicity into account.
I am crying tears of sadness for the oppressed minorities that will take this test, and not be given the proper adjustments to reflect the level of Bougeois oppression.
As ETS is out of my district, I kindly ask the party to help thier beloved servant.
-Komrade Koz

Komrade Koz,

Betski has dispatched necessary troops so I am writing only to kommissarate in hopes of improving your spirits in the mean time (just as Comrade Otis helped me earlier by lifting me out of my own depression).

I too have faced just such injustice in writing of GMAT and LSAT examinations. Imagine my dismay at finding that my Jewish ancestry and my breasts would have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the outcome of these false indicators of ability and merit... these counterfeit standards of deservedness!!! Even worse, that no matter what scores I achieved, they would be compared to others, and that it was only in contrast to them that my value to the kollective would be assessed.

But we have little choice, as the system has been created by Competitionists - we all lose because of it. And yet, I prevailed! I proved myself more equal than most! And I entered the broken ivory tower of Business Management School, and battled the dragon of Kapitalism in its own lair! I covertly subverted my fellow students, planting the seeds of non-competition in their addled minds, and graduated with my MBA while leaving behind a smouldering ruin where once there had stood a glowing bastion of Kapitalist Indoktrination! They dared judge me on the basis of ability, and for that I made them pay!!!

So - Go... write your Physics Graduate Record Exam! Show them that you are indeed the most equal of them! Your mission is more important than mine, as your edukation will no doubt be put to good use in Potyomkingrad on the Red Planet. I was only undermining a korrupt Terran-based dinosaur of an institution. You represent our Glorious Future as one of Comrade Otis' Young Cosmo-Pioneers!

Humbly
Sister Massively Opiated

massively opiated wrote:

Komrade Koz wrote:It brings me great pain to announce that I must take the much feared "Physics Graduate Record Exam" or "Physics GRE". There we will be forced to take a test of 100 in depth physics questions, given only 3 hours to answer! While I at first thought this was a glorious way to show the masses that indeed no one is too smart, I was indeed mistaken.
I have been recently informed that apparently we are to be not only scored, but COMPARED TO OUR PEERS. This injustice cannot stand! I am going to be compared to others in my physics knowledge?? ME?? A KOMISSAR of the people?? Perhaps ETS did not get thier letter informing them that I am more equal than most.
I am deeply distressed by this news, as it seems that the ivory tower is NOT as strong as I thought it was! In addition to being COMAPRED to my peers, I have also gained word that the test does NOT take ethnicity into account.
I am crying tears of sadness for the oppressed minorities that will take this test, and not be given the proper adjustments to reflect the level of Bougeois oppression.
As ETS is out of my district, I kindly ask the party to help thier beloved servant.
-Komrade Koz

Komrade Koz,

Betski has dispatched necessary troops so I am writing only to kommissarate in hopes of improving your spirits in the mean time (just as Comrade Otis helped me earlier by lifting me out of my own depression).

I too have faced just such injustice in writing of GMAT and LSAT examinations. Imagine my dismay at finding that my Jewish ancestry and my breasts would have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on the outcome of these false indicators of ability and merit... these counterfeit standards of deservedness!!! Even worse, that no matter what scores I achieved, they would be compared to others, and that it was only in contrast to them that my value to the kollective would be assessed.

But we have little choice, as the system has been created by Competitionists - we all lose because of it. And yet, I prevailed! I proved myself more equal than most! And I entered the broken ivory tower of Business Management School, and battled the dragon of Kapitalism in its own lair! I covertly subverted my fellow students, planting the seeds of non-competition in their addled minds, and graduated with my MBA while leaving behind a smouldering ruin where once there had stood a glowing bastion of Kapitalist Indoktrination! They dared judge me on the basis of ability, and for that I made them pay!!!

So - Go... write your Physics Graduate Record Exam! Show them that you are indeed the most equal of them! Your mission is more important than mine, as your edukation will no doubt be put to good use in Potyomkingrad on the Red Planet. I was only undermining a korrupt Terran-based dinosaur of an institution. You represent our Glorious Future as one of Comrade Otis' Young Cosmo-Pioneers!

Humbly
Sister Massively Opiated

Komradette Opiated,

I thank you for your kind words of hope and encouragement. I have ordered a full month's worth of rations and Vodka to be given to you and your family as a token of my thanks.

In addition, I have eliminated some of your politkal enemies. You'll find thier heads on the ends of shovels outside your house.

-Komissar Koz

Komrade Koz wrote:Komradette Opiated,

I thank you for your kind words of hope and encouragement. I have ordered a full month's worth of rations and Vodka to be given to you and your family as a token of my thanks.

In addition, I have eliminated some of your politkal enemies. You'll find thier heads on the ends of shovels outside your house.

-Komissar Koz

Komrade Komissar Koz,

Many thanks for the extra rations, vodka, and party favours. All will be put to good use, as winter in Kanada is long, dark and cold, and food shortages are not unheard of. The heads will no doubt attract wild game and Amnesty International inspectors, both of which are good eatin' (we don't eat the heads - we already have enough problems with Mad Cow disease).

The boon of The Cube is Glorious!
Sister Massively Opiated