In the wake of allegations of sexual harassment at FOX news and its high income producers, ex-president Hillary Clinton entered the fray, joining the string of opportunistic women who shake down super-wealthy men for the crime of asking them for a date.

Standing with sexual harassment specialist Gloria Alldead and a team of sobbing women wearing pussy hats, with shoulders heaving a visibly upset Hillary pointed an accusing finger at mugshot images of Roger Alies and Bill O'Reilly.

"They refused to have sex with me!" she cried out, wailing uncontrollably. "Every time I came near these two, I made sure to look good, wear lipstick, spike heels, my push up bra and negligees and thongs from Victoria's Secret. As soon as they saw me coming, the two split in opposite directions and ran. In my heels I could not catch up!"

Hyperventilating at this point, shaking and unable to speak, Hillary took several moments to compose herself, tears streaming down her face.

"I tripped and stumbled running after Bill O'Reilly. I even dropped my bottle of bourbon. It was embarrassing. Everyone in the newsroom was watching me making a fool of myself. They kept staring! It was awful. Even more embarrassing, some of these people were conservatives who TWITTER and write on FACEBOOK!"

Attorney Alldead hugged Hillary tightly to comfort her as the other women and liberal men wearing pussy hats piled on. Hillary turned to the cameras once again: "I've never been more humiliated in my entire life. The trauma made me turn to drink again after a whole four hours of abstinence. I even started smoking those strange-tasting wet cigars Bill gave me. Who will pay for my detox now?"

Two ACLU lawyers and the attorney from the Southern Poverty Law Center took their turns at the microphones to make their point: "We, Occupied, the #WomansMarch will be wearing pussy hats and Guy Fawkes masks from now on. Even to bed."

He added, "Madonna will join our lawsuit to express her outrage at deviant sexual behavior and at people making life threats against high officials. She is especially outraged at the men who refused her offer to give them blowjobs if they voted for Hillary."

The lawyers raged at the discriminatory, undemocratic, un-American, unfair and unjust results of last November 7th election, as well as at smarts, wealth and success, supermodel wives, orange hair and small hands, and America's constitution and election laws.

Another lawyer rose to speak: "We promise to take Hillary's case to the Supreme Court if necessary, along with her push up bra, spiked leather collar, leash, and her thongs - as evidence. We will also subpoena Donald Trump as the co-defendant in our lawsuit. He's an accessory to widespread discrimination by his proclivity to bed supermodels only while neglecting Rosie O'Donnell and Whoopie, who are known for their uncanny inner beauty."

Kommissar Chernobylski wrote:[HRC] "... They kept staring, it was awful. Even more embarrassing, some of these people were conservatives who TWITTER and write on FACEBOOK!"

... and look, no mention at all of the heroic Kubic reporter, Comrade (masked!) KC, who recorded all that. Lying Hillary, as usual.

uh, wait...
take it back, that lying.

Comrade (!) KC, indeed, wasn't there at all!
He got all his facts above directly from Russkies...

Sexual harrassment? Oh Dear Gott Im Himmel. It says right here in the People's Guide to Medical Emergencies, for an erection lasting over four hours show victim photo of "Circuspants" Hillary Clinton. Violá! Instant flacciddititty (sp?)

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