I officially denounce uppity California kulaks as Enemy of the People (EOTP™).

Despite Capitalist disinformation spread by EOTP™ Sesame Street dope smoking degenerate hippy chick, plants do NOT need water!



Especially if an official state commissars for the environment have issued orders stating they don't need water. Disagreeing with government officials proves kulaks are disagreeable and everything they say should be dismissed out of hand as the ravings of antisocial lunatics.

Properly indoctrinated plants can be trained to grow in the desert with no irrigation. Anyone contending to the contrary is promoting Western bourgeois myths. Comrade Jennifer Medina in her 2/14/14 Нью-Йорк Таймс article "California Seeing Brown Where Green Used to Be" is properly skeptical of kulak propaganda hate speech that persists in propagating the lie that plants inherently need water:

"Here, farmers are insistent that jobs are tied directly to water, and they routinely protest environmental restrictions that limit their supply from the Sacramento delta. Signs like 'FOod grows where water flows' and 'No Water = No Jobs' dot the highway."

Asserting the insanity that "plants need water" is a crazy Christian conspiracy theory, probably started by the EOTP^TM Gregor Mendel.

Comrade Medina dutifully documents more Kulak hate speech:

"Switching crops would have little impact, EOTP™ farmers say, because anything they plant would need water."

Obviously, farmers who've spent their entire lives growing crops have no understanding what it takes to grow food compared to properly educated government комиссары and j-school grads. If uppity kulak output doesn't meet official government food quotas, it will obviously be due to their unreconstructed anti-social bad attitude and NOTHING to do with комиссары forbidding access to water:

"State officials have already said that they will not be able to offer any water to the farmers through California's vast network of canals. And federal officials are expected to announce that their web of reservoirs will not provide any water this year either"

And if any comrades complain about the subsequent lack of food due to kulak uppitiness, they will have to be re-educated into soylent green.

Oh My, Does this mean no beet juice...spit, spit!

We did not "beet" Hitler in '45 by going without Comrade trashmouth, learn to trim your beets..https://archive.org/details/0905_Trimming_Beets_02_22_04_23

What? Plants need water? Just more junk science. Does Minister of Tillage and Cultivation Vilsack know of such propaganda?

yuri trotynov wrote:What? Plants need water? Just more junk science. Does Minister of Tillage and Cultivation Vilsack know of such propaganda?

Indeed. The next thing one knows, these junk scientists will be claiming that plants need poisonous substance carbon dioxide.

Comrades, a Science Minute™ here, if you will.

As the People's Republic of California dries up, it will weigh considerably less, and it will therefore be much less likely to fall into the ocean as so many EOTP™ have predicted over the years of California's dominance of everything from entertainment to immigration.

This Five Year Water Removal Plan is specifically why the great People of California brought Comrade Governor Jerry Brown back from the dead - Comrade Governor Brown has always been on the forefront of scientific and egalitarian planning, and this, his most glorious effort yet, is truly amazing.

If the EOTP™ don't like their California, they can leave their California.

Those flat-earthers are at it again! Plants need water - balderdash. Mine grow so much better in my basement under Gro-Lites (oops.... mine aren't legal in my state.)

Komrade Katz wrote:Those flat-earthers are at it again! Plants need water - balderdash. Mine grow so much better in my basement under Gro-Lites (oops.... mine aren't legal in my state.)

Bite your tongue, Komrade Katz. (while you still have one) Your plantist words are an insult to all vegetable matter. Remember, there's no such thing as illegal plants - only undocumented plants!

Comrade Lysenko wrote:I officially denounce uppity California kulaks as Enemy of the People (EOTP™).

Despite Capitalist disinformation spread by EOTP™ Sesame Street dope smoking degenerate hippy chick, plants do NOT need water!

Dihydrogen Monoxide! Poison generated by too many hoomans! All states must strive to keep their citizens from accessing this terrible substance.

I hear rumors, comrades. Ugly rumors of the addictive qualities of this dihydrogen monoxide. Children are known to immerse themselves in it. Grown adults who should know better purchase this stuff on the streets and consume it openly. These Kalifornians wish to apply this product to their crops to genetically modify them to grow larger and faster, but what of the plans to save the snail darters?

(sigh) I wish they all could be California Kulaks ...

The West Coast has the sunshine and the plants all get so tan.

I just noticed one of the news bullets from Laika the space dog: "Efforts to achieve moisture justice for California thwarted by unfair redistribution of snow in America"

It was a tough decision on whom to bestow the prestigious "beet of the week" award. James McWilliams made a good showing in his March 7, 2014 New York Times article: "Meat Makes the Planet Thirsty" where he correctly lays the blame of California's man made drought at the feet of evil greedy capitalists plus carnivores. McWilliams even promoted the eating of beets!:

"Beef turns out to have an overall water
footprint of roughly four million gallons per ton produced. By contrast, the
water footprint for “sugar crops” like sugar beets is about 52,000 gallons per
ton; for vegetables it's 85,000 gallons per ton; and for starchy roots it's
about 102,200 gallons per ton."

However, McWilliams was edged out by a beet tip by his fellow New Twerk Times comrade Mark Bittman in his March 11, 2014 article "Exploiting California's Drought" where after pointing out uppity kulaks were wrong to complain about the alleged unfairness of water distribution:

"Many farmers are receiving
0 percent (as in none) of their federal water allocation, and some are
pulling out their trees or crops or not bothering to plant at all."

because Hollywood millionaires need water for their pools in which to drown their superfluous mistresses. Priorities, comrades!

Bittman proudly points out California's contribution to America's culture:

"the state provides around
50 percent of our fruits, vegetables and nuts"

Uh, Oh.... I thought only Comrade Pin certain comrades are permitted to award The Beet of that prize.... I could be mistaken though....I hope so...

Captain Craptek wrote:Uh, Oh.... I thought only Comrade Pin certain comrades are permitted to award The Beet of that prize.... I could be mistaken though....I hope so...

Dark clouds are forming, I see lightning about to strike...

I Denounce Limbaugh as an Enemy of the People (EOTP™). On his 11 March 2014 show he engaged in this hate speech:

"If fossil fuels are responsible for drought, like in California, why did
American Indian tribes feel the need to invent rain dances? Hmm?"

I almost denounced Sarah Zhang as an Enemy of the People (ETOP™) b/c in her gizmodo article: "How the Drought Is Devastating California's #1 Food Export: Almonds"she starts by spouting hate facts: "California now grows 80 percent of the world's almonds" However, Comrade Zhang properly places the blame on uppity kulak farmers for still expecting irrigation systems to bring water to their farmland, which, of course, is completely insane nonsense crazy talk:

"The forces that led to California's almond trade are much larger than poor planning from any individual farmer"

My fellow progressives have successfully waged a jihad on jobs by eliminating what remains of US manufacturing sector. It's more than high time that my fellow comrades unite to also eliminate all jobs in the US agricultural sector as well, so all nonexistent income can be more fairly and equitably redistributed to everyone by IRS agent graduates of Common Core math curriculum, as Comrade Zhang notes:

"One idea is that to stop irrigating the land and retire the Westlands from agriculture. (The dominance of almond farming in California requires other imports, including, oddly enough, honey bees from South Dakota to pollinate the trees.) Technological inventions have let us farm land that can't naturally support those crops. We can continue to prop them up, or we can let it go.That's going to be a hard pill to swallow for farmers"

Comrade Zhang correctly grasps that agriculture is an artificial construct requiring engineering and technology for moving water from its source to fields. This is a very confusing concept for most people. Although ancient imperialist warmongers in ancient Egypt designed and built canals, and evil denari grubbing Romans built aqueducts, such counter revolutionary activities should be forbidden in our glorious utopia of Next Tuesday we hope to build in the Peoples Republic of California. Not only should good progressives seek to eliminate all wage slaves toiling in factories, we should also eliminate similar wage slaves toiling in the fields. Soon, all wage slaves will beliquidated liberated from their life of drudgery, and free to live the life of Julia helping as compost to grow fruits and vegetables in a government approved community organic garden, as Comrade Iowa Hawk illustrates:

Comrade Zhang is on to something here. Almonds don't grow in deserts because they don't like the weather. Fine. Let them find a place more to their liking. I say good riddance! (and don't let the orchard gate hit you in the nuts on the way out)

Captain Craptek wrote:Comrade Zhang is on to something here. Almonds don't grow in deserts because they don't like the weather. Fine. Let them find a place more to their liking. I say good riddance! (and don't let the orchard gate hit you in the nuts on the way out)

Of course, all comrades, whether vegetable or mineral, need internal visa documentation if they wish to move from rural to urban areas or vice versa, similar to the very progressive ChiCom hukou system, as documented by EOTP™ Andrew Scheineson in his May 14, 2009 CFR article "China's Internal Migrants":

Established in the 1950s, the hukou system kept people tied to where they lived by making government services contingent on their occupation and place of residence. While agricultural laborers received land, nonagricultural hukou holders received rations as well as public services. A 2005 report by the Congressional-Executive Commission on China (CECC), a U.S. commission with the legislative mandate to monitor human rights in China, notes the system's rules keep rural residents from obtaining many of the same services as their urban counterparts, including health and unemployment insurance, pensions, free education for their children, and subsidized housing.

Rather than encourage almond trees to evolve legs and move to the cities taking away subsidized housing from more deserving proletariat, greedy 1% almond trees should evolve and learn to make do with less water and fewer resources and reduce their actual footprints along with their carbon footprint.

Comrade Lysenko wrote:Rather than encourage almond trees to evolve legs and move to the cities taking away subsidized housing from more deserving proletariat, greedy 1% almond trees should evolve and learn to make do with less water and fewer resources and reduce their actual footprints along with their carbon footprint.

Yes indeed. This will be part of the same program to help cows stop emitting methane. There must be an all-new agency to handle this. No, I cry you mercy, there must be TWO new agencies, one for flora and one for fauna. No, THREE new agencies, one to oversee the other two. No, FOUR new agencies....

The opportunities seem endless in our Public Sector Workers' Paradise.™

The almond is a selfish, greedy, demanding, overbearing weed and must be eliminated at any cost! Their immigration to this country was by all accounts illegal and accompanied by mass suicides, movie theater fires, and general bedlam in the streets. Comrades, these disgusting interlopers are draining our subsoil water table at a rate that would astound the builders of Hoover Dam! Enough prattle! Round them up, place them in detention, and prepare them for immediate deportation!

Captain Craptek wrote:Comrade Zhang is on to something here. Almonds don't grow in deserts because they don't like the weather. Fine. Let them find a place more to their liking. I say good riddance! (and don't let the orchard gate hit you in the nuts on the way out)

This documentary film from the evil greedy selfish 1% counter revolutionary Disney illustrates exactly what I feared. The trees evolved legs and arms and the first thing they did was learn to play the aristocratic harp vs the proletarian balalaika.

If we deport the almonds, must we respect their preferences for warmer climates?

And if we do that for one, wont we have to offer equality for all? That's going to ruin the gulag industry as we know it, and outsource all punishment to temperate garden spots, and before you know it, we can't get a dacha on the beach... This is not going to end well.