ATTENTION ALL CUBISTS!

I, SISTER MASSIVELY OPIATED, KOMMISSAR OF HOUSEKEEPING, DISAPPEARANCES, COMPOSTING, DISSECTION AND LIMO SERVICE; ALPHA-POD LEADER OF THE LIBERATED CETACEAN FREEDOM FIGHTERS; DO HEREBY FORMALLY AND FOR NO GOOD REASON OTHER THAN IT WILL ALLOW ME TO BE PUNISHED BY GETTING ON WITH THE BUSINESS OF THE KOMMISSERATE OF HOUSEKEEPING (ETC. ETC.), DENOUNCE MYSELF!

Having formally done so, and given my vested powers as a Kommissar, I do hereby formally sentence myself to getting back to the business of the Kommisserate of Housekeeping, etc., and of The Party™, for the Greater Good™.

I hereby swear that this is the Current Truth™, The Whole Current Truth™, and nothing but The Current Truth™, so help me Stalin.

I welcome all who would join in my formal denunciation of myself, as I believe it will help to build consensus and harmony within the Kollektive. Have a Cubey Day!

Denouncedly,
Sister Massively Opiated
Kommissar of Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection and Limo Service.

What have you done to denounce yourself? You can't possbily expect me to just pick up a stone and throw it just because you are denouncing yourself without any good reason <picks up stone> I mean that would just be wrong <throws stone at SMO>

(Speaking of stones, have you ever read The Lottery by Shirley Jackson, SMO?)

Chairman!
She forgot what OPM meant.
I had Kenneth boost the signal. She's OK now.

But SMO....very, very ÜberProgreSSIve™. This humble and lovable Space Dog stands in awe.
Denouncing yourself for the good of the collective.
I think you deserve an OOH.

Laika

You... forgot... what OPM meant!? <attempts to pick up boulder> Owww! Too heavy! Dammit, I threw my back out again! Piss, Dr. P and I were suppose to go to the Emmys too! Owww! Someone fetch my rascal... I'm not going to be able to walk for a while.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:What have you done to denounce yourself? You can't possbily expect me to just pick up a stone and throw it just because you are denouncing yourself without any good reason <picks up stone> I mean that would just be wrong <throws stone at SMO>

OW! Thank you... I just figured it was the only way I'd get any work done around here... and it did get me back to work...

Nice aim, BTW...

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:(Speaking of stones, have you ever read The Lottery by Shirley Jackson, SMO?)

Nu-uh... Does the Chairman suggest?... I am completely unfamiliar with it...

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Chairman!
She forgot what OPM meant.
I had Kenneth boost the signal. She's OK now.
But SMO....very, very ÜberProgreSSIve™. This humble and lovable Space Dog stands in awe.
Denouncing yourself for the good of the collective.
I think you deserve an OOH.
Laika

I am embarrassed... and honoured... but again... it was honestly for purely selfish reasons... believe me...

<Chairman... any more stones over there?... maybe about 150 grams heavier than the last?... Mmhmm... perfect... Right between the fins, just above the dorsal, if you please.... OW! Perfect!... Thank you!>

The Lottery is a short story but very, very good. Whenever I think of the Party denouncing someone or about to launch a purge I immediately think about The Lottery. It is a must read!

Here is a link to the story, SMO:The Lottery

Many thanks and most interesting...

Oh My Lenin! I fail again!! What is OPM? I searched and searched in the Glossary, and no entry. Now a diligent search did find reference to a triangle called OPM.... is this what is being discussed?

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:The Lottery is a short story but very, very good. Whenever I think of the Party denouncing someone or about to launch a purge I immediately think about The Lottery. It is a must read!

Ah, I went to read it and then recalled reading it a long time ago. The only thing lacking is an explanation of the need for the lottery, but then I suppose that had been forgotten as well. Let's never forget our reason for purges Chairman.

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:OW! Thank you... I just figured it was the only way I'd get any work done around here... and it did get me back to work...

I just want to say I am humbled by your unselfish self denunciation and am proud to have never known who you are... that is unless that is the wrong attitude in which case I never said this.

Sorry I'm late... The Party propaganda matters have kept me busy... Where are we now? Let me put my glasses with plain lenses on the tip of my nose Schumer-style... Oh... ahhha... AHHHAA!!!

NICE TRY AGAIN, COMRADETTE SMO!

You though jumping ahead of the line denouncing yourself would cause commiseration and the status of a self-flagellating martyr, so the Party will go easy on you and, perhaps, throw you an anchovy?

I DENOUNCE YOU!

- I DENOUNCE YOU for saying that the denunciation is, and I quote, "for no good reason." Should we go over the reasons again? There is no higher honor than to serve as a sacrificial lamb (or cetacean as the case may be) on the altar of the Party. If nothing else, it's good for training purposes, it boosts the morale (fear and guilt), and serves as an example to the enemies - if we can do this to our own, what horrible things we can do to our enemies once we lay our hands on them. Enemies are always watching. ALWAYS! A lot of things we do here are for the enemies' eyes, ears, and other organs of perception, including the sixth sense. Especially the sixth sense!

- I DENOUNCE YOU for the thoughtcrime of discussing "sleeping with the fishes" on another thread. What is that? Are you sleeping on your job now? Tell me you didn't mean to discuss a shortcut in our body disposal practices! You didn't mean just throwing bodies in the water, where they can wind up Lenin knows in what Red State where a Republican can order a pizza with anchovies and in one of the fish's stomachs there would be a ring, a fingernail, a tooth, or some other incriminating evidence leading enemies to the Chairman's closet! Because that may happen if you use shortcuts instead of following the meticulously compiled Party manual on Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection and Limo Service!

And even if you have never done that YET, the mere thought of you thinking about that is enough to stage a formal denunciation procedure.

On a brighter side, your spelling of "Kommisserate" led me to think about this propaganda image:

Les Kommisserables

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:The Lottery is a short story but very, very good. Whenever I think of the Party denouncing someone or about to launch a purge I immediately think about The Lottery. It is a must read!

It is a great story, but there's another one, even more relevant -

The Lottery of Babylon
by Jorge Luis Borges

"Like all men in Babylon, I have been a proconsul; like all, a slave. I have also known omnipotence, opprobrium, imprisonment..."

It describes a fictional society in Babylon in which all activities are dictated by an all-encompassing lottery. Initially, the lottery had the usual material rewards; later, immaterial rewards and punishments for the losers were introduced. Further, there was no need to voluntarily participate. Further evolution increased the complexity of the lottery; monetary prizes were eliminated, and replaced only with positive experiences (i.e.: being proconsul.) Additionally, lotteries would be drawn upon other lotteries, ad infinitum. Therefore, not only would you be punished to death, perhaps, but your executioner might also be chosen randomly, and the choice of weapon, etc. With the passage of time, everyone participated in the ever-increasingly secret lottery. Inevitably, The Company dictates aspect of everyone's life. It becomes so secret that no one can tell whether the Lottery still exists to alter people's fates, or whether the world runs blindly on by chance.

A Wikipedia article on it (I don't want to even reference it) was written by an idiot. Only a moonbat with a seething hatred of religion could interpret this story as a metaphor for God, and state so in Wikipedia as the final truth. Quite the opposite - it's a metaphor for the rule of the Party! And I'm being serious this time.

I like Borges. He wrote great and really weird stories about weird things and weird people. And he did it while living thousands miles away from Berkeley CA, all the way in Argentine!

Red Square wrote:Sorry I'm late... The Party propaganda matters have kept me busy... Where are we now? Let me put my glasses with plain lenses on the tip of my nose Schumer-style... Oh... ahhha... AHHHAA!!!

NICE TRY AGAIN, COMRADETTE SMO!

You though jumping ahead of the line denouncing yourself would cause commiseration and the status of a self-flagellating martyr, so the Party will go easy on you and, perhaps, throw you an anchovy?

I DENOUNCE YOU!

- I DENOUNCE YOU for saying that the denunciation is, and I quote, "for no good reason." Should we go over the reasons again? There is no higher honor than to serve as a sacrificial lamb (or cetacean as the case may be) on the altar of the Party. If nothing else, it's good for training purposes, it boosts the morale (fear and guilt), and serves as an example to the enemies - if we can do this to our own, what horrible things we can do to our enemies once we lay our hands on them. Enemies are always watching. ALWAYS! A lot of things we do here are for the enemies' eyes, ears, and other organs of perception, including the sixth sense. Especially the sixth sense!

- I DENOUNCE YOU for the thoughtcrime of discussing "sleeping with the fishes" on another thread. What is that? Are you sleeping on your job now? Tell me you didn't mean to discuss a shortcut in our body disposal practices! You didn't mean just throwing bodies in the water, where they can wind up Lenin knows in what Red State where a Republican can order a pizza with anchovies and in one of the fish's stomachs there would be a ring, a fingernail, a tooth, or some other incriminating evidence leading enemies to the Chairman's closet! Because that may happen if you use shortcuts instead of following the meticulously compiled Party manual on Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection and Limo Service!

And even if you have never done that YET, the mere thought of you thinking about that is enough to stage a formal denunciation procedure.

On a brighter side, your spelling of "Kommisserate" led me to think about this propaganda image:

Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid
People's Director

- How can there be lateness as you are a power unto yourself - I exist only to serve the Greater Need (PATENT PENDING).
- Thank you - I try.
- Only if I NEED an anchovy, which is for the Party TM to decide.
- Thank you for the Formal Denunciation.
- Thank you for the honour of explicating the honour of Denunciation.
- Thank you for allowing service as Example.
- Thank you for explication of Sixth Sense. The Kommissariate of Housekeeping will dilligently continue to in its efforts on behalf of the Party... We Sweep Dead People.
- Sleeping with Fishes is Doublespeak for state of Necro-proxy in terms of aliveness, but in no way denotes wanton disregard for disposal of valuable Party asset. All viable Necro-proxies are maintained in a useful state. Nothing is wasted.
- Respectfully, the only Necro-proxies in The Chairman's closet are those present at his request (namely, The Johnsons... and the Johnstons).
- They have been signed out of storage in accordance with Party manual on Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection and Limo Service.
- Forgive humble Sister's ignorance, Oh Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid... But thought of even thinking what?
- I exist only to serve the Greater Need (PATENT PENDING).

Serving the Greater Need (PATENT PENDING),
SMO

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:Serving the Greater Need (PATENT PENDING)

Truth be known, Greater Need (PATENT PENDING) is a hindrance on the way towards the Greater Good™. In a zero-sum economy of Next Tuesday™, the smaller the Need, the greater the Good. We all need to work on diminishing our needs (except the Party apparatus, of course), with the ultimate goal of having no needs at all, to reduce the burden on the People™ (while still remaining useful - e.g., necro-proxies™).

Thus, we need to advocate for diminishing needs...

DIMINISH YOUR NEEDS FOR THE GREATER GOOD™!

Which Al Gore and the environmentally-aware progressives are already demanding from the masses. Let me repeat, the ultimate goal here is to have no needs at all, to reduce the burden on the People™ (or Planet Earth™) and the ultimate product of all this is an ever-increasing army of Necro-Proxies™ voting Democrat™.

Red Square wrote:I DENOUNCE YOU!

Dear Leader, I so much wish to denounce SMO for all the reasons you gave, plus more I am sure. However, I have heard rumors that SMO may have documentation that perhaps could implicate me. I have gone over my records, and sure enough, I did find where one of my files had been moved out of place. Oh why oh why did I let housekeeping come in? They said they were just there to straighten up and dust! As SMO herself said, no one suspects that housekeeping would do such, we only want our doghouses cleaned. Can I simply denounce her privately? Or perhaps a simple "ditto" to your wise and reasoned post?

I denounce SMO for taking the recently rehabilitated Commissar Pupovich's files, sticking them inside her socks, and burying them outside the dacha trailer.

I demand those files on my desk IN TRIPLICATE tomorrow morning, with all the content intact. I'll have Chairman and Dr. P. over for breakfast, this will be our conversation piece over coffee.

And Pupovich - we better not find pictures of Hillary's butt again that might ruin our digestion. I thought you had a Party-issue inflatable leg in the kennel and some other weird appliance that require European batteries. What in the Hill were you doing with the picture of these legs while locked from the inside and the drapes down?

<img src=/images/Hillary_Ass.gif>

By Lenin's beard, that cannot be Our Glorious Empress in that photo! Impossible! Why, the woman in that photo has the backside of a common kulak!

I see glutes and gams like that every third Saturday night down at the People's Bathhouse (also known as the old swimming hole on the banks of the Volga).

That, or it's an illusion caused by moving water which reaches her hips.

That, or someone's been doing a little photoshopping and if I find out who it is, I will turn them in and my rewards should be great--perhaps an extra ration of vodka, or even a bigger shovel.

I declare I don't know what to think or even what I want to think. I hope someone will tell me.

SMO is allowing enemies to find my closet!? SHAME! Stalin help me if someone were to snatch up my good Prada shoes! STALIN HELP ME! I had to skin six proles to get those made and my staff at HQ will be very upset if they don't see me in them... because, well, that would mean they would serve as the "leather" to make me new ones.


Yes, yes... all files in their color-coded envelopes triplicated, notorized and stamped (neatly, please!!!). Nothing perks us up in the morning more than to read every disgusting and inhumane detail of a fellow comrade's "rehabilitation" over a hot cup of Starbucks. Why, we nearly shat ourselves reading about how they stuck a hot poker up Paul Begal... oooo.... I wasn't suppose to make that public knowledge was I? Whoops, sorry Paul!

Red Square wrote:I denounce SMO for taking the recently rehabilitated Commissar Pupovich's files, sticking them inside her socks, and burying them outside the dacha trailer.

I demand those files on my desk IN TRIPLICATE tomorrow morning, with all the content intact. I'll have Chairman and Dr. P. over for breakfast, this will be our conversation piece over coffee.

I can assure you that there are no pictures involved, nor anything concerning Her Empress... so I really don't think you would be interested in that file. Er... I know you have far more important issues to concern yourself with than some minor transgression that may or may not have happened. I can't even be certain I have been Sandy Burglarized.... at least that is my hope.

Pardon me for joining in late; I have been laughing too hard to type. All of the files that were stolen had forged information incriminating all of you that I was pissed off at.

SMO, I love you dearly but that little cetacean squeak was getting to me. You know that I play tape recordings of Susan Estrich all the time and after her dulcet tones nothing can compare.

Meow, you mean that you've been having fun with Begala? I don't believe it. You can't get hold of Begala because he came down here to the Rancho along with Harold Ickes--both even whiter than usual. Our Many Titted Empress was on a particularly terrifying binge and she'd have made the best pitcher in the American League had she gone out for it. Begala and Ickes came down here and I took pity on them, and they're running a baby farm for wetbacks, to steal the government money. It's not much, I know, but every little bit helps and after all, when Ickes and Begala get through indoctrinating them, they in unison cry to be in the cell next to Hannibal Lecter.

I denounce you too SMO, but I can't come up with a reason right now, so I'll get back to you on that.

Anybody can denounce. It's so yesterday. Now denouncing and <i>meaning</i> it, now <i>that's</i> denouncing. You gotta put <i>soul</i> in your denouncing.

I'm going to have to borrow someone's soul then, because I have already sold mine to Queen Hillary. I wonder if they sell souls on the black market. I bet the Russian Mafia has some....

What will you use to buy it with? Our Many Titted Empress has all our money.

Oh. You'll steal it. Silly me. But better buy your soul in a hurry because Our Empress knows what you have.

Crud, I need a donor fast. How do you surgically remove one's soul? I'm sure there's a how-to book on this, like: Surgically Removing a Soul from an Unwilling Host for Dummies, or something. I don't have any surgical equipment, so, I'll just use a spork, and a meat tenderizer I found in this dumpster outside a Mc Donald's.

Red Square wrote:

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:Serving the Greater Need (PATENT PENDING)

Truth be known, Greater Need (PATENT PENDING) is a hindrance on the way towards the Greater Good™. In a zero-sum economy of Next Tuesday™, the smaller the Need, the greater the Good. We all need to work on diminishing our needs (except the Party apparatus, of course), with the ultimate goal of having no needs at all, to reduce the burden on the People™ (while still remaining useful - e.g., necro-proxies™).

Thus, we need to advocate for diminishing needs...

DIMINISH YOUR NEEDS FOR THE GREATER GOOD™!

Which Al Gore and the environmentally-aware progressives are already demanding from the masses. Let me repeat, the ultimate goal here is to have no needs at all, to reduce the burden on the People™ (or Planet Earth™) and the ultimate product of all this is an ever-increasing army of Necro-Proxies™ voting Democrat™.

DIMINISH YOUR NEEDS FOR THE GREATER GOOD™!

Glorious Red Square
People's Director,

In accordance with your ever wise instruction and wishes, for as you know, I live to serve THE GREATER GOOD™, and you are the GREATEST GOOD I know, I hereby DIMINISH MY NEEDS to reduce the burden on The People™ and therefore Planet Earth™... I can only thank my fellow Cubists for their support in helping me achieve all that I can for The Party™ and The People™, for it must always be a Kollektive effort, lest it be seen as Kompetition. I am so happy that together, we have achieved this Viktory for the THE GREATER GOOD™.

So long... and thanks for all the fish...
Sister Massively Opiated

ps... I only hope that Blue Bell will take up her duties with as much enthusiasm, and work as diligently to bring about The Progressive World Of Next Tuesday™ now that I'm off to Potyomkingrad H2O

SOM, I am heartened by your response to the Dear Leader in regard to diminishing your needs, and I am here to help. For you see, as long as you possess that file that may or may not have existed in regard to me, the greater your need would be to store it, to keep it safe, and the greater your need to share it with others. So may I suggest that you return it to it's rightful place where it will be immediately shredded.

SMO -

I DENOUNCE YOU for confusing the diminishing needs of the masses with the growing needs of the Party. You, as a member of the Party Elite, are exempt from the requirement to diminish your needs, and you better remember that. The full version of the proposed slogan is, of course,

EVERYBODY (except the the Party Elite) MUST DIMINISH THEIR NEEDS FOR THE GREATER GOOD™!

Dear Leader, you do understand I was not actually trying to abet SMO in diminishing her needs? I was simply trying to satisfy more of my needs.... to get that memo back. It's not that there is any thoughtcrime in it, but if it were to fall into the wrong hands, such as a capitalist warmonger, they could perhaps twist my words in such a way as to bring embarrassment upon me.

Pupovich -

We already saw your file containing your notes about taking over the the Party apparatus and placing your people in all the key positions. Nothing really interesting there, everybody's got plans like this. Overall it could be a boring breakfast if Chairman didn't get drunk and glued himself to the floor again. The only thing of interest for me personally was the new avatar you had in the works, preparing to post it immediately after the takeover. Perhaps I'll replace your current avatar with it, so that the whole progressive world could see your true face.

<img src=/images/avatars/Pup_hat.gif>

SMO -

A little visual example I prepared for you to illustrate what I was talking about:

<img src=/images/Hillary_Poster_Needs.gif>

Red Square wrote:Pupovich -

We already saw your file containing your notes about taking over the the Party apparatus and placing your people in all the key positions. Nothing really interesting there, everybody's got plans like this.

Oh, that was the file you saw? Thank Lenin! I mean, er.... yes, that was what I was worried about.

I adore the new avitar and will rush right over to properly adorn myself! Many thanks!

Speaking of SMO.... and we were weren't we? I too ran across a curious item...no need in going into how or where.... Perhaps you are already aware of this, and I know she was formerly with the Navy weaponized dolphin program... so this would not be such a shock. were it not that it was dated just last week!<center><img src="https://members.cox.net/pupsdoghouse/dolphin in uniform.jpg"></center><br>

A very disturbing image, that. It really looks like our Commissar SMO wearing Navy uniform. Wait, I never... Could our Commissar SMO be working for the Party while also serving the imperialist Bush-Cheney regime? SMO a double agent? NOOOOO!!!!!

SMO a double agent? NOOOOO!!!!!

I was concerned that you were not aware of this. Thank Lenin I discovered this. This may well go beyond a mere denunciation. Oh, I hope she has an explanation, I really do! We won't believe it of course, but it will be more fun.

Well, she didn't know what OPM meant. Gather round...check the doors...can she hear us? Don't let Meow know; a few stiff drinks and he'll run blabbing and throw himself at the trotters of Our Many Titted Empress and tell all.

Did...you...know...that...dolphins..aren't...FISH? I just learned that from someone who actually sat through school. I didn't of course because I was protesting the fact that I, well, we, er, just <i>what</i> was it we were protesting? Oh hell, who cares? We tore shit up and had a really good time and make people really afraid of us.

So I think that we need to worry about SMO being a double agent. That is unless she's a triple agent, which means that she's betraying the people that she's betraying us for, which makes her an alright joe in my book, comrades.

Heelllllo Boys! I'm Ba-a-ack!

Oh... for Flipper's sake!... I can't believe anyone would be fooled by a little Photoshopping in this day and age... but then, apparently, in my absence while on a much needed rest on Potyomkingrad H2O, Commissar Pupovich came out of the closet as one of the Village Pupple (which are you supposed to be, by the way?... or are you the Captain of the Yellow Submarine?... Kaptain Kursk?... Certainly not Captain Crunchie?!? Uncle Albert... Admiral Halsey? No? Well... you let me know when you decide... ), so I supposed as winter comes, hats are 'in' and anything's possible... Really, I would have preferred someone give me a Ushanka... At least it 'goes' better with my skin tone...

While this is certainly a flattering look...

Perhaps you are not familiar with this so-called 'recent portrait' of Sister... it's been 'floating' around the internet for several years now... I don't even think it even belongs to a real uniform... I think it's part of some Kulak child's Halloween costume...
... and not at all a good look for me...

For Lenin's sake... Could someone not just put me in a proper Budenovka already... it's getting embarrassing...

In any case, I've just gotten home... I'm completely space-lagged, and I would like to catch up on my sleep before I have to start back to work. I laid out some traps for Blue Bell before I left and either I've managed to catch a very stupid Progressive Trotsky Monster, or she's drunkenly stumbled into one and is trying to chew off her own leg... either way, I'm going to have to track it down first thing in the morning, as I'm sure no one has done a thing in my abscence, being harried constantly by Pupovich's silly pictures and paranoia... Really... we have to start screening them for paranoia... it's a fact of life around here and if they can't take the blackmail, they should get out of the mail room... or the file room... or learn how to clean up after themselves....

There's just no pride in werk any more! At least Theocritus gets it... Now, that's smarts! And I've always admired that Toga look he carries off so well... Dolphins just don't look good in togas... Ah well... we can't all have such bearing...

Anyhow... night night boys...
I'll show you some holidays snaps tomorrow... I picked up a lovely new flipper mounted... well... I bought myself a treat and maybe even some little things for good Commissars...
Nighty-night
SMO

<Sauntering off to Bunker #5, singing to herself... In the Navy... oh you can sail the seven seas... In the navy... you can catch some strange disease... In the Nav... hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm... In the Navy... In th... hm hm....>

Comrade SMO, I can assure you that Sherlock Pup only uses the most tried and true investigative techniques, and he would point out that as he has noted many times, he has no photoshop program as he has 2 left paws when it comes to graphic programs. I merely ran across this potentially disturbing evidence while investigating a complaint from one of the hard workers at the Pup's Pleasure Palace who reported that housekeeping had not cleaned up her work station from the evening before. This picture was found along with several empty bottles of Eagle Rare Bourbon, some superglue, and thousands of pieces of what appeared to be some sort of broken ceramic figurines of some sort. In addition to this, there were damp Kleenex's strewn about the room, a worn Thesaurus, and holes in the walls where it appeared someone had been head butting the wall. It also appeared as if some sort of heavy machinery had been dragged in and out of the room. The damage ran into several thousand rubles for which I am having to seek reimbursement. Naturally, when I saw this photograph, I knew my duty was to show it to the Dear Leader who would know whether it was genuine or not. For all I knew, you could have been working undercover.

I denounce SMO for..... um..... oh... Denouncing herself! I also denounce her for NOT stopping this picture (assuming it is photoshopped) immediatly by contacting the 'non-biased' writers at The New Republic and the always honest photographers at the AP and Reuters. The fact that the NYTs was not even consulted is a shame.

I also denounce said photographers for failing to do a better job of photoshopping... er... making the colors 'pop' in their photos of the imperialist zion invastion of Hezbolland... I mean Lebannon.

Oh hell. I'll do it.

I denounce denouncing.

There. I've done it. I think that you progressives were just enjoying this too much. After all, it's a proletarian weakness. We do not need to prove our perfect dedication to the Utter Control of the Cosmos in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday, including Sweat, Spit, Sighs and Farts, for denouncing is a weapon against rivals.

And there are no rivals here, in camera, are there?

Meow, Meow, wherefore art thou, Meow? Not here, eh? Well, folks, come in closer. The <i>last</i> time that Meow was at Rancho del Rio Grande he drank all my Eagle Rare Bourbon--I finally got over the shock of the BEQ trying to bean me with it--and then he passed out. I was pouring him into bed and he roused a little bit and tried to take off his Mao suit. And do you <i>know</i> what he has tattooed..

<crash>Er, Meow! Empress! How the f...How glad to see you? Won't you sit down?

...Empress, what's that in your trotter? Is that my Sabatier knife? Empress, you know that I am devoted to you and whatever Meow said is a lie, you know how he is, the Eagle Rare always goes to his head...

Yes, Theocritus... I would love to sit down. Since you were such a gracious host the last time I visited, I have decided to bring someone with me who really, really admirers all the work you are doing here at the Rancho del Rio Grande... Madam Speaker, come on in... Theocritus has a room available for you, his room I think. (she really needs a vacation, Theocritus. You know, with her Congress going to Detroit in a hand basket and all).

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Oh hell. I'll do it.

I denounce denouncing.

There. I've done it. I think that you progressives were just enjoying this too much. After all, it's a proletarian weakness.

But... but.... the Dear Leader himself denounced! Are you suggesting that the Dear Leader was in error? Hmmmm? It was certainly good enough for Grandpup Beria and Uncle Iosef.

Well howdy-doody there, Theocritus!! When Meow told me about this little resort you got going on here I just couldn't resist <slips off shoes> I mean, I need to kick up my heels for a while and just take it all in. Oh! That white couch looks beautiful! Just beautiful! Why, I think I'll have a seat there <sits down and spreads legs>…. Oh yes…. This is nice… mmmm…. <pisses pants> Ahhh, much better, much better. Yup, I think you and I are going to get along just fine for the next few months, Theocritus… or should I call you bunk buddy? Yeah! I'll call you bunk buddy, because, well, we will be sharing the same room together while I'm here! Awwah, look at him, Meow… look at how excited he is! Why, if I didn't know any better I would say he was crying! That is too cute… LUPE! LUPE! Bring my luggage in already! I'm going to need a fresh pair of pants and a diaper… I've gone and pissed all over Theocritus' fine furniture.

Thanks again, Meow! I will have a *blast* hanging out with Theocritus for a while!

You have made him one happy Commissar Nancy! He won't forget your graciousness for a long long time! Oh what a shame my doghouse does not have all the amenities such as you need, but I guess that is my loss.

Don't thank me, Your Grace. If anyone deserves some much needed R&R it is surely you. You suffer, no, you toil - yes, much better - so hard for the People so that you may fullfill their collective will. Just lay back, take off those frumpy clothes and just air it all out, Your Grace. Just air it all out for Theocritus... because, well, he is there to take away all your stress.

We hope to see you back in action soon, Your Grace! (Psssh. Yeah right! Stay as long as you want, you old cow) Don't forget to drop us a line! We will miss you!

It does my heart good to know Commissar Theocritus is getting to enjoy the pleasure of Nancy's presence, and as you say, she is getting the rest she so richly deserves. It really is an ideal situation when you think about it. You are to be commended Chairman for thinking of the well being of your comrades.

Meow, I thank you. I will tell you in a moment how I appreciate it.

Nansky, always glad to have you. I can use your sage advice, your keenly honed sense of democracy. In fact I am so appreciative that I will let you in on a secret.

I've been consulting with that dear man, your friend and mine, Dr. Mengele. Joe really is quite up to date and has been keeping up with cloning--after all, what better way to have the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™--2027--than to have genetically identical copies of you and Our Empress around?

Meowsevitch is so pleased that he has offered to take the kittens into his own house for raising. See how dedicated he is to the Cause of Perfect Justice, Sweat, Spit, Stink and Farts? After all, what more could a man do for his party than to give up his house for <i>eighteen</i> years to a group of people whose DNA was the model for the Skeksis?

And to effect this, Bruno will show you to your own suite, here in the Theocritus Arms. You'll love it. It has <i>excellent</i> plumbing and you'll be utterly undisturbed. The walls are soundproofed.

Anything for you, dear Nansky, anything at all.

Meow, let's talk. I'm <i>dying</i> to hear this one. And I'm sure you'll join me. Won't you, dear boy?

Commissar Pupovich wrote:Comrade SMO, I can assure you that Sherlock Pup only uses the most tried and true investigative techniques, and he would point out that as he has noted many times, he has no photoshop program as he has 2 left paws when it comes to graphic programs. I merely ran across this potentially disturbing evidence while investigating a complaint from one of the hard workers at the Pup's Pleasure Palace who reported that housekeeping had not cleaned up her work station from the evening before. This picture was found along with several empty bottles of Eagle Rare Bourbon, some superglue, and thousands of pieces of what appeared to be some sort of broken ceramic figurines of some sort. In addition to this, there were damp Kleenex's strewn about the room, a worn Thesaurus, and holes in the walls where it appeared someone had been head butting the wall. It also appeared as if some sort of heavy machinery had been dragged in and out of the room. The damage ran into several thousand rubles for which I am having to seek reimbursement. Naturally, when I saw this photograph, I knew my duty was to show it to the Dear Leader who would know whether it was genuine or not. For all I knew, you could have been working undercover.

Comrade Commissar Pupovich,

Kommissar Sister Massively Opiated is pleased to know that a fellow Commissar would not stoop to such a bungling attempt at 'framing', not to mention Purging --

which I believe falls within the rubric of The Kommissariate of Purges, Intimidation and Pain Management, itself the sole purview of our very own
Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid,
Red Square,
People's Commissar of Purges,
Intimidation and Pain Management,<br>The People's Director
as anyone may see in a link to a previous post, if they but click on his title. (It is noteworthy that he has signed the linked post so, as it is not often that he feels the need to make all or even any of his responsibilities known to us. Indeed, why should he feel the need to do anything unless it is a lesson he feels we must learn and understand - and so it is a good lesson for the young ones to see his title so enunciated, or how else are we to learn, or to be reminded of his place, and therefore our own?)

-- of a brother Commissar. Certainly, I am not insinuating in any way that you concocted the fotos you considered as evidence against me, as you have often loudly and publicly described your abilities in Photoshop in the most self-deprecating terms, so that anyone's attention in the vicinity, or the vicinity of the vicinity would be drawn to you in order to be made completely and utterly aware that you have no facility whatsoever with this programme. Assuredly, I can see where "Sherlock Pup's" true talents lie, so much so that it would almost be an insult not only to myself, but to the most basic intellect and reasoning skills of our brother Commissars, and our Glorious Red Leader, to ask one to believe in the veracity of these fotos - Fotos which even the youngest prole child could easily ascertain in a matter of seconds by doing the most basic investigation on the internet, have been 'posted' and floating about in cyberspace for years now, where anyone might download them and attempt to use them as evidence of my being Baba Yaga or even Madame Blavatsky (ha ha ha), were they of a silly enough bent... or merely intellectually challenged. Fotos of ALL OF US are easily found online, given that we are of The Party™ and so in some sense publik figures, and Kulak children are not so well kontrolled or behaved as our dear Bednyak children, until such time as we can bring them into the fold and begin their superior edukation alongside their better-reared peers, thus sucking the poison of kompetition and klass konsciousness out of their poor little doktrinally anemic veins and replacing it with the rich lifesblood of Cubism (but I digress)...

"Sherlock Pup's" talents were certainly put to good use in discovering the evidence he outlines... Let us, for Kommissar Sister's edification, examine again the list:

=> A doktored foto (as discussed above) seeming to implicate Sister Massively Opiated as a double agent.

=> several empty bottles of Eagle Rare Bourbon, which is odd since Kommissar Sister so very rarely drinks alcohol because of her medications and when she does, she only drinks tequila.

=> some superglue - I must here bow to "Sherlock Pup's" superior deductive powers and inquire how or why superglue is relevant.... ahhh... but perhaps it is the next item on the evidence list... unless it is that someone has been 'huffing' the glue to alter their (guilty?) conscience. I have never understood the use of solvents to 'get high'... it is not a Dolphin trait and it gives Kommissar Sister a headache even to be in the same room as such things.... but it seems more likely, to this humble mind, that the superglue was for the purpose of repair.

=> thousands of pieces of what appeared to be broken ceramic figurines of some sort... is Kommissar Sister to assume "Sherlock Pup" believes these pieces were originally from some Chairman's Hummel collection?... a collection which Kommissar Sister was injured by and which was, as I understand it, smashed into a million little pieces by our Super-Mammalian Empress AND a drunken infiltrator to the Cube who used one of these precious pieces of 'art' to render Kommissar Sister unconscious as she was being distracted by false accusations brought against her by a brother Commissar? Please forgive my questions, "Sherlock Pup", as I am simply trying to understand and my deductive powers are not nearly so powerful as yours, my being a simple washer/sniper dolphin by trade. I very much appreciate your patience as I work through what must seem a very straightforward exercise to you, but is an utter tangle and confusion to one such as myself.

=> damp Kleenex's strewn about the room... Again, I am sorry... why were they damp? Was someone tracking water about - something Housekeeping is very very cautious not to do lest someone slip and fall and since we consider it rude to track our water out of our tank... it is basic ettiquette... we wouldn't expect you to visit our tanks and fart now, would we?... May Kommissar Sister assume the facial tissues were damp from tears of someone crying? And therefore emotionally upset and perhaps emotionally unbalanced? Or would that be assuming too much? It is difficult for Kommissar Sister to know, given that she abhors maudlin displays of unneccessarily self-indulgent whining...

=> a worn Thesaurus... Hmm... that IS interesting... a language reference book... which would be necessary for someone with very little facility for language but not for someone who already has a large vocabulary. But I must ask, "Sherlock Pup", are not the girls who work at the Pleasure Palace (is that what it is called - I have never been there as it does not fall within the responsibilities of Housekeeping, unless we are waiting outside the entrance on the street, acting in the capacity of Limousine Service for one of your patrons, in which case it is because we have been dispatched there by Dr. P, The Chairman, or by Glorious Red himself. It seems a common misconception regarding Housekeeping's duties, that we are a maid service, when, in fact, we only provide maid service for The Cube itself and any other "housekeeping" services provided by the Kommissariate off-site are limited to 'wet-work'. In other words, We Sweep Dead People, but we do not vacuum the carpets of off-site gew-gaw merchants, wash the windows of off-site liquor stores, or tidy up the work areas of Privately Pimping Pleasure Palaces, particularly since their OWNERS EMPLOY WORKERS, and so it would seem only correct that they also EMPLOY CLEANERS as part of that group of WORKERS... but then, Kommissar Sister does not understand these kinds of EMPLOYEE/EMPLOYER relationships that take place outside of the Kollektive or strictly kontrolled Union-run situations, so you must forgive her ignorance.)... Tell me, is it a nice place? I so rarely go out and socialize in such places as decadence makes Kommissar Sister feel somewhat uncomfortable and out of place, given that I am only a humble, yet well-spoken washer/sniper dolphin who spends her free time reading Party™ approved literature which has, I believe, contributed to my large vocabulary... But I digress... are not the girls who work in this, your Pleasure Palace, 'imported' from foreign lands via cargo ship, arriving without speaking a lick of English?... Again, you must forgive Kommissar Sister's naivete, but could this Thesaurus not be a communication tool used by one of your employees? Or a learning device?

=> holes in the walls where it appeared someone had been head butting the wall... That certainly is interesting... head-butting the wall as evidence of Kommissar Sister's guilt... I wonder why I would butt my head against a wall in those circumstances, given that one of my most delicate and important sense organs, my melon, reposes there? Though, it does bring to mind the behaviour of someone drunk and upset at being denied their dream... their dream of being an "Housekeeping Fairy"... someone who drinks... what was it?... Ah yes... Eagle Rare Bourbon... a distinctly Texan sounding beverage, to Kommissar Sister's poor ear, but certainly not something I've ever even heard of in Kanadistan... Bour... Bon... it sounds like some sort of French liqueur... or Monarchy, perhaps... but not something a Northern Dolphin would enjoy the taste of... but perhaps that is just Kommissar Sister's tastes... In any case, unnecessary damage to anything, which creates unnecessary mess is against Kommissar Sister's nature and like whining displays of emotion, something she abhors.

=> It also appeared as if some sort of heavy machinery had been dragged in and out of the room... "Sherlock Pup"... have you any idea what kind of machinery? When you say 'appeared', what made it seem so... I understand 'looks as if', but how do you know it was heavy machinery that was dragged in and out of the room, and if so, what machinery?... Have you any idea why?... it is very curious, is it not?... I wonder what the marks could be from, since from what you say, there is absolutely no way of knowing, or even formulating a reasonable assumption based on motive, what it could possibly have been that made those marks, or for that matter, who it might have been... and in so many ways the why and the what of the marks must needs be linked inextricably to the who... I would imagine, though what do I know of such things, as I am but a humble washer/sniper dolphin and you are "Sherlock Pup" and so it is very clear who must possess the superior deductive abilities, never mind the logic and reasoning to apply them to this or any other situation... It is only, "Sherlock Pup", that Kommissar Sister fails utterly to see any meaning in these marks as they are simply marks, and without knowing what made them, who make them, why they were made, or even when, they remain only marks...

Now - you say that this 'evidence' was brought to your attention by "one of the hard workers" at your Pleasure Palace... One of YOUR workers... this EMPLOYEE... not a member of the Pleasure Palace Kollective Worker's Union?... Hmmm... and that you will be seeking remuneration in the form of Rubles from... somewhere... to, I assume, make recompense for damage to Pup's Pleasure Palace?... It is funny, but again, as Kommissar Sister does not know of these decadent establishments or their ways, it is hard for her to imagine The Party™ not simply providing a budget for such things, but then, I have no experience with things that are not simply of The Party™ and therefore provided by The Party™. It is, perhaps, that as a Kommissariate, Housekeeping etc. is given a budget that I must manage diligently and keeps strict records of, which are sent frequently to Party™ Accounting and which enumerate not only the outlay of said budget but the disposition of all which it is dispersed for, not to mention find ways of enhancing within the bounds of Party™ doktrin, in order that Housekeeping meet the needs of the Party™.

So... Commissar "Sherlock Pup", I must admit to my own lack of so-fish-stick-ation in grasping the import of the evidence you mention which you claim points to my guilt. It would, in fact, added up, seem to point to someone of little mean skill or imagination and perhaps one inebriated and even mentally unbalanced, attempting in a very poor fashion, to frame Kommissar Sister Massively Opiated. The old and obviously fraudulent foto, the alcohol (not something consumed by Kommissar Sister, but recently seen to be drunk in large amounts by a certain proletariate member of the Cube who wished to be taken on by the Kommissariate of Housekeeping but who was deemed too unbalanced to bring into the fold, as she was a danger to herself, to us, and a security risk to the Cube.) Then there is the superglue, the broken pieces of porcelaine, and the dampened facial tissue - which I have no idea what to make of when considered together, except that we know who handled the Hummel (to the detriment of Kommissar Sister's wellbeing), and who is known recently to effect unseemly displays of emotion requiring the drying of tears (The Chairman, upon finding his Hummel pummelled, and The clearly mad self-styled Prole Cleaning Fairy, Blue Bell - upon drinking too much Bour Bon and being rejected for service by Housekeeping). The Thesaurus - found in an establishment which steals the labour of workers who can barely speak English and therefore cannot argue for themselves... an English learning tool in an establishment where the means of produktion are enslaved and cannot even communicate for themselves... hmmm... hardly evidence of Kommissar Sister's guilt or duplicity in anything, given that said korrupt establishment is not only not hers, but that she has never been there, nor does Housekeeping service it... and then there are the holes in the wall and marks on the floor - however they were made... which can no way be linked to any member of Housekeeping, but which one could, with a large enough imagination, or the appropriate level of skill in the art of deduction, "Sherlock Pup", see being made by Hummel Porcelain figurines hitting the wall with great force, as well as by someone drunken and unbalanced expressing their sene of failure by repeatedly banging their alcoholically be-numbed skull against the wall...

The marks on the floor I cannot even begin to deduce the cause of, given their complete and utter lack of qualifying or accompanying information - and even this lowly washer/sniper Dolphin would be astounded could "Sherlock Pup" himself, even with the benefit of knowing with exatitude the meaning of the previously listed 'evidence' against Kommissar Sister, give meaning to said marks, the means, motive, and maker of which he knows not and can only imagine... something I am under the impression a truly deductive mind would not do... only a teller of fairy tales... and perhaps that is the point.

What we have here is a Fairy Tale... a case of a Drunken and Deluded Prole infiltrating both the Cube, and your Decadent Kapitalist and Doktrinally Korrupt Privately Owned Establishment, AKA Pup's Pleasure Palace, and wreaking havoc just as she had at the Cube ™... putting Party™ and Cube ™, not to mention all its inhabitants in danger, as indicated by the physical attack on Kommissar Sister... who was rendered unconscious and sustained further physical injury at the hands of the mad-Fairy Blue Bell WHILE BEING PURPOSELY DISTRACTED BY COMMISSAR PUPOVICH'S ILL-CONCEIVED AND UNFOUNDED DENOUNCEMENT... It was Kommissar Sister who did give warning regarding Blue Bell's state of mind - AND YET someone continued to let the crazed self-styled Cleaning Fairy on to the premises... the, until recently, extremely secure premises... dressed as a fairy... clearly drunk... and who was, in Kommissar Sister's absence, allowed to dust... badly... never mind the fact that TheProgressiveRedFox's young offspring slept only meters away!!!! And their safety and well-being put in danger by this traitor!!!! In fact, Kommissar Sister informed Red Square of this situation, letting it be known that the Fairy was not part of the Kommissariate of Housekeeping.

Now... some Commissars who have previously laid claimed to great deductive reasoning powers but whom have shown little propensity for such, might attempt (weakly) to call this proof that Kommissar Sister was acting to throw suspicion off her fluke and onto others, but can we not move past this sham of a construction already and just admit that some have clearly not been doing their homework and so have not read (or perhaps not understood) the Cube Handbook Chapter on "How to Frame a Fellow Commissar with Worthy Skill"... and so have 'washed out' as my former Navy captors used to call it... It does become a sad and pathetic spectacle to watch one struggle so, against the current and rocks like a salmon attempting with no luck to spawn... battering oneself for no reason, only to fail and die... I cannot watch, it is such a sad show, the end already known... that a big stinking 'medved' is waiting by the shore to bat you out of the water and tear you to bits in its jaws... that the ill-considered efforts, the poor strategizing and mean attempt will come to nothing but medved spoor... which, if found on the premises of The People's Cube ™, will be duly swept into the dustbin of life... and perhaps used to fertilize the beets next spring... Then and only then will use come of such Fairy Tales... Such skazki.

What is more worrisome to me is this Pup's Pleasure Palace... Ownership of the means of produktion... no apparent kollektive agreement... Marx forgive me for my lack of fortitude... I can only put it down to my recent injury by Hummel Porcelaine Gew-gaw, but it makes me faint to just think of it... faint and sick...

Pup, I suggest that you resort to the time-honored and so-far-successful defense of your fellow Cajun William Jefferson. "Wha? I don know nuttin."

... not remotely abusive, nasty, repulsive, larcenous, libelous, or mendacious by half...

I have a buggy whip you can borrow...

We could go hunting for Nutria and have us a BBQ... yee... haw... y'all....

SMO, oh, I can see that investigation was not a skill your pod was schooled in, for if you would review the original post, never, not once, did I suggest that you were the cause of the mess found in the workspace at the Pleasure Palace, which as you know, falls under my jurisdiction as Commissar of Eco-Prostitution, a position I was entrusted with by the Dear Leader himself. In fact, if you would note, I specifically said that my worker had called me because housekeeping had NOT cleaned the room, suggesting of course that no one from your department showed up. Now I could spend time explaining the possible significance of those clues, but I fear that would waste needless time away from the work of the party, and fall on ears that .... er... dolphins do have ears right? Well, never mind. Needless to say, I am sending a report to the Dear Leader in regard to this matter.

<a href="https://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/fog ... av">Report to Dear Leader</a>

Commissar Pupovich wrote:Comrade SMO, I can assure you that Sherlock Pup only uses the most tried and true investigative techniques, and he would point out that as he has noted many times, he has no photoshop program as he has 2 left paws when it comes to graphic programs. I merely ran across this potentially disturbing evidence while investigating a complaint from one of the hard workers at the Pup's Pleasure Palace who reported that housekeeping had not cleaned up her work station from the evening before. This picture was found along with several empty bottles of Eagle Rare Bourbon, some superglue, and thousands of pieces of what appeared to be some sort of broken ceramic figurines of some sort. In addition to this, there were damp Kleenex's strewn about the room, a worn Thesaurus, and holes in the walls where it appeared someone had been head butting the wall. It also appeared as if some sort of heavy machinery had been dragged in and out of the room. The damage ran into several thousand rubles for which I am having to seek reimbursement. Naturally, when I saw this photograph, I knew my duty was to show it to the Dear Leader who would know whether it was genuine or not. For all I knew, you could have been working undercover.

Commissar Pupovich wrote:SMO, oh, I can see that investigation was not a skill your pod was schooled in, for if you would review the original post, never, not once, did I suggest that you were the cause of the mess found in the workspace at the Pleasure Palace, which as you know, falls under my jurisdiction as Commissar of Eco-Prostitution, a position I was entrusted with by the Dear Leader himself. In fact, if you would note, I specifically said that my worker had called me because housekeeping had NOT cleaned the room, suggesting of course that no one from your department showed up. Now I could spend time explaining the possible significance of those clues, but I fear that would waste needless time away from the work of the party, and fall on ears that .... er... dolphins do have ears right? Well, never mind. Needless to say, I am sending a report to the Dear Leader in regard to this matter.
<a href="https://www.barbneal.com/wav/ltunes/fog ... av">Report to Dear Leader</a>

Comrade Commissar Pupovich,

You are correct... do please forgive this humble dolphin, who does, in fact have ears, though who is not, as your report to "Dear Leader" insinuates, a woman... the correct term for female dolphin is "cow", while males are called "bulls" and babies are called "calves". So, you see, I am a cow. Regarding dolphin ears:
"Echolocation works similarly to an ultrasound. It gives a dolphin the capacity to explore their environment 3 dimensionally and aids in navigation and hunting in low light and low visibility environments. The emit sounds, or clicks, from their nasal passages, which are then passed through their melon (forehead). The melon is filled with fatty tissue and fluid and acts like an acoustic lens to focus the sounds in different directions. The sound waves then bounce off of objects of interest and are received by the dolphin's lower jaw as an echo. This information is then passed to the brain via the inner ear. Echolocation is very efficient. Bottlenose dolphins are capable of distinguishing an object the size of a ping-pong ball from a football field away. Dolphins hear about 7.5 times better than we do. A dolphin's hearing range is between 0.2 – 150 kHz, with peak sensitivity falling between 8 - 90 kHz. A human's hearing range is between 0.2 – 17 kHz, with peak sensitivity falling between 0.5 – 4 kHz. Thus, humans are incapable of hearing a large range of sounds both produced and heard by dolphins .A dolphin's ears are the size of pinholes."

We also have 20/20 vision, just like humans!

In any case, you are not interested in a Dolphin biology lesson, I am quite sure. However, as I said, you are most correct - you did not accuse Housekeeping or myself of anything untoward regarding the the list of clues you enumerated and for that I owe you a very public apology. You did, nonetheless, share a list of clues with the entire Cube... Leadership, the Kommissars all, and The People... and share it very publicly, in the context of this thread and a previous one, wherein you have accused me of the most heinous of Thoughtcrimes, not to mention actual crimes against the Party. And so you have left the impression that these clues are related to the evidence, previously mentioned by you, which you have said you have against me. By listing clues in this way, and then not explaining these clues, after touting your deductive abilities, you further give the impression that they are somehow related to me.... and since you have publicly enumerated and discussed these clues I can see no reason why you might not share your thoughts with us (not even the pod, per se, but everyone, since you have already shared everything else with everyone).... Please - school the pod, and the everyone else, as we are obviously not as able (the pod, that is... I cannot speak for everyone else) to work through this seeming tangle as to your deductions regarding this evidence - what does it add up to, please?!? I am most eager to have you clear my name in this matter, as you seem the only one able to put all the pieces together, and then enumerate them publicly, though without explication. Also, why are you sending a report to Kim Jong Il.. AKA, Dear Leader? Would it not properly go to Red Square, or even to our Super-Mammalian Empress? This humble dolphin is further confused.

In any case, my most sincere apologies if I misunderstood the purpose of you enumerating a list of evidence without drawing a conclusion regarding it, in a thread which is the continuation of a thread accusing me of the worst possible things and in which you instigate a purge against me...

All the best
Sister Massively Opiated
Kommissar of Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection and Limo Service.

First off SMO, let me say how much I truly appreciate your response. You know I really never joined in with those who were denunciating you, even though the *Red Square initiated this. I have not forgotten that you may or may not still have or have never possessed a memo from me that may or may not suggest a most un-progressive softness for a Commissar. But I can see how my reporting of this unfortunate photo to the Dear Leader for his evaluation could be construed as a denunciation. *BTW. have I been in error all this time? Anytime you have seen me refer to the Dear Leader, I was referring to Red Square. Seeing how this is his creation I always assumed he was the Dear Leader (though I was aware of our N Korean brother's use of this name as well). Simply calling him Red Square seemed to not express our true love for his guidance and wisdom.

As for the possible clues I discovered the other day, now I am not one to name names in public of course, but I believe that if you review these links...here, here, here you will see a possible, and I must emphasize possible explanation for the damp kleenex and the holes in the wall. I could also bring up many others, but I believe we see the picture? I don't believe I need to suggest where the empty bottles may have come from. It was the skid marks and trail of some sort of what appeared to be some sort of lubricant that led me to think that perhaps some sort of heavy machinery was present in the room. The worn thesaurus I can only presume was the property of someone who has a deep love for words, especially the more esoteric ones, and I don't think it's necessary to mention who might, perhaps fit that description. The Pup prefers to conflabucate his own words. Now the Pup is not one to cast bones, so he will let you come to your own conclusions as to who was in that room, and what they may or may not have been doing.

<br>Actually, I was just pulling your fluke about the dolphin's ear. I am actually quite fascinated in your species. I don't know, but I suspect you may have heard of this before, but allow me to continue for those who have not. In the great movie from way back, The Day of the Dolphin, the part played by George C Scott was actually loosely based on a real person, John C Lilly. For the uninformed, in The Day of the Dolphin, the hero was a scientist investigating the ability of dolphins to communicate, and was actually teaching dolphins to speak in English. Back in the late 70's when I was in psychology grad school at Stephen F Austin in Texas (of course), I actually was able to hear one of the tapes Dr, Lilly made. The audio quality was not great, but it sure sounded as if the dolphin was saying "Alpha." This of course led me to read about the man, and discovered that as in the movie, Lily's dolphins were indeed named Alpha and Beta, and as in the movie, the scene where he seperated the two because Alpha seemed to be regressing to dolphin speak only when Beta was introduced, also was based on a real event. Dr. Lilly is not just any "nutcase." He originally was studying dolphin brains for his research on human brains. Lilly invented some of the electrodes that are used to measure neural activity deep in the brain, and is also the creater of the first sensory deprivation tanks. His investigations however led him to realize that his subjects were more than just animals, that they showed an incredible amount of intelligence and he could no longer continue to dissect their brains for research. The problem with him however, was his connections to Timothy Leary back in the early sixties, and Lilly's own admitted explorations of LSD, so therefore his research on dolphins was also treated with suspicion.

Personally, I believe dolphins are on the same level, perhaps even slightly higher than man. The dolphin is the only animal on earth whose senory-cortex ratio to brain size is actually slightly higher than mans. This ratio can pretty much be used to rank intelliegence as measured by other means throughout the animal line.

"We found that relative cerebellum size is significantly greater in the two dolphin species than in any of the primates, including humans. These results suggest that there is possibly expansion of brain structures independent of strictly allometric processes."

It's easy for we men to look at all that we build and say that dolphins show no such intelligence. However, man has hands and frankly would not likely have survived were it not for his ability to build shelters for his protection. The dolphin on the other hand is perfectly suited to it's environment, and has no natural predators other than man. Oh, and they don't have hands.

Well, crud! I stumble in here to find this thoughtful discussion of dolphins--and right after I was staggering around one of the other boards blathering about these fine creatures like a drunken potbellied Congressman tugging at his American-flag necktie and droning away about potash subsidies on C-SPAN at two in the morning to a chamber empty of all but the tired cleaning crew who don't even understand English.

(Sorry for the lame simile; before that I'd been perusing a list of "Ratherisms" left over like two-day old bean salad from Election Night, and his style sort of rubbed off on me like cheap suntan lotion in the 99 cent bin at--oh hell.)

I'm really messing up here, and it's all Bush's fault.

It's one of those interspecies things... your not a speciest are you?

Perish the thought, Comrade! Like any Good Progressive, I am tolerant of all views, beliefs, lifestyle choices, and half-baked ideas--save those of Conservatives and/or Christians, of course.

But I remember, Pinkie, you on another thread mentioning that dolphins, being mentally superior creatures, would've surely voted Democrat, had they not been disenfranchised by the speciist knuckle-dragging Republicans. And that pigeons, on the other hand, are more kin to Bush because of their propensity to bomb innocent women and children and generally throw their shit all over the place. I must add here that it is precisely the pigeon crap that had caused the bridge collapse in Minnesota, so who can say now it's not Bush's fault?

All this is so clear to me now because Sister's logic and deductive skills had rubbed off on me like Dan Rather's "Ratherisms" rubbed off on the model worker Pinkie.

It is also clear to me that the heavy equipment in Pup's PP had to be The Winch, to which Chairman, being fond of all kinds of appliances, lovingly referred to as "The Wench." I also assume that the Winch was needed to install an upgraded version of Hildo Hydra 7.9 in a private room reserved for the Empress and her guests.

Apparently, the mess observed by Pup later was the result of an orgy that had ensued. The used thesaurus points at the presence of Theocritus who had finally memorized the remaining X-Y-Z words and discarded the book instead of properly recycling it.

The presence of Meow is undeniable, as well as the presence of Mr. Reno and Hillary, who is omnipresent period.

But it is the presence of Blue Bell that explains everything, and it is she who must be denounced.

Therefore, it is decided that SMO had denounced herself in error and should be rehabilitated in the eyes of The Party and The People* and restored to her duties as Kommissar of Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection and Limo Service.
_______________
* The People has been revised to include dolphins, dogs, cows, vegetables, household appliances, necro-proxies, and any other Democrat-leaning entities historically disenfranchised by the speciist and necrophobic Republicans.

You are most wise and perceptive. I too had come to a similar conclusion, though I was not aware of the wench. What a joy it is to know that SMO is rehabilitated, for that matter, it seems to me that this never happened in the first place and is but a fairy tale spread by right wing bigots! Er... you did get my report to you in regard to SMO?

Red Square wrote:But I remember, Pinkie, you on another thread mentioning that dolphins, being mentally superior creatures, would've surely voted Democrat, had they not been disenfranchised by the speciist knuckle-dragging Republicans. And that pigeons, on the other hand, are more kin to Bush because of their propensity to bomb innocent women and children and generally throw their shit all over the place. I must add here that it is precisely the pigeon crap that had caused the bridge collapse in Minnesota, so who can say now it's not Bush's fault?

Da, that sounds like the sort of nonsense I might spew after a few quaffs of vodka, but--Stalin's nightgown! I forgot all about the bridge in Minnesota! (Pinkie bashes self over head with shovel.) How could I have missed that? (Pinkie bashes self over head with shovel again.) Because I'm just a prole who must be told what to think!

My head hurts . . . I think I need some hair of the dog . . . no, not you, Commissar Pupovich, though it's sweet of you to offer . . . no, I mean, where's my vodka stash?

Comrade Pinkie,

With such an exemplary shovel and the skills to go with it, I'm almost assured that you have buried your Vodka rations... somewhere... I'm told canines have extremely good olfactory organs, so perhaps one of the Cubists of that persuasion might be able to help you.... Also, some canines in the party are possessed of monitoring equipment of great resolution which can see things from space with great accuracy - for instance, disturbances in the ground where things might have been buried. Certainly, such abilties are closely guarded and highly secure, but with the right inducement and the understanding of a wise and compassionate Party Member in possession of such skill and equipment, I'm sure help would be forthcoming.... the Politburo is not without understanding or mercy, certainly, and particularly when it comes to Dan Ratherisms and the confounding effect his mere mention seems to have on so many... So... for any space-based canids willing to help Comrade Pinkie, "What is the frequency, Kenneth?"... Pinkie... please put on your tinfoil hat and buckle up... sometimes it can be a rough ride, waiting to find one's Vodka rations.... the shaking is normal.

Best Regards
SMO

No, so sorry, try as a might, I have not been able to locate even a single drop of vodka... burp. But I shall certainly keep up my search till every last drop in the collective is accounted for.<center><img src="https://members.cox.net/mightypup/dog relaxing.gif">l

Pinkie, as much as I welcome a new Komrade into the bosom of the Cube, it is even beyond my abilities to offer you intoxicating potables. After the shock of nearly being beaned by the Eagle Rare Bourbon, I do not let it in the house. I have found that this also cuts down on having to clean up puke.

I am so glad that the Commissariate has been having this frank and earnest discussion. In my experience, just as there is a finite number of atoms in the universe, there is a finite amount of wordy bullshit in the world and it's better that it be concentrated here while other more serious party members are going about the true business of the party, which is oppression, rapine, thuggery, larceny, mendacity, with a goodish amount of genocide thrown in for good measure on a warm Saturday night when there's nothing really good on television.

By the way, I have sent a copy of this discussion to the Texas Department of Insurance to be used in their rate-setting hearings. I find that it will be entirely more penetrable than the 1500 pages of small print now in place.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Pinkie, as much as I welcome a new Komrade into the bosom of the Cube, it is even beyond my abilities to offer you intoxicating potables. After the shock of nearly being beaned by the Eagle Rare Bourbon, I do not let it in the house. I have found that this also cuts down on having to clean up puke.

Come now Commissar....we know you are currently "entertaining" our dear Nancy even as we speak. Why not just admit to this comrade that every drop you have is needed by your guest, and of course, you already have a lot of mess to clean up as it is. What is the word on that white couch? Have you found a way to protect it from...well, "accidents?"

The white couch is in fact made of concrete, in a room with concrete walls, with a concrete floor sloping to a drain. There are high-pressure water cannon.

Nansky is under the delusion that it is fine Louis XIV furniture, for...Bruno, is she passed out? Good...that cow is so stupid that she believes what the last person told her, which is why we keep her surrounded by her keepers. She's actually much safer at a platform in front of a camera than she is working the crowd, for it we let her out alone, she'd come back quoting Ayn Rand and then what would we do? I can't tell you how that exasperates Our Many Titted Empress, who never goes off message except when people are starting to catch on that then she has to take some quality time smashing Meow's Hummels.

How stupid of me. I remember now the concrete couch and water hose. So how are you keeping her passed out with no vodka or other acceptable potables present?

BTW, did you happen to see where our friend, the Honorable Sen John Murtha, former US Marine hero, was ruthlessly hounded by some warmonger imperialist reporter in that elevator the other day? He was so upset that I took the opportunity to invite him down to your place to be with his Nancy so they can comfort each other, which hopefully will also cut down on some of the wear and tear on some of your other devices. His custom Black Mariah should be arriving at your house today.

Speaking of this... I checked the glossary and was unable to find a list of non persons. Should not Murtha be a non-person as well? His denunciations of the imperialist Marine serial killers is falling faster than a Kennedy taxi off a bridge, and so he is rapidly becoming even a bigger embarrassment to us than before. How far behind can Hsu be as well? Though of course he seems to have avoided a need for a cardboard cut out as of this moment. We need a list of non-persons. It seems I saw one once, but am unable to locate this at the moment.