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I've Been Promoted!

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Comrades,

It is with great pleasure to announce to all of the collective that I have been promoted to the position of Commodore of the People's Navy. I am humbled and honored to have gained the people's trust to assume the duties and responsibilities of this position.

Our Naval Defense of the Revolution Stands Firm! Our Socialist Ideas will prevail over the decadent West and their Capitalistic overlords. The People's Navy will always stand by to force all to live in our Socialist Yellow Submarine!!!!! (and shoot on site anybody that tries to escape).

EMBEDDED VIDEO NO LONGER AVAILABLE

Your Humble Servant of the People,

Commodore Snoogie Woogums

Glorious news Commodore!! It's comforting to know that you and Marshal Pupovich are in charge of the Party's powerful Navy and Army.

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Congratulations, Commodore! It is heart-warming to see an accomplished Party functionary at such a young age.

For generations now, progressive teachers and parents will have the chance to chastise the greedy and self-centered little brats under their charge whenever they make their individual onesies wet, by saying, "At your age, Comrade Snoogie Woogums was already a Commodore, directing the People's Navy on the high seas - and all you can do is crawl in a puddle of your own making!"

I anticipate a hockey-stick rise in underage awareness. People's educators Ayers and Dhorn would be proud!

It's time you find an underling to appoint him/her/it as a Bedwetting Czar. This way, if you wet the bed, it will be his/her/its problem. After he/she/it resigns in disgrace, you can then appoint another one.

Just make sure you vet your bedwetters carefully, we don't want to give Glen Beck more facts, he should make up his own facts like everybody else in the media does.

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And speaking of a maritime avatar and the titles, one shouldn't forget to mention the protection of endangered flotsam, reuse, recycle, and redistribution of jetsam, development and advancement of collective bed-wetting techniques, and raising communal co-dependency by sharing communal depends.

In fact, the individualistic brand name and very notion of Depends(TM) should be changed into the collectivist, sharing-friendly Co-Depends(TM). I'm sure it's in the health care bill, and if it's not, it should be inserted between its 100000000 pages.


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Congratulations Comrade Commodore! I neglected to transfer the "All female bikini assault squad" with your command for various and obvious reasons which I'm sure you will understand. I merely went back and changed the creation of that unit to some time in the future, so technically they do not exist. Meanwhile I will keep them in my command tent.

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Colonel - your failure to mention the equally funded "All male bikini assault squad" leads me to believe that it is being transferred under Commodore's command and is now prepared to become part of the People's Navy.

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Indeed, the all male bikini assault squad has been made a part of the People's Navy(TM) and fully under Commodore Snoogie's command. Perhaps he should have been made a Rear Admiral instead of Commodore.

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Zarkoff wrote:Glorious news Commodore!! It's comforting to know that you and Marshal Pupovich are in charge of the Party's powerful Navy and Army.
I warn you comrades. Pupovich and Snoogie may rule over the land and the sea, but I control the goddamned Jiffi-Lobo, and your ships sink and your armies just piss themselves on the ground if I get upset.

7.62 wrote:Indeed, the all male bikini assault squad has been made a part of the People's Navy™ and fully under Commodore Snoogie's command. Perhaps he should have been made a Rear Admiral instead of Commodore.
Are you all baiting me?

By the way, I'm in Billings, MT today and tomorrow will eat at Bruno's Italian Restaurant, as I did last year. No known connection.

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Komrade Zarkof wrote:Glorious news Commodore!! It's comforting to know that you and Marshal Pupovich are in charge of the Party's powerful Navy and Army.

Au contraire, komrade Zarkof! Pup controls his Pleasure Palace, talent-shitting pigeons and corps of Jimmy Carter Nano Rabbits (JCNRs). These forces can do considerable damage, and are more useful in enforcing doctrine wihtin the Party than projecting military force. He does his annual review of the parade of rocket launchers on May Day. It pains me to be so forward about our illustrious Marshall, but the only battle he has ever fought was to defend his Alpo Meaty Chunks 'N GravyTM.

Every army needs a figurehead, just as every cat needs a stuffed mouse toy. But the loyalty of the Army is given only to its true leaders, the line officers such as myself.

Comrade Snoogie, congratulations. I can only hope your not-fully-matured gastrointestinal system can adapt to being at sea for extended periods. Perhaps our Factory 985, which produces vanity disposable diapers for the elite, can come up with Navy Dress Blue and Dress White styles for your sartorial splendor. My the wind be at your back, and any spit-up be on the lesser knaves serving you. Always remember, the only liberal who succeeded at 'going down with the ship' was Billy Jeff, on that fact-finding cruise of the Caribbean.

Commissar Theocritus, enjoy your dining experience at Bruno's - obviously a namesake only, of course. I shudder at the thought of the considerable bribes that would be necessary to allow the Rancho's Bruno to open a restaurant. Not to mention the cuisine.

General Mousey-Tongue wrote

Au contraire, komrade Zarkof! Pup controls hisPleasure Palace, talent-shitting pigeons and corps of Jimmy Carter NanoRabbits (JCNRs). These forces can do considerable damage, and are moreuseful in enforcing doctrine wihtin the Party than projecting militaryforce. He does his annual review of the parade of rocket launchers onMay Day. It pains me to be so forward about our illustrious Marshall,but the only battle he has ever fought was to defend his Alpo MeatyChunks 'N GravyTM.

You are quite correct General. I've had to hide for months in order to keep from being encased in Marshal Pupovich's talent-shitting bird's poop. I also quit going to the Pleasure Palace because the place is run down, our farm animals look better than the "working" girls and the springs are poking out of the mattresses. Bill Clinton wouldn't waste his time there. Why should any Loyal Party member or worker have to either??

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Comrade Commodore!

Congratulations on your promotion! Please allow me, as a sign of your vassal state's appreciation for your untiring work for The Party and The People, to send the Stabsmusikkorps of the National People's Army (NVA) to Moscow for your entertainment. I do love your seamen, though... all we have are these stiffs... Plus, we're finally marching on Red Square... 60 years late, but better late than never...


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General M-T wrote:Commissar Theocritus, enjoy your dining experience at Bruno's - obviously a namesake only, of course. I shudder at the thought of the considerable bribes that would be necessary to allow the Rancho's Bruno to open a restaurant. Not to mention the cuisine.
Don't worry. Bruno doesn't cook. Once he did think about opening a restaurant at the Rancho, but not for the food--he just wanted to play hostess, and Pieck, don't snort. I mean the <i>American</i> definition of hostess, not the German one.

...Is that okay, Bruno? Are you satisfied?...

He developed a menu. Unfortunately it was all fancy martinis--appletinies, kiwitinies, and so forth, and the only solid food was jalapeno poppers. I took one look at that and said, "Bruno! Here you are bitching about the talent-shitting pigeons and what are you doing? <i>You're making more of it!</i>

He was inconsolable and so I gave him another two pounds of fake plastic jewels from Hobby Lobby. He sat on the floor, sifting them through his fingers. Then when the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits would come up to him and hiss, "Nuclar! Nuclar!" he'd spike them in the head with his stiletto heels.

Restaurant forgotten.

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Awww, no Hostessen?

Comrade Vlad, I am equally glad that Bruno wanted to play an American hostess as I am glad that there are American preservatives - not German ones - in my food.

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A preservative in the Mother Tongue also means "condom," and I did see it pop up in an advertising image of automatic translation software. The ad was meant to prove how cheaply and easily negotiations could be handled between Russian and Western companies, by showing the example of a contract on shipping pickles containing no preservatives.

But what does the word "Hostess" mean in German?

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Hostesse = escort, callgirl, prostitute... (at least according to the somewhat naive, sheltered background I have...)

The hostess backed snack good are especially yummy! lol

I wonder how Little Debbie plays into all this... and the Girl Scouts!!!

Since we are at language faux-pas, yesterday, at Winco Foods, in the bulk coffee section, I saw a flavor called Vanilla Nut Cream... YUMMYYYYY!

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However, back to false friends, you don't even have to look to another language to make some serious mistakes (even though some may argue that British and American English are separate languages now...)

When I went to an Atlanta, GA suburb as an exchange student back in 1989/90, a fellow student borrowed a pencil from me. During class, he started chewing on its end. My response (loud enough for everyone to hear) "Hey, he's chewing on my rubber!"

It took some explanation by the very lovely, church-going, southern lady teacher why the whole class was in a roar...

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It could be the pronunciation too. In my English class in Ukraine, when we studied British currency, one of the girls was asked to read the text for the class. She was a country bumpkin from a small village, very sweet but a little slow. The way she read it, sounded something like this:

"Prior to 1971 the British currency system was known as pounds, shillings and penis. 12 penises were equal to one shilling and 20 shillings was equal to one pound. There were 240 penises in one pound. The coins in use are as follows: 1 penis, 2 penis, 5 penis, 10 penis, 50 penis, one pound, 2 pounds. The 1 and 2 penis pieces are bronze, the 5, 10, 20 and 50 penis pieces are silver and the 1 and 2 pound pieces are gold. All penises carry the Queen's head on the front..."

The group of about ten students followed the reading attentively, and I was the only one of them trying to suppress laughter by holding my nose (an old technique from junior school level). The teacher was a youngish sophisticated woman, and I noticed that she herself was increasingly trying to suppress laughter. We both struggled for a while, but when our eyes met, we couldn't hold it inside any longer and burst out laughing. No explanation to the laughter followed, and the girl continued innocently to read the text.

The thing is, in those parts the Latin word "penis" is a strictly medical term and isn't as widely used as it is in English. It appeared that only the teacher and I had minds dirty enough to get the joke.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:
General M-T wrote:Commissar Theocritus, enjoy your dining experience at Bruno's - obviously a namesake only, of course. I shudder at the thought of the considerable bribes that would be necessary to allow the Rancho's Bruno to open a restaurant. Not to mention the cuisine.
Don't worry. Bruno doesn't cook. Once he did think about opening a restaurant at the Rancho, but not for the food--he just wanted to play hostess, and Pieck, don't snort. I mean the <i>American</i> definition of hostess, not the German one.

...Is that okay, Bruno? Are you satisfied?...

He developed a menu. Unfortunately it was all fancy martinis--appletinies, kiwitinies, and so forth, and the only solid food was jalapeno poppers. I took one look at that and said, "Bruno! Here you are bitching about the talent-shitting pigeons and what are you doing? <i>You're making more of it!</i>

He was inconsolable and so I gave him another two pounds of fake plastic jewels from Hobby Lobby. He sat on the floor, sifting them through his fingers. Then when the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits would come up to him and hiss, "Nuclar! Nuclar!" he'd spike them in the head with his stiletto heels.

Restaurant forgotten.

It woud be difficult to overstate my relief, Commissar! I did cough up a furball laughing over your word picture of a deflated Bruno tagging the NJCRs with his heels. Yoo bad he couldn't grill them and serve them on a skewer, but as we all know they are deadly toxic. Although, with some soup on the side, it would make a well-rounded meal...not by food pyramid standards, but per the periodic chart of elements:

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Genosse Pieck, "vanilla nut cream"? Surely you mean in the days of His O'liness Mocha Nut Cream. Which is of course the People's Tasty Créme. Yes, dear Comrades, our spunky leader fertilizes the world with his Mocha Nut Cream.

Some of the Indians around Santa Fe have wall paintings showing a god peeing on the world to water it. Just so with Dear O'Leader, who, lo, only this Tuesday addressed all the children to fertilize all the Obamajugend who will lead us into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.

And General M-T, there are uses for the NJCRs. Instead of Pupovich's Fried Rat on a Stick we have Fried NJCR on a stick. We give them to people who insist on thinking and cannot have even one more treatment at Jiffi-Lobo. The fried NJCRs on a stick will make anyone that 2 plus 2 is 8 and that water runs uphill.

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Comrade Theo, it seems we are short a few Czars then. We need a Math Czar, a Physics Czar, and a Culinary Czar.

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I volunteer for the Math Czar--that was, WAS, my training.

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It would go well with your unanimous caring, conspicuous compassion, and communal impaling. All that work requires numbers and math and such. Yes! Theocritus for Math Czar!

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Comrades!

I've been busy of late inspecting my Naval units and Commands and hadn't had a chance to respond to some posts. I have noticed a little concern by some regarding my young age and that a person still literally in diapers, may not be up leading our People's Navy Tm.

Rest assured Comrades, I may look young but I have years of Naval experience!!!!!!!!

Comrades, I HAVE SOILED ALL SEVEN SEAS before my promotion (now for a little "change" this Commodore really believes in).

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Revolutionary soilers! Set your soils for the Progressive World of Next Tuesday(TM)!

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And since I tend to skulk exercise my duties at night, I shall be the Czar of Night Soil.

Which I shall freely distribute on the American taxpayer.

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I volunteer for culinary czar, BECAUSE I have no experience in the field.

"A beet in every pot!"

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Comrade Commodore's age does not matter, because I have gone back and changed his birth certificate so that he appears as a crusty old salt capable of staring down a hurricane, riding a while across the ocean, and bringing the Flying Dutchman back into her port. Anyone who sees The Commodore as a mere baby is not in tune with Current Truth(TM) and requires a tune up at Jiffi Lobo!

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um.... what is in that condensed campbell's polotium and potatoes with vegtables and barley soup?

Um... never mind I'm not going to eat what a cat has made. LOL

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Congratulations Comrade Snoogie!

Soil On! I will be waiting at the specified port for the specified boat at the specified time Next Tuesday(TM)!

*Sniff* *Sniff* is that shrimp I smell?

Mmmmmm.... right up there with crawfish on the list of Rooster delicacies!

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Comadore Shrimpster RUNS for her life from Comadore Red Rooster. Ahhhhhhhhhh. :)

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Shrimpster wrote:Comadore Shrimpster RUNS for her life from Comadore Red Rooster. Ahhhhhhhhhh. :)

Ah HAH! Comrade Shimpster admits to being a womyn! AND has a desire to be a Commodore like the more equal Commodore Snoogie who was just promoted! Time for some Party Re-Education! Welcome Comrade Shrimpster, I am The Rooster we've been waiting for! The Cockled Commissar of The Wombat Factory™...

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The Cube is not the land for the thin skinned, or in your case, the thin shelled. We at The Wombat Factory™ have been indoctrinating womyn since 1957, and we offer only the finest re-education for kapitalist-killing-kitty-kats (and shrimp!).

In order for you to get acquainted with our indoctrination, The Party™ demands you check out these glorious threads:


Rosie the Red visits The Wombat Factory™

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=3810
<br>The Girlish Joy of Che Spotting
https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=3471

Please review all material prole crustacean Shrimpster, comment on those threads after full review, there will be a glorious Party Test™ at an undisclosed time and location when you are least expecting it!

Hail Che! Hail Obama! Hail Our MTE!

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Comrade Snoogie,

My apologies for not congratulating you sooner. The best flotsam always floats to the top. No, just kidding. Congratulations Snoogie San.


 
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