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Initiative: Squelch the Christians

My friends, the end of the calendar year has arrived yet again. Once again, I am filled with joy as the cold sets in, and we can all sit around our collective yules, reflecting on the joyous moments of our lives. As a proud Komissar of the people, I can tell you that December brings back many memories for me personally.

It was a dark and cold December night when I was first approached by Komrade Red Eye, in non other than Red Square. It was there that Komrade Red Eye opened my eyes to the tyrannical forces of captialism. I soon came to realize that I was a tool of the greedy bougeois, and merely was working myself to death for his financial gain. Well my friends, with the rhetoric, troops and of course, shovels provided by Komrade Red Eye, I was able to take the factory over that very night.

Armed with the Pravada and a progressive mindest, no bougeois could stop me as I convinced my fellow factory workers that we were being had. Like so many men at the time, we threw our wooden shoes called Sabots into the machines, crippling the factory. Indeed, the word "sabotage" comes from my actions that night, and although the French try to take credit, I can assure you I speak the truth.

December's chill is really the only time of the year that it gets anywhere near as cold as I remember those nights in Siberia. As some of you may be aware, my first mission for the party was to investigate the possiblilities of a mind control device. Under the direction of Komrade Red Eye, I was comissioned some of our best scientists and given my own lab. Of course, heat would have required coal, and I was not about to oppress my own people into digging coal for my warmth.

No, we all remained cold in that poorly lit lab as we set to work. The egalitarianism of the event still to this day makes me cry tears of joy. The project was eventually scrapped however, in favor of helping the North Vietnameese in thier struggles. (##COMMAND: REDWIPE; ##MINDCTRL STTNG: 3; ##CRRNT MSG: CAPTIALISM=DEATH)

Ignore that last part Komrades, it appears that my party approved web-browser "Lakia-Fox 1916.0" had a bit of a hiccup.

Finally, as Laikia can attest, it was in December that we shared our final drink together at the ol' Prol Drinking Hole on Red Square. Of course, Laika underwent much training and secret ops that I had not the clearance to at the time. Little did I know that 11 months after we parted, that she'd join with the greatest of our people, now orbiting space co-ordinating our missions around the world still today. It was sheer brilliance on Lakia's part to have another Sputnik-2 ready to go within the capsule, so that she could release it, fooling the capitalists into thinking that she had died, and Sputnik-2 had returned.

By now, you are likely wondering why I ask for your help today. As I have no doubt shown you, December is indeed a happy month for me. It has been the time of many of the happiest moments of my service to the party. However, Christians are still on their whole "God" crusade. It shames me to share the planet with such a group of idiots.

Can you imagine komrades? People in this day and age assuming that the massive complexities of the universe can be attributed to a diety. As a physicist, I can definitively tell you that the laws of the Universe show us planinly that it was all random chance. It is pure lunacy to assume that the complexities and laws of physics show us some intelligence behind the Universe. Seriously, why would a diety want to have a Universe that was over 13 billion years old anyway?

Therefore my friends, I hereby enter the following initiative into the records:

INITIATIVE 3534DDSKHC9943: ALL good members of the party will do everything within thier power to curtail the celebration of Christmas. This includes, but is not limited to any of the following actions: destroying decorations, reforming neighbors to atheism, complaining on end about schools having "holiday parties" and writing in letters to the TV programmers. Failure to abide by this initiative will result in one or more of the following: grave digging, self-critisism sessions and re-education.

So there you have it my komrades. Go Forth! Be sure that the Christians see the error of their ways! PLEASE KOMRADES! Save this month for me, for they are destroying it with thier nonsense.

The progressive who does the most under this initiative will recieve a full YEAR'S supply of Vodka AND Cheese!! At no extra cost!!

Komrade Koz
Komissar of The People
NJ / TN Regional Officer
The Party Is Everywhere

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Let's all celebrate Ramadan instead of this so-called x-mas.

Put your progressive heart at rest, comrade!

In the good old days "Frosty" helped us celebrate midwinter festival without the mention of reactionary religious references, but the real struggle against this abominable holiday goes back too... KARL MARX!

Back in 1822 Karl's lifelong drinking buddy Clement Clarke Moore (1779 - 1863) wrote "Twas the night before Christmas" modeling "St. Nick" on Karl himself, and creating a red-clothed mythical character that distributed goods according to needs, SANTA CLAUS!

This socialist allegory has superceded the christ birth story as a "reason for the season", so as a good communist, celebrate this holiday as a sharing experience!

While you're at it, share some of that vodka my way, comrade.


 
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