What are you going to do? What is the Party's Response on this burning question? I am doing my part by cutting back on my bean consumption by 10% which translates into roughly 4.7 tons of greenhouse gas reduction. But this is not enough comrades! So I have a few solutions. First I am setting up my own site, PupsPassGas™ where left thinking comrades can buy credits from me, which of course I will pass on to the Hillary. Yes, I can do far more to offset carbon dioxide and other vile gases... for a price of course.

But that is not all! No, for I want to know why is this prole child above going to school and creating un-necessary greenhouse gases both in the commute there and back, and the expenditure of valuable power at school? Therefore I suggest that we simply send the prole children straight to the fields when they reach "school age." Why should we send them to school when in the end they will be doing those jobs Party members will not do anyway? Only Party Members offspring should be in school. We need these extra hands in the fields raising more corn for the ethanol we will need for our limos and personal jets. Their small hands will also no doubt prove useful for picking certain vegetables and fruits that larger proles are less efficient doing.

Commissar Pupovich wrote: But that is not all! No, for I want to know why is this prole child above going to school and creating un-necessary greenhouse gases both in the commute there and back, and the expenditure of valuable power at school?

My dear Pup, as you know I spend a lot of time out in the fields shoveling with the other proles, so I think I can say with absolute certainty that's not a prole child but a Party girl.

Take a good look at her and the boy in the background (I would assume that's her brother). Note the white shirts with collars. His necktie. I see no underwear showing over his waistband. And her top is too long to show her belly button.

Can you say "school uniforms"?

Mom: Smiling and fresh from the spa. Gray blazer, blouse with pointed collar. The girl blocks her left hand, but next month's ration of vodka says it's holding not a shovel but an attache case.

Can you say "white collar career feminist"?

Note the vehicle: Either minivan or SUV.

Can you say, "Where's the school bus?"

And no dad in sight. I'm sure she divorced him because she needed the space to "find herself."

My conclusion: Mom's a high-falutin' Party member. She drives kids to private school (hence the spiffy uniforms free of holes and obscene slogans) because she made the very, VERY difficult decision that private school is the best choice for her own kids. However, she believes proles like me should send our own kids to public schools on overcrowded buses that never run on schedule and where they're always in danger of being assaulted etc, because lest you suspect otherwise, rest assured that Party Mom is still a staunch supporter of public education!

And after chauffering her kids to their private school, she continues to her assigned Party position in a great glass tower where they serve coffee--real, hot coffee, too, instead of that tepid mixture of potato and beet juices that humble proles like Pinkie must drink each morn--and donuts--real donuts made with sugar and slathered with this sweet stuff they call frosting--instead of the rolls I eat for breakfast, which are usually made of sawdust, styrofoam, shredded up newspapers, and glazed with the leftover grease from the communal skillet used for frying up the beets.

But I must say, that Party family looks as if they feel really good about themselves! All those smiles, all those teeth, all that self-righteous smugness and not a whiff of self-loathing in sight.

Ah, to be one of those who cares!

So, Pup, I think I'd like to buy one of those bottles of bean gas you've got in your trenchcoat, so I can feel good about myself too!

This just goes to show the incredible generosity the Party has shown to prole children. I think I can safely say the lady comrade in the back is but a teacher. For I ask you, what Party members, or any age, walk to work, or *gasp* "carpool?" If course this photo was clearly meant for release to the public, we certainly not show an actual photo.

So how many bottles of gas do I put you down for? Now I think you are under the erroneous impression that you will actually see these bottles of gas. Oh no, I will send you but a certified statement that this has been done so you can feel better. I certainly will!

Now let me get this straight--I buy PupsPassGas carbon credits from you to offset all the energy I waste as evidenced by my sky-high utility bills and the long hours I spend in line waiting to pay them.

In return, you will send me a certificate (known in capitalist circles as a "receipt") basically telling me that since my check cleared, I now have carbon credits I can neither see nor hold, but the very knowledge they exist will ease my terrible guilt about the atrocities I'm committing on the planet simply by inhabiting it.

Will I also get a sticker or decal to put on the back of my cart? My cow? My ass? How about my shovel?

Your competitor, TerraPass, offers a real cool looking water bottle to those who live in college dorms. I may not live in a college dorm, but I do share a hayloft with several dozen other proles while waiting for the next purge when (Lenin willing) something a bit roomier and hopefully less pungent will open up. I'd like to know if I might have a flask for my vodka with your logo on it, so I can help "spread the word" (not to be confused with "sharing the vodka") about this noble cause to my fellow proles. Possession of the flask should make me feel righteous, and like a magic talisman transfer my guilt to the other, less caring proles, da?

And if I purchase your offsets, my family and I will look just as happy and wholesome as the family in your ad, da? Fresher faces and whiter teeth.

After receiving the certificate, how soon before I start to feel good and smug?

If, after 30 days, I still don't feel as if I care, or as if I'm superior to others who haven't bought the offsets, do I get my money back?

Or it is it a sign I need to buy more offsets? You tell me, Pup! All I want is to feel good and make a difference!

DA! I want to start feeling good today! I want to know what it is to care! I can't think of any better way to feel as if I've made a real difference in this world, than if I send all my money for a certificate telling me . . . that I've made a real difference in the world.

Honestly, now that I think about it, I can't think of an easier, quicker way to feel as if I've made a difference--can you? Can any of you out there?

Send a check, get a certificate--and just like that, I, Pinkie, lowly worthless prole, have actually made a difference in this world! Beats teaching a man how to fish.
Why, the only thing easier than this is pinning a colored ribbon to my lapel to "raise awareness."

No wonder this is all the crack with the liberal left. I can see why a person would be stupid not to do this!

Yes, Pup, sign me up . . . before it's too late, and the cute polar bears become homeless and are standing in line with me . . . if the guilt that I did nothing doesn't kill me first.

Verily! That is an excellent idea, and one I will certainly put into practice. A cheap water bottle with an ad extolling my service is a capital idea!

I think I can guarantee that you will begin to feel smug the moment you receive your credits, and yes, I can provide stickers to further advertise my services. It is For the Children™ after all, and I can deduct the expenses.

Of course, I can not refund any monies since they are immediately sent to Hillary, but that should also enhance the smug factor, and keep you in good graces with Her Highness.

Very well, you can deduct the expenses . . . but can I deduct your offsets from my own taxes?

Funny thing about buying offsets--I only just now put the check in the mail, and already I'm starting to feel smug.

Wow! I'm making a difference in the world, saving the planet, AND helping Hillary. And--oh yeah--the children.

Why, I think I'm even starting to . . . care.

Still feeling lots of guilt, though.

Hmmm, you will have to ask Her Highness whether you can deduct the credits. Smugness is good! Smugness is right for an up and coming prole!

Which gives me an idea for another propaganda ad...

Praise Lenin! Now if only there was a plug for PupsPassGas carbon credit company. I used to refer to his church as The Immaculate Church of the Blessed Global Warming. I like the immaculate for the fact they are NEVER wrong.

UH UH UH EH EH EH UH I FORGOT UH UH

If "GOREMONS" ruled the earth...There would be no GOD DAMN global warming in the first place!!!

Of course, what I wonder, if there were no Goremans, would any one even notice that the earth was warming?

Well, of course not, Pup! At least none of us proles would, we must be told. Didn't the Great Gore declare once upon a time that Global Warming must be shoved down everyone's throats?

That's right! The Goremon Church is all about getting us to "swallow" something. Like a fish taking the bait, da? And then we're hooked.

Morning update: Smiling and smug. But still feeling guilty due to a sense that maybe I'm still not doing enough to save the planet from certain manmade annihilation.

Pinkie wrote:Morning update: Smiling and smug. But still feeling guilty due to a sense that maybe I'm still not doing enough to save the planet from certain manmade annihilation.

That should indicate that you need to purchase more credits from PupsPassGas Inc. There are no order limits. BTW, your check has not arrived as of yet. I am sure you will wish to keep your account viable?

I still don't get the point of Carbon Credits. Is it like, the more you have, the more you can pollute or something?

You got it! You can continue to pollute, and feel no guilt! Progressivism Perfected!

OK, Pup, I'm sending you more money for more carbon credits, because while I'm feeling good and smug right now, I still feel guilty every time I take swig of vodka and burp, because I just know I'm releasing toxic gases into Earth's oh-so-fragile atmosphere. I want to feel as if I'm doing everything I can to save our dainty, delicate planet, while still enjoying my vodka.

Also, I thought I'd take a leaf out of George Costanza's book (remember his "Human Fund--Money for People" charity for Festivus?) and give carbon credits as gifts to everyone on my list. Now that's one gift I can be sure no one can exchange!

Oooh, I can hardly wait to see the looks of unbridled delight on the faces of the little children when they pull the carbon credits out of their stockings Goremas morn!

Only what should I give the little children who have been bad? You know, the ones who aren't "In The Truth"? The ones who tease the Goremon children and say terrible things like Goremonism is just another silly cult designed to separate Stupid People from their money and make them feel good about it? It wouldn't quite do to give those bad children lumps of coal, now would it? Suggestions?

Of course the little non-caring right-wingers should get not carbon credits but mere carbons (which is now as bad a word as oil), wrapped in Global Warming propaganda leaflets. The Leaflets will explain in simple terms (to match their simple minds) why they are the reason their mommy and daddy are going to die, along with all the kittens and puppies and the rest of the cute adorable creatures on earth - and that's why they should grow up burdened with intolerable guilt - so that later in life, when they start making money, they would donate all they have to good progressive causes and buy carbon credits which in the New Progressive Word of Next Tuesday will be the only way to relieve guilt.

Pinkie - I must commend you for the excellent ideas you have contributed to our Groupthink collective. You are on a fast track of becoming a full-fledged Kommissar!

I can imagine a headline in the Xmas Cube edition: "Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday." Let's not forget this when Winter Solstice Holiday comes.

Too bad Gore's daughter's wedding is over, we could write a story about her and her groom receiving millions of dollars worth of carbon credit certificates from all the guests, and nothing more - a little surprise staged by her loving father Al who wanted her daughter to live a guiltless life and not to worry about such minor things as recycling, conservation, and light bulbs.

But I can already envision a new PC Xmas story that we can write in December - how Santa went green and delivered the above gifts to children based on the revised criteria of "naughty and nice" according to the Book of Goremons.

But since we know Santa is a myth devised by capitalist exploiters in order to increase sales revenues in the end of the fourth fiscal quarter, the Green Santa might as well be a ploy of Progressive educators who issued recommendations to parents what to put in the children's stockings if they didn't want to be denounced as reactionary knuckle-draggers in front of the class. Because the teachers will ask the children to share what they got, and if not what the teachers had recommended, they say a little something about you to your children that will guarantee you 'll never see a loving smile from your kid again. You'll be as good as a deadbeat parent to them.

The Pup is also considering a line of PupsPassGas comic books for the kids, and if that takes off like I am sure it will, a line of green friendly children's clothes made out of discarded beets and assorted vegetation. Since it will rot before the kid can outgrow it, I know the market will be green indeed!

Red Square,

I believe our Almighty Messiah and Divine Profit Gore still has two other daughters to marry off. When those happy events come to pass, I trust they will be orchestrated in accordance with this directive:

https://liveearth.msn.com/green/htgwedding1

Indeed, every girl's idea of a romantic, fairytale wedding includes a screening of "An Inconvenient Truth" and a biodegradable heirloom wedding gown made of the same materials Pup proposes for his children's clothing line--not silk, for the bride must think first not of her own happiness and the love she feels for her groom, but of Mother Earth in imminent peril, and the oppressed, overworked silkworms who have yet to be unionized, their factories in Flint, MI shut down, and jobs outsourced to Pakistan.

Only I had no idea that Chilean fish the Gores served at their daughter's wedding was "local produce" compassionately and humanely caught in the pond behind their Tennessee dacha, but what do I know?

The Right Wing media makes a big fuss over how that fish was "endangered"--but aren't we all because of their hateful policies and blindness to the very real threat that is Global Warming? What hypocrites.

Ah, it's good to have carbon credits and feel smug!

Thanks for the link, Pinkie, it's very... er... thought-provoking.

treehugger wrote:A wedding is one of the most important days in a couple's life. If you care about the planet, why not integrate your principles into your big day? With the average cost of a US wedding running at around $20,000 it seems obvious that weddings have a huge footprint, both ecological and economical.

I wonder if a pipe bomb planted in the wedding cake by a green activist will be a good way to stop these corporate fascists from raping the earth with their weddings...

Remember, comrades - weddings lead to families! And family is defined in the People's glossary as ...<h3>Family</h3>The family is a repository of wrong ideas, archaic values, violence, perversity, and home cooking. Parents are the scum of history. They are unsightly Neanderthal vermin who will be replaced shortly in our lifetime by experts whose skill at social engineering will make the family a defunct nightmare. Children must be removed from these scoundrels as early as possible and be taught correct facts and values by our Party-approved professionals. The new generation must be pre-conditioned to live in a new society based on Marxist science.

I wear my sticker proudly comrads!! On my Large Cavernous Suburban built for 2 . Was that a bump i just ran over or just another Prius?

Red Square wrote:Of course the little non-caring right-wingers should get not carbon credits but mere carbons (which is now as bad a word as oil), wrapped in Global Warming propaganda leaflets. The Leaflets will explain in simple terms (to match their simple minds) why they are the reason their mommy and daddy are going to die, along with all the kittens and puppies and the rest of the cute adorable creatures on earth - and that's why they should grow up burdened with intolerable guilt - so that later in life, when they start making money, they would donate all they have to good progressive causes and buy carbon credits which in the New Progressive Word of Next Tuesday will be the only way to relieve guilt.

Pinkie - I must commend you for the excellent ideas you have contributed to our Groupthink collective. You are on a fast track of becoming a full-fledged Kommissar!

I can imagine a headline in the Xmas Cube edition: "Gore's children receive carbon credits fo



r Winter Solstice Holiday." Let's not forget this when Winter Solstice Holiday comes.

Too bad Gore's daughter's wedding is over, we could write a story about her and her groom receiving millions of dollars worth of carbon credit certificates from all the guests, and nothing more - a little surprise staged by her loving father Al who wanted her daughter to live a guiltless life and not to worry about such minor things as recycling, conservation, and light bulbs.

But I can already envision a new PC Xmas story that we can write in December - how Santa went green and delivered the above gifts to children based on the revised criteria of "naughty and nice" according to the Book of Goremons.

But since we know Santa is a myth devised by capitalist exploiters in order to increase sales revenues in the end of the fourth fiscal quarter, the Green Santa might as well be a ploy of Progressive educators who issued recommendations to parents what to put in the children's stockings if they didn't want to be denounced as reactionary knuckle-draggers in front of the class. Because the teachers will ask the children to share what they got, and if not what the teachers had recommended, they say a little something about you to your children that will guarantee you 'll never see a loving smile from your kid again. You'll be as good as a deadbeat parent to them.

UUUHMMMMM Happy Rammahannakwanzamus! the new winter solstice greeting

Oh, that article was so heartwarming, so breathtaking in it's scope and progressiveness! I am still sitting here in stunned silence *Oh Pup, how long can you hide the laughter? They are liable to catch on. Are you typing your thoughts again? No, don't think so.*

"Going green doesn't mean you have to compromise on your big day, though. By taking a look at the bigger picture, you can move beyond the usual decadence and consumption to create a truly personal, moving, and sustainable celebration that people will remember for years."

Wait a minute! Don't we encourage decadence?

"...while a hemp suit may be a good eco-statement, if it is going to sit in the closet for most of your married life..."

Well I doubt there is much chance of that....

"If you are not tied to a particular church, synagogue, mosque, or rammed-earth eco-dome..."

A rammed-earth eco-dome? Oh, that must be a Goreman cathedral right?

Oh, there is just too much there comrades. But they left out the single most important eco thing these tree-huggers can do to save the planet, and the Pup from dying laughing... and that would be for both to be "fixed" so there is absolutely no chance that either could reproduce another decadent consumer of this worlds precious resources.

Oh, don't worry, Pup, "Tree Hugger" addresses that concern, too. For the honeymoon (and don't forget to take along your bicycle tire repair kit):

https://liveearth.msn.com/green/htgsexlife1

You'll note "Tree Hugger" includes a link to an "uncensored" site where he/she ostensibly goes into more explicit/graphic detail about this stuff, but even Pinkie has her limits as to how deep she'll sink her shovel, and she's spewed and sprayed enough vodka over these boards lately. You boys will have to check it out for yourselves if you're so inclined.

And bamboo sheets? Where does Tree Hugger live--Gilligan's Island?

Incidentally, if Tree Hugger and his/her significant other want to get rid of all the junk they've accumulated in lieu of wedding gifts, there's an easy solution to that--just take off for the weekend and leave the door ajar.

Oh my Lenin Pinkie! I have not even got a quarter of the way through and spewing already! I tell you, I have to keep checking to make sure this isn't some spoof site...

"most of us consider good, satisfying, sexy sex an important part of this complete breakfast. It might not be the first thing you think of while working towards a sustainable and graceful life on this fragile planet, but there's a lot you can do to make your sex life greener."

Yes, it is a capitalist imperialist lie that men think about sex all day long! Far be it from me! I worry about a "sustainable and graceful life on this fragile planet" nearly constantly. It's part of my duty to the Party. It takes a super canine effort for me to even think about sex.

Then I went to the bamboo sheets page.... Oh no... sheet sets cost between $39-$99! Sounds like a deal right? But did you see the comments below?

"my husband and i were so excited about these that we bought some right away. unfortunately, the edges frayed almost immediately, and after about 4 weeks total use they began to pearl up. hopefully someone will make a better quality sheet with these soon - they certainly were soft, and had great potential!"

"If these are made from such a renewable resource, why can we buy cotton ones much cheaper? Just more media marketing to take our money? Huh"

"The cotton ones are cheaper because they don't take into account the "whole" price of the cotton (pesticides, human labor exploitation, destruction of topsoil). When you buy non-organic cotton, the ecological price is much higher."

Oh, we can make great use of these idiots! Yes... great use! Now I am going back for some more spewing!

OK, this just HAS to be a spoof site:

6. Go sexy, but go durable

"Whether it's lingerie or a new sex toy, things that are well made and even repairable are almost always the greener and more economical choice in the long run. High-quality sex toys tend to be pretty pricey, but will almost certainly last longer and give more pleasure. Keep this in mind when buying for yourself or for another. Also, note: inflatable sheep can easily be repaired with a bicycle patch kit if popped."

Commissar Pupovich wrote:Also, note: inflatable sheep can easily be repaired with a bicycle patch kit if popped."

Yes! Inflatable sheep! Now all my Brokeback fantasies can come true!

Pinkie wrote:..."Tree Hugger" includes a link to an "uncensored" site where he/she ostensibly goes into more explicit/graphic detail about this stuff, but even Pinkie has her limits as to how deep she'll sink her shovel....You boys will have to check it out for yourselves if you're so inclined.

I have done as you instructed to ensure we have all the information available, and I must say - how very progressive! Why, "Tree Hugger" never even used the nauseating word "love" once in her/his/its dissertation on Green Sex. Wonderful indeed!

Included is a link to a wonderful Solar Vibrator, if you are so inclined, Pinkie.

I was wondering, however, how many solar panels are required to keep all these "Green" Blogs, websites, and E-Commerce site servers up and running 24/7/365? Or are we supposed to fall back on the old hippie excuse "they're running anyway, we're just using the resource"? A Veggie friend of the family used that one when asked about her beautiful leather handbag. "It was dead already" she quipped.

Just wondering.

Long Live The Party.
-Mikhail

Commissar Pupovich wrote: Yes, it is a capitalist imperialist lie that men think about sex all day long! Far be it from me! I worry about a "sustainable and graceful life on this fragile planet" nearly constantly. It's part of my duty to the Party. It takes a super canine effort for me to even think about sex.

Now you have me confused, Commissar Pupovich. I don't know whether I'm supposed to close my eyes and think of Mother Earth, or the Party.

You'd think it was a spoof site (I know initially I thought that about the "Why Mommy is a Democrat" thing) but those articles are part of the "Live Earth" site connected to the Prophit Gore's concerts this last summer to Save Our Planet. I'm not so sure they're joking as trying to condescend (and failing miserably) to proles like me.

Global Warming is no joke! In fact, it should be federal offense to make jokes about it, just like jokes at airports about bombs! (And that's why Bomb Girl at the Boston airport should be set free. There's no law saying it's a federal offense to make art about bombs at airports, but I digress.)

So apparently a woman should worry herself stupid about the hormones from birth control pills passing thru her urine into the sewers and ultimately our nation's waterways, killing off cute endangered amoebas and who knows what. But we shouldn't give a second thought (or even a first) to the--ahem--biohazardous waste ensuing from an abortion.

Mikhail, I'll have to think about checking out your link. Some sites Pinkie won't go to (e.g. Daily Kos) because she's afraid of cooties and spontaneous self-purging of Stalinist proportions.

I thought the same about the links to Live Earth, but then I figure you can do that if you wish and still be a spoof. I actually emailed one of the contacts asking.... We shall see.

Pinkie wrote:Global Warming is no joke! In fact, it should be federal offense to make jokes about it, just like jokes at airports about bombs! (And that's why Bomb Girl at the Boston airport should be set free. There's no law saying it's a federal offense to make art about bombs at airports, but I digress.)

<img src="/images/Header_OutOfCharacter.gif" height="121" width="500">

Uh... you are pulling my leg I hope! This global warming hysteria is a joke.. a sad, pathetic one which liberals are using to take control over peoples lives to build the backward utopia they seek.

Commissar Pupovich wrote:I thought the same about the links to Live Earth, but then I figure you can do that if you wish and still be a spoof. I actually emailed one of the contacts asking.... We shall see.

I see what you mean--witness Sheryl Crow's idea of one square of toilet tissue per bathroom visit. But after she got a lot of flak about it, she backpedaled and said it was a joke. Since when did she decide to become a comic (and a very bad one at that)?

Another recent example--and again I'm digressing here--that college newspaper in Colorado that printed the obscene headline about Bush the other day--now they're saying they didn't really mean it literally, oh no, they were just trying to make a point about free speech. Yeah, right, and I have some PupsPassGas carbon credits I'd like to unload on them.

Pinkie's out-of-character opinion? When these bozos say it's a joke, or a spoof, or they didn't really mean it, or they were only trying to make a point about something else entirely--it means they have no basis for their central argument, no defense, no means of backing it up--instead of admitting they're wrong, or that it's really part of a huge hoax they're trying to perpetrate on the American people.

So yes, in that sense, I can't help thinking Tree Hugger is unwittingly betraying the fact that the whole GW thing is one great big hoax, perhaps one of the biggest in modern history. He/she knows it is but thinks dumb proles like me won't see thru it. These so-called "jokes" on sites like Live Earth that should otherwise be serious about something they claim to believe in, will be their undoing.

And that's my two kopecks.

Oh, and one more thing about those bamboo sheets (Da, I know my brain is running at the speed of Homer Simpson: "Wait a minute--something said . . . not politically correct! D'oh!")

Pinkie is indignant and outraged, and demands financial reparations and extra vodka to compensate for the following traumatic epiphany:

When Tree Hugger/Gilligan sleeps on bamboo sheets, he is stealing food from the mouths of CUTE BABY PANDAS!!!

True. We must hunt down this criminal Gilligan and prosecute him for his heinous crimes.

Pinkie wrote:When Tree Hugger/Gilligan sleeps on bamboo sheets, he is stealing food from the mouths of CUTE BABY PANDAS!!!

Eggselent point! You nailed them!

I say kill them all! The gawddamn professor can make a radio out of a coconut but they can't fix hole in a boat!
And of course there's that capitalist pig Thurston Howell III
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I guess this means you wouldn't be interested in a role in the Gulag Island production I have been planning?

Ooh! Ooh! Oooh! I want to play the part of the sweet wholesome girl from the collective farm, the one Professor's always leering at (or maybe he just wants my vodka). He can scheme to help me win the Gulag Beauty Contest!

Only I don't know where you're going to find any Hollywood movie stars these days, unless you go to the presidential palace in Caracas.

No phone, no lights, no motor cars, not a single luxury!
In Al Gore's ideal future, it's as primitive as can be!

You may be in luck! I am not great at linking to individual posts yet, so I copied what my working cast was:

If only they would come up with a more positive movie about the Gulag Archapelago.... Perhaps something like a comedy.... Pupovich's Archipelago. You (Commissar Theocritus) can play the professor, Meow the Skipper, SMO as Mary Ann, not sure who we would put as Ginger, Hillary would of course by Mrs Thurston Howell, and the Dear Leader her hubby.

But I am sure we could recast SMO as Ginger, and that would leave you the part of Mary Ann! You do look the part.

Yes but we keep the theme song from the You-Tube link.
I think SMO would want the part of Mary Ann, even though she's a city girl now.

Well SMO does have seniority I imagine, but perhaps we should run this by her. I am sure we can write you into the story sometimes as well, like the time those astronauts found their way to the island.

Well, if Sister wants to be Mary Ann, then perhaps I could play Ginger. Nyet, nyet, stop sputtering perfectly good vodka all over the place and let me explain! Isn't Ginger every man's idea of the perfect fantasy girl?

And wouldn't Pinkie be every Party member's idea of the perfect fantasy prole girl? Look at me standing out here with my shovel in my hand, ready to wield it on behalf of The Party--can you honestly say the very sight doesn't take your breakfa--I mean your breath away? Da, da, I know it's quite a leap, but c'mon--we're supposed to be Progressive here--we can make that leap! All it takes is a little shoveling, and a lot of public funding--and if that doesn't work--more public funding!

But if all else fails, I suppose I can be Eva Grubb, the homely spinster who comes to the island wanting to get away from everyone, especially men--until she gets a makeover and becomes Ginger's double. THEY somehow managed to make that leap--of course, they had corporate funding; they were only doing it for profit. With public funding, we'll be doing it For The Science. For The People. For The Children. For the--*sniff*--Cute Baby Pandas.

I think you would be a wonderful Ginger, and lets face it... Ginger sure didn't look like any dolphin I ever saw.