Comrades, many of you may not be aware of all current newsworthy revolutionary developments as you are likely all watching with great glee as the various Occupy movements rise up to destroy our oppressors. However, without great fanfare, an esteemed member of the 99% has done our movement a great service by crippling a dangerous enemy. I'm speaking of Jon Corzine, a true 99 per cent-er and hero of the People!

After Mr. Corzine's lifetime governorship was stolen in November 2009 by a corporate fat cat (literally, a FAT cat!) Jon was asked by Dear Leader Obama to secretly embark on a dangerous undercover mission. No, not to kill Bin Laden because President Obama had decided to do that himself, but to infiltrate and destroy a bastion of the enemy 1%, a predatory, corrupt investment bank called MF Global (even their very name suggests a conspiracy to strangle the world in its tentacles.)

MF Global's puppet masters had plans to become another Goldman Sachs which Corzine used to run expand its operations and become too big to fail, at which point they would be able to accost people in the streets and make them take out huge mortgages on homes they couldn't afford like other Bush-controlled banks had done last decade.

They were seeking a new CEO who had experience in dealing with both upstanding government bank regulators and the greedy, corrupt world of high finance. Mr. Corzine was recruited by them as per Obama's plan and installed as the MF Global cult's leader... but he was actually working for YOU, my friends!
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After taking over, our man Jon went right to work, buying up bonds of failing European countries like Greece, Italy, and Spain, and employing approximately 40 to 1 leverage to do so (using derivative securities and/or margin, $1 would let one control $40 worth of assets.) His fat cat employers were nervous, knowing that with such extreme leverage, a downdraft of 2-3% in the assets (easily achieveable with volatile PIIGS bonds) would bankrupt the company! But our man played his part well, and assured them his superior knowledge and experience guaranteed he knew what he was doing and all would turn out well.

And it did! For our revolution, anyway:

finance.yahoo.com

MF Global collapses under euro zone bets

And not only did our mole take down MF Global's decadent capitalist owners, the collapse also crushed many of its 1% depositors:

NY Times

Federal regulators have discovered that hundreds of millions of dollars in customer money has gone missing from MF Global in recent days...

Barrons

The fallout from fallen broker MF Global continues to widen as dozens of mutual funds and variable annuity accounts in retirement plans held significant stakes, according to a report by Dow Jones Newswires.


Mission accomplished! Jon Corzine has struck a blow for the world's oppressed and downtrodden!

Now, some of you may have seen news reports that the FBI is investigating Jon and he has hired lawyers. Fear not, our hero will not suffer any retribution from the corporatist fat cats for his efforts on our behalf. I have it on good authority that Dear Leader Obama will issue a full pardon to Jon Corzine right after he suspends the 2012 elections due to the forthcoming national emergency.... ooops, I wasn't supposed to say anything about that yet. Forget I mentioned it.

Anyway, please join Dear Leader Obama and the Party in celebrating the heroism of Jon Corzine, who risked life and limb to go into the belly of the beast on our behalf.



 

I met this guy today at Occupy Wall Street, in a psychotropic signal-reflecting hat with a cuckoo on top. Could this be Jon Corzine in disguise, on the run from the oppressive FBI?



 

Couldn't pass it up !
 

Well, I was not supposed to reveal this, but it is the cuckoo that is in disguise. He is on the run from poachers employed by the Koch Brothers who wish to pluck his feathers to make pillows for their corporate jets. Thankfully, they will never recognize him disguised as Jon Corzine's hat.
 

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colber ... n-location

I don't care for Colbert, but this is funny.
 

Let's not forget what an excellent Senator Corzine was. A true prog: plenty of money of his own and fingers itching for others'.

I do wonder about him though; he bought his first term as governor. Cannot he buy elections any more? Surely he didn't run out of money as governor of New Jersey; I should think the chances for crony capitalism and graft would be stupendous.
 

I wonder if Jon needs an attorney. I propose Gloria Allred.
 

Excellent. Jon can also claim he was sexually harrassed by Herman Cain. Wait, I have a better idea...

To everyone in the United States...
If you were NOT sexually harrassed by Herman Cain in the last six decades, please stand up!

This won't take long.
 

Yes. Today I heard that one of his accusers has a record of filing complaints about harassment.

Would it be mean of me to suggest that some of the accusers are jealous? I have seen this before.
 

Remember the joke about the black guy in a Spanish-only bar? When one of the patrons put a gun to the head of the black guy and said, Okay, If you are Spanish then speak it!
The black guy then said, Adios M***** F******.

That's sounds like Corzine's G'Bye...........
Adios MF!
 

Speaking of Prog croney captialist escapades, please hide from general distribution the sad sob story of Haiti Teleco which can be found by browsing for "The Looting of Haiti Teleco" The list of Democrat notables is straight from the bottom of the barrel.
 

Phobianov, let me clue you in, as a nascent prog. The reason that we are progs is that we chose a kind-sounded but utterly vicious secular religion for the express purpose of looting and enslaving.

As you know, I ride high in the pantheon of Made Progs, owing to my viciousness, my rapacity, my double-dealing, and the fact that I cannot choke on hypocrisy. (I'm still to reach the level of Jay Carney, who can deep-throat a pumpkin.)

I would be shocked, SHOCKED, if our fellow progs were not looting things. After all, that's the whole point.

"Service to country?" Ha. I don't salute the Stars and Stripes. I, like Dear O'leader, kiss the mirror.