Currently, several states are debating the rights of bakers, and other businesses, to refuse service based on religious beliefs. The gay lobby has thrust itself into the meat of this potential legislation, as they believe the laws solely discriminate against them, and their ability to have cakes made for their gay weddings.

However, we have located another subset of bakery discriminees: The bachelorette.

Traditionally, bachelorette parties have been adult playgrounds, with phallic paraphernalia galore: Manhood drinking straws, balloons, necklaces, blow-up members, and bouncing, swinging tools on hot, sweaty strippers.

Add in copious amounts of alcohol, subtract the clothing, and bachelorette parties are not for the young, old, faint of heart, or extremely religious.

Imagine our surprise when we discovered that a baker has been sued for refusing to make a male junk cake for a straight woman's bachelorette party. The lawsuit alleges that the baker discriminated against the woman "because she is straight and loves willy."
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The baker responded, "We do not discriminate against anyone. But it is our right to refuse to make any cake that we feel is against our religious beliefs of chasteness and virtue. Considering that some of our workers are teenagers, and we have many children customers, having a dingaling cake sitting around the shop would just be inappropriate. If the customer desires to get the shaft in cake form so badly, perhaps she could visit an erotic bakery for her tallywhacker cake needs. We would rather shut our doors than make a private part cake."


"I just don't understand," the bride-to-be said, fighting back tears through her johnson-printed bachelorette sash. "This breaks my heart to be discriminated against for being straight. People just assume that if you have a magic wand cake, that your relationship is all about sex, instead of mutual care and respect. They're wrong. It's not my fault that I love the naughty bits. I was born this way. For a Christian baker to deny me a pleasure periscope cake, before the biggest day of my life, is cruel. I hope the baker's daughters grow up to be straight, and want Mr. Happy cakes for their bachelorette parties!"



A statement was issued from Gloria Allred:

"We are appalled that a baker could discriminate against straight women in this way.

My client loves wedding tackle cakes, and is not ashamed to say it, or eat it. We believe that the Christian bakers are using their religious beliefs as a cover-up for dehumanizing straight women. We are not fooled. This is no different than blacks being dragged behind the backs of trucks by the KKK. The right to purchase and eat love bayonet cakes is equal to some of the greatest human rights struggles of our time.

We have spoken with several Unitarian Universalist ministers, and have been assured that if Jesus were a baker, he would definitely make a pocket rocket cake for his unmarried female followers. Jesus ate with prostitutes and tax collectors; of course he would eat firehose cakes with bachelorettes.

Even though Jesus then said to "go and sin no more," we believe that this moral does not apply to proudly and openly sexual cakes from Christian bake shops.

We will wear our WWJD bracelets as a symbol: That discrimination, against straight unmarried women's desire for family jewels, will not be tolerated."

This landmark case is sure to be a symbol of phallic freedom for generations of future straight bachelorettes, who have a bone to pick with Christian bakers. The People's Cube will keep you abreast of the outcome.

Meanwhile, we hope that our dehumanized straight bachelorette can manage to blow off some stress and see the upshot of the situation, with or without her mouth full of ding dong. Cake.

Comrade Olga, I couldn't help noticing the proud upward thrust of your chainsaw as I was reading the opening post of this soon to be extremely swelled and long thread. What in the world are these "Christian" bakers thinking? Facebook now lists over 50 varieties of bachelorette cakes to choose from, after all - who are these dough puncher prudes to discriminate?

Comrade Olga, are there more photographicals of this Celebratory? This is new to the menfolk of this kollektive...prior to marital nuptuals, we played cards and listened to political speeches on the crystal radio...

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It's good to see that someone from the kollektive has a steady job modeling for these 'cakes!'
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'COME TASTE THE R.O.C.K. DIFFERENCE'
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Images I used

If I "identify" as a dung beetle, can I force a Christian baker to make me a turd cake?

Dedhedvedev wrote:If I "identify" as a dung beetle, can I force a Christian baker to make me a turd cake?

Good question! I believe the answer to that depends on, "Is there a dung beetle lobby, vocal enough to intimidate/bully the legislators into forcing the bakers?" Power in numbers!

[color=#C0392B]Dedhedvedev[/color] was not fooling around when he wrote:If I "identify" as a dung beetle, can I force a Christian baker to make me a turd cake?

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What do you mean 'if?'
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Images I used

Comrade Putout wrote:
Images I used

JUST WOW!

There's only one thing the progressive community has to say to the Christian bakers...

[img]/images/Let_Them_Eat_Cock.jpg[/img]

Olga Photoshopova wrote:Discrimination of this magnitude should be a serious crime. Get your chainsaws up, for bachelorettes everywhere! No STR8 H8!

This entire thread makes no sense. Of course Christian bakers should not discriminate against sexually precocious young women because there should be no Christian bakers or Christians at all since religion is the opiate of the masses, and only the opiate of the elite appartchiks should be legal in a progressive utopia.However, a true problem exists when comrades who self identify as men who like men discriminate against comrades who self identify as females who also like men, as Comrade Louis Peitzman documents in his Gawker article: keep-your-bachelorette-party-out-of-my-gay-bar

"But throwing a bachelorette party at The Abbey or any other gay bar isn't a way
to celebrate that friendship: it's weirdly exploitative. It's not so much about
the joy of having gay friends as it is about the essential novelty of gay
people. When a group of women go to a gay bar to let loose for a bachelorette
party, the gay men become props."

Comrade Lysenko wrote:

Olga Photoshopova wrote:Discrimination of this magnitude should be a serious crime. Get your chainsaws up, for bachelorettes everywhere! No STR8 H8!

This entire thread makes no sense. Of course Christian bakers should not discriminate against sexually precocious young women because there should be no Christian bakers or Christians at all since religion is the opiate of the masses, and only the opiate of the elite appartchiks should be legal in a progressive utopia.However, a true problem exists when comrades who self identify as men who like men discriminate against comrades who self identify as females who also like men, as Comrade Louis Peitzman documents in his Gawker article: keep-your-bachelorette-party-out-of-my-gay-bar

"But throwing a bachelorette party at The Abbey or any other gay bar isn't a way
to celebrate that friendship: it's weirdly exploitative. It's not so much about
the joy of having gay friends as it is about the essential novelty of gay
people. When a group of women go to a gay bar to let loose for a bachelorette
party, the gay men become props."

Exactly who is the writer of this piece, Louis Pranceman,..er...Putzman... whatever...just who is this person Louis? And what's a gay bar - actually? Is that like “a bar” against straights? Is it a bar just for gays? Isn't that illegal? Is Louis upset that non-gays are allowed in this joint? Or does he/she mean non-gays can't be females? All these gender assignments and party rules can be so confusing.

Gay/straight/undecided and highly agitated bar owner, David - just call me DC, as in AC/DC - Cooley takes a stab at clarification:

“We love our straight girlfriends coming in to celebrate one of the happiest days of their life. But it's also a slap in the face to my customers and my life that we can't have that same celebration.”

Brilliant! Let me re-phrase that in English: Gay guys love being bitch slapped by partying-straight-bachelorettes. But they want to be bachelorettes too, and it's not fair. So now our article writer, Louse,...Louis enters the contest of wits by stating emphatically:

“Straight men who decided to spend a bachelor party checking out lesbians would be regarded as gross assholes, and rightfully so.”

Excuse me? That prattle slithers mighty close to a sexist slur, Ms., Mr. Putzman. A clever civil rights attorney could whip up a nasty class action suit over that thoughtless remark. You should be more careful how you characterize “straight men”, you know, lumping them all into the same “class” as your friends.

Lois,...Louis concludes his the vicious, unprovoked attack on the “straight community” by asserting:

“If you want to watch a gay man take his shirt off, hire a stripper. They're also a lot cooler with you slipping dollar bills in their thongs, if you're into that sort of thing.”

Oh, dear! Are we projecting our inner desires onto innocent “straights" again? Are we Louise,...Louis? And dollar bills? My, oh my. Is that all it costs these days?

To reiterate, it is immoral for any Christian baker to not make a gay wedding cake. Gays, on the other hand, continue to refuse service to straights, as it is their Constitutionally protected right to do so. Antonio Darden, a gay hairstylist from New Mexico, refused to cut the governor's hair because she does not support his God-given right to marry a man. There is no uproar from progressives on this issue, because the victim is a Whitehispanic Conservative and it is ok to slight, demean and offend them if they don't agree with your lifestyle. I do, however, believe that Mr. Darden is a little bit sexist because the victim of his refusal of service is a woman.

But let's put any compassion for Ms. Martinez aside and focus on how Mr. Darden could have enacted more revenge on the New Mexico governor. Many bigoted straight rights advocates suggest that Christian bakers could accept the invitation to bake a gay wedding cake. Then, instead of a typical, aesthetically pleasing cake, the Christian baker could make what looks like a pile of excrement and serve it at the gay wedding. That will supposedly teach those gays to go elsewhere for their cakes.

Taking a page out of the Conservative Prejudice Playbook, it would have been entertaining if Mr. Darden had used his gay hairdresser wiles to pull a fast one on Ms. Martinez. Wouldn't it be hilarious if he had given her a butch haircut, and then dyed her hair a rainbow of colors! LMAO! Then the bigoted conservative would surely get the message and start showing up at all of the gay pride parades in support of gay marriage.

It appears as if these incidents have opened the Pandora's Box of Prejudice: Now a Colorado barber is refusing to serve any clients who come into his shop smelling like pot. The pot-rights advocates came out of their mother's basements in droves to protest what they believe is the U.S.A's #1 issue: The proud and open use of marijuana.

We found a stoner who was able to put together a few coherent sentences and speak to The People's Cube about this horrendous breach of freedom and liberty:

"Dude, this is totally unfair. Ganja is totally organic, safe, and from the earth. Our founding fathers used hemp even though they didn't smoke it. It's pretty much the same thing. Getting stoned is what this country was founded on.

If I ever decided to get my hair cut, I would totally boycott this barber shop. In fact, I might go protest the barber tomorrow afternoon when I get out of bed. It's totally discrimination against our rights to smoke anytime, anywhere and to carry that aroma with us, and...

Dude, what was the question? I'm hungry."

It appears as if the pot rights advocates' plan to saturate Colorado has turned into a dank, dark mess. Now they are the newest victims of a protected class of discriminees, and their civil liberties have gone up in smoke. To be blunt, we hope that new legislation to prevent such discrimination will be drafted shortly.

that discriminatory baker is a dick

Olga Photoshopova wrote:
It appears as if the pot rights advocates' plan to saturate Colorado has turned into a dank, dark mess. Now they are the newest victims of a protected class of discriminees, and their civil liberties have gone up in smoke. To be blunt, we hope that new legislation to prevent such discrimination will be drafted shortly.

There may be other novel experiences in store for CO head-shops. Soon, Kapitolist trouble makers may try luring customers by offering free toasters or hair driers for annual Pot Club of America memberships! Unless existing pot sellers lobby for price controls and unionized shops who can tell what will happen.

And what if some enterprising grower finds a way to breed a better strain of pot that produces no seeds, i.e., a "seedless-super-pot" variety. Then they could patent the breeding technique and flood the market with super-pot no one else could duplicate.

I see trouble on the horizon, comrades. Big trouble! "Big-Pot" vs. "prole-pot" wars are near at hand.

Well if you can't beat 'em, maybe you can lick 'em.