Here's proof that the entire world is following the political developments at the People's Cube.

Chairman Mao's Long Arm Strikes Korean Pet Shop

Apparently inspired by the recent discussions about dogs, cats, and communism, A South Korean pet shop owner has sparked a minor diplomatic incident with a signboard depicting a dog's head in place of Chairman Mao Zedong's on Beijing's Tiananmen Gate.

The signboard was removed after the Chinese Foreign Ministry summoned an official from the Korean Embassy in Beijing to protest and request corrective measures.

Too bad the petty bourgeois shop owner lives in the non-socialist sector of Korea, or he would now be reporting to a Commissar at the nearest train station, with a set of warm clothes and a shovel.

Of course, no international scandal is fully and officially a scandal until our own Chairman Meow S. Punchenko steps in it (and now he has the assistance of our newly re-educated comrade Pupovich!).

Stay tuned to Laika The Space Dog's direct transmission from orbit to our tinfoil hats with correct interpretation of the events.

https://www.commentarymagazine.com/cont ... /chang/759

May the running dogs of imperialism cower before the likeness of our great leader Mao!

I just got off the phone with our comrades in Beijing and we are indeed, collectively, treating this as a scandal. Please feel free to incorporate the usual suspects of Bush, Cheney, Rove, Alberto and whoever else we hate. Oh, and for the record, Dear Leader Kim Jong Il will be sending agents to kidnap this slanderer and force him to work in the pits for the rest of his life (or until they decide to use him to test chemical/biological weapons).

In Korea, I believe dogs are a menu item. So does this capitalist Korean imply he thinks our beloved Mao is for dinner? But, what can we expect, he lives in a country that is occupied by 38,000 American imperialists, threatening the peaceful Democratic Peoples' Republic of Korea to the north.

Yes, dogs are on the menu, but it is so appropriate for Mao's head to be replaced by one. During Our Esteemed Leader's Cultural Revolution peasant, ungrateful for their advancement, for reasons that I cannot fathom decided that they must be fed. And having eaten the birds, the snakes, and the animals, would trade children of equivalent sizes, and eat other people's children.

Now I consider this to be a show of insufficient Party solidarity, for every good Communist ought to be able to stomach his own child. For we do eat our young, do we not?

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:I just got off the phone with our comrades in Beijing and we are indeed, collectively, treating this as a scandal.

Esteemed Chairman, while our Chinese friends are to be commended in many ways, this Pup must point out that, shall we say, their "Dogma" was long ago exposed as being in error by our own beloved Uncle Iosef. In fact, it was Chairman's Mao's blatant and misguided disregard of Koba's advice that led to the split in the movement that the West tried to use to further their imperialist goals. Their erroneous beliefs even contradicted the wisdom of Comrade Lenin in their folly of making the peasantry the focus of the revolution rather than the working class. It even led to a speech praising the "Mao Tse-tung road" as the correct road to communist revolution and warned that it would be wrong to follow any other path, and did not praise Stalin or the Soviet model even once!

If I may be so brash, I suggest that the replacement of that weakling Mao's portrait by one of the noble, hard working, loyal canine is entirely appropriate.

I suggest that the replacement of that weakling Mao's portrait by one of the noble, hard working, loyal canine is entirely appropriate.

A brilliant idea. Perhaps a picture of one of our brave volunteers that take part in out Poodle Artillery. It would be a great recruiting tool for future ammunition and glorify their selfless sacrifices.

Premier Betty wrote:

I suggest that the replacement of that weakling Mao's portrait by one of the noble, hard working, loyal canine is entirely appropriate.

A brilliant idea. Perhaps a picture of one of our brave volunteers that take part in out Poodle Artillery. It would be a great recruiting tool for future ammunition and glorify their selfless sacrifices.

Well of course the Commissar Pup must remain completely neutral in this, which of course is also a good reason to have Mao's portrait replaced with an entirely neutral image, that of a dog. If we were to feature our brave members of the Poodle Artillery, then the equaly courageous Cat Cruise Missile Crews will feel slighted.

What is Meow's toaster wife Helen comes in from the cold?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:What is Meow's toaster wife Helen comes in from the cold?

Well of course the Pup is completely neutral on the subject, so he will certainly give her/it all the consideration deserved.

Just don't get into the bathtub with it.

Premier Betty wrote:Just don't get into the bathtub with it.

Ah yes, 00Pup once used that tactic to dispose of an enemy.

Betty, do you recall the time Meow was absent for a while? He'd stuck his fork in Helen for a pop tart. Couldn't pee for a week.

Ouch. That sucks.

Kinda reminds me of that one Urban Legend Darwin Award about that guy who took his girlfriend out to the top of a hill and they laid down and started bonking away. Soon a thunderstorm started above them and lightning struck the guy's @$$ (The highest part on the hill at the time) and fused them together at the genitals. His girlfriend died, but he was able to drag himself (with her still attached) to a nearby road where they were discovered by some Girl Scouts. When the doctors finally separated them, they said that the guy's dick resembled a small piece of cauliflower.

I heard, and this may be less apocryphal, that a man and woman were bonking on top of a grand piano on a Las Vegas, which was suspended on wires to rise above the stage. The theater was deserted after the last show, and they got on top, and--this is where it breaks down--started it to rise.

It didn't stop and rose into the rigging and pinned the man, on top, on top, where he died. The woman could not make it descend and had to wait until the next morning. Then the cleaners &c. It falls apart of course.

And although I have never been in flagrante delicto with a woman, it all works much the same way, I'm quite sure, no matter the players. For the purposes of this conversation I assume that at least one of the players has a real use for a jock strap and I ain't talking Martina Navritolova, the sponsor for Snap-On Tools.

After the final frisson, the blood rushes back to the smart head and things just retreat. I have had, perhaps, a great deal more experience with others' geometries than other people here, and things change a great deal no matter who is involved. I could go on and it takes real work to keep things in place--it can be done--but not if there is not complete and total cooperation, which wouldn't happen if one of the people were dead.

Now for a good story. A blonde wanted to play golf and went to the local golf pro. She showed up for her first lesson and he realized that she was so dumb that there was no hope of her learning. But she was gorgeous and so he did the old routine of, "Let me stand behind you and hold your wrists and show you how to swing." She agreed and they did this four or five times. (This actually happened to me when I was an 8th grader by someone named E. V. but nothing happened. Damn.)

The blonde never did learn how to even scare the ball, but dim as she was, the pro thought she might topple to it and started to back up.

He couldn't. He was wearing double-knit pants and she was wearing a fancy belt built into the dress , and they'd become entangled. He fiddled with it and said, "Er, I can't back up. We're stuck together and I'm just making it worse."

She said, "Men! Let me try," and she tried, but she made it worse too.

The pro said, "I've got an idea. We'll walk like this to the club house into my office, and I'll step out of my pants, and go into the closet, and you won't be embarrassed and you can take off your dress and untangle us. No embarrassment.

She agreed and they started walking, and nearly fell down. They started again, and were getting the hang of it and would have reached the clubhouse but a dog threw a bucket of water on them.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:She agreed and they started walking, and nearly fell down. They started again, and were getting the hang of it and would have reached the clubhouse but a dog threw a bucket of water on them.

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Please note that in deference to Meow I made it a blonde joke and not a toaster joke. That scar has not healed. He still zips his pants with care.

That one was a classic! I had never heard that before.

Long set-up though.

Well it does lack the brevity of this classic. The Pup remembers well how Grandpup Beria used to enjoy telling at the annual State Security Conference and Cotillion...

A flock of sheep were stopped by frontier guards at the Russo-Finnish border. "Why do you wish to leave Russia?" the guards asked them. "It's the NKVD", replied the terrified sheep. "Beria's ordered them to arrest all elephants." "But you aren't elephants!" the guards pointed out. "Try telling that to the NKVD!"

A Russian and an American die and they both go to hell. Satan asks them, "Which hell do you prefer, the Russian or American?" "What's the difference?" the Russian asks. "In the American hell, you will be forced to eat one bucket of waste every day; in the Russian, two," Satan explains. The American decides to go to the American hell. The Russian, being a patriot, chooses the Russian hell. One year later the two men run into one another. "How's life?" the Russian asks. "Can't complain," the American answers. "I eat one bucket of waste every morning, and then I'm free for the rest of the day. What about you?" "I coudn't be better!" the Russian explains. "Just like back on earth! They're either late with waste deliveries, or they're having bucket shortages."

A bit off the subject but considering something recent, here goes.

A man dies and is waiting in line to enter the Pearly Gates. He hears a noise behind him and noticed a man elbowing through, shouting, "Coming through! Make way! Move it! Move it!" and he pushes his way through line line and St. Peter lets him go through.

When he gets up to the front, he asks who the pushy man was and why he got in before every one else. St. Peter laughed and said, "That was just God playing doctor."

Yes, that is a classic, as are these....

“When the final phase of socialism, namely communism, is built, will there still be thefts and pilfering?”

“No, because everything will be already pilfered during socialism.”


A delegation from his native Georgia leaves Stalin's office after a long meeting. Stalin realizes that he cannot find his pipe and calls Dzerzhinsky to find out if anyone from the delegation took his pipe. After 30 minutes Stalin finds the pipe under the table and calls Dzerzhinsky to let the delegation go. Dzerzhinsky answers Stalin's call: "I am sorry Comrade, but one half of the delegation already admitted that they took your pipe, and the other half died during questioning."

Here's another socialist joke:

<i>The New York Times</i>.