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Matt Lauer to be sent to the Gulag

9/9/2016, 9:02 pm
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In the first 100 days of Hillary's presidency, citizen Matt Lauer is scheduled to be transported to the gulag for crimes against Hillary. Not only did this so-called "journalist" make our champion look bad by shamefully interrupting her on live TV, but the cherry on top of the sexist cake was his poorly disguised intention to make Trump look good.

Citizen Lauer thus made a grave error of treating Hillary as if she were a regular Joe, when everyone knows that she is to be treated exclusively in a way that helps her win the audiences' hearts with her jokes and laughs.

While criminal Lauer is indubitably guilty of insubordination, Hillary is merciful and has reconsidered her original order of his physical elimination. Instead, Lauer is expected to spent the rest of his lowly existence shoveling permafrost in one of Alaska's reeducation camps.

The corresponding executive order will take effect immediately upon the coronation, allowing the criminal to be with his family for Hillmas, formally known as Christmas.
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9/10/2016, 4:38 pm
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He must be compelled to relearn proper objectivity. For example, here is Rachel Maddow objectively hugging Hillary. See? Not a hint of bias. C'mon, Matt, what were you thinking? Or was thinking where you went wrong?
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9/11/2016, 2:15 pm
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Matt probably thought she was close to an email confession and prison!
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