I was traveling late last night under the starry skies of Orion and was listening to the out of this world insight of America Left, as always, just in time for my favorite prophet of the stars to come on: Mike Malloy. Mike is a glorious progressive's progressive.

The Current Truth(tm) is what was revealed to him in the ether of his dreams, and anything that he hears that isn't an echo from a mirror of the infinite space surrounding his interstellar grace; is heresy.

I feel for Mike, although not as much as Mike feels for himself; no one is better at polishing his pain, even Bill Clinton. His sighs indicated to me a career either singing or playing brass instruments -- hisbreath control is exemplary.

One night Mike was warning his listeners in fly-over country to stay in out of the snow and ice to be careful. But, "If you're a Conservative, go to the mall, and when you hit an icy patch, floor it!"

The next night Mike said that they were taking callers. I do love the callers on America Left; we know that there is something for the terminally unemployed to do, and just think of the jobs that Mike iscreating, hiring shills with cognitive problems to call his program.

"Weare taking callers. But not if you're a Republican. If you're aRepublican and live in a place with 52" of snow, take off your clothes and play in the snow."

The next night he had on a guest, and they were talking about the Progressive Movement. This is not, as you might think, something to do with irritable bowel syndrome, or even considering Mike's pronunciation, irritable vowel syndrome. Mike and his guest were exulting that some day the Progressives might arise and sweep away the two parties. "And line up the Republicans. And shoot them! Pow!"

The sound effect was said over the sound of the guest laughing in agreement at shooting people who dissent. Dissent from them.

Last night though I was lifted to the empyrean heights of the progressive mind. Mike told us that for the first time 49 states had snow on the ground at the the same time. But it had nothing to do with global warming,which was just fine.

Mikey Moonbat Malloy wrote:If you're one of those right-wing crazies, hear this: Snow doesn't mean it's cold. Snow means there's moisture.

I tried to call the show, but it was over. I wanted to ask how this new revelation in science came about: the only state without snow was Hawaii, and it is the state with the most water on and around it.

But Mike opened doors to my thinking. All of those years I had put water into a freezer to make ice and all I needed to do was just put the ice-cube tray on the counter.

Mike's true strength though is his ability to drive a knife into the heart of causality. A true progressive, he believes that no one is responsible for anything but that groups are responsible for everything.

I hereby award Mike Malloy the Jodin Morey Award enraged, bitchy, mean progressivism. Unlike other awards, the recipient of the award does not in fact get anything at all. Except the right to throw his own turds at the rest of the world.

---

While I was sleeping Red Rooster sneaked in and contributed instead of taking a page of Meow's book and stealing the Waterford. For which I thank him.

I'm certain that comrade Mike speaks for all of us when he gleefully says that he'd like to shoot every last one of those contemptible Republicans. You have to understand that his revolutionary zeal is founded in his concern for the little guy and his tolerance for cultural diversity. These are noble goals indeed and well worth committing cold blooded murder to achieve.

I draw your attention to our comrade Amy Bishop who recently murdered three co-workers at the Univ. of Alabama. 24 years ago she shot and killed her brother and was suspected of mailing an pipebomb to a colleague. Since she was also an angry bitter Leftist supporter of Obama, we can be sure she had good reasons for her actions. I sincerely believe the police acted stupidly in arresting her.

When Amy Bishop killed her brother, they mistook her for a girl, and girls never kill anyone, do they? (at least that is what the police investigators thought). But it's true. We femynists are above killing. We are superior to men.

As for Mike Malloy, don't you know the Current Truth has changed? Why back in Grandpa's day when Grandpa walked through waist high snow on his farm, that was caused by global cooling. Now, global warming is what causes waist high snow. This is the absolute Current Truth, and I'm sticking to it.

RR, I am in awe of your understanding of Mike Malloy. As a made prog, I knew that you would be sensitive, and caring, and...and...all that touchy-feely goo-goo shit that we progs are supposed to be which distracts the audience from the re-education camp.

Can't you just see the truth in Mike's eyes? You know that his hurt expression is a window into his soul, and not, as the callow might expect, merely the face of a whining brat in the body of a sexagenarian.

Comrade Red Rooster,

That's some fancy artwork you did. Comrade Malloy should be so proud. Let's hope wherever The People™ may search, your glorious images will come up. Oh, I'm thrilled.

Mikey Moonbat Malloy wrote: If you're one of those right-wing crazies, hear this: Snow doesn't mean it's cold. Snow means there's moisture.

Of course this is absolutely true. Snow is warm. It is a well known fact that the Inuit sleep naked in their igloos built of... SNOW!

I live in the blinding heat of the Texas desert. I didn't know this; all these years I had thought that we <i>needed</i> those fridges and freezers but I find that all I need to do is turn on the tap, fill the ice trays and set them on the counter, and voila! Ice!

But what is to keep the water in the toilet from freezing? In the cats' water bowl? In the pipes? Does water freeze in pipes when there's no oxygen?

Alas, last night I did not journey out into the West Texas night to her more of Mike Malloy. I have become so used to his wisdom. And he's so generous with it.

Someone doesn't agree in lockstep and Mike comes in, "You can't say that the reason for the bombs in Afghanistan isn't George Bush. You can't say that the reason that the black death came in the 13th century isn't George Bush. You can't say that the reason for the gamma-ray burst in a galaxy a million light years away isn't George Bush.

I love his logic. Because it's not based on cause but on circumstance.

I had to vote for Mikael the Minnesota Moonbat Mime as the most progeriffic of all. The man is pure legend. Those are some pretty big shoes to fill. Mikey M may have some talent and shows promise, but the Mime is still my fav.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I live in the blinding heat of the Texas desert. I didn't know this; all these years I had thought that we <i>needed</i> those fridges and freezers but I find that all I need to do is turn on the tap, fill the ice trays and set them on the counter, and voila! Ice!

Commissar, do I detect a hint of socialist sarcasm? Yes, I can just see you placing this water in an ice tray on a counter, and your gleeful smirk when this experiment does not result in ice! Denounce yourself Commissar, save the excuses! Any one can see the flaw in your reasoning. You have to place the ice tray full of water OUTSIDE in order for it to be fully exposed to global warming factors so that it will freeze! Thought you could pull one over this old socialist dog's eyes eh?

I don't see what I can't put the ice-cube trays anywhere I want to put them. After all, it's racism/sexism/speciesism/homophobia for it not to do <i>just what I freaking want it to do</i>.

Now hear this, all you comrades and fellow progs: my wanting it means that I get it.

Got that?

I'm a made prog.

So there.

Theocritus is correct. The way of the proper progressive is what we want and what we say. To quote Lily Tomlin as her character little Edith;"and that's the TRUTH" (followed by a resounding raseberry).

Seems that any discourse of socialism always ends up with demands that any who stand in the way of it's progress must die. Our boy Mikey is right up front with it and you've got to give him that. Still, I'm ashamed to say he's a part of my generation.

[i]Commissar Theocritus wrote:I don't see what I can't put the ice-cube trays anywhere I want to put them. After all, it's racism/sexism/speciesism/homophobia for it not to do <i>just what I freaking want it to do</i>.[/i]

Now hear this, all you comrades and fellow progs: my wanting it means that I get it.

Got that?

I'm a made prog.

So there.

I have dispatched my best Psychotic Goons Highly Trained Behavior Modification Counselors to force those ice trays to freeze.

Speaking of Ice what has come of Meow? I miss the wisdom laced statements he offered, such as I need more Vodka, Why has that guy got a fruit salad on his head? sc'use me while I walk the parapet. Why can't I stop Peeing? or lastly Who are you?

Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality®INC
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Defender of the Faith

Red Star wrote: Speaking of Ice what has come of Meow? I miss the wisdom laced statements he offered,

Comrade I fear that somewhere in our happy little gulag someone dug a tunnel. Far too many inmates have disappeared or fail to show up for role call on a regular basis. This must stop. It's high time we spend some OPM to get electrified fencing and search lights on the watch towers.

I love Mike Malloy! I do believe I have found my soulmate, for he feels about conservatives the way I do.

Here is what I believe:

If you didn't vote for Obama, you are a racist.

If you are a racist, then you are guilty of racism.

Racism is a hate crime.

Therefore, anyone who didn't vote for Obama is a hate criminal and should be punished accordingly.

If you voted for the old geezer and his trailer trash running mate who talks to herself by writing on her hand, then you were only voting for another third term of Bush.

Bush is a war criminal.

Therefore, anyone who voted for Bush--or for the old geezer and his moose-eating bimbo running mate--is just as much a war criminal as those they vote for. Not to mention they're guilty of just about every other crime you can think of, because Bush is, too.

Those people must be punished for crimes against humanity and the planet, or more specifically--treason.

Here in the United States, the penalty for treason is death.

And since the conservatives are, like, so in favor of the death penalty, I say let's give 'em what they believe in.

And since they seem to think that all that's cruel and unusual isn't at all cruel and unusual, then surely they can't object if we put them to a cruel and unusual death--or rather, what THEY think is cruel and unusual.

Because to a prog, any death is cruel and unusual that is not the result of starvation or scissors jabbed into the skull followed by one's brains getting sucked out--but that wouldn't be a problem for rightwingers since everyone knows they have no brains anyway.

Janeane Garofalo says so, and so do I.

Now excuse me while I go write a new page in my diary . . .

Mrs. Pinkie Malloy
Mrs. Pinkie Malloy
Mrs. Pinkie Malloy

P.S. Will it still be possible to hate conservatives even after they're all gone?

I had to vote for Mikael the Minnesota Moonbat Mime as the most progeriffic of all. The man is pure legend. Those are some pretty big shoes to fill. Mikey M may have some talent and shows promise, but the Mime is still my fav.

Me too!

I voted Straight Mime since I'm pretty damn sure you can't vote Straight Jodin.

Now that Howard Zinn is dead, I hear Malloy is going to interview him next week on the history of the necro-proxy voting rights struggle and the justified use of napalm on RethugliKKKans. The burning question will be "Is too much too little?".

Pinkie, I like your logic. I have maintained for years that the Wholly, er, Holy Progeriffics are people who have thrown causality under the bus and put circumstance in its place.

Mike Malloy was complaining that there were more Afghani women setting themselves on fire than before and mumbled something about their husbands but then raised his voice and denounced the American presence there. See?

Last night Mikey was talking with someone in the studio--I suspect it was a studio; the acoustics made it sound like a basement. I was shocked. I didn't know that there was anyone else. They were talking about good lefty progs that they'd like to vote for. The other voice said our Many Titted Empress.

Mike snorted. "Hillary's a Republican, straight up!"

Then after him playing many bad songs all the way through, he came on with another tectonic sigh of ten seconds, and I could just see the back of his hand against his forehead, his eyes slitted to see who was watching his distress.

"And if you're a Republican, go out into the rain and melt!"

And let's try some causality. On election day in November of 2008, I got out of bed at the normal time. That implies that I myself elected Barack Hussein Obama.

Laika, my gaydar hasn't twigged on Jodin Morey. But of course who knows? With all that shaking and yapping. I do know however that when he came to the Rancho he did lift his leg to pee, and Bruno sits.

As to Meow, I don't know myself where he is. I think he's on a secret mission.

[ off ]He's in college I believe and there may be some health issues with his family. Don't know for sure.

and Bruno sits.

Does he roll over?
OK, maybe I'm wrong but what's this "Perky Head" stuff?
Was that a Freudian Slurp?

Commissarka Pinkie,
Mrs. Pinkie Malloy? You're breaking many hearts here Pinkie. I hear tell that Pavel's back and he's looking for you.

Commissar Theocritus,
Speaking of the MTE. She's really looking poorly lately. I've been trying to get her to take some time off, but you know her, she's on a mission. Maybe you can talk some sense in to her.

Laika, every picture of the progeriffic Jodin Morey has him with his head cocked perkily to the side with a big smile. I cannot see if his heels are together and he's clasping his hands either in front or behind his back.

Rasputin, our MTE is indeed looking poorly. But that's her cross, or hammer and sickle, to bear in service to the Holy One. It must be very vexing to work for a man who even the Europeans think is now a failed man, having to entreat with people that your boss has bowed to, in a culture which respects nothing but strength.

Obamugabe wrote:

Mikey Moonbat Malloy wrote: If you're one of those right-wing crazies, hear this: Snow doesn't mean it's cold. Snow means there's moisture.

Of course this is absolutely true. Snow is warm. It is a well known fact that the Inuit sleep naked in their igloos built of... SNOW!

Comrades,

There seems to be quite a bit of confusion over Moonbat's comments regarding snow and obviously none of you are capable of the mental gymnastics required to comprehend his genius.

Allow me to distill his wisdom.

In this glorious world of Next Tuesday the very nature of water will change. In more southern locales like Texas ice will no longer be confined to such a rigid and dead definition as "solid". Ice will now be water in liquid form just as plainly as the solid form that your unevolved prole minds concieve it now. Likewise, when appropriate, the term "warm" will apply to any temperature above -20 degrees celcius. Therefore, snow or ice is merely moisture but it does not require cold to exist in either its liquid or solid forms nor will it need cold temperatures to manifest.

Its snowing in Zimbabwe RIGHT NOW as Obmuagbe can attest to and its 85F degrees. So to all the tea bagging skeptics who say snow is a strike against global warming climate change what say you in the face of these facts?!

Hell yeah, I'm going to be on Madow's show later to discuss. Tune in.

But Mike opened doors to my thinking. All of those years I had put water into a freezer to make ice and all I needed to do was just put the ice-cube tray on the counter.

Ha ha ha ha........

I too have been subject to Malloy's "insight" during long hauls. I applaud you for being able to find anything funny about him.

And now, Epic Beard Man:



the follow up


<br>Why are these criminals (who allowed water to be introduced to peaceful Muslim faces) allowed to walk? Is Comrade Holder slipping?

Buffoon, there is a slight problem with Comrade Holder. Not even his mother thinks that he has a brain. He sure as hell has a mouth though.

Comrade Buffoon, thank Marx for that old codger. The follow up video was priceless too.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Buffoon, there is a slight problem with Comrade Holder. Not even his mother thinks that he has a brain. He sure as hell has a mouth though.

His mother, mouth, Father Guido Sarducci and brain disagree...

I hate to disagree with people who love Mr. Holder, but I have a television in my bathroom. Once Mr. Holder came on while I was having some private time in the Hillary and the result flushed itself.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I hate to disagree with people who love Mr. Holder, but I have a television in my bathroom. Once Mr. Holder came on while I was having some private time in the Hillary and the result flushed itself.

That's just insidious capitalism leaving your body comrade... rejoice!

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Comrade Buffoon, thank Marx for that old codger. The follow up video was priceless too.

Me thinks the old codger saw time in 'Nam and is now unhinged on meds... He needs some Obama Care!

The best part was when the black guy said, "next time, I'll fu*# you up." His blood leakage obviously didn't absolve him of his blackness.

Comrade Buffoon how did you get that boot on your head?



I certainly hope it wasn't from the Rethuglikan Allen West.

Hail Obama!

Little known fact:

The boot on my head is a direct result of Ginger Lynn and Tony Iommi interbreeding...

They "did it wrong."



Col West declined comment...

as well he should.

Very good Comrade useful idiot Buffoon, The Party™ needs loyalists like you comrade, why the first thing I do when I get up in the morning is burn my toast and then cuss at it for being black. You are inspiration to The Party™ comrade, and in being useful idiot asset to The Party™ I found this glorious poster which celebrates you and the collectivism of the glorious system you promote for The Party™.


Hail Obama! Comrade Buffoon, Hail Obama!

If that poster doesn't help you rally other useful idiots proles for The Party™ Comrade Buffoon,maybe this remake will....

Then again if you ever want to take that boot off your cranium we have these useful helmets for useful idiots...

Red Rooster, I really LOL'd when I read what your burnt toast is subjected to... I simply buy wheat to invoke my anger. I won't even go into what Pita bread does to me.

There was a time when Dear Leader was the Toast of the town. I'm sure he'll be Toast again in 2012.

Possibly comrade Whoopie and as a made progressive I would never admit that this will be because he is red and not because he is half black. But of course useful idiots will keep pushing the boundaries of ignorance and primal stupidity just as Comrade Karl Marx proposed.

[TABLE][TR][TD] Whatever you do, never entertain that we all come from one ancestry as proposed in The Bible. All useful idiots of The Party™ must continue to to support ignorant primal divisions in society for Comrade Karl's dream to come true.

So please useful idiots continue, The Party™ needs you.[/TD][TD] [/TD][/TR][/TABLE]