Do you suffer from majority status?

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You can't stop being white. You can stop being wealthy, but only at the cost of everything you have. You can technically stop being male but only through surgery that also comes at a great cost. You can stop being Christian but you will never erase the fact that you were, at one point, Christian, or were raised in a Christian household and/or community.
But what you CAN change at virtually no cost to you is your heterosexuality. Instead of being a heterosexual male who is attracted to females, all you have to do is "feel" like a woman who is "trapped inside a man's body". And also a lesbian, which accounts for your continued attraction to women. So, because "feeling" is good enough for the ACLU, you can acquire not only the victim status of being a woman, but also of the "L" and the "T" in "LGBT".

Oh, I'm sorry comrades, I apologize: no one should be allowed to possess the unbridled genius and clever wit that I have just displayed. I shall denounce myself immediately for this as well as my misspellings of the word "womyn".

Comrade Pony, I also denounce you for claiming that self-improvement surgery comes "at great cost" - soon, these surgeries will be fully funded by yet another ObamaStimulus™, because you gotta spread the wealth around.

However, your spirit is obviously in the right place - not that you or anyone else actually HAS a spirit, other than beet vodka - so I denounce my earlier denouncement.

And besides, you're a womyn, so you get extra credit anyway :)

I welcome the opportunity to have my own personal fluke advocate for government entitlements for me on TV. This form of political performance art persuasion is most effective in obtaining rights for oppressed victims like myself.

Opiate of the People wrote:I welcome the opportunity to have my own personal fluke advocate for government entitlements for me on TV. This form of political performance art persuasion is most effective in obtaining rights for oppressed victims like myself.

We will keep Comrade Jesse on call just in case you need a quick protest march to back you up. If you need a fake Social Security Number to prove you are fresh across the southern border, you can start getting tuition aid and health care right away. We are on it.

Every year at this time I suffer from an additional minority status (in addition to the minority status of being in a straight-jacket). I am a victim of not being victimized by March Madness. Apparently I have acquired a powerful immunity to the annual Madness that afflicts so many of our countrymen countrypersons countrybeings.

I have no brackets. It's not that my hands are tied because, as always, I'm controlling this laptop with my mind rather than my fingers. Rather, it's because I never even mastered a simple layup. It's a sport designed for abnormally tall people with hands large enough to palm a basketball. It's not an everyman sport.

Football-- that's an everyman sport.* Baseball-- that's an everyman sport.** Ice-hockey-- that's an everyman sport. Although in all those sports, size can make a difference, the qualities of skill, perseverence, quickness and fortitude are not dwarfed by physical size as almost a sine qua non for success. The same could be said for la crosse, field hockey and street-hockey as "everyman" sports. [By the way, have you ever seen White House Hockey being played in front of the White House-- it's a great non-partisan tradition.] Oh, by the way, my innate sexism caused me to forget to include softball-- an everywoman everywomyn sport (even though men are permitted to play softball)****.

So, what's a victim of sanity amidst March Madness to do? Write this post on victimization, what else?


--KOOK
*False humility alone restrains me from including a sports photograph of "[KOOK (as quarterback)] putting his head down to meet a tackler head-on."
**Flase humility alone restrains me from including a photograph of "[KOOK] making a tag-out as catcher at home-plate in a Triple-A stadium [in a nationwide hardball -- not softball-- league for players over 30]." [It's the same league in which the once-sensible Kevin Kostner played.]
***Genuine vanity restrains KOOK from also including pictures, reports, descriptions and admissions of numerous fumbles, interceptions, strickouts, dropped balls and prolonged bench-warming.
****I coached Little League for 14 years, during which time I won kudos year-in and year-out from my opposing coaches for my virtually perpetual losing streaks (except for one glorious year). In those early years, I unsuccessfully sought to persuade my fellow coaches to participate in a post-Little-League-season game of hardball, but virtually every coach (each of who had previously been a good baseball player) said, "I'll play softball, but not hardball," so later I joined a nationwide hardball league. [It's the same league in which the once-sensible Kevin Kostner played.] In fairness to the womyn, one of our rival teams (which had beaten our team) played and lost (big time) to the Colorado Silver Bullets, a famous all-female hardball team. (Of course, we claimed that we would never have lost if we were to have played them.)

PS to Comrade Peoples Comrade-- please forgive my self-indulgence in this post and consider it a manifestation of my being a victim of not being a victim of March Madness.

KOOK wrote: PS to Comrade Peoples Comrade-- please forgive my self-indulgence in this post and consider it a manifestation of my being a victim of not being a victim of March Madness.

You are on the right track Comrade. Victimhood comes naturally to some with native talent but the rest of us need to work on it - practice makes perfect. Minority Training is the answer for many. It gives them that needed boost to see their way out of the majority morass.

Good news, we have just hired a new minority instructor.