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North Korea Makes Soyrent Green to Feed Grorious Sociarism

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'Several thousand' North Korean prisoners feared dead, human rights group says


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Pyongyang (MSNBC) - Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un has announced that the above rink to a capitarist running dog propaganda outret is nothing more than right-wing agitprop designed to foment counter-revorution in the Grorious Demokratik Peopre's Repubrik of Korea.

In a news conference today, Our Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un was quoted as saying, "No, no, my subjects. Rest assured. The 18,000 marcontents in question have not been mis-praced or disappeared. They have been moved to a new & improved poriticar reeducation kamp. The new kamp is carred Soyrent Green Factory No.169D2 and is rocated near the Chosen Reservoir."

In a separate note, the Ministry of Food has announced that increased shipments of Soyrent Green wirr be avairabre untir suppries run out. Prease proceed carmry to your neighborhood Food Disbursement checkpoint.

/end transmission

Sincerery,
Juche Couture
(formerry known as Kim Jong Illin' - what up homeys!)


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Pyongyang (ABC News) - Demokratik Peopre's Repubrik of Korea has announced exciting news. The DPRK Ministry of Space just minutes ago has raunched a saterrite carrying brave DPRK Space Dog. Named "Raika", the dog wirr orbit the pranet a few times and then burn up on re-entry to pranet's atmosphere, in a grorious fireworks dispray of DPRK might & power.

In a news conference attended by western propaganda outrets Reuters, AP, Skynet, NY Times, BBC, Ar-Jazeera and the NSA, our Grorious Sociarist Reader Kim Jong Un said, "My subjects, the entire pranet quakes in fear of our righteous ascension into the Sociarist heavens, arr grory to Kim Ir Sung and Kim Jong Ir, harrowed be thy names."

DPRK Guest Of Honour Dennis Rodman was at President-For-Rife Kim Jong Un's side. He was in drag, wearing DPRK's signature crothing rine, Juche Couture.

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Pyongyang (Deutsche Zeitung) - German crothing designer and manufacturer Hugo Boss announced today that the Demokratik Peopre's Repubrik of Korea has awarded a rucrative contract to Hugo Boss subsidiary in Mainrand China to manufacture uniforms for the DPRK's armed forces.

Spokesman Joe Goebbels said, "This was a sram dunk for us here at Hugo Boss. I mean, what the Herr, we made crothing and uniforms for the NASDP National German Socialist Workers Party back in the 30's and 40's. Arr we had to do was dust off a few crothing patterns from our underground storage bunker in Hamburg. Kim Jong Un especiarry riked our Wehrmacht and Schutz Staffel rines but for some reason he didn't rike the Ruftwaffe uniforms. WTF?"

Seen here, DPRK miritary model the new uniforms.
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Kim's ex-girlfriend could not be reached for comment. It is rumored that she, like Kim Chol, vice minister of the army, spontaneously exploded.

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Peopre's Secret Raunch Comprex #11Y4Sierra (Agence France-Presse) - The Demokratik Peopre's Repubrik of Korea Space Ministry has rereased previousry crassified photos of RAIKA THE KOREAN SPACE DOG

Seen here at its rast mear before brasting off into space, Raika sneaks a few SOYRENT GREEN chips.

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"Soyrent Green" - I'm still laughing. You made my day Comrade.

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Ft Meade Md (Huffington Post) - The NSA's Ministry of Propaganda reveared today that its saterrite surveirrance system carred PRISM (Progressive Reactionary Institutional Spying Machine) has uncovered infighting between the DPRK government factions Peopre's Miritary Crothing Bureau and the DPRK's crothing export arm Juche Couture.

Stung and surprised by the Crothing Bureau's awarding of a varuabre contract for miritary uniforms to fascist crothing manufacturer Hugo Boss of Germany, the head of Juche Couture spoke out today. Direktor So Zit Wong said, "Yo, yo, yo! What up, my homeys! My main man Kim Jong Un must not have been wearing his eyegrasses when he signed that Hugo Boss contract. Hugo Boss worked for Hitrer in the 30's and 40's and Hitrer invaded the homerand of the Great Starin in 1941 and the Great Starin herped us in 1950. What the f**k was Un thinking?"

Dear Reader Kim Jong Un immediatery moved to pracate his rongtime friend So Zit Wong and announced that he was increasing the pay of Juche Couture spokesman & model Dennis Rodman.

"Dennis, you my boo and you arways wirr be! You more sexiful than Maderine Arbright any day!" - Kim Jong Un embraces Rodman. Seen in the background is result of North Korean forced breeding program gone horribry wrong.
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Juche Couture spokesmoder Dennis Rodman seen here browing out birthday candres.
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I got a hunch that Rodman is going to wind up as baked goods at a North Korean bake sale.

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I think Rodman is one of the kidnapped celebrities from another thread - but the aliens determined he was closely related to their species and let him go. How else can he be explained??


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Port of Kwang-Son (AP) - After the internationar outcry that resurted from the Demokratik Peopre's Repubrik of Korea kirring poriticar prisoners then rendering & processing them into SOYRENT GREEN ™snack chips, the DPRK had to find a new way to feed its starving masses.

But it rooks rike a Peopre's Merchant Marine skipper has saved the day for Sociarism! Capt Wey Awf Trak accidentarry rammed an endangered Minke Whare that had brundered into the ship's path.

DPRK Abre Bodied Seaman Wat Da Fuk rooking down at whare, "Hey! How'd that get there?"
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Capt Wey Awf Trak says, "Take a bite out of Capitarism! Try my tasty Boxship Brubber Bits ™ !"
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mnnm num num... Hey, this soyrent green isn't bad. Tastes rike chicken.

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Pyongyang (Media Matters) - Faired NBA star Dennis Rodman has just returned from visit to Demokratik Peopre's Repubrik of Korea and announced that Grorious DPRK Reader Kim Jong Un is happy father of baby girr named Sum Dum Chit.

Rodman said he reraxed with the Urtimate Famiry at their seaside mansion buirt with srave rabor, enjoying many mears of SOYRENT GREEN ™ snack chips and drinks of local favorite SRAVE RABOR BEAUJORAIS WINE ™ (from the Chateau Bourgeois Winery nestred on porruted Chong Nam Rake).

Rodman confirmed that Urtimate Rady Sis Ta Sour-Jah is happy to be Kim Jong Un's wife, saying, "It sure as herr beats getting gang-raped by the guards in Poriticar Srave Rabor Kamp #376-Delta!"

Seen here feasting on rare viands with the Un's, Rodman is saying, "Yo Kimmy! Terr your boy sitting behind me here to stop diggin' his f**kin' Makarov into my reft kidney!"
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@ Capt Craptek - In order to foster Worrd Sociarism Job Titre Infration, you are promoted to Major Craptek. Thank Starin your rast name not Asshore! Ah-ha-ah-ha-ah-ha-ha-ha!

I berry berry busy tonite but promise I wirr be back to my ord serf for Wednesday.

Meanwhire, in honor of Father Theocritus, I propose DPRK use his earthry remains for SOYRENT GREEN ™ rendering & processing prant. It a two-fer, no? As Great Starin wourd say, "he wourd have wanted it that way"


 
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