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Obama Congratulates Army's First Transgender Green Beret

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SSG Dorothy Maddox sports new
specially designed beret

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In a special ceremony today at the JFK Special Warfare Center and School, President Obama personally congratulated the Army's first transgender Green Beret.

Staff Sergeant Frank, who prefers to be called Dorothy, Maddox was overcome with emotion as the President personally put her beret on her head. “I was just so happy, happy, happy!” squealed Dorothy with girlish delight. “I was crying, and I'm afraid I smeared some mascara on the president's collar when I hugged him. It was a big moment for both of us.”

“Let me be clear,” the President spoke in reverberating tones amidst scattered applause, “I promised to bring change to America, and that necessarily includes America's armed forces. To prepare us to operate with more sensitivity to others, we have already determined that women will graduate from Ranger School. Soon, there will be the first women SEALs and the first women to pass the assessment for MARSOC. This will leave us with a stronger, more sexually inclusive military to deal with the challenges of the 21st Century."

"A multi gender presence will go far in breaking down the negative stereotypes associated with our military since its inception," Obama added. "The days of the macho, George W Bush kick-in-the-door-let-me-shoot-you-in-the-face tactics are a thing of the past.”

The President then went on to announce that the gender exclusive memorials portraying men in combat would be replaced with statues representing all 58 genders engaging in acts of dialogue and mutual respect.

“I am honored,” the President continued, “that the Secretary of the Army has decided to change the name of this historic institution to the Barack Obama Special School of Anger Management, Understanding, and Conflict Resolution.”

“It's such an honor,” said Sergeant Maddox after the speech, wiping away more tears. “I'm going to cherish this oversized teddy bear the President gave me so much, it's going in my rucksack on my first deployment.”

A Special Forces first sergeant was overheard to say that it would be a very short deployment. “Oh, on account of our new overall effectiveness,” the first sergeant clarified when questioned about his comment.



 
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