Washington - AP (Associated Potatoes) - Today President B. Hussein Obama stood before a large crowd in the nation's capital as he invoked the spirits of both FDR and several deceased union bosses in an attempt to summon jobs to United States union workers.

"These jobs aren't for bitter clingers or for white males", stated Valerie Jarrett, Obama senior adviser and confidant. "And now congress won't have to pass any bills that haven't been written yet by the president!"

Onlookers were wowed by Obama's supernatural abilities; as one female attendee to the spectacle stated, "Sure, we know He's the One, but to actually see Him in action like this - well, let's just say that my panties need changin' about now!"

Michelle Obama was standing nearby, scowling, and was heard to mutter "All I wanted conjured was some pork loins and bacon, plus some waffles, and some biscuits and gravy, and maybe some crunchy tacos and he goes and whips up magical jobs...". Onlookers took FLATUS's comment in a spirit of fun and frivolity, despite Mrs. Obama's scowl and the sudden appearance of a shovel in her hands, seemingly from nowhere.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:"These jobs aren't for bitter clingers or for white males", stated Valerie Jarrett, Obama senior adviser and confidant.

That is, unless you're in the B.K.W.M. (Bitter Klingers/White Male) UNION AFL.CIO.

That's why He's the Prez - Dear Leader KNOWS who should get the jobs, no matter how confusing it may be to the ignorant masses!

WASHINGTON D.C. AP (Associated Potatoes)President was seen kissing babies today saying; "I love babies sooooo much. I have to give them a big, and I mean B I G kiss!"

Here you go, comrades. I've adjusted the photograph for historical accuracy:

Great job, Comrade Pony. We must always include MOO-chelle with her lobster pick in the presence of her husband.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:

ObamaJobs.jpg

Use the Force Barack!