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Obama Demonstrates Freedom From Information Act to ACLU

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Dear Comrades,

To protect the workers and peasants of the USSA from terrorists and other minions of Capitalism, the White Fortress has amended the ‘Freedom of Information Act' to protect State Secrets from the enemies of Progress. By Executive Order, Comrade Party Chairman and Future President Barack Barackovich Obama has amended and improved the old FIOA, which will now be known at the ‘Freedom From Information Act.'

A recent example of the Freedom From Information Act (FFIA) was displayed when the Party's American Civil Libertine Union asked to see documents pertaining to the government interception of text messages. The Department of Social Justice released “Guidance for the Minimization of Text Messages over Dual-Function Cellular Telephones” for review by the ACLU.

The document was printed using a new technology developed by the Department of Defense From the Bourgeoisie that renders text unintelligible to traitors or any citizens harboring disloyal thoughts. This is in keeping with Comrade Obama's commitment to have ‘the most transparent government in history'. This document release demonstrates this transparency through the use of transparent inks, which can only be seen by those who are completely loyal to the State.

The FFIA is intended to protect citizens from accidentally betraying the State through latent disloyalty. While many citizens believe they are truly loyal to the Party and the progress of Socialism, until they have gone through sustained indoctrination programs such as Graduate School, they may have dormant reactionary thoughts which Imperialists may be able to awaken within them and cause them to betray the Party.

However, this new technology allows the Party to release all information to the public, while protecting citizens from the possibility of being used as puppets by nefarious reactionaries and Capitalists.

Citizens who are unable to read these documents, and see only a large black square, are advised to report to their local Party Commissar for re-education. The Party also advises those having trouble making out the letters more clearly that government documents are best read after consuming a bottle of beet vodka and a pickle.

Protect the Proletariat from dangerous Information! Comrades, transparency means guarding the Masses from facts that can be used against their interests!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator


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Comrade Climber, as I understand it, the new version of the FFIA also provides for easy unsealing of private records, such as when our glorious Dear Leader got his political opponents' divorce records unsealed - for both the primary and the general election - for his original senate run!

Privacy? We don't need no stinking privacy - the progressive ends justify the progressive means!

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The affairs that go on behind the closed doors of the State are not equivalent to those that go on behind the closed doors of ordinary citizens! Privacy, therefore, shall be granted only to the State and no one else. The Clinton-Lewinsky "scandal" of 1998 and the recent "scandals" surrounding Benghazi, the IRS, and the Associated Press (all of which have been trumped up by right-wing extremist fringe hate groups, and thank Lenin the IRS has been investigating them!) prove that this is necessary. It is not a "double standard," it is for the good of the State and the People as we continue to move forward to Next Tuesday.

We also move that the word "privacy" be BANNED, as it is not in keeping with our agenda and serves only as a barrier to implementing it.

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Comrades, we must remember that the 'Means of Production' are owned solely by the Proletariat, from which the State derives it authority to act on behalf of the workers and peasants. Since telephonic communication is the 'means of production' for those in the media, the State has the authority to regulate and review the proper usage of the People's telephones and the information that they transmit.


 
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