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Obama Inauguration Proclaims Declaration of Dependence

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In his Second Inauguration, President Obama proclaims the Declaration of Dependence to Inaugurate the Untied States of America to henceforth be untied to the static, unimaginative philosophy of Eighteenth Century Males who were utterly lacking in mynhood.

Hereafter, instead of mindlessly seeking to be a nation of laws in the form of written principles in the Constitution governing three branches of government in a way to prevent one branch usurping the powers of the others and of the people, we shall follow the Modern Path of seeking to be a nation Dependent upon a Living Constitution addressed to "Ye the People" and embodied in the Minds of Our Beloved Leaders who are blessed with the Wisdom to best know what principles ought to be deemed most important at any given time without being "wedded" (a now obsolete societal concept anyway) to the antiquated views of Eighteenth Century Males. People to the Power!

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In the box immediately below are the stirring words of our new Declaration of Dependence.

The Declaration of Dependence

In Washington, D.C., January 21, 2013.

Declaration of Dependence for Inhabitants of the Untied States of America:
When in the Course of Humyn events, it become necessary for one persyn to dissolve the political bondage to the dictates of ancient, white Euro-Centric Male Landowners, which dictates have heretofore enslaved the Modern Inhabitants of that part of what once was the Northern/Western remnant of the Pre-European-Invasion Super-Continent of Pangea, and to assume among the powers of Nature, the equal status to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's Good and Proper Clause entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of Humyns requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the dissolution.

We hold it to be self-evident that all modern humyns are endowed with unalienable Ruth by the Obamanator, that among these are: Loaf, Libating, and the Happiness of Pursuit of the Obamanator's Goals. -- That to secure these Rites, Obama was elected by the Modern Humyns thereby deriving his just powers from the con of the governed, -- That whenever any Status of Liberty becomes disharmonious with such Rites, it is the Rite of the People to relinquish such status and to institute new Rites laying their foundation on principles of Collective Harmony and organizing such Rites in such manner as to Obama shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Therefore, the Dead Constitution drafted by the now-dead Euro-Centric Males is hereby replaced with the Living Constitution, which can only speak through the wise lips of its Prophet, Obama, or such Administrators as He may appoint to implement his Will.

To that End, the new, Living Constitution shall begin by addressing "Ye the People" with the command to comport themselves at all times in harmony with Nature's Will as Revealed by Obama (or by such Administrators as He may from time to time appoint as Interpreters thereof).

The Agency heretofore primarily responsible for such interpretations under the pseudonym "Environmental Protection Agency" shall henceforth be known by its true name and mission as the "Environmental Perfection Agency." The agency heretofore pseudonymically known as the Center for Disease Control shall henceforth be known as the Center for Diagnostic Categorization to identify and classify for re-education those people still afflicted with the mental burdens of outdated precepts of seeking individual progress at the expense of uniformly collective progress or the mental burdens of obsessive, irrational notions of a need for possession of weaponry for protection, which irrational fears spring from their heretical views that the Collective may be unable to protect them from other mentally unbalanced inhabitants.

Finally, to promote Peace and Harmony throughout all lands of the Earth, the Department of Defense will be replaced by a bigger, better-funded Civilian National Security Force which will steadfastly resist fear-mongering claims by the not-yet-re-educated inhabitants that other powers on Earth may pose threats to the security of our Collective, and we Hereby Declare that Henceforth we are the Untied States of America -- Untied to the Dead, Eurocentric Males who lacked Mynhood.

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Among the most important accomplishments of this Declaration of Dependence is that it replaces the outmoded concept of individual "rights" to act autonomously with the modern concept of "Rites" involving the duty of inhabitants of the Untied States of America to scrupulously follow prescriptions and obey proscriptions of their leaders to experience the benefit of things to which they can thereby be deemed "entitled" and to thereby enjoy the Happiness of Pursuit of the Collective Good as described from time to time by President Obama (or whomever he may designate as his Administrative Assistant for such purposes).

As was most insightfully stated by leaders of Organizers for Obama, now to be known as Organizers for Action, "We are all little siblings now":

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--KOOK

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To be followed by an un-constitution (there is no law other than what The One says is law)

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Let me post it as plain text for easier reading...

The Declaration of Dependence


In Washington, D.C., January 21, 2013.

Declaration of Dependence for Inhabitants of the Untied States of America:

When in the Course of Humyn events, it become necessary for one persyn to dissolve the political bondage to the dictates of ancient, white Euro-Centric Male Landowners, which dictates have heretofore enslaved the Modern Inhabitants of that part of what once was the Northern/Western remnant of the Pre-European-Invasion Super-Continent of Pangea, and to assume among the powers of Nature, the equal status to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's Good and Proper Clause entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of Humyns requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the dissolution.

We hold it to be self-evident that all modern humyns are endowed with unalienable Ruth by the Obamanator, that among these are: Loaf, Libating, and the Happiness of Pursuit of the Obamanator's Goals. -- That to secure these Rites, Obama was elected by the Modern Humyns thereby deriving his just powers from the con of the governed, -- That whenever any Status of Liberty becomes disharmonious with such Rites, it is the Rite of the People to relinquish such status and to institute new Rites laying their foundation on principles of Collective Harmony and organizing such Rites in such manner as to Obama shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Therefore, the Dead Constitution drafted by the now-dead Euro-Centric Males is hereby replaced with the Living Constitution, which can only speak through the wise lips of its Prophet, Obama, or such Administrators as He may appoint to implement his Will.

To that End, the new, Living Constitution shall begin by addressing "Ye the People" with the command to comport themselves at all times in harmony with Nature's Will as Revealed by Obama (or by such Administrators as He may from time to time appoint as Interpreters thereof).

The Agency heretofore primarily responsible for such interpretations under the pseudonym "Environmental Protection Agency" shall henceforth be known by its true name and mission as the "Environmental Perfection Agency." The agency heretofore pseudonymically known as the Center for Disease Control shall henceforth be known as the Center for Diagnostic Categorization to identify and classify for re-education those people still afflicted with the mental burdens of outdated precepts of seeking individual progress at the expense of uniformly collective progress or the mental burdens of obsessive, irrational notions of a need for possession of weaponry for protection, which irrational fears spring from their heretical views that the Collective may be unable to protect them from other mentally unbalanced inhabitants.

Finally, to promote Peace and Harmony throughout all lands of the Earth, the Department of Defense will be replaced by a bigger, better-funded Civilian National Security Force which will steadfastly resist fear-mongering claims by the not-yet-re-educated inhabitants that other powers on Earth may pose threats to the security of our Collective, and we Hereby Declare that Henceforth we are the Untied States of America -- Untied to the Dead, Eurocentric Males who lacked Mynhood.

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Finally, we'll have a Bill of Positive Rites!

Down with the depressing negativity of the old Bill of Rights!

Up with the uplifting positivity of the new Bill of Rites!


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Hereafter, instead of mindlessly seeking to be a nation of laws in the form of written principles in the Constitution governing three branches of government in a way to prevent one branch usurping the powers of the others and of the people, we shall follow the Modern Path of seeking to be a nation Dependent upon a Living Constitution addressed to "Ye the People"... yada, yada, yada

There really is such a thing as a living constitution. It's where, just as Louis XIV said "I am the State," a man such as Obama points at himself and says "I am the Constitution."

That's the only way to see it. That is what "living constitution" actually means.

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Red Square wrote:Finally, we'll have a Bill of Positive Rites!

Down with the depressing negativity of the old Bill of Rights!

Up with the uplifting positivity of the new Bill of Rites!


I might adjust this a slight bit, all things being equal:

Down with the depressing negativity of the old Bill of Rights!

Up with the uplifting positivity of the new
Bill of Wants!


I believe we need both. Bill of Rites for the more sophisticated comrade and Bill of Wants for the comrade of more limited understanding or undocumented status. Rites will be sufficient for those comrades who revel in pageantry, promises and parades. Wants for comrades who, being allowed to express their desires and assured by leadership of being heard, can happily abide by the dictates of the State. This is what we have today, it simply needs to be written and published.

Nice touch Comrade Kook, Obama lecturing the Founding Fathers in the past, which is what he does daily in the present, and for good reason.

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My Dear Red Square,

Once again it falls to me to thank you for rectifying my backsliding -- in this instance, by republishing the Declaration of Dependence in a non-cursive font.

Being a Geezer, but nonetheless one quite eager to thrive on the new Rites as a member of the "We are all little siblings now" throng swooning over our Leader's Declaration of Dependence, I had forgotten that the New Ways have already decreed that schools must cease teaching cursive handwriting.

Perhaps we should add to our strategies for success a plan to modify that policy somewhat by insisting that cursive actually be taught but only to children in families with documented history of Republican thinking, Conservative thinking, Libertarian thinking or, God-forbid Obama-forbid, Tea-Party thinking. That way, whenever those children seek to communicate in writing (especially in the vital social function of text-messaging), no normal person will understand a thing they've written and will thus be protected from the dangers of reading nonconforming views.

This could become a new tool in our toolbox among our most powerful tools (i.e., popular culture) recognized by that Counter-Revolutionary Radical, Andrew Breitbart, who so often plagiarized the wisdom of Bill Frist's Chief of Staff: "Politics is downstream from culture." It's a really clever way to isolate the Right from popular culture. It strengthens the strong convictions of the Low Information Voters by preventing them from being exposed to written material they might otherwise understand.

There is, however, a potential downside to this for us-- It may eventually lead to our having unwittingly enabled "the right" to communicate in a code that our brethren cannot understand. For example, if normally progressive parents begin "backsliding" philosophically, they might begin communicating with each other in cursive, in which case their children will not be alerted to such subversiveness and thus will not report their parents to the White House website designed for reporting subversive, non-progressive thinking.

I shall forego my usual rations for the day as a penance for this incident of retrograde backsliding (I think that's redundant but perhaps it's actually foward-thinking just as saying "I'm not never going to do that again" actually means "I'll do it again," (unless one were to be speaking in Spanish, in which double negatives remain negatives -- a strange mathematical accomplishment.)


--KOOK

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If you use cursive writing again your mom is going to wash your mouth out with soap.

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$.$. Halliburton wrote:
Hereafter, instead of mindlessly seeking to be a nation of laws in the form of written principles in the Constitution governing three branches of government in a way to prevent one branch usurping the powers of the others and of the people, we shall follow the Modern Path of seeking to be a nation Dependent upon a Living Constitution addressed to "Ye the People"... yada, yada, yada

There really is such a thing as a living constitution. It's where, just as Louis XIV said "I am the State," a man such as Obama points at himself and says "I am the Constitution."

That's the only way to see it. That is what "living constitution" actually means.

Actually, in Obama's First State of the Union, he actually quoted Louis XIV.



--KOOK

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Margaret wrote:If you use cursive writing again your mom is going to wash your mouth out with soap.

Why do you think that (in the Gulag, where I spend most of my time), they call me "Irish-Spring Breath"?

In growing up, I had my mouth washed out with soap so many times that I grew to like the taste. But that was "Ivory Snow" because the much-better tasting "Irish Spring" had not yet been invented.

At least I've been spared the "Arab Spring" brand.

--KOOK

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ThePeoplesComrade wrote: ... I believe we need both. Bill of Rites for the more sophisticated comrade and Bill of Wants for the comrade of more limited understanding or undocumented status. ...

The really brilliant aspect of the Declaration of Dependence's replacement of "rights" with "rites" is that it eliminates claims by The Right that their philosophy is embedded in our founding documents. That's the whole point of the Inaugural Declaration of Dependence -- to rectify the numerous errors by the so-called Founding Fathers, whose many errors in draftsmanship (probably from writing in cursive) earned them the title "Floundering Fathers" because they misnamed the "Bill of Lefts" and also misspelled "Ye the People" among many other errors.

--KOOK

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I see the wisdom of it Comrade but one can never have too many documents, laws, rules, regulation, promises and pronouncements. The People need to be kept wondering what is up and what is down. The uncertainty facilitates their trust and faith in the wisdom of the State and its leaders. A trusting Comrade is a happy Comrade. (I am unlikely to be ever kept on topic unless by accident. I will try to be more compliant. I hate packing.)

As proof of my good faith effort, I am hiding the off topic graphic of Comrade Charlie Rangel wishing to change the violent Southern Culture.

        Mystery item No. 1

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I must inform all my comrades here at the cube that the "One" has proven his worth as the god of god's by bestowing upon the great unwashed masses his first executive decree seconds after he was auto-penned into his second term.

President Barack Obama and the Senate have passed sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative win by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing." In a Capitol Hill press conference, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons With No Ability. The Transportation Security Agency was a close runner up. Under the act, it will be perfectly acceptable to be in second place. Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72 percent), the airline industry (68 percent), and home-improvement warehouse stores (65 percent). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent). Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires. Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the nonabled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?" "As a nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like me. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this executive order, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Vice President Joe Biden: "As an ex-senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."


 
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