Obama's Mojo is Missing!!


As one of the People’s official party liaisons to ACORN, I have been tasked with finding Obama’s lost “Mojo.” It has been painfully apparent that it has gone missing over the last several months. One of the first glaring examples was his
I have been
The “Neuticals” will give Obama the appearance of having a “full sack” and hopefully will give him the confidence to

(Pictured Neuticles are far larger than implanted size.)
P.S. Michelle's purse was the first place we looked!!


I think that it's unkind of you to suggest that Michelle has his junk in her purse. His junk is in a jar in the Lincoln Bedroom where Michelle can chuckle that it's overlooking the place where Slick Willie accosted women, and Barry O cannot.
And when you consider that Gennifer Flowers said, "Hillary Clinton has fat ankles and Bill has a small penis," then you'll know how wounding that is.


Good eye comrade! The screen on those testicular protheses is actually an electronic grind specially designed by the Party' scientists. This grid is synced to his teleprompter to give him a little jolt if he starts stuttering or going off what is written. Axelrod, Emanuel, Jarrett and other
Unfortunately the bugs have not been entirely worked out. Triggering Obama's implants sometimes fires other people's Neuticals! Remember how Chris' leg use to tingle when Obama talked? ooppss, I might have said too much.......




This is most unprog.




Bruno can't stand her. He says that she sounds like a foghorn and can talk the paper off the walls, and coming from him that's quite something.


Chris had the audacity to challenge the great and powerful Dean....I was horrified when the Dean had to defend himself, by pointing out the obvious that the Comrades in the Peoples Republic of Massachusetts, were simple feeling that Marsha Coakley was NOT Progressive enough!!! This should have been very clear to Chrissy. The nerve of Chrissy to have even attempted to argue with "The Dean" Chrissy needs to bow down and say 1000 Hail Obamas!!!
Leninka, great idea but I fear that Keith Overbite might get a bit jealous, I think he has an eye for Chrissy.
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I am glad you mentioned the
See what Rachael hangs off the back of her truck:
Here's what hangs between Hillary's legs:


But, you might consider sending along a pair of brass ones for use when address Faux News!



I also worry that if Obama gets these implants he may start taking a tougher line on


I am suprised that "Newticles" are common knowledge as they were once a highly kept Party secret. Yes many RINOs voluntarily had them inplanted. It turned out that some RINOs were far more susceptible to them than others. Notice they initially worked on Olympia Snow but then shorted out. However, they had far more than the desired effect with Arlen Specture.


I wouldn't be overly concerned on any new Obamski "tougher line" . . . those will surely end up back in Mo's purse.


Your glorious neuticals suggestion has arrived in the nick of time to save Dear Leader's Mojo! Just today, he has declared open war on SCOTUS for upholding freedom of speech! At the moment when the country seemed doomed to defeat by #41, Dear Leader emerges victorious once again to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Just when he looked like a martyr for the cause, he raises his fist in defiance to the restraints placed upon us by the 1st Amendment. I will follow him to the 72 virgins promised in...what?
Sorry? No virgins here? Oh...that's the musli...not dear Lead...potato vodka? Well! The hell was I thinking? Sorry. Here's your card back and I'll just leave and...what's that, now? I can't leave? Gulag...'reeducation'....whaaaaat?


But I'm afraid glorious Leader might not be able to indulge in those 73 virgins without a good set of Neuticles. I'm concerned he blew his wad on his mini war against SCOTUS. But never fear, he'll bring down the Constitution, one way, or one neuticles or another.



And it is only fitting that Ted olives do double duty as Obama's mojo.

Now if he only had a brain.


Teddy is now wrapped in cotton batting, and is resting in a 1968 Olds Cutlass filled with horse shit. After a year he'll be extracted, cleaned up, and given three simultaneous IVs of 25-year-old Scotch, and the Lion of the Senate will be back, and the election will never have happened.


Has anyone seen this woman?

I've watched 4 new episodes of the show "24" (she's the only reason I watch) and she's not there. I haven't seen her giving any of her brilliant interviews. This is not fair. What are we to do without the inspiration that only Dr. Gawdawfolo can provide?
I'll bet Commissar Theocritus knows. Oh, and Theo, I saw the MTE the other night and she's looking terrible. Any thoughts?


I am sorry to deflate your bubble, but your Dear Leader already had his procedure, and these are the Party Approved implants that were used:



Grigori, Ms. Gawdawfulo is not missing, she has simply gone back to making a living off from her comedic talents again and thus has become invisible. She tried to break into dinner theater like all the big stars do but one night as she performed Juliet's soliloquy in the balcony scene of Romeo and Juliet, an army of crab lice carried off a couple of diners, as well as what was left of their prime rib, never to be seen again. It caused quite a scandal although the health department could not make the charges stick and had to allow the place to reopen again. Very strange, but coming off the theft of our seat in Massachusetts, I wouldn't be surprised if Bush is behind this, too.


It's only natural that CosmoComradette Michelle should have the neuticles after being mocked by Scott Baio, better known as Chaci, who of course deserves the death threats he got.
Just look at that smirking evil reactionary visage: rotten to the core, unlike Fonzobama.



Too all comrades worried about Janeane Gawdawfulo: she is going to be a gust on a program on Comedy Central. While in rehearsals she was so greasy that she kept slipping off the stage into the orchestra pit, and caused endless damages.
I suggested putting pitons and crampons onto her, so she could hold onto the stage, but even the mike would squirt out of her hands. And the camera just couldn't focus on her face. I have several point-and-shoot cameras which do a wonderful job in focusing in decent light. But even though Comedy Central hooked up their camera to the petaflop IBM supercomputer, it still couldn't focus properly on dear Ms. Gawdawfulo.
Therefore dear Janeane is now undergoing grease therapy. The Olympic swimming pool at UC Berkley has been filled with naphtha, and Janeane takes a plunge at 8:30 in the morning. After the pool has been made cloudy with her dissolved grease, she is hauled out and the pool changed, to be replaced by more naphtha. She does this five times a day, and Exxon and Shell have had to join forced to supply enough naphtha to degrease Ms. Gawdawfulo. But we are assured that she will be clean enough not to slide off the stage by the time that she gets to Comedy Central.
Tovarich, why agonize over Scott Baio? After all, anyone who speaks his mind deserves what he gets. If he supported Scott Brown then obviously he'd lost his tin-foil hat and deserves death threats. How else to keep people in line?


Surely, you cannot be saying that the Dear Leader of the USSA has joined the Tea Baggers?
I am shocked by the implications of what you imply!
We all know that Progs are Fisters and not Tea Baggers!
The following picture illustrates that your Dear Leader has his heart in the right place... Notice how all the non-military comrades have their hands on their hearts?

And his heart is an Acorn.



The above therapy at first did not seem very green or renewable until I found out that Ed Begley buys the pool water and uses it to seal his roof, drive-way and he makes candles and cooks with it. (It does explain that particular odor coming from his house which I had erroneously ascribed to as saving water by not flushing his toilet) How many gallons of pool water can we reserve for you and your Rancho?
In case you forgot Janeane Gargledildo is not only a movie star, stand up comedienne but is also a renown Neurologist for the Stars. Who could forget her timeless and very progressive quote:
"The reason a person is a conservative republican is because something is wrong with them. Again, that’s science – that’s neuroscience. You cannot be well adjusted, open-minded, pluralistic, enlightened and be a republican. It’s counter-intuitive. And they revel in their anti-intellectualism. They revel in their cruelty."
The party had once considered using Janeane's Heuvos as a model for their "Neuticles" but they were rejected based on aesthetic reasons. Which inspired the tee shirt below which is completely in poor taste and only a right wing capitalist would attempt to profit off of someone elses' misery.



Proletarian Robot
In case you forgot Janeane Gargledildo is not only a movie star, stand up comedienne but is also a renown Neurologist for the Stars. Who could forget her timeless and very progressive quote:"The reason a person is a conservative republican is because something is wrong with them. Again, that’s science – that’s neuroscience. You cannot be well adjusted, open-minded, pluralistic, enlightened and be a republican. It’s counter-intuitive. And they revel in their anti-intellectualism. They revel in their cruelty."
Well, I can accept her explanation, because it's basically saying "I'm smart so anyone who disagrees with me is not." However, there are flaws in her eloquently expressed musings; for example, she uses the term "counter-intuitive" as implying something is untrue. In point of fact, "counter-intuitive" simply means something that one would not expect. Einstein's Thoery of Relativity is certainly counter-intuitive, but science has shown it is also true. But I guess such nuances are too much to expect from a self-taught neuroscientist who learned everything she knows by reading Variety while sitting on the toilet - waiting for her creative forces to emerge.


We must accord Ms. Gawdawfulo her due respect. Recall how she said that anyone who disagreed with Dear O'Leader was a racist, straight-up. Well, that's certainly true. And anyone who disagrees with her is--what's the name for someone who loathes greasy, stupid people? Ah. I've got it. A oleoidiophobe.
[ off ]Now I confess that I revel in my anti-intellectualism. I went to a good school, and people have called me an intellectual, and I crawl down their throats for it. Cicero said that no idea is so silly that some philosopher hasn't said it.


I thought appearing on the cover of Tiger Beat and in a popular TV like Happy Days was like being a member of Hollywood: above question and empowered to enlighten everyone else, whether they want it or not. Why, especially if they don't want it.




We can count on a great triumph of socialism in the USSA, when the French president warns His Awesomeness not to be such an appeaser, when Putin says that government can't solve everything, and when the Chinese Communists warn against large spending.
It brings a tear to this old socialist's eye to know that we have surpassed them all.
And it's all owing to dear Barack.




Why don't then send interns to The New York Times to learn how it's done. A few luncheons with Paul Kurgman would let them bite the hand that feeds then very well indeed.