President Obama today astounded the nation and the world by revealing a vast group of solar-powered robotic community organizers, ready to do his bidding and bring hope and change to the world by any means necessary.


Dubbed "Collusus: The Obama Project", the legion is the fruit of months of tinkering in the White House basement out of the public eye, while aides covered by telling the nation that the President was playing golf or eating waffles. Each unit contains over 3 million parts, costs over 10 billion dollars and has the community organizing power of over 100 ACORNs. "Now we know what happened to all the Stimulus money" said one unnamed Republican before disappearing in a blinding flash of laser light which emanated from an unidentified source.

The devices were dubbed the Alinsky II Self-Propelled Community Organizing Robots according to a mad scientist who requested anonimity. The source, who was apparently kicked off the project for excessive drinking, bean-spilling and having bad hair plugs, said that each Alinsky II was equipped with a special screening device which rendered it invisible to video cameras. The lack of such a cloaking device is a failing that has become a major fault for traditional human community organizers. The cloaking device also protects the unit against harmful radiation such as cosmic rays and Fox News broadcasts.

Other capabilities of the Alinsky II include

• built-in cash dispenser aids get-out-the-vote efforts and enables spontaneous remote-controlled undocumented stimulus payments
  
• heat-seeking missles to search and destroy angry town-hall protestors
  
• silicon-based solar power modules ensure continued operation in the event of catastrophic climate change
  
• a "telescreen" mode in which the units are impossible to tell from ordinary solar panels, making them ideal for infiltration and surveillence activities
  
• a "fundraising" mode which has a high probability of persuading donors to contribute generously to worthy causes
  
• automatic waste disposal mechanism efficiently eliminates useless refuse, such as teabags
  
• includes an MP3 player with an extensive library of material by Janeane Gawdawfulo and Keith Olberfurher for wearing down thoughtcriminals during siege actions (although Obama pledged this would NEVER be used against anyone at Guantanamo Bay.)

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid immediately hailed the announcement saying, "This will increase support for single-payer healthcare reform AND cap and trade! We'll probably be able to get a second stimulus passed, too!"

House Speaker Nansky Pelosi added, "There are no longer any blue dogs, just yellow ones."

NY Times columnist Thomas Friedman was also optimistic, writing "Now we can get rid of this stupid democracy crap and have a soulless totalitarian collective like the developed world!"

International reaction to the Alinsky II's unveiling was cautious. Some governments expressed concern that the devices were not for community organizing but instead were thinly-disguised military weapons. Obama sought to allay these fears, stating that his creation was strictly for peaceful purposes such as intimidating constructive dialog with domestic political opponents. Representatives of North Korea and Venezuela inquired as to whether the units would be made available for export. An administration source dismissed the idea, stating that "Those communities are pretty well organized already."

As impressive as the Alinsky II is, it is not Obama's first attempt at creating community organizing robots. His earlier version was the Alinsky I, seen below. It was thought to be perfected but ended up failing miserably during a test run in Copenhagen earlier this year.

Comrades, the People's secret police force has recently declassified this footage of agents valiantly fighting back the attack on comrade chairman Carter.

<img width="570" src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/ ... attack.jpg">

This serves to illustrate how the advanced new Alinsky II technology unveiled by chairman Obama should lessen the severity and collateral damage of these viscious swamp rabbit attacks, even the variety found in the swamps of florida.

Turboski

Comrade, the battle of Rabbit Swamp was one of the major victories of the Carter Administration. The President emerged without a scratch and the rabbit was driven away with nothing to show for its efforts. Yet, the stupid corporatist press ridiculed the engagement and acted as if the president LOST! Even to this day, if they recall the incident at all, they treat it with disdain. How sad.

I believe this was a turning point in Comrade Carter's life. This harrowing experience led him to dedicate his future to photo shoots with Habitat for Humanity. He decided right then and there to wear a carpenter's apron on each and every photo opportunity. No sacrifice was too great for this fearless and dedicated Leader of the People^TM. Comrade Carter is truly a Hero of the State^TM.

Comrade, historians tell us that after the Battle of Rabbit Swamp, Comrade Carter softened his approach on leporine issues from the traditional carrot and stick approach to one that was all carrot and no stick. He intended to request a summit meeting with the representatives of the rabbit nations (Bugs, Brer, Peter, Harvey, Easter and Trix) during his second term in the presidency. Alas, the disgruntled stick manufacturers, outraged at their loss of influence in rabbit policy, threw their support to the anti-rabbit Reagan and the rest is history.

Well, that photograph PROVES that for rabbits to be killer, they basically have to be cats.

With shark teeth.

Comrades, we should search for these rare specimens - no doubt Evil Multinational Corporations(TM) have turned them into Endangered Species(TM) - and train them to be attack animals for our People's Revolution(TM)!

Komradka Katrina

We ARE investigating this, Komradka Katrina. The much-criticized Stimulus Bill contains funds for this very purpose:

No Republican in the House and only two Republican senators voted for the stimulus which included:

1. $300,000 FOR MAPPING RADIOACTIVE RABBIT FECES.

This was a week of mapping radioactive rabbit feces using detectors mounted on a helicopter. My eyesight is pretty poor but I think I could spot the glow from bunny pellets at night. But I suppose it created a million jobs. For one week.

http://blogs.dailymail.com/donsurber/archives/2645

HA! The capitalist reactionary critics laughed at the Politburo when they passed the Stimulus! "It is wasteful and useless", they sneered. Well, who is laughing NOW comrade, eh???

Opiate of the People wrote:We ARE investigating this, Komradka Katrina. The much-criticized Stimulus Bill contains funds for this very purpose:

No Republican in the House and only two Republican senators voted for the stimulus which included:

1. $300,000 FOR MAPPING RADIOACTIVE RABBIT FECES.

This was a week of mapping radioactive rabbit feces using detectors mounted on a helicopter. My eyesight is pretty poor but I think I could spot the glow from bunny pellets at night. But I suppose it created a million jobs. For one week.

http://blogs.dailymail.com/donsurber/archives/2645

HA! The capitalist reactionary critics laughed at the Politburo when they passed the Stimulus! "It is wasteful and useless", they sneered. Well, who is laughing NOW comrade, eh???

Well, it is WASTEful, you know, in the sense of... er, never mind...

Of course, it WILL serve the Revolution(TM). Those who dared to vote AGAINST this glorious rabbit EARmark (pun totally intended) are using "logical" arguments to oppose it.

But we can see through their tactics.

Komradka Katrina
Kommissarka of Secret Spelling and Grammar Organs
a.k.a. the Spelling Secret Police