Comarades,

In response to the recent smear campaign against our beloved ACORN the President has authorized that the 2010 US census will now be conducted online here at the Cube.

The President has indicated that it would be more efficient for ACORN workers to not go out and physically canvas neighborhoods, instead of working for our tax dollars ACORN workers can now sit at home and collect our tax dollars. Truly a progressive innovation, use of improved Information Systems.

In regards to the recent events in Baltimore and in Wash. DC surrounding ACORN, the President has overruled Census director Robert Groves from removing ACORN from conducting the 2010 US census.

Because of the on-going investigation by Baltimore City State's Attorney's Office concerning the illegal wiretap activites used to entrap and frame our ACORN comrades, the President has hencefore authorized this Online 2010 Census.

Depending upon the success of the 2010 Online Census, all future elections will be conducted online as well.

Please do your patriotic duty and fill in the Online Census here.

For any "Yes" answer the the census will add 10000 to the total US census count if your IP address is in a district having households with family income below the Federal poverty level.

For any district having households with family income above the Federal poverty level the census will subtract 10000 from the total.

This will ensure the most accurate recording for determining number of electoral votes for US congressional districts.

Gosh, this is a lot simpler and user-friendly than the old census thingy. Thank You, O Lord High Obama, for improving my worthless life. BTW, my mortgage still needs to be paid and my car is out of gas. Looking forward to your answers to my previous 45,000 letters regarding those things.

Sincerely,

Opiate

Comrade Castrate

I have never before in my life seen such a good census: both in content and procedure.

I would like to offer you a job in my government.

Amandla!

Obamugabe

Comrade Infidel Castrate,

I had been worried but not more.

Comrade 0bamugabe,

You should look into the game Simbabwe. I think the authors need a little cheering from ZANU-PDF community organizers.

It is only sensible to use mathematical modeling in conducting the census. Why do the hard work? And why do the hard work of considering whether or not the modeling actually models anything?

We'll just make up a model which gives us the result that we want. That's even easier than counting votes in Minnesota, when the Progressives counted votes until they got what they wanted.

{prog off}
Bush's victory against the Goremonger: Thank a math teacher!
{prog no}

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:Comrade Infidel Castrate,

I had been worried but not more.

Comrade 0bamugabe,

You should look into the game Simbabwe. I think the authors need a little cheering from ZANU-PDF community organizers.

"Welcome to Simbabwe, where the property is already owned and the houses built and you compete to burn and dispossess them. Plunder farms, deny grain silos to opposition supporters, rig elections, gaol opponents and taunt the Commonwealth as you use intimidation and stooges to create a mugaboly on power."

Most familar with this concept. For I am the fearless leader of Cuba!

Commissar Theocritus wrote:It is only sensible to use mathematical modeling in conducting the census. Why do the hard work? And why do the hard work of considering whether or not the modeling actually models anything?

We'll just make up a model which gives us the result that we want. That's even easier than counting votes in Minnesota, when the Progressives counted votes until they got what they wanted.

Most perceptive Commissar Theocritus,

I'll let you in a a little secret ... the computer AlGoreRhythm I used was an adaptation of the most current global warming model combined with Professor Paul Krugman's award winning economic models.

Castrate! Brilliant! You deserve a promotion among the ranks of the faithful!

Let us declare that there are two types of modeling. One for say airplanes. This sort of modeling has to work or the plane will fall from the sky.

Then there is the other sort of mathematical modeling. It runs shrieking from reality and is used only to render the desired result. And yes, Dr. Krugman is the king of that modeling.

Notice that the first sort cannot lie and work.

Notice that the second sort cannot <i>not</i> lie and work.

Comrade Infidel Castrate,

I am curious about the timing here, although it seems to fit nicely: Gore loses in 2000 then vanishes, grows a beard, and becomes a "green" revolutionary. People in Cuba vanish; you have a beard and are a revolutionary in green fatigues (well, olive drab, but close enough). Is there a connection? Were you guided by Al Gore, did you redistribute the naming credit to him, or something else?

Hey, get Stone or Spielberg on the hotline: It's fawning documentary and hard currency time again!

Yes, a promotion for Comrade Castrate! Perhaps such a noble number cruncher as he, deserves a Czarhood in my office, given as numbers and the clever manipulation of them can prove events and time and the clever manipulation thereof. You are now AlGoreRhythm Czar, keeper of Confusion, and Orderer of Chaos! (Subject to being overruled by your betters of course!) You will receive a list of ACORN programs that are behind schedule, and show through the careful use of numbers and the calender that they are actually ahead of schedule and performing better than expected. You are now authorized to use People's Calenders(TM) #1, 3, and 12, as well as People's Time(TM) version 7.2 to achieve your ends. All other use of time requires prior approval.