Brought to you by,


Comrades,

In the making of the perfect utopia, even the greatest planners, like Comrade Lenin and Stalin, and Fidel, have omitted important details in the making of the perfect Progressive World of Next Tuesday ™. In Comrade Fidel's case, it was the everyday handy man that he forgot to include, so Cubans, for years have had to get their handy men through the black market to fix the little things that tend to break in rotting, neglected mansions and even middle class homes in Havana.

But here's one more thing that we here at the Cube will now not be leaving out of our collective dream, no sirree! And that would be the pooping. The collective that poops together, will be more likely to be successful in carrying out any future five year plans, ten year plans, fifteen year plans, and seventy-three year plans.

What I mean to say here, is that, unless we can coordinate all of our pooping, so that we are perfectly synchronized, that how in the hell are we ever going to be able to live as one big happy collective, sharing, and sharing alike. After all, in a true collective, everything is shared. It is crucial that we bring up all children to get used the stink of the collective, otherwise, how on earth are we ever going to get every child to adhere to the one square rule, once it is passed by a future progressive congress?--yes--that day will come--look no further than what our universities are producing, thank Lenin.

Leninka;

We'll need collective training on proper synchronized pooping - especially adhering to the one sheet rule. I hear Coach Crowe already has classes forming.

I think this is at the Nancy Pelosi Progressive Memorial Cemetery in Golden Gate Park.

Comrades-

My wife's grand-dad was the founder of a rather strange church in the 1930's. It was sort of like the 7th day Adventists, but they went way weirder.

Some of them decided that going to the bathroom on the "sabbath" was sinful work. So they HELD IT IN until sundown Saturday night.

They may have also eaten lots of beets on Thursday for the "lower bowel evacuating effect" on Friday. Thereby enabling them to experience a "desperation free" Sabbath.

A good thing to be said for Communism is- at least they let you take a shit on Saturday. Even if it is in the corner of your cell.

Comrades,

The theory behind this is wonderful, the practical applications will have to be referred to the People's Design committee. The current facilities must be upgraded and greatly expanded to allow for more togetherness, if everyone wants to shift together.

The need for paper goods will also skyrocket, at the chosen locale.

This is the true meaning of central planning. I mean, if a government like the one Dear Leader and Peloski worked so hard to make come true can control what kind of car you buy (cash for clunkers), what time you get up and go to bed (daylight savings-I know, that was done before Dear Leader and Nanski's time), what your children can and can't eat (Food Safety Act), whether or not you should have a hip replacement after a certain age (death panels), from whom you borrow money for schooling (Student Loan Act), where you graze your cattle (Endangered Species Act), how much of your own money you can keep (taxes), where your children can go to school (no vouchers), whether or not you can refuse to join a union (card check-well, they didn't get that one through-but they wanted to), etc., then they are certainly going to want to control when and how we poop. This is the true meaning of totalpooptarian. I mean, if Comrade Moochelle's new food rules will force children to eat more salads, and fewer Sloppy Joes, this will certain affect things on the other end - that is, for those children who actually eat their salads.

Comrade Shovel 4 U,

Notice how all of Dear Leader Sheryl's potties are facing the left side of the photo. Instead of the Pledge of Allegiance in school, a devotion to the principle from each according to his ability to each according to his need could be recited during every potty session.

Comrade Krasnodor,

Nanski would be so proud. What better way of beautifying the environment than fertilizing it?

Comrade Stupefaction,

That wasn't a bad idea, your wife's grand-dad's church had. If we outlawed pooping at least 3 days a week, just think how much toilet paper and water we would save!

Comrade Tooorisky,

This might mean the need to create a new Czar position, that of Toilet Paper Czar.

Synchronized pooping must be taught since they are young. Remember Lenin's immortal quote: "Give me four years to teach the children and the seed I have sown will never be uprooted."


As an avid reader of and subscriber to Synchronized Pooping Magazine, I still have many historic issues and exciting centerfolds I like to peruse occasionally. Oh the memories.

My favorite socialist realism novel is called "The Quota," in which all Soviet citizens were required to poop the minimum of 1/2 lb a day, as a way of showing respect for the authorities.

The sequel, titled "The Quota Rising," deals with another requirement - to eat the minimum of 1/2 lb of poop a day as a way to maintain a proper perspective on the construction of communism. One day the Party decided to raise the quota, and the rest of the book deals with the ramifications of this decision.

That sounds like some wonderful reading, Comrade Red Square. They must have had some kind of "Crapometer," to measure the poop levels, just as our green recycle garbage cans are now able to measure the amount each household throws in to the can.

Leninka wrote:That sounds like some wonderful reading, Comrade Red Square. They must have had some kind of "Crapometer," to measure the poop levels, just as our green recycle garbage cans are now able to measure the amount each household throws in to the can.

How better to tell if comrades are eating proper portions and party approved rations. Alert Mooschelle

Red Square wrote:My favorite socialist realism novel is called "The Quota," in which all Soviet citizens were required to poop the minimum of 1/2 lb a day, as a way of showing respect for the authorities.

The sequel, titled "The Quota Rising," deals with another requirement - to eat the minimum of 1/2 lb of poop a day as a way to maintain a proper perspective on the construction of communism. One day the Party decided to raise the quota, and the rest of the book deals with the ramifications of this decision.

This brings me to a new epiphany as to the meaning of "brown nosing"

I'm telling you, Comrades, the day is coming when all poop will be measured, monitored, recycled, and used as a political tool as powerful as the color of Dear Leader's skin.

Speaking of shit, let me introduce a great catalan (region in the SSSR (Spanish Soviet Socialist Republic) tradition. It is called "The Shitter".

It consists in a public persona characterized in a shitty mood. Usually it is a soccer player, or a specially ill politician or any other public life figure.



I denounce this filthy idolater, guilty of depicting our/your Glorious Leader™ crapping out of himself.

Pure Genius!

Some may recall a recent study conducted for Obamugabe on the Progressive Truth Event Horizon:



By adding Leninka's hypothesis it seems that by synchronizing our pooping our collective consciousness reaches a pure flatline! The goal of all progressives may have been achieved.

Is it PROG UTOPIA! NIRVANA! ??


It needs to be peer reviewed but Leninka, that knock on the door may be the Nobel Prize Committee this time!

Shovel 4 U wrote:Leninka;

We'll need collective training on proper synchronized pooping - especially adhering to the one sheet rule. I hear Coach Crowe already has classes forming.

toilet3.jpg

https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-karaoke/two-squares-for-sister-sheryl-t5919.html

Leninka,

1. We do indeed have a fully functional " crapometer ".......... NPR.

2. I really hope that it doesn't come down to digging in our own excrement for materials
reclamation. Remember, waste is a terrible thing to mine.

There's nothing like a good collective poop to bring out the best in everyone.

Gulag 4 Alfred,

That is a spectacular Prog Utopia Nirvana chart. Pooping together is the true equalizer. Of course, if I was ever elevated to the level of Dear Leader and the Goracle by the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, I would share the award equally with all of you.

Comrade BRoCOLi,

The Dear Leader Pooping statue will be a most valuable tool to inspire the rest of us.
The best way to teach, of course, is by example.

Comrade Groucho Marxist,

I wonder if Comrade Crowe would be interested in your song? It is truly befitting to our plan.

Comrade Krasnodor,

What is this NPR? National Pooping Registry?

Krasnodar wrote:waste is a terrible thing to mine.

You shouldn't have changed the words. I think it's perfect the way it is in the original:

Waste is a terrible thing to mind.

Would work as a bumper sticker on a sanitation truck...

Leninka wrote:Comrade Shovel 4 U,

Notice how all of Dear Leader Sheryl's potties are facing the left side of the photo. Instead of the Pledge of Allegiance in school, a devotion to the principle from each according to his ability to each according to his need could be recited during every potty session.

Comrade Krasnodor,

Nanski would be so proud. What better way of beautifying the environment than fertilizing it?

Comrade Stupefaction,

That wasn't a bad idea, your wife's grand-dad's church had. If we outlawed pooping at least 3 days a week, just think how much toilet paper and water we would save!

Comrade Tooorisky,

This might mean the need to create a new Czar position, that of Toilet Paper Czar.

Several other considerations: The Paper Provision Czar, Czar of wiping up, Lower Spine Czar, and last the Crock Pot Czar.

The title of this thread is best illustrated by this picture:


Brought to you by...