Gov. Kate Brown of Oregon has issued a new mask mandate to go into effect immediately and until further notice.




This is part of a contingency plan that involves ensuring the general Safety™ of the general population from the Trump Flu™ . It will also help ensure the protection of Peaceful Protesters™ in Portland from abduction by Trump's Storm Troopers™ after the State Troopers withdrew from protecting the Peaceful Protesters™ from Trump's Storm Troopers™ citing budget concerns and a lack of Peaceful Protesters™ to protect.


peaceful protest in Portland


Trump Storm Troopers with a flame thrower in Portland


This will also assist the Peaceful Protesters™ in Peacefully™ burning down the immense symbol of oppression known as Trump's Federal Court House and give them greater leverage to expel the invading Trump Federal Storm Troopers™ from the People's Republic of Oregon. It is time for us to celebrate these brave freedom fighters.

Paraphrasing General Turgidson:

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Merkley:
But, how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically, and at the same time impossible to untrigger?

Strangelaugh:
Frau Bundeskanzler, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the whole idea of this burka machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the Orange Storm Troopers™... the fear to attack. And so, because of the automated and irrevocable riot-making process which rules out even Deep State meddling, the burka machine is terrifying. It's simple to understand. And completely credible, and convincing.

Dummkopfidson:
Gee, I wish we had one of them burka machines, Shtrainsy.

Merkley:
But this is fantastic, Strangelaugh. How can it be triggered automatically?

Strangelaugh:
Well, it's remarkably simple to do that. When you merely wish to burka some folks, there is no limit to the size. After that they are connected to a gigantic complex of computers. Now then, in a specific and clearly defined set of circumstances, under which the burkas are to be exploited, is programmed into a tape memory bank.

Dummkopfidson:
Strangelaugh. What kind of a name is that? That ain't no Ami name, is it, Shtrainsy?

Schtrainsmann:
He will change it when he becomes our citizen. Vee haf vays of making it to be Merkwurdigeliebe.

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Gov. Kate Brown of Oregon has issued a new mask mandate to go into effect immediately and until further notice.

An excellent start -- but where are the goggles? And should there not be latex gloves (and maybe booties)?

RedDiaperette wrote:... An excellent start -- but where are the goggles? And should there not be latex gloves (and maybe booties)?

Goggles AND Face Shield, ja?
And so-called Aluhut.
Plus Headgear Pyramid, on top.
Under a Full-Body Condom.
So ist gut.

(hah, Komradette Clara will surely pick some nice accompaniment!)

Further extensions!

For her:



For him:



For other-gendered:

(... Komrades, start your reporting shovels! ...)


... and tell the kids, once they catch a truly impressive CoV-2 specimen,
they should not carry it around (and, sigh, brag about their haul!):

An excellent start -- but where are the goggles? And should there not be latex gloves (and maybe booties)?

Comrade, the model is wearing sunglasses. As for latex gloves and booties, well, that would just be a fashion train-wreck.

Something that I just realized, and I don't know why I didn't notice this before, but it displays the shear brilliance of this new edict is: the Peaceful Protesters™ will be wearing the traditional fashion chosen freely by the Peaceful™ women of the Religion of Peace™. Trump's Storm Troopers™ could still attack them but the optics would be terrible. Imagine the headlines: TRUMP FEDERAL STORM TROOPERS ATTACK WOMEN OF THE RELIGION OF PEACE. You can't beat that for propaganda value. It would certainly guarantee the Muslim vote. Plus there's the added advantage that more projectiles could be hidden under the burka.