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Oxygen Democrat Party

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Dear comrades, I'm struck by an idea.

The... best... idea... ever.

Or at least the best since lysenkoism, canned sturgeon and methanol vodka. Reading the news about the shameful release of FARC's former hostage, Ingrid Betancourt, I discovered the name of her party.

Oxygen Green Party.
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No, comrade, you did not overindulge in methanol vodka. You've read it right: Oxygen... Party! I was flabbergasted. Can you see the potential? A party that is favourable to oxygen... All proletariat will necessarily, by materialistic trivial reasoning, infer that the opposition is against oxygen. We should, we really should adopt the idea ASAP. Let's rename our American operation the Oxygen Democrat Party.

Also, from now on, let's refer to The Enemy only as Carbon Republican Party.

Of course, with a little bourgeois science involved, we cannot prevent people from realizing that oxygen is fundamental for combustion, not only god-blessed ethanol and hydrogen, but also coal, forests and the devil's oil on gas-guzzling Hummers. As long as have this situation forethought, we can still be in power by starting an anti-oxygen movement of ourselves: without oxygen, there will be no hummers, no cattle, no carbon dioxide, no water, no people so... no Global Warming! This way, we hijack the whole debate, pulling the strings of either the pro and anti-oxygen movements.

Let's get to action NOW, comrades!

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Yes, but you forget that Oxygen is also a major component of the deadly DHMO compound so this can be used against us.

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I propose a bit of legislation mandating that all Americans increase the oxygen content of their exhalations 40% by 2012.

The numbers are completely arbitrary, there is no reason or need for such legislation, but doesn't supporting it give you that warm fuzzy feeling thatyou careand that you'vedone something?

Why, I feel better about myself just for suggesting it.

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Should we incorporate a carbon credit type regulation on breathing?

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I think we're headed there, Betty. This is no doubt what The Obama meant when he said that every asthmatic child in all 57 states should have a breathalyzer. Carbon credits would redistribute wealth from the rich to the poor* and pay for the breathalyzers which would filter the carbon content of our filthy exhalations. That way, we could meet our goal of reducing carbon in exhalations 60% by 2010.
*Isn't the stunning originality of that idea thrilling? It makes me tingle all over with inspiration!

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Wait... wasn't it by 40% in 2012? What just happened?

Another method to combat the emissions of animals and the common proles is to convert flatulence into a fuel similar to LNG.

Every citizen would be required to capture their farts and turn the receptacles into an Approved Collection Station daily.

Every animal would be fitted with a portable device to capture the offending emissions and would be collected daily during feeding or milking. Billions of cow farts turned into a form of energy to power the World of Next Tuesday and Al Gore's house!

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Premier Betty wrote:Wait... wasn't it by 40% in 2012? What just happened?

It's progress, Comrade Premier, progress! How else can we reduce the carbon content of our vile exhalations 80% by 2008?

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What? That's this year! How the hell are we supposed to do that? Eliminate 80% of the population?

Premier Betty wrote:Should we incorporate a carbon credit type regulation on breathing?

that is already underway in the GLORIOUS congress comrade. It's called Cap-And-Trade ( I think)

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Komissar Blogunov wrote:This is no doubt what The Obama meant when he said that every asthmatic child in all 57 states should have a breathalyzer.
I believe that The Obama corrected his statement and properly called it an "inhalator."

Komissar Blogunov wrote:...the carbon content of our vile exhalations...
"Dingy" Harry Reid is leading the terminology propaganda charge by referring to this as "Carbon Pollution."

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"major component of the deadly DHMO", Marshal Pupovich you are a learned Comrade. We must ban this horrible substance. Comrade Reid, and Nancy "The Brain dead" Pelosi and under-savior Gore agree that DHMO is bad. I just hope Obama-Messiah jumps on the Ban DHMO bandwagon.

Yes yes I am sure our Messiah will follow, and come up with a great energy policy. Do nothing, greeny policy like hug a tree. Sure you will starve. But think how good you will feel.

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I can reduce my oxygen intake! (Holds breath) . . . (Exhales fast) (inhales fast) (exhales fast) (and so on and so forth. . .) No I can't.

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Great Stalin's Ghost Comrade Elliot! Do you know what you have done to the planet with all that exhaling of poisonous CO2?

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:Great Stalin's Ghost Comrade Elliot! Do you know what you have done to the planet with all that exhaling of poisonous CO2?
Yes, I was trying to help by holding my breath, as Al Gore wants me too. Unfortunatly, my brain defeted me, again (It made me exhale.)

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Comrade_Elliott wrote:
Marshal Pupovich wrote:Great Stalin's Ghost Comrade Elliot! Do you know what you have done to the planet with all that exhaling of poisonous CO2?
Yes, I was trying to help by holding my breath, as Al Gore wants me too. Unfortunatly, my brain defeted me, again (It made me exhale.)

Then you know as a comrade who cares about this planet, what you have to do? Rest assured comrade, the Children will be singing songs about your sacrifice!

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:
Comrade_Elliott wrote:
Marshal Pupovich wrote:Great Stalin's Ghost Comrade Elliot! Do you know what you have done to the planet with all that exhaling of poisonous CO2?
Yes, I was trying to help by holding my breath, as Al Gore wants me too. Unfortunatly, my brain defeted me, again (It made me exhale.)

Then you know as a comrade who cares about this planet, what you have to do? Rest assured comrade, the Children will be singing songs about your sacrifice!

My dear cynocomrade, I should note that in Lenin's manuals the right way is to sacrifice the children and make the parents sing songs about it. About the Great Leader who guided them to such noble act of selflessness.

You see, the reactionary filth keep on talking about minor incidents like Lake Aral, but you may readily prove them that undeniably communism is far more eco-friendly than capitalism. For instance, Mao Tse Tung got rid of 60 million carbon emitting spots on the great nation of China. Stalin resolved about 20 million, but in a higher per-decapita proportion than his Oriental fellow. Yet the greenest of the reddest is incontestably Pol Pot, who reduced the carbon offset of Cambodia by 1/3, almost putting to shame the first and fiercest of all ecologists, Adolf Hitler.

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I propose that all true progressives hold their breath until the Obamessiah is sworn in as POTUS.

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Hussies n' Thingies wrote:I propose that all true progressives hold their breath until the Obamessiah is sworn in as POTUS.

Believe it or not, I have suggested this to fellow comrades at skool a year ago.

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Comrade Eliot, I accept your good intentions as that is what is truly important here. I just hope you do feel guilt for your contribution to the earth's demise by your unfortunate need to breathe so you can do the work necessary For the Children™.

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:Comrade Eliot, I accept your good intentions as that is what is truly important here. I just hope you do feel guilt for your contribution to the earth's demise by your unfortunate need to breathe so you can do the work necessary For the Children™.
We must do it For the Children™. The future is For the Children™.

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It is our deep and abiding concern for the world that we will one day leave For the Children™ that keeps us from squandering the resources we have on one big drunken orgy.

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:It is our deep and abiding concern for the world that we will one day leave For the Children™ that keeps us from squandering the resources we have on one big drunken orgy.
(Claps really loudly and enthusiasticly)

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As you know Comrade Eliot, it is not just being enthusiastic in spirit, it is also being seen clapplng loudly and enthusiastically that is important. You have been seen Comrade!

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:As you know Comrade Eliot, it is not just being enthusiastic in spirit, it is also being seen clapplng loudly and enthusiastically that is important. You have been seen Comrade!
This is a glorious day for me, thank-you Marshal Pupovich!


 
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