Global bacon shortage "unavoidable," group says

Comrades, it appears that our zeal to become Sharia compliant is a bit aggressive. The article above indicates that Global Warming (caused by Bush) is reducing the amount of corn available for dearly needed ethanol production, so of course the swine must starve, followed by Republicans, cattle, and eventually poultry...

Kapitalist experts forecast availability of "23 billion pounds, a decrease of about 1.3 percent from this year's estimated total. That breaks down to Americans consuming slightly more than 45 pounds of pork per capita in 2013, a reduction of more than 1 percent from this year's estimates."

FLATUS in her wisdom (shared from Dear Leader (PBUH)) has already offset this slightly by mandating removal of pork and pork by-products along with most other meats from school lunches in favor of wheat and soy based consumables without regard to flavor or texture.

FLATUS alone consumes 45 pounds of sausage wrapped in bacon as an appetizer at breakfast, so available supplies must be diverted to White House Kitchens. Thus the effect upon the populus may be greater, as Moochele will not go hungry (per executive order).

While this will please our Mooslim allies and semi-allies (and perhaps those Persians), food riots may now be properly scheduled. Please de-conflict all food riots so as not to take place within proximity of victory rallies or parade routes; maintain the proper amount of paid enthusiastic cheering crowds and adoring fans at all times; regional train transportation of out of state spectators is authorized, but no additional funding will be released...

FORWARD!

I can now see the resemblance in Obama's new flag for the USSA. For pinkish waves of bacon...................

Tragical, Comrade Tovarichi - and yet, I can see the wisdom in keeping FLATUS well fed - a hungry Moochele would likely be something similar to a bull on steroids and PCP in a china shop!

Ha! Moochelle's glorius plan is suddenly revealed. Check mate! If she can't convince you grow a beet garden on the roof of your rundown tenement, then she'll just take away your bacon by starving swine, and also starving capitalist pigs of their bacon. This is also brilliant in that it reduces the methanol output and helps Obama (PBUH) fulfill his promise to heal the Earth.

Moochelle 2012.

Comrade Loaf:

For purple ice cream mountains majesty, for pinkish waves of bacon, above the beeted plains. Obamaland! Obamaland! Mohammad spread Sharia on thee. And crown the Coptic Christian's with thorny wreaths all over the middle east..

The First Couple must be well-fed in accordance to their habits, rituals, and traditions, so that nothing distracts them from their work on making sure that we, the little people, are well-nourished and provided for.

All of us also need to shrink in size. Smaller people consume fewer resources! Did you know that, in addition to all its faults, America is one of the tallest nations on Earth?

This needs to change. We need to formulate the diet of our children so that they don't grow so tall. Our First Lady is already working on that.

We much also change the definition of a good and responsible parent. In the Book of Progress, a responsible parent is the one who underfeeds the offspring so they grow up short and with smaller stomachs.

All things considered, a good and responsible guardian of Earth should not have children at all.

Red. I'm so guilty. Not only did my female co-habitor recently give birth to a child, but she's in the 100th percentile for height among children her age. What can I do to make reparations to the party for my contribution to Gaia's destruction?

Comrade Loaf wrote:I can now see the resemblance in Obama's new flag for the USSA. For pinkish waves of bacon...................

Do you think you're the only comrade in the collective to notice this? At the next checkup we'll require a stool sample from you to test it for traces of atavistic individualism.

The Department of Visual Agitation and Propaganda presents: OUR PORK - A Redesigned Flag of the U.S. Government.

A truly beautifully equal new flag, Comrade Square! I pledge allegiance to the pork of the United States government. And to the food stamps which it gives, One President, with Hope and Change for all!

And - just for the record - I am, in fact shrinking.

The Pork Industry is Too Big to Fail ™ I demand bailouts! (there are meat-packing unions, right?)

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/articl ... -risk.html

Comrades, a glorious update from the Motherland! Putin has heard our despairing cries and is returning to U.S. (according to our needs) a supply of special corn in shipments targeted designated for donation to RED STATES.

FORWARD!

PorkNetwork.com reports:

Students revolt against Michelle Obama's lunch menu

The Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010, championed by First Lady Michelle Obama, has been hailed as the latest measure to combat both child hunger and obesity while improving the health and nutrition of the nation's youth. However, the caloric caps for these meals are falling short of meeting the energy needs of students.
Now these students are uniting their voice to make a difference thanks to a group of students and teachers from Wallace County High School in Sharon Springs, Kan. Their music video parody, “We are Hungry” has gone viral and has now been featured by many mainstream media outlets, including the TODAY show and ABC News.
“Active teens require between 2,000 – 5,000 calories a day to energy and growth needs,” text at the beginning of the video states. “School lunch policy mandates all teens receive only 750-850 calories per lunch.”
Among the lyrics:
“Give me some seconds - I, I need to get some food today.”
“So by the time you go to practice, and you feel like falling down, I'll carry you home.”
Tonight we are hungry. Set the policy on fire. It can burn brighter than the sun.”
According to the Kansas City Star, the video was penned by Linda O'Connor, an English teacher at the school. Despite the outrage, state nutrition and education officials point that portion sizes in many school cafeteria's haven't changed, and most of the protest to the new federal rule is being raised by school districts that had previously ignored calorie maximums