Paris Police Begin Aggressive Block-by-Block Distribution of White Flags
<br>Car Burnings down from 1400 to 1200 Overnight thanks to Iron-Fisted French Crackdown. Authorities may resort to taunting should rioters not "calm down."

Incroyable! A 14% reduction in car burnings. That's... that's fantastic news. It appears that French officials have finally gotten the situation under control. Whew, I was starting to worry a bit there. The deployment of the white flag always seems to do the trick. And if things don't continue to improve, John Cleese will just have to unleash a devastating torrent of taunts that will undoubtedly send the rioters scurring for cover.

Authorities may resort to taunting should rioters not "calm down."

If the riots get worse, they might have to pull out the big guns and start "Begging"

Nah, all they need to do is kneel down five times a day facing the East.

Headline: Paris Burning... Joe Strummer Spins In Grave

Paris Burning (to the tune of London Calling by The Clash)

Paris Burning and now faraway villes
Intifada declared. Pent up anger revealed
Paris Burning. Citroëns light up the streets
Come out of your ghettos, touts les jobless fils
Paris Burning. Please don't look at us
All our phoney joie de vivre has bitten the dust
Paris Burning. Guess we ain't quite so grande
No tolerant Paradis, we of others demand

Chorus:
The New Age is coming, réalité zooming in
Image not matching and patience grown thin
A tactical error. Assimilate? Non!
Paris is burning... and I live on the Seine

Paris flambéed. Smell of of burnt-out Peugeot
Fraternité? Let them go it alone!
Paris flambéed by the youth of Islam
Quit being surprised. France's posture's a sham
Paris flambéed... Damn, I loved that Renault
Generations of hypocrisy starting to show
France is afire. See them pay for their lies
Sitting it out while others paid with their lives

Chorus

Now get this
Paris Burning. What did they expect?
Sucking and blowing never earns you respect
Paris Burning, and the world looks on while
payback's dished out. Now it's our turn to smile

I never felt so much alright.. alright.. alright...