Attention all, are you tired of working for the Common Good? Annoyed with the commissar yelling down your back to get back to work. Commissars, tired of those prols not working?
Don't send them to the gulag, give them "The People's Stress Toy"!


Simply place the toy in your hand, give it a squeeze and. . .


That's right, it shocks you! With a light spark, you'll be reminded it could be a lot worse, like living in AmeriKKKa with the Bushitler in power for another 4 years. When you are done using The People's Stress Toy, you'll grab your shovel and make a one-person plowing machine.

Get them now while their hot, we don't have many. Only $19.19 for a pack of 10.

Good news, Comrade! The Party's revised "stimulus" bill is going to buy one hundred billion of these for $1.9 trillion dollars (give or take a few billion.) The Politburo believes this action will provide a billion or so well-paid manufacturing jobs which will replace some of the 20 billion or so jobs lost since the start of BusHitler's first term. In addition, the energy department believes the sparks from squeezing the things can provide over a trillion kilovolts of renewable clean, green energy and so is also providing a $500 billion dollar grant for further research. Congratulations, Comrade, you have saved the economy and stopped global warming. (Of course, you will be contributing generously to the Party's reelection campaign fund... your first donation is expected shortly.)

Sorry to report comrades but Her Royal Majesty Nancy has announced that 500 million Amerikans are losing their jobs every month. We have already hit full unemployment and have had to import and unemploy over 197 million additional comrades just to keep up. That stimulus bill falls well short of providing enough stress toys for just our 303 million comrades & volunteer comrades, the other 197 million will have no stress relief.

Comrade Roter Jakobus, the mystery of the 200+million unemployed has been solved in my recent report to the Party.

No imports were involved...they are all located in the seven states exposed by our Chairman O. And they have been living under capitalist slavery all this time, in secret, much like the labor camps of another Fascist regime that we vanquished some 50 years ago.

Aha! I've seen your report The One is quickly consolidating power, good times ahead down on the collective.

Opiate of the People wrote:Good news, Comrade! The Party's revised "stimulus" bill is going to buy one hundred billion of these for $1.9 trillion dollars (give or take a few billion.) The Politburo believes this action will provide a billion or so well-paid manufacturing jobs which will replace some of the 20 billion or so jobs lost since the start of BusHitler's first term. In addition, the energy department believes the sparks from squeezing the things can provide over a trillion kilovolts of renewable clean, green energy and so is also providing a $500 billion dollar grant for further research. Congratulations, Comrade, you have saved the economy and stopped global warming. (Of course, you will be contributing generously to the Party's reelection campaign fund... your first donation is expected shortly.)

Comming up with ideas like this is the reason I got promoted Comrade. Plus, they can come with the optional bong attachment for hippies, did I not mention that? Jeez, I should post a second one for the optional attachments!

Since Commissar Theocritus also appointed me as Commisar of Millinery, could I also get my name changed from DDR Kamerad to DDR Kommissar?

DDR Kamerad wrote:Since Commissar Theocritus also appointed me as Commisar of Millinery, could I also get my name changed from DDR Kamerad to DDR Kommissar?

Would you not rather be a DDR Obamissar? Since each can serve according to his hyphen, and since upper level Party positions are only being drawn from other regimes, someone with experience in totalitarian regimes would be a fantastic asset. And this regime will have no walls...

-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

Speaking of rank Comrade Obamissar Vodkavich, what rank should the creator of The People's Rifle(TM) have? I'm thinking at least Comrade Kernel 7.62. After all, I have four loyal drunken workers and peasants under my command, cranking out People's Rifles(TM) as fast as they can in moments of sobriety.

Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:Would you not rather be a DDR Obamissar? Since each can serve according to his hyphen, and since upper level Party positions are only being drawn from other regimes, someone with experience in totalitarian regimes would be a fantastic asset. And this regime will have no walls...

As much as I adore the Dear Chairman (although no more nor any less than Pupovich, who is the equalest of all), my knowledge of '80s history remembers well the revolving door that was the office of General Secretary of the Good ol' CCCP (Brezhnev, Andropov, Chernenko, Gorbachev). For as much as we desire to see His O'liness hold the seat of power until his flesh and heart fail (and maybe by then we'll have the technology to directly transfer his thoughts to a flash-drive, although I suspect a High-Density 3.5" diskette might do the trick, with some space left over), I know that no legislation can stop the wiles of the overly-ambitious (modern-day example: Viktor Yuschenko).

Even before taking office, there were a couple of Neo-fascists who threatened The Big O (sound of the hammered dulcimer, the whiskey jug, the flatulent Bubba, the flushing toilet, and you MUST bow down!) even before he took office!

Say, Theo, I wouldn't show that picture to Bruno. For obvious reasons. Or was that picture Bruno?
<br>Plus, there was the matter of the MTE and her linguistic genius of a husband (who else would challenge the definition of "is"?! THAT is progressive!) trying to turn Ft. Macy Park into the Vincent Foster Memorial Cemetery. If she was THAT ambitious as the non-elected head of the White House, I seriously doubt she could deny herself of that many opportunities for personal advancement now that she's Secretary of State.

So, taken all these factors into account, I would not want to take on a title that is merely a fashion accessory. Kommissar has stood the test of time!

Comrade7.62 wrote:Speaking of rank Comrade Obamissar Vodkavich, what rank should the creator of The People's Rifle(TM) have? I'm thinking at least Comrade Kernel 7.62. After all, I have four loyal drunken workers and peasants under my command, cranking out People's Rifles(TM) as fast as they can in moments of sobriety.

Comrade7.62-

Kernel could work. If your drunken subordinates are Battalion Commanders who enforce good order and discipline amongst the proles manufacturing the rifles, then you should have the green light. If those four drunkards are the only ones under your command, you would likely be a Comrade Sergeant. However, as Comrade Strangelove so keenly pointed out- I'm not an Inner Circle member and have no authority to promote Comrades. I applaud you for your contributions to the People in the form of your illusion of a weapon providing the illusion of second amendment compliance. I will also caution against the dangers of sobriety i the new Progressive Order because an unhindered mind is all the more likely to commit the crime of thought.

-OV
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

DDR Kamerad wrote:So, taken all these factors into account, I would not want to take on a title that is merely a fashion accessory. Kommissar has stood the test of time!

Ok, I remembered to log in this time.

DDR Kamerad! What kind of Progressive Liberal are you?! You dare to use facts and logic, especially as pertains to HISTORY, to refute my argument? Do you have no feelings? Don't you FEEL that The Obamessiah is the One we've been waiting for? Don't you FEEL like he'll run the world forever? Don't you FEEL the Constitution will be burned and that the One will be revealed as immortal, much like Castro? I thought about Platform 6, but then I remembered how dedicated you are to the Party, I decided against it. Just watch it Kamerad.

-OV

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Point taken- good argument! Would be nice if more Moonbats Who Matter (MWM) understood this. Those who understand it now are rushing to rape the country as much as possible before he's liquidated, not re-elected, scandalized, or redistributed. Now I must hope that one of the Comissars of the Cube will see fit to promote me one day to Comissar rather than Obamissar so that my legacy can last beyond the 44th Reich.
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