Poor Me Magazine: get a free lifetime subscription today!

POOR ME
A magazine dedicated to people who see themselves as victims.
Get a free lifetime subscription today courtesy of the Democratic Party and the federal gov’t!

IN THIS ISSUE:
· What, Me Responsible?
· Making Victimhood Pay Off
· Tricks for Turning Dislike Into Hate
· Making Your Behavior Immaterial
· It’s the Society’s Fault!
· Blame Your Parents? We can Help!
· Top 10 ways to get even

Is everything sexist? Ask an expert!
The Next Big Thing: Microaggressions

EXCLUSIVE: Bryce Williams, 41, laments about his lack of sex and reminisces about his days as a $2,000-a-night gay prostitute.

Special thanks to Comrade Dedhedvedev for the idea.
 

I made another version of the logo, but it probably looks better when shown separately.



 

Will "Dead Broke" Hillary be the first centerfold? She did lose a Government job, after all...
 

Poor Me ... for those who appreciate a good whine.
 

Poor Me's Whine of the Month feature.........
 

Thank you for great comments, comrades - I wish I had thought of that!

On the other hand, this is only the first issue of the Poor Me Magazine. The next issue may include...

• Dead Broke Hillary centerfold
• A whine tasting report
• Experts answer the readers' questions:

• Is everything racist?
  
• Is everything homophobic?
• Is everything Islamophobic?
• Are we all going to die from Global Warming?

 

Two articles by traumatized victims of sexist microagression:

1. "He stared into my eyes in a blatant act of mantimidation!"
2. "He marginalized me by refusing to make eye contact!"
 

Maybe you can find the space for an interview with an out-of-work psychiatrist, lamenting how all the afflictions he used to treat (at $700/hr) are now considered normal.
 

How to create an absolute media frenzy.I took this picture the day after the shooting, there was even a news crew from Japan.
 

Why does God let good things happen to other people?
Why inconvenience = discrimination
Why you shouldn't have to take your own selfies
 

Hey, are you making fun of me? I'm retreating into my safe space. Then I'm calling the police.
 

50 Things That Don’t Offend You...But Should

Racism: How to Find It Everywhere

Put Away Your Wallet! How to Make Other People Pay for Whatever You Want

Your Body, Your Choice, Someone Else’s Expense

50 Things You Never Knew You Wanted...But Should Be Demanding From the Government

Top Ten States for Filing Lawsuits

Common Sense: Never a Substitute for Warning Labels!

Spread the Misery with Social Media

From Victimhood to Absolute Moral Authority: How to Parlay One into the Other

50 Things That Could Keep You Off the Streets...But Won’t
 

• No ifs ands or buts, 5 foolproof methods to shift the scent away from ourselves
• How to eloquently blame people who don't speak English
• Your mother makes meatloaf again, is she trying to kill you
• Taking revenge without lifting a finger
• Using others to destroy your enemies
• Linux sucks and I was forced to use it - Help is on the way
• Vacationing in The Bahamas with pride
• Give up on love? Inflatable animals as lovers
• Why does everyone else get better gifts than you - Is there any way to stop this
• Money does buy happiness: Why your relatives lie to you and how to benefit from it

 

365 ways to treat yourself for the rest of the year with other people's money
 

Poor Me Magazine shipped in a plain brown sack with victim theme song

Poor me packaging with free victim theme song inside



 

Like any magazine, POOR ME also has recurring features. Whenever some Progressive movement is in danger of moving to the back burner in the minds of the masses, or in danger of funding cuts by Republicans, whether it's Global Warming or Occupy, etc., it's time to spotlight them in the feature, "Can This Issue Be Saved?"

And then there's "Scapegoat of the Month." Each issue of POOR ME will feature a profile of something or someone else to blame for why you're such a loser a victim. These include Republicans, climate change, oil companies, banks, talk radio, reality TV, Wal-Mart, gender specific signs/labels, organized religion, private ownership, lack of access to free stuff, guns, etc.
 

What's special about "special victims"?

Victim: Regular or "special"? How to tell.
 

Hope the next issue covers how to turn microaggressions into macroaggressions.
 

Red Walrus

Poor Me Magazine shipped in a plain brown sack with victim theme song

Poor me packaging with free victim theme song inside




Red Walrus, about those Paraguay stamps: I'm gonna need a few books of those. I have a mild interest in pornog -er- philately. Yeah, that's the word. With a p at the start and a y at the end.
 

Comrade Stierlitz,
Not blaming him or anything, but Craptek came over this week and now my stamps are missing, just sayin. But he did leave me with a few Barbara Streisand photographs to hang on my bedroom walls. Here's one I'm sure will help you through the Fall and maybe into the Winter. Her warm countenance always brings me great pleasure in times of need. Enjoy my friend!


 

Whine of the Month Club - How to make others pay for your extravagent indulgence
 

You has 800 # so I can order subscription on Obamaphone?
 

Chish

You has 800 # so I can order subscription on Obamaphone?

1-800-666-1917
 

I volunteer my services as art critic.

I pretty much wrote the book on unhinged 'journalist'.
 

Our POOR ME cover is featured cartoon in today's American Thinker, with many good comments.

http://www.americanthinker.com/cartoons ... _6_32.html
 

I'm thinking it should be a recurrent issue on the Cube, perhaps monthly. There's just too much material for it. Each issue could have a theme - feminism, race, immigration, Islam, drug use, life on campus, welfare, unions, capitalism, military, gay activism, or just generic run-of-the-mill guilt-tripping.

Here's a Hurt Feelings Report form from the Army - I don't know who came up with it (someone forwarded it to me), but it deserves to be featured in one of the next issues.

Click on the image to embiggen!




 

Dear me, Part II-E of this form lists only "man/woman." What about the other 56 (or more) gender identifications? Boo hoo, my feelings are hurt by this Hurt Feelings Report.
 

.


 

Red Square

I'm thinking it should be a recurrent issue on the Cube, perhaps monthly. There's just too much material for it. Each issue could have a theme - feminism, race, immigration, Islam, drug use, life on campus, welfare, unions, capitalism, military, gay activism, or just generic run-of-the-mill guilt-tripping.

Here's a Hurt Feelings Report form from the Army - I don't know who came up with it (someone forwarded it to me), but it deserves to be featured in one of the next issues.

Click on the image to embiggen!

Hurt_Feelings_Report.png
One of the sections of Poor Me could be (this edition's) Sob Story. Or it could be the Poor Baby section, for young victim wannabes, with this issue's sob story. Here's a good example:


https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/mom-fuming-after-daughter-sent-home-from-school-128652572452.html

Edit (9/15/2015):

Another good example for Sob Story or Poor Baby sections:

http://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog/ ... 16918.html
 

I suggest a "Letters to the Editor" section. Since victims are extremely busy being victims, someone else shouldbe responsible write them. Maybe someone with a micro-near-victim experience ... but that shouldn't be a requirement.
 

ural

I suggest a "Letters to the Editor" section. Since victims are extremely busy being victims, someone else shouldbe responsible write them. Maybe someone with a micro-near-victim experience ... but that shouldn't be a requirement.

I like this idea. We could have a "Dear Leader" column where people write in to tell The One, His Oliness, what their problems are and how they have been victimized and Deer Leader could reply with the government solution and various subsidized and redundant programs instituted to deal with the institutionalized victimization of victims.

This could bring Deer Leader even closer to The People™, if such a thing is even possible.

Brilliant suggestion, Comrade ural.
 

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt

We could have a "Dear Leader" column

We must show the respect that Dear Leader has earned - the letters should be addressed as such:

Dear Dear Leader,

In solidarity with Comrade Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt.
 

What about advice for the lovelorn? Or for those who have not yet embraced their victimhood:

Dear Poor Me,
I have pimples, but I am white. Can I still be a victim?
Wondering in Walla Walla

Dear Wondering:
No, but you must really look bad. Keep trying!

Dear Poor Me:

Get this. I was fired from my job last year from a white supremacist TV station where they hounded me constantly about my race (THEY said it was about my performance, but you and I both know better) and where they consistently cut all my reports about the brutal denial of Bridge cards to the victimized children of Virginia. I've decided I'm ready to execute the b[expletive deleted] who got me fired and probably a few other pieces of white trash too. Don't bother answering, I'll be long gone.

Brilliant Bryce

Dear Mr. or Ms. Bryce:
Be careful. After you shoot somebody, be prepared for the racists cops to arrest you and throw you in jail. You know that's how they all are..

Peace be upon you, Poor Me:

I am a respected Ayatollah in a 3rd world country, which is about to hoodwink your country...I mean, sign a deal with your country allowing us to bomb Israel and send EMPs over your heartland. Yet, how can we do these things and maintain our victimhood?

Your Guy-attolah

Dear Your Guy,

You're starting off in a very difficult way by first trying to eliminate your victimizers. If israel and the US are destroyed, how will others believe you are being persecuted by anyone?

Of course, you can start now asserting your victimhood by other, smaller countries that it just wouldn't be sporting to nuke away. Say, Lichtenstein or Tibet. You could say some speeches on Al Jazeera or CNN about the suffering you've had amongstt the Lichtensteinien's or the Tibetians. Surely they've done SOMETHING wrong; everyone has. The trick is to focus the world on what everyone is doing to you, not what you are doing to everyone else.

Once you've convinced the world that Tibet and Lichtenstein are the next Great and Little Satans, you can continue to wail about how unfairly they treat you and since you're not bombing them, you'll continue to have them as your go-to victimizers! Good Luck!
 

In This Issue:
New Government Freebee: Crying Towels
 

I'm thinking of some kind of "scratch & sniff" to go along with the crying towels.



 

Dear Dear Leader,

I golf 280 days of the year - I take 85 days off for vacation. I have noticed some of my white caddies have a strange look on their faces when I use the "foot wedge".

Should I pass a Bill that bans all white caddies?

In deepest respect,
B. Obama
 

Dear Mr. President,
Careful. YOu don't want the white caddies to claim THEY'RE victims. And you can't pass a bill; Congress would have to do that. You can write an executive order, a proud tradition since George Washington.

While I have your attention though, could you tell the IRS for me that I'm never paying taxes again?

HAHAHAHa, just kidding!
 

Life imitates the People's Cube:

CBS Boston: Somerville ‘Pity Party’ Aims To ‘Turn That Grin Upside Down’

Quote:

SOMERVILLE (CBS) — If you’re feeling down on Thursday, Somerville is the place for you.
The city is hosting a “Pity Party,” and turnout may be in the thousands.

The idea comes from local artist Greg Cook, who said people who are sad should be together in one place and not alone.

“A pity party is usually a kind of party you have by yourself to wallow in sadness—wear pajamas, binge on ice cream, listen to sad songs,” states the event’s Facebook description. “Now imagine that as a free, community, block party in Union Square. . . sad for the whole family.”

The gathering is being supported by the Somerville Arts Council, and the local health department will provide resources about depression.

Organizers say to expect “sad bands, depressing clowns, melancholy poetry, and video games that you just can’t win.” But there will be some fun – namely in the form of free ice cream.

More than 4,600 have RSVP’d to the event on Facebook, which is from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. in Union Square.

“So turn that grin upside down and help us make Somerville the saddest town around,” organizers say.
 

Red Square

Life imitates the People's Cube:

CBS Boston: Somerville ‘Pity Party’ Aims To ‘Turn That Grin Upside Down’

The attachment Pity_Party.jpg is no longer available

Quote:

SOMERVILLE (CBS) — If you’re feeling down on Thursday, Somerville is the place for you.
The city is hosting a “Pity Party,” and turnout may be in the thousands.

The idea comes from local artist Greg Cook, who said people who are sad should be together in one place and not alone.

“A pity party is usually a kind of party you have by yourself to wallow in sadness—wear pajamas, binge on ice cream, listen to sad songs,” states the event’s Facebook description. “Now imagine that as a free, community, block party in Union Square. . . sad for the whole family.”

The gathering is being supported by the Somerville Arts Council, and the local health department will provide resources about depression.

Organizers say to expect “sad bands, depressing clowns, melancholy poetry, and video games that you just can’t win.” But there will be some fun – namely in the form of free ice cream.

More than 4,600 have RSVP’d to the event on Facebook, which is from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. in Union Square.

“So turn that grin upside down and help us make Somerville the saddest town around,” organizers say.

Miserable Massholes throw themselves a Pity Party (in case you'd like another opinion)



 

ural

We must show the respect that Dear Leader has earned - the letters should be addressed as such:

Dear Dear Leader,

Dear Dear Leader,

We have just collectively peed on your $50K Gucci luggage. Poor you.

Sincerely, the Secret Service, AFSCME Local #57
 

The debate is over. The science is settled. Hurt feelings permanently damage lives. If Barack Obama hadn't viciously been called a queer when he was growing up, just for trying to make love with other boys, who knows what great things he might have accomplished in life? He might have become a successful drug dealer, black agitator, communist subversive, or even President of the United States. Don't laugh, it's true, as is the truth that people will never stop hurting other people's feelings until it's prohibited by law, with strict federal government enforcement. Other federal government law enforcement agencies are much too busy trying to suppress the terrorist threat that Christians and ex-military personnel pose for the nation. For this reason a new government agency, a Feelings Protection Agency, is sorely needed.
 

I think we have the feature story for the next issue, comrades.

Woman Asks ‘White Friends’ to Pay for Her Therapy to Deal with Stress from Racism

Plus: Our daily reparations tips. 31 ways to make your neighbors pay for your offended feelings.
 

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt,

Unless the President of the US invites you to the White House, like he did with Ahmed Mohamed ... it should be page 2 or 3 material.

Or at least, share the front page ... at the bottom.
 

New Magazine Special: Things we all should be deeply upset about and need to deal with immediately that I have learned about 30 seconds ago by reading a headline online.

- A pill I never heard of taken by no one I know is now much more expensive!
- A lion from a country I never heard of has been killed!
- A successful neurosurgeon said something I disagree with and therefore he is the stupidest man alive!
- I saw a photo of a man in a jungle wearing Bermuda shorts, pointing a sawed-off shotgun at a child. The description read "Israeli soldier attacks Palestinian child", and since it said so, it must be true.
 

For a future issue:

Crocodile Tears: A Users Guide
 

For a future issue:

Annual Feel-A-Thon News.
 

Careful comrade Dedhedvedev. That's getting close to a copywrite violation. NAMBLA has its Anal Feel-A-Thon News.
 

Has Red Square fallin to the Kapialists?
 

It appears Chris Harper-Mercer (conservative) was the victim of our cruel civilization.

At age 26 he lived with his mom, couldn't find a girlfriend, was failing at community college, got kicked out of the army, and no one liked him.

A textbook case of societal chicanery. I wonder why he just didn't blow his own head off years ago?
 

.
Red Walrus - I'll bet he would've had plenty of girlfriends if he had just been this guy!
.

 

Good point CP. Yet I can't help thinking the hair needed a bit of finesse!

 

A conservative NAZI IRA sympathizer who celebrated the infamy of mass murderers. What kind of woman wouldn't go for that? If only he wasn't conservative, he might have been viewed as a stud.
 

Just more evidence of what we already knew, i.e., conservatives are murdering, woman hating, dropouts! Big deal.
 

Oct 5, 9:42 PM EDT

OREGON SHOOTER VICTIM RANTS IN WRITINGS ABOUT HAVING NO GIRLFRIEND

I feel so bad for the (late) sullen Christopher - he didn't have a girlfriend. The poor fella was just lonely, that's all it was.

 

Or a puppy for that matter. Or a puppy girlfriend.
 

That would make him a lonely beastialic pedophile, which is a constituency that The Party™ needs to embrace, for The Chldren™.
 

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна

Or a puppy for that matter. Or a puppy girlfriend.Doesn't the mental health coverage under Obamacare pay for professional (ahem!) services that would prevent these senseless tragedies from occurring? I mean if a guy goes on a killing spree cuz he can't get a piece, then by golly, let's make sure he gets a piece. I'm not talking about the inflatable variety either. If Every young lady in America deserves access to free birth control, then the least we can do is make sure that every young man has free access to quality escort services. It's for the children.


UPDATE: My sincerest apologies for any oversized text. For whatever reason (probably a capitalist conspiracy), my mobile phone gives me great difficulty when communicating with the collective through the Laika wireless system.
 

I'm not sure but I think escort services are part of "The O'Platinum Comrade Package". If a citizen is so stupid as to pick the Gold or Bronze Comrade Plans, they must purchase the prostitution rider and pay an additional $250 per month for the feature.
 

Comrade Clinton wants to sue gun makers

Someone shot by a gun is the victim of the gun manufacturer - Yes I see it, totally logical.

It only makes sense. Similar to suing the farmer who grows a head of lettuce, only to be handled 4 weeks later by at least a dozen individuals, half of which never wash their hands. Someone comes down with a case of salmonella poisoning from eating a tainted tossed salad at Posh Restaurant and the farmer is to blame. The logic is flawless and Hillary now has all 7 of my votes.
 

Comrade, this is why The Party™ has made it illegal to sue the government for various ill effects of Party™ policy.

If We Care™ and our Intentions Are Good™ and it is for The Children™, then nobody should be allowed to hold us accountable for any unintended consequences because, well, we didn't intend for that to happen.

And that is what counts.
 

UC Merced freshman, Comrade Faisal Mohammed (who was gunned down like a rabid dog yesterday), went on his stabbing spree wounding several infidels after a fellow student provoked him by inhumanely kicking him out of a study group. Poor guy - he was kicked out - can you believe it?



According to Merced County Sheriff Vern Warnke, "There is no reason to think this is anything more than a kid upset with other students". UC Merced Chancellor Dorothy Leland said, "Faisal was simply misunderstood, and this was certainly not a political or religious agenda."

From what I have concluded, Faisal Mohammed was the victim here. Yes he stabbed a bunch of people. Yes they almost died. But isn't it reasonable to assume he was lonely and had piercing hurt feelings and had no other choices given the immoral treatment he suffered? What a sick bunch of bullies.

---

Update...More proof Mohammed was the victim here:


“There was nothing to indicate he was doing this because of Allah, or because he was going to be rewarded with 72 virgins, or because of ties to a terror group,” Comrade Warnke said. “He appeared to be a devout Muslim, on the strong side of the belief.”
 

Red Walrus

UC Merced freshman, Comrade Faisal Mohammed (who was gunned down like a rabid dog yesterday), went on his stabbing spree wounding several infidels after a fellow student provoked him by inhumanely kicking him out of a study group. Poor guy - he was kicked out - can you believe it?



According to Merced County Sheriff Vern Warnke, "There is no reason to think this is anything more than a kid upset with other students". UC Merced Chancellor Dorothy Leland said, "Faisal was simply misunderstood, and this was certainly not a political or religious agenda."

From what I have concluded, Faisal Mohammed was the victim here. Yes he stabbed a bunch of people. Yes they almost died. But isn't it reasonable to assume he was lonely and had piercing hurt feelings and had no other choices given the immoral treatment he suffered? What a sick bunch of bullies.

This story is enough to put a rodent off his/her/its nuts. Now I'm depressed.
 

Captain Craptek

This story is enough to put a rodent off his/her/its nuts. Now I'm depressed.

You'll be even more depressed without your nuts.
 

Is it just me, or does anyone else think he looks like Clock Boy?
 

Well, clock boy has gone to Qatar where he won't be bullied for making bombs that look like clocks. I don't think it's really Fair to compare a lonely knife wielding peaceful Muslim, who is a victim of excessive force, to the next generation of Arab physicists. I mean, really, how can you even think to make such a comparison?

TERRORIST LIVES MATTER!!!!!!