Image

Pope solves hellfire PR problem with 'premation' doctrine

User avatar
pope2.jpg
After getting burned by stating that hell does not exist, Pope Francis has jumped out of the hot water and into the funerary urn with his brilliant doctrine of Premation. Under the old-fashioned concept of "cremation," a person was required to wait until death to be converted to ashes and dust.

But now, with Premation, a person can recreate the fires of hell on earth and be pre-cremated prior to death to the benefit of the remaining global citizens as well as Gaia herself.

So in one masterful stroke of insight, our Marxist pontiff has solved world overpopulation, pollution, his own interviewing missteps, and the deep unspoken need of humans to believe in a hell. And since the world is halfway to becoming Lucifer's Lair, why not take it all the way?

User avatar
testa.jpg

Elon Musk struts 4D chess skills

Proving that he is two steps ahead of the competition, perennial balancing artist Elon Musk drops it into 5th gear and averts bankruptcy for Tesla Motors by deftly piggybacking on the Pope's new hellfire doctrine, as it is now being called. Musk unexpectedly introduced the Model P, which boasts a new feature that has been unseen since the Ford Pinto many decades ago.

The Model P, which stands for Premation, is a true earth-saving Gaia-mobile which helps avoid planetary catastrophe by allowing the driver to pre-cremate and thus avoid decades of human caused negative climate effects. The premation feature worked flawlessly in the unveiling test drive, as shown in the impressive photo above.

Musk plans to market the stunning automobile to impatient Christians who are looking for a faster trip to the pearly gates now that the Pope has indicated the church has been lying about hell's existence for two thousand years.

User avatar
Image

Comrade ratskins,

As you may have noticed, I recently developed a new skill, or...ability,.. and will be available if needed.

CC

User avatar
Dear Captain Craptek and Tennille:

Nice to hear from you! And thanks for the portrait of the chief Tesla product safety tester!

Ratskins

User avatar
Did Il Papa give any indication as to whether or not one might be able to purchase premation services as revenge a gift for a friend?

User avatar
Imperatorskiy Pingvin wrote:Did Il Papa give any indication as to whether or not one might be able to purchase premation services as revenge a gift for a friend?

Tell your local Marxist Church that a little birdy told you that your friend hates "Kim Jong" Il Papa. They'll send you a bill in the mail. If the bill's too big for your liking, don't worry, they accept EBT.


 
POST REPLY